(no subject)
I've neglected livejournal for so long. I don't know why. I guess I just wasn't into it. Got over it. Whichever. I'm in therapy now and the therapist keeps talking to me about journaling. I tried, for a week or so, with a normal paper journal and pen. Let's be honest, I haven't hand-written anything other than the odd grocery list in years. It hurts. It literally makes my hand hurt. And then I took the journal to therapy one night and left it in the car and now I haven't seen it in over a month. Maybe someone else has it and is reading it. How boring.
I've tried occasionally to use other sites like tumblr and blogspot but I just can't get used to them. There's something so brainless and easy about lj. (Seriously, I couldn't figure out how to post to wordpress.)
I started therapy because I'm stuck. The same kind of stuck in neutral I've been for the last few years only without feeling like I'll ever get out of it. I can't DO anything, I told her. I can't clean, I can't get any exercise. I can't cook, I can't put gas in my car, I can't pay bills. I make it to work 99% of the time but I quit my part-time job because I just couldn't stand it, the act of having to do something else. Needless to say I'm in quite a financial mess. I was bailed out of a huge electric bill last month by my parents (at 32 I should not be getting bailed out of situations...) and was given an extra $100. I thought that $100 would last a couple of months as far as gas and groceries but I had it spent in a weekend. On what? Crap. Food, mostly. Ugh, that's the other thing. I am the size of a house. I ignored the weight gain for so long and then got on a scale and...I've gained 80 lbs in three years. Like, how does that happen? Laziness. A few medical issues. Food. Alcohol.
A friend is having a birthday party this Saturday and I can't go. I mean, I'm free that night and all but there is no way I can put myself together, get in a car, drive to her house and interact with other people. I can't. I want to but I don't want to. My therapist says "small steps" but what I can't get her to understand is that I can't even get myself to consider a small step. Except this. Journaling lj-style. Wouldn't it be great is I printed this off and took it to my next session?
I've tried occasionally to use other sites like tumblr and blogspot but I just can't get used to them. There's something so brainless and easy about lj. (Seriously, I couldn't figure out how to post to wordpress.)
I started therapy because I'm stuck. The same kind of stuck in neutral I've been for the last few years only without feeling like I'll ever get out of it. I can't DO anything, I told her. I can't clean, I can't get any exercise. I can't cook, I can't put gas in my car, I can't pay bills. I make it to work 99% of the time but I quit my part-time job because I just couldn't stand it, the act of having to do something else. Needless to say I'm in quite a financial mess. I was bailed out of a huge electric bill last month by my parents (at 32 I should not be getting bailed out of situations...) and was given an extra $100. I thought that $100 would last a couple of months as far as gas and groceries but I had it spent in a weekend. On what? Crap. Food, mostly. Ugh, that's the other thing. I am the size of a house. I ignored the weight gain for so long and then got on a scale and...I've gained 80 lbs in three years. Like, how does that happen? Laziness. A few medical issues. Food. Alcohol.
A friend is having a birthday party this Saturday and I can't go. I mean, I'm free that night and all but there is no way I can put myself together, get in a car, drive to her house and interact with other people. I can't. I want to but I don't want to. My therapist says "small steps" but what I can't get her to understand is that I can't even get myself to consider a small step. Except this. Journaling lj-style. Wouldn't it be great is I printed this off and took it to my next session?