He tries to imagine it, a world without Dean in it, but it's too big. His imagination doesn't stretch that far; his mind reels at the impossibility.
god, that's just beautiful. and this whole part had me aching:
Sam wants Dean, suddenly, his Dean, not this silent, hollowed shell. His Dean, who takes care of Sam instead of needing to be cared for, who holds him together and fixes what's broken. It's perhaps the most selfish thought he's ever had, and it shames him a little, but his whole life Dean's been the one to make things better, and Sam wants that so badly his body aches with it.
Each story in this series is like a pearl on a string, just so incredibly beautiful and born of deep hurt.
These are the lines that broke me:
When Dean's asleep, he looks like a kid, hair mussed and features angelic in repose, but right now he looks old: gray and tired and worn. It hurts to look at him, but Sam's afraid to look away, somehow irrationally sure that his presence is the only thing keeping Dean tethered to the world.
The first year at Stanford, all the nights he lay awake in bed, missing Dean so hard he ached. Dean's 23rd birthday, when Sam sat by the dorm pay phone for hours, too afraid that he'd break and go running back at the sound of his brother's voice to pick up the phone.
"He used to sit with you like that when you got sick," Bobby says. "Never seen such a thing. Uncanny in a child that age."
He's used to the protective circle of Dean's arms after nightmares, Dean's bare skin sleep-warm against his and Dean's voice low and rough as he murmurs indistinct comfort -- You're okay, Sammy and Just a
( ... )
You always leave the most generous, thoughtful feedback - I love to read your comments on other people's stories, and when you comment on mine I'm happier for hours afterwards. So just, thank you, a lot, for this and for every other gorgeous comment you've left me. ♥
Beautiful story. Sam's unease with his new responsibilities is so well done. He's obviously perfectly capable, but, under the circumstances, he doesn't want to be. He wants to be taken care of, like Dean's always taken care of him. And now his dad is dead and Dean is seriously injured and not himself and it's just all so unfair. But he sucks it up and does everything he can possibly do to help Dean and I'm very proud of him. Way to go Sam! *sniff*
And my poor baby Dean. His heartbroken 'Daddy' in the morgue just killed me. He's lost his mooring and is just adrift and it's so painful to watch. I'm glad it took awhile before he could relate to Sam again. A few days just wouldn't have been enough for Dean to deal with the horrendous shock. And I'm doubly glad it was the Impala that brought them together again. I absolutely love everything about this story!
Dean bleeding just hurts, doesn't it? He does it so spectacularly - when it comes to John and Dean, he feels things with his whole soul - and watching him crumble is just mesmerizing and awful. Especially for Sam, who is so not used to this role, but he does rise to the challenge rather admirably, which just makes me love him even more.
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He tries to imagine it, a world without Dean in it, but it's too big. His imagination doesn't stretch that far; his mind reels at the impossibility.
god, that's just beautiful. and this whole part had me aching:
Sam wants Dean, suddenly, his Dean, not this silent, hollowed shell. His Dean, who takes care of Sam instead of needing to be cared for, who holds him together and fixes what's broken. It's perhaps the most selfish thought he's ever had, and it shames him a little, but his whole life Dean's been the one to make things better, and Sam wants that so badly his body aches with it.
you're a queen, lady.
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You already know that's when I lost it. You know the rest, but this is really a beautiful thing and I don't think I can tell you that enough.
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Each story in this series is like a pearl on a string, just so incredibly beautiful and born of deep hurt.
These are the lines that broke me:
When Dean's asleep, he looks like a kid, hair mussed and features angelic in repose, but right now he looks old: gray and tired and worn. It hurts to look at him, but Sam's afraid to look away, somehow irrationally sure that his presence is the only thing keeping Dean tethered to the world.
The first year at Stanford, all the nights he lay awake in bed, missing Dean so hard he ached. Dean's 23rd birthday, when Sam sat by the dorm pay phone for hours, too afraid that he'd break and go running back at the sound of his brother's voice to pick up the phone.
"He used to sit with you like that when you got sick," Bobby says. "Never seen such a thing. Uncanny in a child that age."
He's used to the protective circle of Dean's arms after nightmares, Dean's bare skin sleep-warm against his and Dean's voice low and rough as he murmurs indistinct comfort -- You're okay, Sammy and Just a ( ... )
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In any case, it is no less than what you deserve. This fandom rocks!
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And my poor baby Dean. His heartbroken 'Daddy' in the morgue just killed me. He's lost his mooring and is just adrift and it's so painful to watch. I'm glad it took awhile before he could relate to Sam again. A few days just wouldn't have been enough for Dean to deal with the horrendous shock. And I'm doubly glad it was the Impala that brought them together again. I absolutely love everything about this story!
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Thanks so much for the feedback!
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