Fic Post
Hornblower, Rated R. Warning for...het. :P Title take from An Arudnel Tomb
Portsmouth, 1798
He can hear Bracegirdle and his father outside the carriage. There is a muttering of ‘now there’s no shame in it’. Archie snorts softly at that statement as its very utterance by Bracegirdle is proof that there is shame and that he is merely trying to spare Archie’s father’s feelings. He can hear his father’s muted reply, “…health has always been delicate…perhaps in hindsight…” Archie stops listening, it hardly matters anymore.
It is not long before the carriage door opens and his father climbs in. Bracegirdle peers into the carriage, as if seeking proof that Archie has not absconded through the door at the other side and he has failed in his task of ensuring that he is safely handed over. The cheer in his voice feels false to Archie’s ears, “Well, all the best then, Archie.”
Archie nods and offers a faint smile, he suspects it makes him look a simpleton but he is not sure what the alternative is, his father pats his hand as a reward for his good behavior, for not causing a scene and thanks Bracegirdle once more. They set off and after a few minutes silence his father declares with the same tone of strained joviality that marked Archie’s journey with Bracegirdle, “Your mother is so pleased you’re coming home, Archie, we all are.”
Archie looks out of the window as Portsmouth passes by only barely hearing his father say that his uncle wishes to see him on his return and has a proposal for him.
London, 1810
It has not been an unpleasant evening so far but Archie is ready to leave. When he first returned to London he was sure that at gatherings such as these he was a figure of curiosity at best and of fun at worse. It was the primary reason he agreed in the end to his uncle’s scheme. Archie’s return had been fortuitous for the family fortunes as his uncle was looking for a young fool amongst his clan to cement an alliance by marriage with an up and coming family. Archie had been just the very fool. He was parted from his wife early on in the evening and now looks for her so they can leave.
He finds her in the main room, as soon as he enters he sees her near the back, talking to a couple who are facing away from him. Archie finds himself smiling at her animation, theirs is not precisely a marriage of choice but if Archie was now to be given such an opportunity to find a wife for himself he does not think he could do better. Archie hesitates as he crosses the room for he has only just realised by the cut and colour of the jacket that she is clearly talking to a Navy man. Archie avoids such men now. He briefly considers turning but it is too late for she has spotted him.
She waves her hand in greeting and to gesture him over and as she does so her companions turn. Somehow Archie keeps the smile on his face, even though he feels his legs will buckle and he will heave up his supper.
It is them.
~
She is standing in front of the dress mirror in their room, rubbing cream into her hands. They are dissecting the evening, or rather she is. They have done this countless times, discussed the people they encountered, the conversations they had. It is fundamental to their relationship, it is why they get along; the ability to discuss matters of state in one moment and then laugh at some anecdote they were told the other.
Archie only wants her to be quiet now though so he stands behind here, puts his arms around her waist, and kisses her throat. She smiles at him, Archie can see in the mirror when he lifts his head and she raises one hand to stroke his arm.
In other bedrooms such an action may be a precursor to the usual union between man and woman, but not in theirs. They had both wanted a child, it was expected and regardless of that they had wanted one anyway. Archie’s brother had stammered when he asked if Archie was sure he was ‘putting it in the right place’ when no child was forthcoming. Archie had not answered.
Eventually a child came but the doctor had told Archie, who could do nothing but stare in horror at the blood that stained the doctor’s shirt, that while both mother and child would live Archie should ensure there would not be another pregnancy.
Archie had felt guilt at the relief of the perfect excuse. He enjoys her softness though, the feel of her breath on his neck, the way that her freezing feet in the night reminds him he is not alone.
“Did you not like them?” She is looking at him in the mirror and Archie does not need to ask who she means, she continues, “I do not think he can be as reserved as he appeared, to rescue her and bring her back to Britain, that to me speaks of a man whose passion must run deep.” There is a moment’s pause before she says, “I was thinking that perhaps we would invite them for dinner…”
She trails off as Archie steps back from her and makes his way over the bed, he can hear the beginnings of irritation in her tone, “Archie? Are you alright? Have you heard a single word I have just uttered?”
He sighs as he pulls back the bedclothes, “I’m tired, Barbara, let’s just go to bed.”
~
Archie has not seen either of them since the day he was escorted from the Indy. Mariette was not on deck of course, but Horatio was. He stood there while Archie was led away to pitying looks and the mutterings of ‘Poor Kennedy, Spain finished off what Simpson started.”
For a time he read the Navel Gazette with the same zeal as a reformer read the Bible, so desperate was he for any news of Horatio. After a time however weeks could go by and his thoughts never turned to him, or Mariette. He had never been able to wish them well, but he had reached a stage where he no longer wished them ill.
He fears the melancholy is beginning to creep towards the edges of his mind again though; he catches himself being short with Barbara on more than one occasion. She does not deserve it and he knows the debt he owes her; she has taken some of the tarnish off his reputation. What’s more she has given him a son.
Archie did not think it was physically possible to love someone more than he had loved Horatio but then he held his child for the first time.
He reads his newspaper in the nursery while David plays with his toys most days but on most occasions the paper is discarded in favour of the toys. They have not quite reached that stage on this day when David looks up to enquire, “Papa, can I have a pet? Kenneth has one.”
Archie closes his newspaper, to give the matter his full attention, “Hmmm, well, that’s a complicated matter. You see you’re Mama and I’s pet, if you were to get a pet, a dog for example, where would it end? Would the dog want a cat? Would the cat then want a mouse? And what on earth would we get the mouse for a pet?”
David scrunches up his face in concentration before finding a solution, “I could get an elephant! Then there would be lots of smaller animals!”
“An excellent idea! It shall take me some time to save for an elephant but I shall inform Mama it is to be top of the list of presents for your twenty first birthday.”
David beams at this before returning to his play while Archie picks up the newspaper once more.
~
Barbara’s fingernails dig into his shoulders as her breathing becomes a very unladylike pant, Archie lifts his head once her breath returns to normal and his grip lessens. He kisses her stomach and her breast briefly through the cotton on her night dress as he pulls it back down before moving back up the bed. She turns her head towards him when they are at eye level before dropping her gaze to below his waist, “Shall I…”
Archie shakes his head, “It’s fine.”
“I don’t mind, if you want me to.”
He smiles, but only because he wants to end the conversation, “Perhaps tomorrow night, when I have been less busy.”
She yawns happily and mumbles good night then. Archie remains awake. He does not much enjoy any act of intimacy anymore, although on occasion he has let an actor in a back alley go down on their knees before him, only to see if he feels anything beyond a fleeting physical stimulation. He finds though that he does not. The effort it takes to push other thoughts from his mind has taken all the joy out of the act. It is not just the memories of Simpson; it is their juxtaposition with the memories of Horatio.
On his return to his parents house no one discussed Archie’s dismissal from the Navy beyond anything other than ‘health grounds’. Only his brother had enquired further, largely because Archie was attempting to leave the house, blind drunk, to report Horatio to the Admiralty. He had eventually sat down on the stairs to confess in hushed tones, “I let him bugger me, I let him bugger me and he’s married the first girl that made eyes at him.”
His brother had only sighed and proclaimed Archie ‘a bloody idiot’, the following day, once sobered up, he had agreed to marry Barbara. Archie had no idea why she agreed, he was a very minor member of the family and the Wellesley’s prominence was only rising.
~
Archie borrows a pony from his brother’s stables and leads David around Hyde Park on it as he cannot quite manage an elephant. On their return they are greeted by Mavis, David’s nursemaid, who leads David up the stairs to the nursery to be cleaned up and put to bed for his nap. Archie forgets to ask her where Barbara is but he sees little point in calling after Mavis, the house is not particularly large, he is sure he can find Barbara himself.
He opens the door to the drawing room to fine Barbara there, looking somewhat disheveled and flushed.
It is Horatio who is with her.
It is clear what they have been doing.
Barbara stands, “Archie…” She seems to have no other words than that, no explanation to offer.
Horatio stands also but he does not even attempt to speak, Archie doesn’t think he would hear him even if he did, all he can hear is a pounding in his head. He finds though that he can speak, “You fucking bastard.” Archie is not even aware he’s moving until Barbara is screaming at him to stop and he realises the blood on his face is from where he’s hauled Horatio forward by his lapels and head butted him. She’s trying to get between them but Archie can’t hear what she’s saying, all he can hear is his own voice screaming, “Wasn’t everything else enough? You have to try and take her too?”
Horatio finally speaks, eyes wide, as if Archie is the madman here, “I never meant...”
Archie lets go of him, pushing him away, he turns to Barbara, not thinking, “He’s not so good a lay it’s worth dying for if he leaves you with child, sweetheart, believe me.” It is only when he sees her glance between him and Horatio, and the sudden look of horrified realisation on her face, that Archie himself realises what he’s said, what he’s confessed. Her hand which had been reaching out to calm him recoils as she finally sees him for what he is; a molly; a sodomite.
Archie flees from the room.
~
He does not go far; he barges into the nursery and tells Mavis to get out. David is curled up asleep on his bed and his eyes flutter, but he sees it is Archie and goes back to sleep. Archie lifts him up, sits down and cradles him. He could leave now with him, Barbara and Mavis would not be able to stop him. He does not doubt Horatio has already fled. What then though? Where could he go? His uncle will not protect him from Barbara’s brothers and his own father and brother cannot. She will seek a separation and they will take David away from him.
He watches as David’s nose twitches as something has fallen on his face, it is only then that Archie realises he is crying and the tears are falling on David. He closes his eyes and rests his forehead against his son’s. He does not raise his head when he hears the door open.
“Archie? Archie, I asked Horatio to leave, I won’t see him again.”
She crosses the room kneels down in front of him, “Archie, please, give him to me?”
Archie raises his head at that, frowns at her and the hint of terror in her voice, “I would not harm him.”
She smiles but Archie can still see the tension in her face, “I know, that is not my concern, but if he wakes up he will be frightened, please, Archie.”
Archie hands David over, who merely shifts in his mother’s arms, Barbara kisses the child’s forehead before moving him back to his bed. Archie uses the opportunity to wipe his face with the back of his hand, humiliation heaping on humiliation, it is not proper for a man’s wife to find him weeping. Barbara either does not notice or does not care as she takes the same hand and leads him from the room.
They sit quietly in their own room, side by side on the bed, before Barbara says, “So it was him, Horatio?”
Archie is confused at her statement, of the obvious knowledge behind it, “You knew? How could you…”
“Archie, women are not as naïve as most of your sex would like to think and besides I have ears.”
“What did you hear?” There is a sense of shame mounting in Archie as he asks it, the thought that he has been idle gossip all this time.
Barbara is calm as she replies, “That you were dismissed from the Navy because you accused a senior officer of seducing you, that you were lucky your captain decided you had lost your wits in captivity and had you quietly shuffled out instead of swinging from the yard arm. I had no idea it was him though, I’m sorry, Archie, I would not have entertained him here if I had known.”
Archie finds his shame turning back to anger, Barbara is after all still his wife, “But you would have entertained him anyway?”
Barbara’s gaze remains steady on Archie, “It was a mere flirtation, I thought I saw something in him…I admire the restraint you show, Archie, in your urges, but I do not share that quality with you.”
Archie feels his face begin to redden, “I thought…I have tried to satisfy…”
Barbara’s eyes widen at that and her own face flushes, “Oh no! I do not mean…physically…I meant merely that…you are fond of me, I do not doubt that, but you are fond of me the way my mother is fond of her terriers. Sometimes it is nice to feel that a man desires you.”
Archie has no reply to that, it has been a long time since he’s wished for anyone, man or woman, to desire him. He asks though, “If you knew of the rumours, why did you marry me?”
“I did not know of them at the time. My family wished for an expedient marriage after I had been…indiscreet. The opportunity arose, you were not the hideous gargoyle I expected them to find for me as punishment for risking scandal...”
Archie does not ask her for details, if she wishes to tell him Archie does not doubt she will, and to demand an account would be hypocrisy on his part, His mouth is dry but he manages to whisper, “He denied it, he stood in front of Pellew, a newlywed, and called me a liar. I was not believed.”
That had been the worst of it for it had been Simpson’s final triumph over him, that no one would believe Archie if he said anything. Pellew had been kind to him, he attributed it to hysteria, but he would not take Archie’s word over Horatio’s. Archie should not have done it of course, but he had been furious and devastated and he had felt as he sat in the cable tiers listening to the celebrations of Horatio’s wedding that Horatio deserved it. Archie would have happily swung next to him just to see Horatio humiliated as Archie was.
He looks up as Barbara picks up his hand and squeezes it before quietly stating, “Well I believe you.”
~
The three of them are walking in the park, David is between them and he and Barbara each have one of his hands. They are nodded to and smiled at as they pass people they recognise and people they do not. David chatters happily between spelling out the names of objects that are pointed out to him. When Barbara suddenly stops where she stands Archie follows her gaze to see Horatio standing with uneasy formality a little away from them.
Barbara’s mouth shrinks as she purses her lips and the sight of him, “We can walk the other way.”
Archie shakes his head and lets go of David’s hand, “You go on.” She gives him an reproachful look and Archie thinks she is going to argue, but she leads David away without a further word.
Horatio pulls himself even tighter as Archie approaches, Archie says nothing, forcing Horatio to state his business, “I came to apologise.”
Archie can only sneer at that, “Aplogise, Horatio? Where would you even begin?”
Archie is not surprised at the dark look that passes over Horatio’s face, he knows Horatio too well for that, Horatio leans forward to hiss, “What would you have had me do, Archie? My father was not coming to take me home. I had nothing if I did not have the Navy.”
“You would have had me.”
Horatio shakes his head at that, “It…that was not enough, Archie. Not for me.”
Archie has no words to meet that, there was a time when such a statement would have been as if Horatio had plunged his hands into his chest to tear at his vitals; he would not have been able to breathe. Now it comes as little surprise, now that he is confronted with the fact he finds that he does not much care. He turns to go.
“Goodbye, Horatio.”
He knows that it will be a long time before he thinks of Horatio again.
Portsmouth, 1798
He can hear Bracegirdle and his father outside the carriage. There is a muttering of ‘now there’s no shame in it’. Archie snorts softly at that statement as its very utterance by Bracegirdle is proof that there is shame and that he is merely trying to spare Archie’s father’s feelings. He can hear his father’s muted reply, “…health has always been delicate…perhaps in hindsight…” Archie stops listening, it hardly matters anymore.
It is not long before the carriage door opens and his father climbs in. Bracegirdle peers into the carriage, as if seeking proof that Archie has not absconded through the door at the other side and he has failed in his task of ensuring that he is safely handed over. The cheer in his voice feels false to Archie’s ears, “Well, all the best then, Archie.”
Archie nods and offers a faint smile, he suspects it makes him look a simpleton but he is not sure what the alternative is, his father pats his hand as a reward for his good behavior, for not causing a scene and thanks Bracegirdle once more. They set off and after a few minutes silence his father declares with the same tone of strained joviality that marked Archie’s journey with Bracegirdle, “Your mother is so pleased you’re coming home, Archie, we all are.”
Archie looks out of the window as Portsmouth passes by only barely hearing his father say that his uncle wishes to see him on his return and has a proposal for him.
London, 1810
It has not been an unpleasant evening so far but Archie is ready to leave. When he first returned to London he was sure that at gatherings such as these he was a figure of curiosity at best and of fun at worse. It was the primary reason he agreed in the end to his uncle’s scheme. Archie’s return had been fortuitous for the family fortunes as his uncle was looking for a young fool amongst his clan to cement an alliance by marriage with an up and coming family. Archie had been just the very fool. He was parted from his wife early on in the evening and now looks for her so they can leave.
He finds her in the main room, as soon as he enters he sees her near the back, talking to a couple who are facing away from him. Archie finds himself smiling at her animation, theirs is not precisely a marriage of choice but if Archie was now to be given such an opportunity to find a wife for himself he does not think he could do better. Archie hesitates as he crosses the room for he has only just realised by the cut and colour of the jacket that she is clearly talking to a Navy man. Archie avoids such men now. He briefly considers turning but it is too late for she has spotted him.
She waves her hand in greeting and to gesture him over and as she does so her companions turn. Somehow Archie keeps the smile on his face, even though he feels his legs will buckle and he will heave up his supper.
It is them.
~
She is standing in front of the dress mirror in their room, rubbing cream into her hands. They are dissecting the evening, or rather she is. They have done this countless times, discussed the people they encountered, the conversations they had. It is fundamental to their relationship, it is why they get along; the ability to discuss matters of state in one moment and then laugh at some anecdote they were told the other.
Archie only wants her to be quiet now though so he stands behind here, puts his arms around her waist, and kisses her throat. She smiles at him, Archie can see in the mirror when he lifts his head and she raises one hand to stroke his arm.
In other bedrooms such an action may be a precursor to the usual union between man and woman, but not in theirs. They had both wanted a child, it was expected and regardless of that they had wanted one anyway. Archie’s brother had stammered when he asked if Archie was sure he was ‘putting it in the right place’ when no child was forthcoming. Archie had not answered.
Eventually a child came but the doctor had told Archie, who could do nothing but stare in horror at the blood that stained the doctor’s shirt, that while both mother and child would live Archie should ensure there would not be another pregnancy.
Archie had felt guilt at the relief of the perfect excuse. He enjoys her softness though, the feel of her breath on his neck, the way that her freezing feet in the night reminds him he is not alone.
“Did you not like them?” She is looking at him in the mirror and Archie does not need to ask who she means, she continues, “I do not think he can be as reserved as he appeared, to rescue her and bring her back to Britain, that to me speaks of a man whose passion must run deep.” There is a moment’s pause before she says, “I was thinking that perhaps we would invite them for dinner…”
She trails off as Archie steps back from her and makes his way over the bed, he can hear the beginnings of irritation in her tone, “Archie? Are you alright? Have you heard a single word I have just uttered?”
He sighs as he pulls back the bedclothes, “I’m tired, Barbara, let’s just go to bed.”
~
Archie has not seen either of them since the day he was escorted from the Indy. Mariette was not on deck of course, but Horatio was. He stood there while Archie was led away to pitying looks and the mutterings of ‘Poor Kennedy, Spain finished off what Simpson started.”
For a time he read the Navel Gazette with the same zeal as a reformer read the Bible, so desperate was he for any news of Horatio. After a time however weeks could go by and his thoughts never turned to him, or Mariette. He had never been able to wish them well, but he had reached a stage where he no longer wished them ill.
He fears the melancholy is beginning to creep towards the edges of his mind again though; he catches himself being short with Barbara on more than one occasion. She does not deserve it and he knows the debt he owes her; she has taken some of the tarnish off his reputation. What’s more she has given him a son.
Archie did not think it was physically possible to love someone more than he had loved Horatio but then he held his child for the first time.
He reads his newspaper in the nursery while David plays with his toys most days but on most occasions the paper is discarded in favour of the toys. They have not quite reached that stage on this day when David looks up to enquire, “Papa, can I have a pet? Kenneth has one.”
Archie closes his newspaper, to give the matter his full attention, “Hmmm, well, that’s a complicated matter. You see you’re Mama and I’s pet, if you were to get a pet, a dog for example, where would it end? Would the dog want a cat? Would the cat then want a mouse? And what on earth would we get the mouse for a pet?”
David scrunches up his face in concentration before finding a solution, “I could get an elephant! Then there would be lots of smaller animals!”
“An excellent idea! It shall take me some time to save for an elephant but I shall inform Mama it is to be top of the list of presents for your twenty first birthday.”
David beams at this before returning to his play while Archie picks up the newspaper once more.
~
Barbara’s fingernails dig into his shoulders as her breathing becomes a very unladylike pant, Archie lifts his head once her breath returns to normal and his grip lessens. He kisses her stomach and her breast briefly through the cotton on her night dress as he pulls it back down before moving back up the bed. She turns her head towards him when they are at eye level before dropping her gaze to below his waist, “Shall I…”
Archie shakes his head, “It’s fine.”
“I don’t mind, if you want me to.”
He smiles, but only because he wants to end the conversation, “Perhaps tomorrow night, when I have been less busy.”
She yawns happily and mumbles good night then. Archie remains awake. He does not much enjoy any act of intimacy anymore, although on occasion he has let an actor in a back alley go down on their knees before him, only to see if he feels anything beyond a fleeting physical stimulation. He finds though that he does not. The effort it takes to push other thoughts from his mind has taken all the joy out of the act. It is not just the memories of Simpson; it is their juxtaposition with the memories of Horatio.
On his return to his parents house no one discussed Archie’s dismissal from the Navy beyond anything other than ‘health grounds’. Only his brother had enquired further, largely because Archie was attempting to leave the house, blind drunk, to report Horatio to the Admiralty. He had eventually sat down on the stairs to confess in hushed tones, “I let him bugger me, I let him bugger me and he’s married the first girl that made eyes at him.”
His brother had only sighed and proclaimed Archie ‘a bloody idiot’, the following day, once sobered up, he had agreed to marry Barbara. Archie had no idea why she agreed, he was a very minor member of the family and the Wellesley’s prominence was only rising.
~
Archie borrows a pony from his brother’s stables and leads David around Hyde Park on it as he cannot quite manage an elephant. On their return they are greeted by Mavis, David’s nursemaid, who leads David up the stairs to the nursery to be cleaned up and put to bed for his nap. Archie forgets to ask her where Barbara is but he sees little point in calling after Mavis, the house is not particularly large, he is sure he can find Barbara himself.
He opens the door to the drawing room to fine Barbara there, looking somewhat disheveled and flushed.
It is Horatio who is with her.
It is clear what they have been doing.
Barbara stands, “Archie…” She seems to have no other words than that, no explanation to offer.
Horatio stands also but he does not even attempt to speak, Archie doesn’t think he would hear him even if he did, all he can hear is a pounding in his head. He finds though that he can speak, “You fucking bastard.” Archie is not even aware he’s moving until Barbara is screaming at him to stop and he realises the blood on his face is from where he’s hauled Horatio forward by his lapels and head butted him. She’s trying to get between them but Archie can’t hear what she’s saying, all he can hear is his own voice screaming, “Wasn’t everything else enough? You have to try and take her too?”
Horatio finally speaks, eyes wide, as if Archie is the madman here, “I never meant...”
Archie lets go of him, pushing him away, he turns to Barbara, not thinking, “He’s not so good a lay it’s worth dying for if he leaves you with child, sweetheart, believe me.” It is only when he sees her glance between him and Horatio, and the sudden look of horrified realisation on her face, that Archie himself realises what he’s said, what he’s confessed. Her hand which had been reaching out to calm him recoils as she finally sees him for what he is; a molly; a sodomite.
Archie flees from the room.
~
He does not go far; he barges into the nursery and tells Mavis to get out. David is curled up asleep on his bed and his eyes flutter, but he sees it is Archie and goes back to sleep. Archie lifts him up, sits down and cradles him. He could leave now with him, Barbara and Mavis would not be able to stop him. He does not doubt Horatio has already fled. What then though? Where could he go? His uncle will not protect him from Barbara’s brothers and his own father and brother cannot. She will seek a separation and they will take David away from him.
He watches as David’s nose twitches as something has fallen on his face, it is only then that Archie realises he is crying and the tears are falling on David. He closes his eyes and rests his forehead against his son’s. He does not raise his head when he hears the door open.
“Archie? Archie, I asked Horatio to leave, I won’t see him again.”
She crosses the room kneels down in front of him, “Archie, please, give him to me?”
Archie raises his head at that, frowns at her and the hint of terror in her voice, “I would not harm him.”
She smiles but Archie can still see the tension in her face, “I know, that is not my concern, but if he wakes up he will be frightened, please, Archie.”
Archie hands David over, who merely shifts in his mother’s arms, Barbara kisses the child’s forehead before moving him back to his bed. Archie uses the opportunity to wipe his face with the back of his hand, humiliation heaping on humiliation, it is not proper for a man’s wife to find him weeping. Barbara either does not notice or does not care as she takes the same hand and leads him from the room.
They sit quietly in their own room, side by side on the bed, before Barbara says, “So it was him, Horatio?”
Archie is confused at her statement, of the obvious knowledge behind it, “You knew? How could you…”
“Archie, women are not as naïve as most of your sex would like to think and besides I have ears.”
“What did you hear?” There is a sense of shame mounting in Archie as he asks it, the thought that he has been idle gossip all this time.
Barbara is calm as she replies, “That you were dismissed from the Navy because you accused a senior officer of seducing you, that you were lucky your captain decided you had lost your wits in captivity and had you quietly shuffled out instead of swinging from the yard arm. I had no idea it was him though, I’m sorry, Archie, I would not have entertained him here if I had known.”
Archie finds his shame turning back to anger, Barbara is after all still his wife, “But you would have entertained him anyway?”
Barbara’s gaze remains steady on Archie, “It was a mere flirtation, I thought I saw something in him…I admire the restraint you show, Archie, in your urges, but I do not share that quality with you.”
Archie feels his face begin to redden, “I thought…I have tried to satisfy…”
Barbara’s eyes widen at that and her own face flushes, “Oh no! I do not mean…physically…I meant merely that…you are fond of me, I do not doubt that, but you are fond of me the way my mother is fond of her terriers. Sometimes it is nice to feel that a man desires you.”
Archie has no reply to that, it has been a long time since he’s wished for anyone, man or woman, to desire him. He asks though, “If you knew of the rumours, why did you marry me?”
“I did not know of them at the time. My family wished for an expedient marriage after I had been…indiscreet. The opportunity arose, you were not the hideous gargoyle I expected them to find for me as punishment for risking scandal...”
Archie does not ask her for details, if she wishes to tell him Archie does not doubt she will, and to demand an account would be hypocrisy on his part, His mouth is dry but he manages to whisper, “He denied it, he stood in front of Pellew, a newlywed, and called me a liar. I was not believed.”
That had been the worst of it for it had been Simpson’s final triumph over him, that no one would believe Archie if he said anything. Pellew had been kind to him, he attributed it to hysteria, but he would not take Archie’s word over Horatio’s. Archie should not have done it of course, but he had been furious and devastated and he had felt as he sat in the cable tiers listening to the celebrations of Horatio’s wedding that Horatio deserved it. Archie would have happily swung next to him just to see Horatio humiliated as Archie was.
He looks up as Barbara picks up his hand and squeezes it before quietly stating, “Well I believe you.”
~
The three of them are walking in the park, David is between them and he and Barbara each have one of his hands. They are nodded to and smiled at as they pass people they recognise and people they do not. David chatters happily between spelling out the names of objects that are pointed out to him. When Barbara suddenly stops where she stands Archie follows her gaze to see Horatio standing with uneasy formality a little away from them.
Barbara’s mouth shrinks as she purses her lips and the sight of him, “We can walk the other way.”
Archie shakes his head and lets go of David’s hand, “You go on.” She gives him an reproachful look and Archie thinks she is going to argue, but she leads David away without a further word.
Horatio pulls himself even tighter as Archie approaches, Archie says nothing, forcing Horatio to state his business, “I came to apologise.”
Archie can only sneer at that, “Aplogise, Horatio? Where would you even begin?”
Archie is not surprised at the dark look that passes over Horatio’s face, he knows Horatio too well for that, Horatio leans forward to hiss, “What would you have had me do, Archie? My father was not coming to take me home. I had nothing if I did not have the Navy.”
“You would have had me.”
Horatio shakes his head at that, “It…that was not enough, Archie. Not for me.”
Archie has no words to meet that, there was a time when such a statement would have been as if Horatio had plunged his hands into his chest to tear at his vitals; he would not have been able to breathe. Now it comes as little surprise, now that he is confronted with the fact he finds that he does not much care. He turns to go.
“Goodbye, Horatio.”
He knows that it will be a long time before he thinks of Horatio again.