Myshuno! 2013 Prompt: “The wind in the willows” (236 words)
The prompt for this story was “The wind in the willows” submitted by rosefyre. This story fits into Ruth’s (un)Officially Wacky Boolprop Challenge in a chapter or two. The big spoiler here is that Toddlers will eventually become Children. If that isn’t too spoilery, this is safe to read.
Rating: CG, Child Guidance suggested, due to a very large dose of potty humor. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Dramatis Personae
Deadeye Shankel, one of the alien twins, age six.
Nanki-Poo Shankel, the other alien twin, also age six.
Glen Shankel, their father, old enough to know better.
Lisa Shankel, Glen’s wife and mother of the twins in all but genetics.
Setting
The twins’ bedroom. Glen is reading the boys a bedtime story.
GLEN: “Toad sat straight down in the middle of the dusty road, his legs stretched out before him, and stared in the direction of the disappearing motor-car. He breathed short, his face wore a placid satisfied expression, and at intervals he faintly murmured ‘Poop-poop!’”
(Deadeye and Nanki-Poo giggle)
DEADEYE: What?
NANKI-POO: Can you read that again, Daddy?
GLEN: Huh? Okay. “Toad sat straight down in the middle of the dusty road, his legs stretched out before him, and stared in the direction of the disappearing motor-car. He breathed short, his face wore a placid satisfied expression, and at intervals he faintly murmured ‘Poop-poop!’”
DEADEYE and NANKI-POO: “POOP POOP!” (wild giggles)
GLEN: Wha - ? (getting it) Oh. No, it’s the noise the car horn makes: “poop-poop.”
DEADEYE and NANKI-POO: (wilder giggles) “POOP POOP!”
GLEN: No, it’s not like (normal pronunciation) “poop poop.” It’s more like (short and quick) “poop-poop.”
DEADEYE and NANKI-POO: (amid gales of laughter) POOP POOP! POOP POOP!
GLEN: Okay, no. I’m going to read it again with a better sound. “Toad sat straight down in the middle of the dusty road, his legs stretched out before him, and stared in the direction of the disappearing motor-car. He breathed short, his face wore a placid satisfied expression, and at intervals he faintly murmured ‘Beep-beep!’”
DEADEYE and NANKI-POO: PEE PEE!
GLEN: No, I didn’t say “pee pee,” I said -
DEADEYE and NANKI-POO: POOP POOP!
DEADEYE: PEE PEE!
NANKI-POO (inspired): FART FART!
DEADEYE (delighted with the innovation): FART FART!
DEADEYE and NANKI-POO (who are by now jumping on their beds): POOP POOP! FART FART! PEE PEE!
(Glen closes the book and sighs.)
GLEN: Okay. (holds out a finger to each boy) Pull my finger.
(Each boy does, and Glen farts twice)
DEADEYE (near hysterical): FART FART!
NANKI-POO (ditto): Do it again, Daddy!
(As Glen holds out his fingers again, Lisa comes in. Glen quickly folds his hands in his lap.)
LISA: What’s going on in here?! This is supposed to be bedtime!
GLEN, DEADEYE, and NANKI-POO (instantly quiet): Yes, Mommy.
LISA: Okay then.
(Lisa leaves. As she closes the door, someone whispers “poop poop” and the room is filled with smothered giggles.)
Notes
Glen calls Lisa “Mommy” in the way that parents call each other “Mom” and “Dad” when speaking to or with their kids. He doesn’t have an Oedipus complex.
The quote that sets the whole thing off is from The Wind in the Willows, so this story is totally fulfilling the prompt. Source: Kenneth Grahame, The Wind in the Willows (New York: Charles Scribner’s Sons, 1917), 40. Full text online. Available from Electronic Text Center, University of Virginia Library, http://web.archive.org/web/20030308190406/http://etext.lib.virginia.edu/etcbin/toccer-new2?id=GraWind.sgm&images=images/modeng&data=/texts/english/modeng/parsed&tag=public&part=2&division=div1 Accessed 11 October 2013.
When counting the words in this story, I only counted the words that were mine, not Mr. Grahame’s. Even if most of them were poop, pee, and fart.
Rating: CG, Child Guidance suggested, due to a very large dose of potty humor. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Dramatis Personae
Deadeye Shankel, one of the alien twins, age six.
Nanki-Poo Shankel, the other alien twin, also age six.
Glen Shankel, their father, old enough to know better.
Lisa Shankel, Glen’s wife and mother of the twins in all but genetics.
Setting
The twins’ bedroom. Glen is reading the boys a bedtime story.
GLEN: “Toad sat straight down in the middle of the dusty road, his legs stretched out before him, and stared in the direction of the disappearing motor-car. He breathed short, his face wore a placid satisfied expression, and at intervals he faintly murmured ‘Poop-poop!’”
(Deadeye and Nanki-Poo giggle)
DEADEYE: What?
NANKI-POO: Can you read that again, Daddy?
GLEN: Huh? Okay. “Toad sat straight down in the middle of the dusty road, his legs stretched out before him, and stared in the direction of the disappearing motor-car. He breathed short, his face wore a placid satisfied expression, and at intervals he faintly murmured ‘Poop-poop!’”
DEADEYE and NANKI-POO: “POOP POOP!” (wild giggles)
GLEN: Wha - ? (getting it) Oh. No, it’s the noise the car horn makes: “poop-poop.”
DEADEYE and NANKI-POO: (wilder giggles) “POOP POOP!”
GLEN: No, it’s not like (normal pronunciation) “poop poop.” It’s more like (short and quick) “poop-poop.”
DEADEYE and NANKI-POO: (amid gales of laughter) POOP POOP! POOP POOP!
GLEN: Okay, no. I’m going to read it again with a better sound. “Toad sat straight down in the middle of the dusty road, his legs stretched out before him, and stared in the direction of the disappearing motor-car. He breathed short, his face wore a placid satisfied expression, and at intervals he faintly murmured ‘Beep-beep!’”
DEADEYE and NANKI-POO: PEE PEE!
GLEN: No, I didn’t say “pee pee,” I said -
DEADEYE and NANKI-POO: POOP POOP!
DEADEYE: PEE PEE!
NANKI-POO (inspired): FART FART!
DEADEYE (delighted with the innovation): FART FART!
DEADEYE and NANKI-POO (who are by now jumping on their beds): POOP POOP! FART FART! PEE PEE!
(Glen closes the book and sighs.)
GLEN: Okay. (holds out a finger to each boy) Pull my finger.
(Each boy does, and Glen farts twice)
DEADEYE (near hysterical): FART FART!
NANKI-POO (ditto): Do it again, Daddy!
(As Glen holds out his fingers again, Lisa comes in. Glen quickly folds his hands in his lap.)
LISA: What’s going on in here?! This is supposed to be bedtime!
GLEN, DEADEYE, and NANKI-POO (instantly quiet): Yes, Mommy.
LISA: Okay then.
(Lisa leaves. As she closes the door, someone whispers “poop poop” and the room is filled with smothered giggles.)
Notes
Glen calls Lisa “Mommy” in the way that parents call each other “Mom” and “Dad” when speaking to or with their kids. He doesn’t have an Oedipus complex.
The quote that sets the whole thing off is from The Wind in the Willows, so this story is totally fulfilling the prompt. Source: Kenneth Grahame, The Wind in the Willows (New York: Charles Scribner’s Sons, 1917), 40. Full text online. Available from Electronic Text Center, University of Virginia Library, http://web.archive.org/web/20030308190406/http://etext.lib.virginia.edu/etcbin/toccer-new2?id=GraWind.sgm&images=images/modeng&data=/texts/english/modeng/parsed&tag=public&part=2&division=div1 Accessed 11 October 2013.
When counting the words in this story, I only counted the words that were mine, not Mr. Grahame’s. Even if most of them were poop, pee, and fart.