Myshuno! 2012 Prompt: “Lighting a candle” (258 words)

[esmeiolanthe]

The prompt for this story was “Lighting a candle,” submitted by dicreasy. This story takes place before the first chapter of Jack Point’s Home for Pedestrian Playables - rather like a prologue.

Rating: G



Dramatis Personae

Ernie the Spoon, formerly a violent and dangerous criminal, now an inmate resident obsessed with Grilled Cheese.

DeAyer Cuidador, the caretaker.

Ivanova Doctor, another resident, certain that she is a doctor, although her name is the closest she’s ever gotten to medical school.

Milton Rossi, ex-military with paranoid tendencies, and convinced that everyone is under threat from invisible telepathic rabbit ninjas.

Setting

The lounge on the second floor of the asylum residential facility for people with psychological differences. DeAyer, Milton, and Ivanova are watching TV when Ernie the Spoon stands directly in front of it.

ERNIE THE SPOON: Good afternoon, brothers and sisters. I have come to you today about the Truth of Cheese.

DEAYER: You’re blocking the TV.

ERNIE THE SPOON: A wise man once said “It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.” And today, brothers and sisters, I bring the light of the candle of the Truth of Cheese to your Cheese-blighted darkness.

DEAYER: Down in front!

ERNIE THE SPOON: I say again, the Truth of Cheese. Now I know, brothers and sisters, that people may say to you “Eating nothing but grilled cheese sandwiches is unhealthy.” But we can know that is untrue. Consider the basic food groups: grain, protein, dairy, and just a little bit of fat. Why, a grilled cheese sandwich contains them all! The bread contains the grain of your choice, be it whole wheat or bleached, rye or pumpernickel.

(Ernie the Spoon continues talking through the following)

DEAYER: Ernie, shut up about the grilled cheese already!

IVANOVA: Subject is displaying distinct antisocial tendencies and definite suicidal behavior.

DEAYER: Shut it, Ivanova! You have no idea what you’re talking about.

MILTON (mildly): I think she’s right. I mean, even the rabbits walk softly around Mr. the Spoon.

DEAYER: There are NO telepathic rabbit ninjas!

MILTON: Well, you would say that, because they’re invisible to everyone but me.

DEAYER: That’s it! I can’t take this anymore! I quit! (stomps out, not even bothering to pack)

ERNIE THE SPOON: And that, brothers and sisters, is the Truth of Cheese. Can I get a “gouda”?