Myshuno! Prompt: “I am the very model of a modern Major General” (242 words)
The prompt for this story was “‘I am the very model of a modern Major General…’,” submitted by rosefyre. This story fits into Chapter 7 of Ruth’s (un)Officially Wacky Boolprop Challenge.
WARNING: Contains a description of children with not enough clothes on. Also contains far too many exclamation marks.
You may want to watch this clip before reading the story; it may help make a little sense of what is going on.
Dramatis Personae
Old Adam Shankel, the older and supposedly wiser brother.
Oakapple Shankel, the younger and more hyper brother.
Ruth Shankel, their massively embarrassed mother.
Setting
The back yard of the (u)OWBC house. Old Adam and Oakapple are enthusiastically flailing at each other with sticks, making strange noises, and occasionally yelling out the names of famous knights or famous battles. Neither one of them is wearing a stitch of clothing, but this is not immediately obvious as they are both generously smeared with something that apparently comes in many shades of blue. Ruth comes flying out of the house.
OLD ADAM: Brek-ek-ek-ex!
OAKAPPLE: koAX! koAX!
OLD ADAM and OAKAPPLE (together): Brek-ek-ek-ex koAX koAX!
OLD ADAM: Caradoc! Cador! Gingalain!
RUTH: What are you boys doing?!
OLD ADAM: Playing Major-Generals. (whacks Oakapple with his stick)
RUTH: Where are your clothes?
OAKAPPLE: Inside. (blocks a swing) Ha! Missed me!
OLD ADAM: Aurelius Ambrosius! Brek-ek-ek-ex!
RUTH: (grabs for Old Adam, who dodges away) Get back in the house!
OAKAPPLE: (aiming a poke at Old Adam around the shelter of Ruth’s hip) Waterloo! koAX koAX!
RUTH: (successfully grabbing Oakapple and then dropping him again and staring in horror at her hands, which have turned blue) Oh, Esme! What is this?
OLD ADAM: Woad.
OAKAPPLE: Like Caractacus wears.
RUTH: Where did you get woad?
OLD ADAM: From Papa’s paintbox.
OAKAPPLE: There were lots of tubes. (points his stick at Old Adam and makes machine gun noises) You’re dead!
RUTH: (moans, to no one in particular): Backup help me, they used oil paint!
OLD ADAM: Noddlehead! I have the Mauser rifle! You have the javelin!
OAKAPPLE: (examines his stick) I do?
RUTH: (grabbing both sticks) Now nobody has anything.
OAKAPPLE: Moooooom!
OLD ADAM: Mamaaaaaa!
RUTH: (takes each boy by the arm, none too gently) And you’re both going into the house, quick march!
OLD ADAM: But Mamaaaaa - !
OAKAPPLE: Aw, Mooooom - !
OLD ADAM and OAKAPPLE (together): We were having fun!
RUTH: (ignoring them both, calling up the stairs): Ryan? Fill the bath with turpentine!
Notes
“Brek-ek-ek-ex koAX koAX” is the complete “croaking chorus from The Frogs of Aristophones.”
Caractacus was an ancient Briton who fought the Romans wearing nothing but blue body paint. All the other odd names are people who appear in Arthurian legends in one capacity or another.
A Mauser rifle is a large, heavy rifle. To the best of my knowledge, it only fires one bullet at a time. A javelin is a long pointy stick. Telling the difference between a Mauser rifle and a javelin is not particularly difficult, even if one is not familiar with firearms.
WARNING: Contains a description of children with not enough clothes on. Also contains far too many exclamation marks.
You may want to watch this clip before reading the story; it may help make a little sense of what is going on.
Dramatis Personae
Old Adam Shankel, the older and supposedly wiser brother.
Oakapple Shankel, the younger and more hyper brother.
Ruth Shankel, their massively embarrassed mother.
Setting
The back yard of the (u)OWBC house. Old Adam and Oakapple are enthusiastically flailing at each other with sticks, making strange noises, and occasionally yelling out the names of famous knights or famous battles. Neither one of them is wearing a stitch of clothing, but this is not immediately obvious as they are both generously smeared with something that apparently comes in many shades of blue. Ruth comes flying out of the house.
OLD ADAM: Brek-ek-ek-ex!
OAKAPPLE: koAX! koAX!
OLD ADAM and OAKAPPLE (together): Brek-ek-ek-ex koAX koAX!
OLD ADAM: Caradoc! Cador! Gingalain!
RUTH: What are you boys doing?!
OLD ADAM: Playing Major-Generals. (whacks Oakapple with his stick)
RUTH: Where are your clothes?
OAKAPPLE: Inside. (blocks a swing) Ha! Missed me!
OLD ADAM: Aurelius Ambrosius! Brek-ek-ek-ex!
RUTH: (grabs for Old Adam, who dodges away) Get back in the house!
OAKAPPLE: (aiming a poke at Old Adam around the shelter of Ruth’s hip) Waterloo! koAX koAX!
RUTH: (successfully grabbing Oakapple and then dropping him again and staring in horror at her hands, which have turned blue) Oh, Esme! What is this?
OLD ADAM: Woad.
OAKAPPLE: Like Caractacus wears.
RUTH: Where did you get woad?
OLD ADAM: From Papa’s paintbox.
OAKAPPLE: There were lots of tubes. (points his stick at Old Adam and makes machine gun noises) You’re dead!
RUTH: (moans, to no one in particular): Backup help me, they used oil paint!
OLD ADAM: Noddlehead! I have the Mauser rifle! You have the javelin!
OAKAPPLE: (examines his stick) I do?
RUTH: (grabbing both sticks) Now nobody has anything.
OAKAPPLE: Moooooom!
OLD ADAM: Mamaaaaaa!
RUTH: (takes each boy by the arm, none too gently) And you’re both going into the house, quick march!
OLD ADAM: But Mamaaaaa - !
OAKAPPLE: Aw, Mooooom - !
OLD ADAM and OAKAPPLE (together): We were having fun!
RUTH: (ignoring them both, calling up the stairs): Ryan? Fill the bath with turpentine!
Notes
“Brek-ek-ek-ex koAX koAX” is the complete “croaking chorus from The Frogs of Aristophones.”
Caractacus was an ancient Briton who fought the Romans wearing nothing but blue body paint. All the other odd names are people who appear in Arthurian legends in one capacity or another.
A Mauser rifle is a large, heavy rifle. To the best of my knowledge, it only fires one bullet at a time. A javelin is a long pointy stick. Telling the difference between a Mauser rifle and a javelin is not particularly difficult, even if one is not familiar with firearms.