(no subject)
It's been a while since I posted hear, mostly because I don't really have anything to say.
I know you guys probabely don't want to hear about horse stuff, school stuff, work stuff, or college stuff and I don't have anything else in my life right now. I want to be able to talk to you about what's going on in your life, and I do want to be able to contribute what's happening in mine but I seem to have lost my general chatting ability.
I also know that some of you feel that I have changed in a dramatic fashion and I can only think of two ways to explain it. I'll start from the beginning. Last February I had to give Tucker back to his old owner because my family could not aford to keep Sweetie, Tucker, and my new horse. I 've always known that this was the biggest mistake I've ever made. I still cry quite regularly over Tucker and can't even begin to express how much I miss him. Because this has been eating away at me, I know I've become considerably more morose and less enjoyable to be around. I am sorry for that. The other major life-changing event that occured was England. Like Nick, I experienced something life-changing. Although I do not feel closer to my Oxford friends than I do to you, Oxford threw me in to the future, and I know I have become way to focused on "gettting out of here". Please don't misunderstand and think that I want to get away from you. I want to have everything. A new life at college, Tucker, and you, all at once.
Now that you all have some idea of what is going on in my head, I have to make an effort to open up again to all of you. And I will. I also need to make an effort to live in the present, move on from the past, and push aside some of my anxiety about the future. I hope this reaches you in some way that I haven't been able to all year.
Love
E
I know you guys probabely don't want to hear about horse stuff, school stuff, work stuff, or college stuff and I don't have anything else in my life right now. I want to be able to talk to you about what's going on in your life, and I do want to be able to contribute what's happening in mine but I seem to have lost my general chatting ability.
I also know that some of you feel that I have changed in a dramatic fashion and I can only think of two ways to explain it. I'll start from the beginning. Last February I had to give Tucker back to his old owner because my family could not aford to keep Sweetie, Tucker, and my new horse. I 've always known that this was the biggest mistake I've ever made. I still cry quite regularly over Tucker and can't even begin to express how much I miss him. Because this has been eating away at me, I know I've become considerably more morose and less enjoyable to be around. I am sorry for that. The other major life-changing event that occured was England. Like Nick, I experienced something life-changing. Although I do not feel closer to my Oxford friends than I do to you, Oxford threw me in to the future, and I know I have become way to focused on "gettting out of here". Please don't misunderstand and think that I want to get away from you. I want to have everything. A new life at college, Tucker, and you, all at once.
Now that you all have some idea of what is going on in my head, I have to make an effort to open up again to all of you. And I will. I also need to make an effort to live in the present, move on from the past, and push aside some of my anxiety about the future. I hope this reaches you in some way that I haven't been able to all year.
Love
E