Christmas!!!!
You know what might be a depressing day? The day after Christmas. I swear, the day after Christmas is just confusing. Yes, confusing. More confusing than depressing. Everyone struts around with their new materialistic confusion attached to them like a mouse in a mouse trap. Are people smiling because they are happy about the day before being Christmas? Or, are they smiling because there are 364 more days till the hype returns? Being a negative Nancy, I am choosing the latter. Christmas takes so much energy out of everyone, instead of showing compassion and love, people’s greed and grinch-like characteristics shine in the aisles of the Wal-Mart Toy Section and the Honeybaked Ham. Knowing this, I propose we cancel Christmas. Just mark it off the calendar. That way, everyday following up to the 25th and afterwards are nothing but normal: normal meals, normal emotions, and normal traffic. Basically, we have normal everything. People wouldn’t have such spikes in their happiness. The amount of bipolar people would lessen. So many positive consequence stem from the canceling of Christmas.
But, how do you go about canceling Christmas? Well, you propose an amendment stating something like “On account of the state-religion disconnect, I propose that Christmas be stripped of it’s placement on the calendar. It diminishes our citizen’s well being and causes a pseudo heightened economy. Erasing Christmas from our calendar would provide citizens with more stabilization in their everyday lives.” Congress secretly has known these facts for years, and I know they would be delighted to remove Christmas, maybe even make it unconstitutional to celebrate it. America was founded on the Christian religion, but Congress rather keep that information buried in the stacks of the Lincoln Library. Although most politicians make the claim to follow their faith in whatever religion they “practice”, they don’t. Look at Bill Clinton, i.e., he committed straight up adultery with one of wives closest friends. That wasn’t very Baptist of him, now, was it Mrs. Hilary Clinton? Noooo, it wasn’t. Consequently, Congress rather not discuss their religious habits, and canceling Christmas would definitely offer this outlet for religion negation.
Let’s cancel Christmas, America. Join hands in saying “Can-cel Christ-mas.” Shout it from your rooftops. Refuse to purchase Christmas trees from local charities. In fact, don’t even give to the charities. Steal from the bucket the Santa holds as he rings the bell in front of the mall. Don’t let that extra car get in front of you on a 6 lane highway. Instead, flick ‘um off. And for god’s sake, let the turkeys run free!
But, how do you go about canceling Christmas? Well, you propose an amendment stating something like “On account of the state-religion disconnect, I propose that Christmas be stripped of it’s placement on the calendar. It diminishes our citizen’s well being and causes a pseudo heightened economy. Erasing Christmas from our calendar would provide citizens with more stabilization in their everyday lives.” Congress secretly has known these facts for years, and I know they would be delighted to remove Christmas, maybe even make it unconstitutional to celebrate it. America was founded on the Christian religion, but Congress rather keep that information buried in the stacks of the Lincoln Library. Although most politicians make the claim to follow their faith in whatever religion they “practice”, they don’t. Look at Bill Clinton, i.e., he committed straight up adultery with one of wives closest friends. That wasn’t very Baptist of him, now, was it Mrs. Hilary Clinton? Noooo, it wasn’t. Consequently, Congress rather not discuss their religious habits, and canceling Christmas would definitely offer this outlet for religion negation.
Let’s cancel Christmas, America. Join hands in saying “Can-cel Christ-mas.” Shout it from your rooftops. Refuse to purchase Christmas trees from local charities. In fact, don’t even give to the charities. Steal from the bucket the Santa holds as he rings the bell in front of the mall. Don’t let that extra car get in front of you on a 6 lane highway. Instead, flick ‘um off. And for god’s sake, let the turkeys run free!