(no subject)
I feel like shit. I'm going back to IP at 7.30 pm. That means there's only 2.5 hours left. I don't want to. I want to stay home. Those home visits aren't long enough. Or well, I just want to get out of that fucking hospital. I want to be with my family and not feel like I'm not a part of it anymore. I'm missing so much.
I'm loosing all of my friends. Who wants a sick friend, who can't do anything? I don't blame them. I'm so screwed up.
I've lost so much weight. Even at the hospital I'm purging on a daily basis. They know it, but I don't think there's anything the can do about it. They've kind of given up on it. They can't lock my bathroom all day, I have to use it some times.. And my parents are so worried about it. My mum cries all the time. Says it never stops, that I'm getting too skinny and yells at me. Says I'm not trying enough. I just don't know what to do. I don't know how to get rid of my bulimia. I really don't. It feels like if I really should succeed and be all healthy and stuff, I just.. wouldn't be happy. It sounds disgusting, but all I really want to do, is to eat and throw up. It's what comforts me, what helps me through the day. It's pathetic, but true.
I just hope I some day will find something that can replace it. Something that makes life seem worth living.
- Mona.
I'm loosing all of my friends. Who wants a sick friend, who can't do anything? I don't blame them. I'm so screwed up.
I've lost so much weight. Even at the hospital I'm purging on a daily basis. They know it, but I don't think there's anything the can do about it. They've kind of given up on it. They can't lock my bathroom all day, I have to use it some times.. And my parents are so worried about it. My mum cries all the time. Says it never stops, that I'm getting too skinny and yells at me. Says I'm not trying enough. I just don't know what to do. I don't know how to get rid of my bulimia. I really don't. It feels like if I really should succeed and be all healthy and stuff, I just.. wouldn't be happy. It sounds disgusting, but all I really want to do, is to eat and throw up. It's what comforts me, what helps me through the day. It's pathetic, but true.
I just hope I some day will find something that can replace it. Something that makes life seem worth living.
- Mona.