(no subject)
so what would i say?
i miss you.
i loved you.
i fucked up.
im sorry.
what i want him to say?
all the things he never said...
he knows he loved me.
he misses me.
he appreciates all the support i gave him.
he deserved me.
he doesnt hate me for doind what i needed to do.
so i let go of this, 3 years of trying, living in a partnership. i used to make fun of it because i couldnt get him to stop asking, i couldnt get the known consent. he knew i had my issues and he cared. he didnt know how to care, but he didnt want to hurt me like other men did.
i thought you were the same way
so we hooked up the other night, and i guess that is "what i wanted". i missed cuddling, i missed the closeness. i missed the time i didnt find him distant, and i felt like he enjoyed me. i missed the shred of intense romance that i every once in awhile felt...
last night was not what i wanted.
now i know that.
my breath held
and words i dont want to hear out of your mouth.
sweat hands lips and i just want this to be over.
and still over and over i let you disrespect me.
your bones hanging hanging hanging
like that skeleton of a man you seldom let me see.
i have always been scared of you but not in a way i can touch.
so i fed that
let you just get raw on me.
we fed off that
these women raped and murdered
scared to walk down the street.
having you in my bed should be the same way...
but 'please please respect me" just doesnt work huh?
so now what?
6 years of feminist theory.
5 deep breaths
i was designed to please you
head down and swallow that
fuck you.
i miss you.
i loved you.
i fucked up.
im sorry.
what i want him to say?
all the things he never said...
he knows he loved me.
he misses me.
he appreciates all the support i gave him.
he deserved me.
he doesnt hate me for doind what i needed to do.
so i let go of this, 3 years of trying, living in a partnership. i used to make fun of it because i couldnt get him to stop asking, i couldnt get the known consent. he knew i had my issues and he cared. he didnt know how to care, but he didnt want to hurt me like other men did.
i thought you were the same way
so we hooked up the other night, and i guess that is "what i wanted". i missed cuddling, i missed the closeness. i missed the time i didnt find him distant, and i felt like he enjoyed me. i missed the shred of intense romance that i every once in awhile felt...
last night was not what i wanted.
now i know that.
my breath held
and words i dont want to hear out of your mouth.
sweat hands lips and i just want this to be over.
and still over and over i let you disrespect me.
your bones hanging hanging hanging
like that skeleton of a man you seldom let me see.
i have always been scared of you but not in a way i can touch.
so i fed that
let you just get raw on me.
we fed off that
these women raped and murdered
scared to walk down the street.
having you in my bed should be the same way...
but 'please please respect me" just doesnt work huh?
so now what?
6 years of feminist theory.
5 deep breaths
i was designed to please you
head down and swallow that
fuck you.