looking back on a year...
one year ago seems so long ago. i never would have thought so much could happen in a year. one year ago we were finding out that my cousin had cancer, and that he was probably going to die. today he is surviving, in remission and proving to all his doctors that miracles really do happen. one year ago, i had a best friend who i loved. he made me smile and helped fight the boredom of life in michigan. today he and i barely talk, and when we do it is nothing compared to our lost conversations. and i miss him. i miss his friendship. one year ago i couldn't wait to get back to bellingham. and one week ago i found myself in that same position, and both times it was because of a boy. and today i know that i can't go back. i broke the first boys heart, and i know that mine will be broken if i return. a year ago i was scared about going to live with 6 strangers, and today those 6 are some of my best friends. there are many things that i did this past year that i'm not happy about. that if given the chance to do over i would. but i've learned from my mistakes. and i've learned from other people's mistakes. a year ago, i wanted to spend the rest of my life in washington...and today i look toward other possibilities. i look for a place where i can grow, and most importantly where i can be happy. perhaps being a jersey girl is what i was meant to be, but there's also philly, and cali, and so many other places that i can't imagine. i thought when i graduated college that my life would be different, that somehow it would be all spelt out to me. but it isn't, and while that scares me a little, it is also exhilarating, cause i can do whatever i want. i'm not tied down to anything or anyone. i can be what i want to be. and i will...as soon as i figure out what that is. this year has definetely had it's ups and downs. there have been tears of joy and tears of sorrow. there have been so many laughs that i couldn't begin to count. and there have been many new friends. i met so many people this year that made such a difference in my life, and to most of them i am grateful. and i suppose that while i didn't like a few i also learned a lot from them. i learned to be scared of some, and to be cautious of others. i learned that one persons word isn't as good as the next guys. but each person taught me something, even if it wasn't something i wanted to learn. this year has consisted of many friendships come and gone. many friendship changing dramatically over time, and some simply fading away. i look back on everything that has happened in this last year, and i wonder where i will be a year from now. will i be sitting in this small house at the jersey beach or will i be galavanting around the world? this year has brought me so many new experiences and oppurtunities that i never would have imagined. and i'm grateful that i got to experience them. all and all i look back on this year and smile, sure there's been heartache and misery, but there has been so much happiness and excitement that the bad melts away in the shadow of the good. and i can smile and be glad that i went through it all. my life would be so much different without all these experiences.