rejection
today at noon i got the letter telling me that i didn't get into the RN program. i was expecting it, though sort of hoping that my expectations wouldn't be met. i dunno. i'm thinking that it's a sign from somewhere, exactly where i don't know. i've read on brain lists about parents worrying about their kids with bt's and doing college and all that shit and i thought.... pfft, it's possible *anything* is possible, but then suddenly reality sets in and it just is.
do i still think that anything is possible, yes, but i think maybe the insight to what is might be a little bit more keen than the wide opened world that i once saw. it's like a race that will never be won because it doesn't have to be won, i have nothing to prove to anyone except myself and i feel like i'm failing miserably. maybe my expectations are too high or maybe i'm just not thinking right or something. my head is confused, nauseous, and my throat hurts. bitching doesn't help, but it'd be nice if it did cause then i would be *healed*.
it'll all work out in the end cause it always does. sometimes i forget and then when i suddenly wake up and remember what part of my life that i am in i just end up like this, bitchy and hurting. we all have paths that we have to take evventually this one will lead me out of the dark forest and seeing oz again.
do i still think that anything is possible, yes, but i think maybe the insight to what is might be a little bit more keen than the wide opened world that i once saw. it's like a race that will never be won because it doesn't have to be won, i have nothing to prove to anyone except myself and i feel like i'm failing miserably. maybe my expectations are too high or maybe i'm just not thinking right or something. my head is confused, nauseous, and my throat hurts. bitching doesn't help, but it'd be nice if it did cause then i would be *healed*.
it'll all work out in the end cause it always does. sometimes i forget and then when i suddenly wake up and remember what part of my life that i am in i just end up like this, bitchy and hurting. we all have paths that we have to take evventually this one will lead me out of the dark forest and seeing oz again.