Nov 17, 2005 00:31
Okay, Dani can't sleep.
So what does that mean?
Another depressing, pointless journal entry that only confirms the belief that I have no life.
This semester is almost up. And as I lie here I think, dear god, i'm going to go another year without having a boyfriend. That will make two years in college. Then I think, shit, what if this becomes three? Or four?
What makes it worse is that all my close friends seem to be able to make that jump from single to 'with someone' (even if it is for a night) in under a month. And boom, they're are back in the swing of things.
I'm off the swing. Hell, I'm not even on the swing-set. I'm one of those sad overweight children sitting alone on the seesaw eating a melting ice cream cone thats already fallen in the sand.
So now I have come to realize...its me. It is all my fault that I am alone. And will remain alone. There are more things wrong with me than I can begin to count.
Phsyically. Psychologically.
What the fuck am I doing that causes this? It must be something.
I've gotten over the fact that I am not attractive. But jesus, there must be more to it then simple looks.
And shut up to anyone who says otherwise. When you're lonely, no amount of 'Dani, you are not ugly' or 'Dani, you'll find yourself someone' is going to help. That the point of loneliness and depression. No reasonable thought enters into it.
So there it is. And once again, i feel worse.....
Dani.