Fandom: Horror Movie Month Never Cry Werewolf
Someone described Never Cry Werewolf to me as Near Dark redone with werewolves. This intrigued me. What also intrigued me is that it was a movie I missed on the Sci Fi channel when it first aired. I watch a lot of cheesy horror on the Sci Fi channel (my dvr is bursting with movies right now, actually), and it surprised me that I hadn't seen this one.
The IMDB synopsis: Jared Martin moves next door to the Hansetts, along with his hot motorcycle and eerie, ill-tempered dog. Although everyone else in the neighborhood takes an instant liking to him, Loren Hansett can't get over the bad vibes her new neighbor gives her. She starts to spy on his nocturnal activities and comes to believe that a recent killing might the work of a werewolf who happens to be her new neighbor. Her internet surfing provides a lot of collaborative detail but everyone but her friend Steven dismiss her story as teen-aged fantasy. Fearing for her life, she convinces Steven to take her to a gun shop to buy silver bullets in a gun shop, where their neighbor's supernatural dog attacks. When she dispatches the beast, her actions get the attention of Redd Tucker, a washed-up TV hunting show host to believe her as well. When Steven is attacked by the werewolf and Loren's brother goes missing, she and Redd team up to kill the lycanthrope before he can finish them both off.
Werewolf! Motorcycle! A female lead hunting the werewolf! Silver bullets! I can't believe I haven't already watched this movie!
So, with no further ado, Never Cry Werewolf.
Lovely creepy fog and full moon beginning. Tiny cute little dog. Possibly soon to be dog chow. If this was Ginger Snaps, it would already be dead. Tiny cute little dog is terrified by the fog rolling in and, we can assume, the werewolf coming with it.
Our heroine sleeps with her tv on fuzz and her computer monitor on Google. Save the planet, girl. She's cute, and she and her brother seem to get along. I like that they are at least friends enough that the brother wakes her up when he sees the weird fog.
LOREN IS ELENA FROM THE VAMPIRE DIARIES! I pretty much like her as Elena, so I'm pleased to see her in something else, too.
There's a registered sex offender paper on a house. At first I thought it was the house across the street from Loren's house, which has just sold, but now I think it might just be a house on their street. It's hard to tell. The sex offender has a fairly awesome barbed wire tattoo around his throat but otherwise is very stereotypical: dirty clothes (stained white tank, white shirt, cut offs), too many beers, passed out in front of the television, weird teeth, hates the neighborhood, thinks people are there to egg his house or something etc. He's about to die, I think.
(Though this movie was only made last year, there's a lot of the whole televisions going to fuzzy white late at night. Does that still happen?)
We get our first look at the werewolf. Not all that well-done, but we don't see him very close, either. He seemed to choose the sex offender for a reason; the camera lingered on the sign from the werewolf's perspective, anyway. There's a weird thing just before sex offender gets killed, too, where there seems to be a noose hanging down in front of his face, between him and the werewolf. This does not make sense to me at all.
Title sequence is blurry and dark. Not really scary, but it does give us the first image of the bike. Also of an awesome woman (possibly Loren) holding a crossbow. I approve. The werewolf in silhouette in the sequence is genuinely creepy. Stick with that.
They're gossiping about the new neighbor and telling her kids he's supposed to be hot. Plus there's a motorcycle. I can see how these things would be good. By the way, the house isn't across the street, it's literally next door. The way they shot the opening was strange. The werewolf has a hound of hell in his truck, but when Loren looks back, the dog's not there.
Loren has a friend who dresses very sexy. Somehow, I see Angie maybe dying at some point.
Hot werewolf isn't all that hot. He kind of looks like he's supposed to be hot but isn't. His face is too -- I'm not sure. He's a little scrawny. But he gives Loren's brother - Kyle - a ride to school on his bike after Loren and her friend refuse to give him a ride. That's kind of cool.
Okay, when Jarred smiles, he does have cute little dimples. And apparently he has hairy palms, and the first thing Angie jumps to is "Oh, like a werewolf." Fun.
Dude! Apparently the story has it that sex offender hung himself. So did the werewolf set up the noose on purpose?
I take it back. Werewolf smiling is creepy. Creepy sex offender. Though from the soundtrack, we're supposed to find this weird thing between him and Jarred cute?
Hound of Hell is going to eat Tiny Cute Little Dog and I am going to be sad. Even though the Hound of Hell is awesome. You know, Mr. Werewolf, if you want to fit into your neighborhood, maybe you shouldn't let your Hound of Hell eat the neighbor's dog.
Weird moment where Loren finds a weak spot on the steps up to Jarred's porch. Wonder if that will come into play later. Also good moment where Hound of Hell starts barking at Loren when she comes inside and Jarred tells the dog Loren is welcome.
Jarred talking to Loren is really quite creepy considering he's an adult and she's a teen.
Oh, the girl with the werewolf might have been someone Jarred used to know (old girlfriend, I'm guessing) because now he's said that Loren reminds him of someone he used to know.
Loren is hearing weird things, like ghost voices. Is this a werewolf movie or what? The someone he used to know is named Melissa, I think.
Now the Hound of Hell is staring up at Loren's window. Look, stalking isn't any less creepy if you have your Hound of Hell do it, okay?
Tiny Cute Little Dog is still alive, I guess
Jesus. Now Loren is spying on Jarred through her brother's telescope and watching him shave the hair from his palms. Then he looks directly at her and turns of the light. His eyes shine silver in the dark. LOREN! Stalking isn't not creepy when you do it, either!
Loren's a sports fan! She falls asleep to the sports network, specifically women's sports. I think she might play soccer.
REDD TUCKER THE HUNTER IS KEVIN SORBO. OMG.
Jarred has brought someone home with him and Loren is spying AGAIN. LOREN. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? Do not watch them get it on!
Lights go out, there's a snarl and a woman's scream. Now don't you wish you hadn't been so nosy, Loren? And also, the Hound of Hell watching you is quite like you watching Jarred, so stop looking at it like it's crazy.
OK, LOREN, THIS SPYING THING IS GETTING REALLY, REALLY CREEPY. Now she is spying on her mother and her mother's best friend talking to Jarred. Jarred jerks back whenever the best friend lights her lighter. Interesting.
The woman was a prostitute whose street name was Carla! Good times!
Loren jumps straight to searching for werewolf information. I'd say this was too fast, but I'm kind of enjoying the fast pace.
Also, she's very thorough. She has notes and print-outs and has all this memorized. It's lovely.
Um, Loren, honey, I don't think Carla was in a trance when she was making out with the werewolf. You've not had a lot of experience with good sex, huh?
Loren brings her friend in on it and they make an anonymous tip call to the cops. Then Angie wants to run off and meet up with her boyfriend.
Loren eats pizza in a very angry way. It's kind of cute, actually. What is not cute is how she is obsessed with watching this guy out her window. Though this is kind of a nice Rear Window type thing.
Loren keeps getting caught watching him. And now she's hearing the weird voices again.
So much for Angie being such a great friend. She completely leaves to go hook up with her boyfriend even though Loren tells her she's really afraid. But obviously not that afraid because now she's trying to break into Werewolf's house, despite Hound of Hell.
Loren finds a human eye in the stew and now Werewolf is back and she's stuck in the house. She sprays something above the kitchen door, a warning to the woman he's brought home (later we find out it says "He Will Kill You") and he gets pissed.
He is using the skin from the throat of a hanged man to change when it's not the full moon. (This is why the sex offender was killed, though I thought he was dead before he was hung, if he was hung, so I don't see how this will work.)
Loren is now having dreams of Jarred, him calling her out into the night, him calling her Melissa, him being in her bedroom. They are very menacing and very sexy at the same time.
The werewolf is hunting kids making out in a car. Of course it's sexy friend Angie and of course she sends the boyfriend out to see if anyone is there. Of course the boyfriend dies and then she does, too. She does take her heels off to run, but then she looks back and is frozen in place. Of course Angie dies. The sexual girl in a horror movie. Can we be done with this trope yet?
Loren is a bossy older sister much like Elena is. I like it. She's desperately trying to protect her brother.
Loren has werewolf movies "for a school project," or so she tells the cops. Hee. Of course the cops know Angie used the phone to call in an anonymous tip about Jarred. Loren's creepy stalking has been noticed by the cops. Awesome.
The cops are both men of color. I like that, though in this movie, they're likely to end up dead. Also, they let Loren go with them when they go investigate. That doesn't seem normal.
Now she's told Jarred, "I know what you are." And she's called him a werewolf in front of the cops. Yeah, I don't see this going over so well, honey. Didn't you watch those movies you rented? No one ever believes you.
"You made a magic charm from the skin on the neck of that pervert guy." Oh, Loren, sweetie. Sweetie. You are not sounding so believable right now.
Loren's watching the movies now. You know, Loren, I have werewolf movie marathons all the time. Want to join me?
The food delivery guy: I heard your friend's missing.
Loren: She's dead. *hands him money* Keep the change.
I think I love Loren.
Also, she's supposed to be a vegetarian but now she's craving meat. Is she supposed to be Melissa reincarnated? Is she somehow turning into a werewolf even though she's not been bitten or scratched? I'm intrigued by this. Also, she ordered chicken because she's craving meat. YUM. Good choice, Loren. I'll watch werewolf movies with you and eat chicken any day!
Wow. Loren's in her bedroom talking to Delivery Guy about Jarred being a werewolf and Jarred can hear her all the way in his house. Nice! (Steven from the description is not her friend, he's her brother's friend who has a serious crush on her. Also, he's kind of cute.)
I love how Loren is so open about her werewolf theory. She even talks about it in the gun shop.
Oh, the werewolf brings his Hound of Hell in as a seeing eye dog.
Steven talks about the gun that Linda Hamilton used in Terminator II. Love it.
Werewolf is not subtle. He sends Hound of Hell to get the competition and then shoves people out of the way to go join him. Hound of Hell messed up though and bit the hand of the wrong guy first.
Hercules shot the Hound of Hell! DUDE! (Okay, Okay, Redd.) DUDE. The Hound of Hell then shakes off its skin and becomes a demon dog. THIS MOVIE IS AWESOME WITH ITS LACK OF SUBTLETY. AWESOME as hell.
Oh, man, Loren is a BADASS. She not only gets a gun down, she then loads it with silver bullets (keychains on sale) and then shoots the hell out of the Hound of Hell. BAD ASS.
This is quite possibly my new favorite werewolf movie EVER.
Jarred bit Steven! And then Loren badasses again and shoots him with a crossbow.
Jarred's scared of fire. Nice. I wasn't sure if it was fire or silver in the lighter before, but now I know.
Redd is not an impressive hunter, he ducks and hides when Loren has to be a badass, but he also looks intrigued.
God, Loren is a badass! I can't get over how fantastic this is!
There's this weird background music sometimes that reminds me of Buffy's score.
Redd is on tv totally taking credit for Loren's awesomeness. Steven is now creepily sniffing Loren's hair.
Hahahaha. Loren: Big bad hunter? It's hard telling a cougar from a werewolf when you're hiding in terror.
OMG, yes, Loren is totally my new favorite hero!
Dude, apparently it's been at least a month since Jarred moved in because the next full moon is tonight and Loren's figured out that Steven will turn into a werewolf then. Though Jarred called him his new pet and that doesn't make a lot of sense if the pet was a Hound of Hell, a demon dog.
OMG, Loren, Steven is changing! HELLO! Wake up! Though he starts puking first, which is really disgusting and I could do without. Elena, you were so awesome for so long. Maybe you should run and not just stand there screaming.
I kinda love how Jarred is standing in his kitchen drinking a beer (very messily, actually), just listening to the horror next door.
Dude. Jarred makes weird noises when he walks into Loren's house. Almost like a cat. And then he says things like this: It's a full moon, want a beer? And, while pouring his beer out with the bottle at crotch level so it looks like he's pissing on the floor around Loren, Tread on another man's territory, you get bit.
Melissa was his wife and she died when she was about Loren's age. I'm hoping Loren kills him soon, because he's kind of a sexist asshole. I really hate when werewolves are sexist and so many people write them as if it's inevitable.
Loren continues to be a badass.
Loren: I know how to hurt you.
Jarred, smirking: How?
Loren: Modern sexual awareness. And soccer.
Then she knees him so hard he hits the floor.
Loren goes and finds Redd the Great Scared Hunter. It's awesome, the guilt trip she gives him. She's so fabulous perky when she tells Redd he doesn't even have to hunt Werewolf, she has his address. Loren is adorable.
And she watched his show! And is very upset to learn he's just an actor and it was all fake. Oh, Loren, you are about the most badass woman in a werewolf movie I've ever seen. How are you so awesome? HOW?
Oh no! Her brother has come home when he wasn't supposed to! Crap.
LOREN IS SO BADASS! She has this great montage to rock music where she makes silver-tipped bolts for the crossbow. SHE IS SO BADASS! (Though I am not sure I buy that they would still work. I am going to suspend my disbelief because she is so badass I have no choice. That is how badass and awesome she is.)
Steven is strangely only partially changed. It's weird.
Hey! Tiny cute little dog is still alive.
How does Loren know he's taken her brother? Her brother was supposed to be spending the night somewhere else. I am confused here.
She has a fantastic chain (I'm assuming silver) hanging from her belt. And a leather jacket. Kill the werewolf! Keep the motorcycle! Be awesome! (OMG her boots are fantastic too.)
Redd showed up to help her! And she's pretty tough when talking about what's actually going to hurt a werewolf.
Redd: We are not the hunters here. We're the prey.
And Loren doesn't care because her brother is upstairs and she's going to go get him. So I think there totally needs to be a crossover between this and Supernatural and I've maybe already started plotting it.
Werewolf: Well if it isn't Little Miss Riding Hood. Or is it supposed to be Robin Hood?
Werewolf: Do you really think you're going to kick the big bad wolf's ass?
As Loren shoots straight at his throat and he catches it. Nice.
I will be pissed if Redd ends up saving her ass. She's fought so hard. Oh, wait, Redd is busy with Steven the half-changed werewolf. They're playing fetch! I am giggling. I'll also be pretty pissed if Loren's brother saves her. Let Loren be a badass and save herself!
Creepy werewolf pervert tells her to take off her clothes. I'm not really sure what she's wearing under her leather jacket. It looks like a sports bra, but it's cut to show a lot of cleavage. Doesn't look like it would give her much support. Or it's a tank top with no waist. Either way, I'm not sure why she's wearing it. It looks nothing like everything else she wears.
Loren calls him a monster and he tells her, "No, you'll be better, stronger, faster. You'll live for an eternity and you'll never age."
What the hell is the music to this. I KNOW I've heard it before. Someone else needs to watch this movie and play name that tune, because I suck at this game and it's going to drive me crazy.
Damn it, camera person, stop angling the shot so we see his transformation and her boobs. Her boobs do not need to be on display.
She doesn't do frozen in fear very well at all. And I hate that she screams in fear and three guys rush to save her while she cries. DAMN IT. This was going so well, too.
Okay. Redd tosses Loren a branch as a torch and she's pretty badass and confident with it until he blows it out, which makes me snort with laughter. Then Redd shoots him and it disappears only to reappear at the tree Redd is hiding in. And it looks more like a bear than a werewolf.
Oooh, Loren is starting to change, too. Her brother argues with her about running and hiding and she snarls at him.
He's twisting her mind, messing with her and yet she's still fighting.
She shot him once with the crossbow and he's still coming. Twice, while fighting his mental influence! (She's really slow to reload the crossbow. And now Steven ran him over with a van. I'm pretty sure that's not enough to kill him, unless it drove the arrow deeper inside. Which I guess is what happened because he shifted back to human form. Hahahahaha. Not dead yet.
I'm gonna suck out your soul? Did you forget you're a werewolf?
Werewolf: Melissa.
Loren: Melissa's dead. Go join her.
And she shoots a silver piece of the gun down his throat. Which is completely illogical but basically awesome. And then his head explodes in blood. Death to all vampires werewolves.
Steven doesn't remember what happened, Loren kisses him, everyone seems to be back to normal, raise camera to the full moon, end movie.
Okay, so basically? BEST. WEREWOLF. MOVIE. EVER. And Loren is my new favorite character. So badass.
The IMDB synopsis: Jared Martin moves next door to the Hansetts, along with his hot motorcycle and eerie, ill-tempered dog. Although everyone else in the neighborhood takes an instant liking to him, Loren Hansett can't get over the bad vibes her new neighbor gives her. She starts to spy on his nocturnal activities and comes to believe that a recent killing might the work of a werewolf who happens to be her new neighbor. Her internet surfing provides a lot of collaborative detail but everyone but her friend Steven dismiss her story as teen-aged fantasy. Fearing for her life, she convinces Steven to take her to a gun shop to buy silver bullets in a gun shop, where their neighbor's supernatural dog attacks. When she dispatches the beast, her actions get the attention of Redd Tucker, a washed-up TV hunting show host to believe her as well. When Steven is attacked by the werewolf and Loren's brother goes missing, she and Redd team up to kill the lycanthrope before he can finish them both off.
Werewolf! Motorcycle! A female lead hunting the werewolf! Silver bullets! I can't believe I haven't already watched this movie!
So, with no further ado, Never Cry Werewolf.
Lovely creepy fog and full moon beginning. Tiny cute little dog. Possibly soon to be dog chow. If this was Ginger Snaps, it would already be dead. Tiny cute little dog is terrified by the fog rolling in and, we can assume, the werewolf coming with it.
Our heroine sleeps with her tv on fuzz and her computer monitor on Google. Save the planet, girl. She's cute, and she and her brother seem to get along. I like that they are at least friends enough that the brother wakes her up when he sees the weird fog.
LOREN IS ELENA FROM THE VAMPIRE DIARIES! I pretty much like her as Elena, so I'm pleased to see her in something else, too.
There's a registered sex offender paper on a house. At first I thought it was the house across the street from Loren's house, which has just sold, but now I think it might just be a house on their street. It's hard to tell. The sex offender has a fairly awesome barbed wire tattoo around his throat but otherwise is very stereotypical: dirty clothes (stained white tank, white shirt, cut offs), too many beers, passed out in front of the television, weird teeth, hates the neighborhood, thinks people are there to egg his house or something etc. He's about to die, I think.
(Though this movie was only made last year, there's a lot of the whole televisions going to fuzzy white late at night. Does that still happen?)
We get our first look at the werewolf. Not all that well-done, but we don't see him very close, either. He seemed to choose the sex offender for a reason; the camera lingered on the sign from the werewolf's perspective, anyway. There's a weird thing just before sex offender gets killed, too, where there seems to be a noose hanging down in front of his face, between him and the werewolf. This does not make sense to me at all.
Title sequence is blurry and dark. Not really scary, but it does give us the first image of the bike. Also of an awesome woman (possibly Loren) holding a crossbow. I approve. The werewolf in silhouette in the sequence is genuinely creepy. Stick with that.
They're gossiping about the new neighbor and telling her kids he's supposed to be hot. Plus there's a motorcycle. I can see how these things would be good. By the way, the house isn't across the street, it's literally next door. The way they shot the opening was strange. The werewolf has a hound of hell in his truck, but when Loren looks back, the dog's not there.
Loren has a friend who dresses very sexy. Somehow, I see Angie maybe dying at some point.
Hot werewolf isn't all that hot. He kind of looks like he's supposed to be hot but isn't. His face is too -- I'm not sure. He's a little scrawny. But he gives Loren's brother - Kyle - a ride to school on his bike after Loren and her friend refuse to give him a ride. That's kind of cool.
Okay, when Jarred smiles, he does have cute little dimples. And apparently he has hairy palms, and the first thing Angie jumps to is "Oh, like a werewolf." Fun.
Dude! Apparently the story has it that sex offender hung himself. So did the werewolf set up the noose on purpose?
I take it back. Werewolf smiling is creepy. Creepy sex offender. Though from the soundtrack, we're supposed to find this weird thing between him and Jarred cute?
Hound of Hell is going to eat Tiny Cute Little Dog and I am going to be sad. Even though the Hound of Hell is awesome. You know, Mr. Werewolf, if you want to fit into your neighborhood, maybe you shouldn't let your Hound of Hell eat the neighbor's dog.
Weird moment where Loren finds a weak spot on the steps up to Jarred's porch. Wonder if that will come into play later. Also good moment where Hound of Hell starts barking at Loren when she comes inside and Jarred tells the dog Loren is welcome.
Jarred talking to Loren is really quite creepy considering he's an adult and she's a teen.
Oh, the girl with the werewolf might have been someone Jarred used to know (old girlfriend, I'm guessing) because now he's said that Loren reminds him of someone he used to know.
Loren is hearing weird things, like ghost voices. Is this a werewolf movie or what? The someone he used to know is named Melissa, I think.
Now the Hound of Hell is staring up at Loren's window. Look, stalking isn't any less creepy if you have your Hound of Hell do it, okay?
Tiny Cute Little Dog is still alive, I guess
Jesus. Now Loren is spying on Jarred through her brother's telescope and watching him shave the hair from his palms. Then he looks directly at her and turns of the light. His eyes shine silver in the dark. LOREN! Stalking isn't not creepy when you do it, either!
Loren's a sports fan! She falls asleep to the sports network, specifically women's sports. I think she might play soccer.
REDD TUCKER THE HUNTER IS KEVIN SORBO. OMG.
Jarred has brought someone home with him and Loren is spying AGAIN. LOREN. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? Do not watch them get it on!
Lights go out, there's a snarl and a woman's scream. Now don't you wish you hadn't been so nosy, Loren? And also, the Hound of Hell watching you is quite like you watching Jarred, so stop looking at it like it's crazy.
OK, LOREN, THIS SPYING THING IS GETTING REALLY, REALLY CREEPY. Now she is spying on her mother and her mother's best friend talking to Jarred. Jarred jerks back whenever the best friend lights her lighter. Interesting.
The woman was a prostitute whose street name was Carla! Good times!
Loren jumps straight to searching for werewolf information. I'd say this was too fast, but I'm kind of enjoying the fast pace.
Also, she's very thorough. She has notes and print-outs and has all this memorized. It's lovely.
Um, Loren, honey, I don't think Carla was in a trance when she was making out with the werewolf. You've not had a lot of experience with good sex, huh?
Loren brings her friend in on it and they make an anonymous tip call to the cops. Then Angie wants to run off and meet up with her boyfriend.
Loren eats pizza in a very angry way. It's kind of cute, actually. What is not cute is how she is obsessed with watching this guy out her window. Though this is kind of a nice Rear Window type thing.
Loren keeps getting caught watching him. And now she's hearing the weird voices again.
So much for Angie being such a great friend. She completely leaves to go hook up with her boyfriend even though Loren tells her she's really afraid. But obviously not that afraid because now she's trying to break into Werewolf's house, despite Hound of Hell.
Loren finds a human eye in the stew and now Werewolf is back and she's stuck in the house. She sprays something above the kitchen door, a warning to the woman he's brought home (later we find out it says "He Will Kill You") and he gets pissed.
He is using the skin from the throat of a hanged man to change when it's not the full moon. (This is why the sex offender was killed, though I thought he was dead before he was hung, if he was hung, so I don't see how this will work.)
Loren is now having dreams of Jarred, him calling her out into the night, him calling her Melissa, him being in her bedroom. They are very menacing and very sexy at the same time.
The werewolf is hunting kids making out in a car. Of course it's sexy friend Angie and of course she sends the boyfriend out to see if anyone is there. Of course the boyfriend dies and then she does, too. She does take her heels off to run, but then she looks back and is frozen in place. Of course Angie dies. The sexual girl in a horror movie. Can we be done with this trope yet?
Loren is a bossy older sister much like Elena is. I like it. She's desperately trying to protect her brother.
Loren has werewolf movies "for a school project," or so she tells the cops. Hee. Of course the cops know Angie used the phone to call in an anonymous tip about Jarred. Loren's creepy stalking has been noticed by the cops. Awesome.
The cops are both men of color. I like that, though in this movie, they're likely to end up dead. Also, they let Loren go with them when they go investigate. That doesn't seem normal.
Now she's told Jarred, "I know what you are." And she's called him a werewolf in front of the cops. Yeah, I don't see this going over so well, honey. Didn't you watch those movies you rented? No one ever believes you.
"You made a magic charm from the skin on the neck of that pervert guy." Oh, Loren, sweetie. Sweetie. You are not sounding so believable right now.
Loren's watching the movies now. You know, Loren, I have werewolf movie marathons all the time. Want to join me?
The food delivery guy: I heard your friend's missing.
Loren: She's dead. *hands him money* Keep the change.
I think I love Loren.
Also, she's supposed to be a vegetarian but now she's craving meat. Is she supposed to be Melissa reincarnated? Is she somehow turning into a werewolf even though she's not been bitten or scratched? I'm intrigued by this. Also, she ordered chicken because she's craving meat. YUM. Good choice, Loren. I'll watch werewolf movies with you and eat chicken any day!
Wow. Loren's in her bedroom talking to Delivery Guy about Jarred being a werewolf and Jarred can hear her all the way in his house. Nice! (Steven from the description is not her friend, he's her brother's friend who has a serious crush on her. Also, he's kind of cute.)
I love how Loren is so open about her werewolf theory. She even talks about it in the gun shop.
Oh, the werewolf brings his Hound of Hell in as a seeing eye dog.
Steven talks about the gun that Linda Hamilton used in Terminator II. Love it.
Werewolf is not subtle. He sends Hound of Hell to get the competition and then shoves people out of the way to go join him. Hound of Hell messed up though and bit the hand of the wrong guy first.
Hercules shot the Hound of Hell! DUDE! (Okay, Okay, Redd.) DUDE. The Hound of Hell then shakes off its skin and becomes a demon dog. THIS MOVIE IS AWESOME WITH ITS LACK OF SUBTLETY. AWESOME as hell.
Oh, man, Loren is a BADASS. She not only gets a gun down, she then loads it with silver bullets (keychains on sale) and then shoots the hell out of the Hound of Hell. BAD ASS.
This is quite possibly my new favorite werewolf movie EVER.
Jarred bit Steven! And then Loren badasses again and shoots him with a crossbow.
Jarred's scared of fire. Nice. I wasn't sure if it was fire or silver in the lighter before, but now I know.
Redd is not an impressive hunter, he ducks and hides when Loren has to be a badass, but he also looks intrigued.
God, Loren is a badass! I can't get over how fantastic this is!
There's this weird background music sometimes that reminds me of Buffy's score.
Redd is on tv totally taking credit for Loren's awesomeness. Steven is now creepily sniffing Loren's hair.
Hahahaha. Loren: Big bad hunter? It's hard telling a cougar from a werewolf when you're hiding in terror.
OMG, yes, Loren is totally my new favorite hero!
Dude, apparently it's been at least a month since Jarred moved in because the next full moon is tonight and Loren's figured out that Steven will turn into a werewolf then. Though Jarred called him his new pet and that doesn't make a lot of sense if the pet was a Hound of Hell, a demon dog.
OMG, Loren, Steven is changing! HELLO! Wake up! Though he starts puking first, which is really disgusting and I could do without. Elena, you were so awesome for so long. Maybe you should run and not just stand there screaming.
I kinda love how Jarred is standing in his kitchen drinking a beer (very messily, actually), just listening to the horror next door.
Dude. Jarred makes weird noises when he walks into Loren's house. Almost like a cat. And then he says things like this: It's a full moon, want a beer? And, while pouring his beer out with the bottle at crotch level so it looks like he's pissing on the floor around Loren, Tread on another man's territory, you get bit.
Melissa was his wife and she died when she was about Loren's age. I'm hoping Loren kills him soon, because he's kind of a sexist asshole. I really hate when werewolves are sexist and so many people write them as if it's inevitable.
Loren continues to be a badass.
Loren: I know how to hurt you.
Jarred, smirking: How?
Loren: Modern sexual awareness. And soccer.
Then she knees him so hard he hits the floor.
Loren goes and finds Redd the Great Scared Hunter. It's awesome, the guilt trip she gives him. She's so fabulous perky when she tells Redd he doesn't even have to hunt Werewolf, she has his address. Loren is adorable.
And she watched his show! And is very upset to learn he's just an actor and it was all fake. Oh, Loren, you are about the most badass woman in a werewolf movie I've ever seen. How are you so awesome? HOW?
Oh no! Her brother has come home when he wasn't supposed to! Crap.
LOREN IS SO BADASS! She has this great montage to rock music where she makes silver-tipped bolts for the crossbow. SHE IS SO BADASS! (Though I am not sure I buy that they would still work. I am going to suspend my disbelief because she is so badass I have no choice. That is how badass and awesome she is.)
Steven is strangely only partially changed. It's weird.
Hey! Tiny cute little dog is still alive.
How does Loren know he's taken her brother? Her brother was supposed to be spending the night somewhere else. I am confused here.
She has a fantastic chain (I'm assuming silver) hanging from her belt. And a leather jacket. Kill the werewolf! Keep the motorcycle! Be awesome! (OMG her boots are fantastic too.)
Redd showed up to help her! And she's pretty tough when talking about what's actually going to hurt a werewolf.
Redd: We are not the hunters here. We're the prey.
And Loren doesn't care because her brother is upstairs and she's going to go get him. So I think there totally needs to be a crossover between this and Supernatural and I've maybe already started plotting it.
Werewolf: Well if it isn't Little Miss Riding Hood. Or is it supposed to be Robin Hood?
Werewolf: Do you really think you're going to kick the big bad wolf's ass?
As Loren shoots straight at his throat and he catches it. Nice.
I will be pissed if Redd ends up saving her ass. She's fought so hard. Oh, wait, Redd is busy with Steven the half-changed werewolf. They're playing fetch! I am giggling. I'll also be pretty pissed if Loren's brother saves her. Let Loren be a badass and save herself!
Creepy werewolf pervert tells her to take off her clothes. I'm not really sure what she's wearing under her leather jacket. It looks like a sports bra, but it's cut to show a lot of cleavage. Doesn't look like it would give her much support. Or it's a tank top with no waist. Either way, I'm not sure why she's wearing it. It looks nothing like everything else she wears.
Loren calls him a monster and he tells her, "No, you'll be better, stronger, faster. You'll live for an eternity and you'll never age."
What the hell is the music to this. I KNOW I've heard it before. Someone else needs to watch this movie and play name that tune, because I suck at this game and it's going to drive me crazy.
Damn it, camera person, stop angling the shot so we see his transformation and her boobs. Her boobs do not need to be on display.
She doesn't do frozen in fear very well at all. And I hate that she screams in fear and three guys rush to save her while she cries. DAMN IT. This was going so well, too.
Okay. Redd tosses Loren a branch as a torch and she's pretty badass and confident with it until he blows it out, which makes me snort with laughter. Then Redd shoots him and it disappears only to reappear at the tree Redd is hiding in. And it looks more like a bear than a werewolf.
Oooh, Loren is starting to change, too. Her brother argues with her about running and hiding and she snarls at him.
He's twisting her mind, messing with her and yet she's still fighting.
She shot him once with the crossbow and he's still coming. Twice, while fighting his mental influence! (She's really slow to reload the crossbow. And now Steven ran him over with a van. I'm pretty sure that's not enough to kill him, unless it drove the arrow deeper inside. Which I guess is what happened because he shifted back to human form. Hahahahaha. Not dead yet.
I'm gonna suck out your soul? Did you forget you're a werewolf?
Werewolf: Melissa.
Loren: Melissa's dead. Go join her.
And she shoots a silver piece of the gun down his throat. Which is completely illogical but basically awesome. And then his head explodes in blood. Death to all vampires werewolves.
Steven doesn't remember what happened, Loren kisses him, everyone seems to be back to normal, raise camera to the full moon, end movie.
Okay, so basically? BEST. WEREWOLF. MOVIE. EVER. And Loren is my new favorite character. So badass.