Probably more to say but this is what I can get out right now.
To say that this year has been hard would be an understatement of insane proportions. It started with so much promise; it was a different life really. The one I’m living now is totally not the one I started this year with. Sometimes I want that life back, a lot of the time I don’t , but it’s hard not to miss it. I was in a successful relationship, I was about to become a father, I had friends and family, I had a good job, I was happy and secure within myself. To say it was all peaches and cream would be a lie and me simply glorifying something that I no longer have. But from the outside it must have seemed quite idyllic.
I’ve struggled with why my friends, many of whom I had been friends with my entire adult life deserted me. People, who were important to me, people who were involved in projects with me.
One of those projects was The Question of Unusual Size. This was a podcast that we did and ran for about 6 months, there were about 16 episodes each one focused on a different “Big Question” like immortality, God, diffused aluminium siding, things like that. It was originally going to be called “The Big Question” but that name was taken for some kind of DIY show in the US. I thought of it, I wrote it, I picked the topics, I produced and edited it, payed for it, I was over-protective of it and I organised it. It would be stupid to undervalue the contributions of the other two (sometimes three) presenters because without them there would be no show. But in so far as I can say that something was mine, it was mine. And I was proud of it, there were certainly worse podcasts out there and it was getting better all the time as we learned new things, what worked, what didn’t, why certain people need to be trained not to thump a table in an audio-medium, how to make something like this listen able, how to edit things down smoothly and how to kill the bits you love because they need to be killed and how to produce 45 minutes of entertaining podcast. I wasn't quite there yet but it was coming.
We had guests, we had a small but loyal following and I thought that things were going great. We had great feedback and people seemed to find it funny.
This week I let the domain lapse. I simply couldn't justify the expense of keeping the site operating if there really was no show and was going to be no show in the foreseeable future. And so it’s dead, another thing I was invested in, proud of and something that I had built with my own hands ground to dust because other people……..yeah well.
And it’s a fairly public shaming, I’ve been dealing with e-mails for the last couple of months of people asking where it is, what’s happening and when is it coming back. And now I’m dealing with people going “Hey your site is down”. And I have no idea what to say to them. Each one hurts.
Some of you might be wondering why I’ve been so down in the last week, soooo grumpy.
Part of it is certainly that things suck right now. That there’s a lot on my mind, I’m lonely, sad and more than a little depressed.
But this is the main reason right now I would think and I didn't even realise it, I just feel gutted that this is over and I don’t have any idea how to replace it in my life.
I’ve struggled with why my friends, many of whom I had been friends with my entire adult life deserted me. People, who were important to me, people who were involved in projects with me.
One of those projects was The Question of Unusual Size. This was a podcast that we did and ran for about 6 months, there were about 16 episodes each one focused on a different “Big Question” like immortality, God, diffused aluminium siding, things like that. It was originally going to be called “The Big Question” but that name was taken for some kind of DIY show in the US. I thought of it, I wrote it, I picked the topics, I produced and edited it, payed for it, I was over-protective of it and I organised it. It would be stupid to undervalue the contributions of the other two (sometimes three) presenters because without them there would be no show. But in so far as I can say that something was mine, it was mine. And I was proud of it, there were certainly worse podcasts out there and it was getting better all the time as we learned new things, what worked, what didn’t, why certain people need to be trained not to thump a table in an audio-medium, how to make something like this listen able, how to edit things down smoothly and how to kill the bits you love because they need to be killed and how to produce 45 minutes of entertaining podcast. I wasn't quite there yet but it was coming.
We had guests, we had a small but loyal following and I thought that things were going great. We had great feedback and people seemed to find it funny.
This week I let the domain lapse. I simply couldn't justify the expense of keeping the site operating if there really was no show and was going to be no show in the foreseeable future. And so it’s dead, another thing I was invested in, proud of and something that I had built with my own hands ground to dust because other people……..yeah well.
And it’s a fairly public shaming, I’ve been dealing with e-mails for the last couple of months of people asking where it is, what’s happening and when is it coming back. And now I’m dealing with people going “Hey your site is down”. And I have no idea what to say to them. Each one hurts.
Some of you might be wondering why I’ve been so down in the last week, soooo grumpy.
Part of it is certainly that things suck right now. That there’s a lot on my mind, I’m lonely, sad and more than a little depressed.
But this is the main reason right now I would think and I didn't even realise it, I just feel gutted that this is over and I don’t have any idea how to replace it in my life.