Going to distract myself from EoM for a while.
I remember how someone mentioned during choir farewell that she did not want to join choir again in JC because she wanted to keep her memories of SC choir in their purest, most unadulterated form, or something along those lines. At that point of time I did not comprehend what she was talking about.
But now I think I get it.
All this came to my head while I was commenting on vodkalimey's post (which brought back a lot of memories, by the way; it was one amazing recount). And what I came to realise was that things are never going to be the same as they used to be. In fact, they already certainly are not. The moment I stepped into the HC compound that February morning I knew was being totally displaced from a familiar second-home of an environment to some foreign brown territory. I did want to go to HC really badly for a long time, but well I still couldn't help feeling somewhat uncomfortable, knowing that I was going to have to start right from square one in some other world. The SC population there didn't help; the environment change was too overwhelming and ridiculously significant.
That dragged on through Orientation. Certainly the biggest factor at play was the IP population. Of course it's not their fault they know each other already, but you can't deny that it makes a totally new non-IP student a wee bit out of place. Certainly that was very different. Sure I found friends, slowly but I did anyway. But well, I couldn't talk to them the way I used to talk to classmates and schoolmates in SC. But of course I don't deny that their company was nevertheless enjoyable and very much appreciated.
But my point is that surely it was different. When I went home and reflected upon the day (well those were the days I actually had the free time to do that) I couldn't help but think about how the day would have been in the SC environment, as an SC student, with SC friends and so on and so forth. I had not let go of certain things.
Then I left my OG and met my CT. Okay I didn't write an emo entry about it but I remember how the second day with S62 left me feeling rather empty, because I felt like after two days I just couldn't connect with the class (I mean come on approximately eighteen of them were pretty well acquainted with each other - and no I don't mean Shi Jia being acquainted with himself/selves) and even amongst the girls we were still split up and come on there were only six of us. Pairs based on school some more. To me, it was pretty much just vodkalimey and me versus HC. Fortunately things picked up with our flag (yeah the very *cough* pretty flag) and our pwnage!gay!dance and our cheer and by campfire we were zi-highing as one 09S62. And it got me on a good high. It felt great, liberating, refreshing.
But it is still undeniable that S62 wasn't, and isn't, and will certainly never be like 4PR.
But no, not in a bad way. Certainly not. More like in the same way an apple will never be like an orange. But that doesn't make the apple any less desirable than the orange or vice-versa. They're just, well, different, precisely because each experience is so unique and special and deserves its own place in my memory.
And this is where I came to the realisation why it's so important to keep your memories distinguished and miss them for what can never be repeated. This is what it means to keep your experiences pure and unadulterated, so that you can remember them for what they just were, and they hence become precious in those ways that they were and other experiences just cannot be. It's not that other experiences can't match up to them. It's just that different memories fulfil varying functions in your life. Now if every memory were to repeat each other's occurrences, what would be special? What would be memorable? What would be precious? What would be treasure?
Also because it's just human tendency to really, really treasure something until they disappear from the realm of reality.
I realised I love 4PR and S62 for entirely different reasons, which is why I cannot compare for which my love is greater. It won't be fair. Like how you can't compare an apple with an orange to say which is better because they're just different. And actually to think about it I can't really put to words why I love each one. It's just that I get a different sort of happy feeling when I think of each. Plus, to some extent, the fact that I have a feeling that my vocabulary bank is rotting like nobody's business now and needs some serious reviving. But well my point is that you just can't compare the two and say which you will miss more. Or at least I can't. Because I foresee I'm going to be S62-sick too later on.
Well, anyway, another good thing about missing things, besides knowing that each memory is special, is that you know that you did have that wonderful thing in your life. You know that you were indeed blessed to have it and it wasn't all some dream that you woke up from. You know that it was all real. Once upon a time, yes, but it certainly wasn't a fairytale.
But now I think I get it.
All this came to my head while I was commenting on vodkalimey's post (which brought back a lot of memories, by the way; it was one amazing recount). And what I came to realise was that things are never going to be the same as they used to be. In fact, they already certainly are not. The moment I stepped into the HC compound that February morning I knew was being totally displaced from a familiar second-home of an environment to some foreign brown territory. I did want to go to HC really badly for a long time, but well I still couldn't help feeling somewhat uncomfortable, knowing that I was going to have to start right from square one in some other world. The SC population there didn't help; the environment change was too overwhelming and ridiculously significant.
That dragged on through Orientation. Certainly the biggest factor at play was the IP population. Of course it's not their fault they know each other already, but you can't deny that it makes a totally new non-IP student a wee bit out of place. Certainly that was very different. Sure I found friends, slowly but I did anyway. But well, I couldn't talk to them the way I used to talk to classmates and schoolmates in SC. But of course I don't deny that their company was nevertheless enjoyable and very much appreciated.
But my point is that surely it was different. When I went home and reflected upon the day (well those were the days I actually had the free time to do that) I couldn't help but think about how the day would have been in the SC environment, as an SC student, with SC friends and so on and so forth. I had not let go of certain things.
Then I left my OG and met my CT. Okay I didn't write an emo entry about it but I remember how the second day with S62 left me feeling rather empty, because I felt like after two days I just couldn't connect with the class (I mean come on approximately eighteen of them were pretty well acquainted with each other - and no I don't mean Shi Jia being acquainted with himself/selves) and even amongst the girls we were still split up and come on there were only six of us. Pairs based on school some more. To me, it was pretty much just vodkalimey and me versus HC. Fortunately things picked up with our flag (yeah the very *cough* pretty flag) and our pwnage!gay!dance and our cheer and by campfire we were zi-highing as one 09S62. And it got me on a good high. It felt great, liberating, refreshing.
But it is still undeniable that S62 wasn't, and isn't, and will certainly never be like 4PR.
But no, not in a bad way. Certainly not. More like in the same way an apple will never be like an orange. But that doesn't make the apple any less desirable than the orange or vice-versa. They're just, well, different, precisely because each experience is so unique and special and deserves its own place in my memory.
And this is where I came to the realisation why it's so important to keep your memories distinguished and miss them for what can never be repeated. This is what it means to keep your experiences pure and unadulterated, so that you can remember them for what they just were, and they hence become precious in those ways that they were and other experiences just cannot be. It's not that other experiences can't match up to them. It's just that different memories fulfil varying functions in your life. Now if every memory were to repeat each other's occurrences, what would be special? What would be memorable? What would be precious? What would be treasure?
Also because it's just human tendency to really, really treasure something until they disappear from the realm of reality.
I realised I love 4PR and S62 for entirely different reasons, which is why I cannot compare for which my love is greater. It won't be fair. Like how you can't compare an apple with an orange to say which is better because they're just different. And actually to think about it I can't really put to words why I love each one. It's just that I get a different sort of happy feeling when I think of each. Plus, to some extent, the fact that I have a feeling that my vocabulary bank is rotting like nobody's business now and needs some serious reviving. But well my point is that you just can't compare the two and say which you will miss more. Or at least I can't. Because I foresee I'm going to be S62-sick too later on.
Well, anyway, another good thing about missing things, besides knowing that each memory is special, is that you know that you did have that wonderful thing in your life. You know that you were indeed blessed to have it and it wasn't all some dream that you woke up from. You know that it was all real. Once upon a time, yes, but it certainly wasn't a fairytale.