(no subject)
i have never seen my father cry or do anything to betray his emotions. last night (in the midst of boiling the lontong) i called home, to seek everyone's forgiveness, in light that life is too short, seeing that my neighbour passed away only last week. it was the first time, in 20 years, i heard my father's voice break, telling me that he was so proud that i was managing and living independently on my own without my parents supervising, making my own decisions and being responsible. he never looked at me the same after what happened so many years ago, when he told me i was a disappointment. i worked really hard to stay in his good books. sometimes i succeeded, sometimes i failed. i could never tell if he was angry, upset, proud or happy most of the time. he always kept his anger in. i guess that is where i get that from. keeping the anger in so i don't seem weak in everyone's eyes. i did remember a few days before i left, my mother pulled me aside and said 'could you do the budget faster? your father is extremely worried because you're his baby and you're travelling alone for the first time. he doesn't know how to ask you because you're always so stressed packing and planning what to pack. so he's left you alone but he is worried.' i felt so stupid, because i never saw things in his eyes before.
so last night, in the first time of my life, my father cried, and i could do nothing but cry with him. i was not a daddy's girl, i am not now. but last night, at 8.15pm, i felt like i was his little baby once more.
so last night, in the first time of my life, my father cried, and i could do nothing but cry with him. i was not a daddy's girl, i am not now. but last night, at 8.15pm, i felt like i was his little baby once more.