fic: Natural Progression, NC-17
Title: Natural Progression
Pairing: Michael Johns/David Cook
Rating: NC-17 because of two paragraphs, the rest is PG-13
Summary: Michael thinks about his relationship with David--the ups and the downs. Inspired by the Death Cab for Cutie song Brothers on a Hotel Bed
Author's Note: This is a work of fiction, and I do not own the boys. This has been sitting around for two weeks, and I'm still not happy with it. But, alas, I thought I should share. Un-betaed and about 4000 words long.
If he thinks hard enough, Michael can remember the exact moment he laid eyes on David Cook.
He remembers silly things like the kind of shoes the younger man was wearing, the way his hair was disheveled from a long plane ride, and the color of his shirt. Michael thinks back to the way David scanned the large hotel lobby, and how their eyes met from across the room. He recalls the way the younger man’s hips swayed softly with each step; the friendly smile is forever engraved in his memory.
“Hi, I’m David.”
“Michael Johns.”
David flashed that smile again, “I thought this was American Idol.”
“Us Aussies are planning on taking over the world; we need to start small.”
*****
After Hollywood week, they spent much of their free time talking--Michael had the cellphone bill to prove it.
“How’s home treating you?”
“Been spending a lot of time with my family. Oh, and making up for the free time I know won’t exist after I get back to California. What have you been up to?”
“Oh the usual, lounging around the house playing X-box and pissing off the wife all at the same time. She made me get off my butt to paint and rearrange our living room the other day. I don’t know what it is with women and their goddamned floral prints.” Michael smirked when he heard the other man snort.
“I’ve given up on understanding the female population. They make no sense.”
“They are good for one thing...”
“Cooking and sex?”
“I was going to go with laundry and cuddling, but sure, those work just as well.”
David laughed only to stop when he heard someone calling his name. “Shit, I gotta get going. I have a family send off I need to get ready for.”
“Have fun. I’ll see you tomorrow, I guess.”
“Night, Mike.”
He couldn’t shake the empty feeling in his stomach as he hung up the phone; he wondered to himself what things David was good for. He decided sex would be on that list as well; it also included midnight serenades and a lack of floral decor.
*****
Their first kiss came upon their return to Los Angeles.
During dinner, the sound of thunder caused all the contestant’s heads to look up from their plates of lasagna. The storm moved closer, and strong gusts blew around trees and power lines; they lost power within minutes. Chairs shuffled as they blindly made their way through the kitchen looking for flashlights and candles.
Slowly, everyone abandoned their dishes in the sink and walked around trying to find something to pass the time that did not involve electricity. David grabbed a candle and turned to Michael, “Feel like playing guitar? Closest thing we have to guitar hero at the moment.”
“Sure.” He followed David up the stairs to the room they shared. The candle was placed in the center of the room; David leaned against the bed while Michael sat cross legged in the middle of the room. Their guitars lay untouched in the corner as they began talking about silly things like the idiotic group numbers and the next prank to play on Jason while he slept.
Michael saw David flinch as the next wave of thunder shook the house, “not a fan of thunderstorms.” Michael could see him blush, even in the dim light; he reached over and rested his hand on David’s thigh hoping to comfort him.
David glanced up and stared into Michael’s dark eyes; the moment felt like it came straight out of one of those made for TV movies they watched together on Lifetime to get a good laugh. They moved closer as lips timidly met; David nibbled on Michael’s bottom lip softly. Moans escaped, and tongues met half way. Kisses became more eager as the storm continued outside.
“Well...” David pulled away first.
“Well.”
“Wanna raid the fridge before the ice cream melts?”
Michael wanted to address the situation, but instead got up and followed his friend down the stairs to share a pint of Half Baked.
*****
Michael will never forget the first night they spent together.
David sat up in the dark and turned towards the sleeping man to his right, “Mike, you up?”
“Mmm, am now.”
“Sorry, it can wait until morning.”
“If it was important enough...” He heard the rustle of sheets and careful footsteps heading in his direction. Michael looked up in time to see David sit down at the edge of his bed.
“What’s bothering ya, mate?”
“Last week...”
“Look, don’t mention it. Things like that happen.”
“I think about it a lot.” Michael swallowed the lump in his throat and urged the younger man to continue. “I don’t know what’s going on between us, but...I don’t know. There was something there,” David stared off into the dark, refusing to make eye contact with Michael.
“I know what you mean.” The older man reached out and pulled David into a hug, “Come here. I’m tired.”
He saw his friend smirk as he allowed himself to fall softly onto the mattress next to Michael. Their bodies shifted to fit together, and eventually steady breathing lured both of them back to sleep.
*****
The first time they did something that was more than kissing, Michael knew their relationship was something special.
“You sure about this?”
“Just, please, I need this. I need you.”
Michael looked straight into David’s eyes before turning the other man over softly. He rubbed small circles around David’s entrance before pushing in slowly. David hissed, and Michael withdrew.
“Michael...”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Please, just fuck me. It’s going to hurt no matter what.”
With that, he slid in two slicked fingers and began to scissor them, stretching the younger man. As soon as he was satisfied, he lined himself up and pushed in slowly; David twitched. “Michael Johns, don’t you dare pull out again.”
The older man smiled and rubbed small circles on David’s backbone and he began to thrust slowly. David moaned into the pillow; Michael pushed in harder. Both men were panting, and both were reaching their climax.
“David, I’m gonna...” The orgasm overtook his body and he began to shudder. He felt David spill over onto his hand. It had never felt this good before.
*****
David was the first one to whisper I love you.
They had been exhausted after a day of rehearsals and a Ford commercial shoot. Both of them lay in bed watching reruns of CSI. Michael’s hands absentmindedly stroked David’s arm as he focused on the television show.
“I love you.” Michael looked down to see the other man staring at him; he held David closer, “Love you too.”
They’d kiss through commercials and pull apart when the show came back on. Five episodes later, they were slowly drifting off. Michael gave up on finding out who the miniature killer was when he heard David snoring softly next to him.
He turned the TV off and situated himself, trying not to wake the other man.
“Night, Dave.” He noted how easy it was to be with David--how comfortable he felt.
*****
Sometimes they fought. Sometimes Michael would yell; occasionally David would cry.
“Look, I can’t change the fact that I am married.” Michael hissed, keeping his voice down so none of the remaining contestants would hear.
“You easily could and you know it, you won’t is more like it.”
“Well what the fuck am I supposed to do, David?”
“Run away with me...”
“Because, you know that is completely and utterly the logical thing to do! This isn’t some sort of chick flick we are living. This is real life; there are other people involved. There are real lives at stake, real feelings.” Michael ran his fingers through his hair and let out a long sigh, “I just...”
“You don’t even love her, and you know it.”
“I do...but it’s completely different than what I feel for you. I love you both.” He stared at his shoes, noticing the wear and tear; he focused on how dirty his once white laces had become.
“I’m here Mike, not on the floor.”
“Would you just... I don’t know Dave.”
“Do you love me?”
“Why the hell do you keep questioning this all of a sudden?”
“Because it doesn’t feel like it. You are always with her, always talking to her on the phone.”
“Well, she is my wife.”
“I wish she wasn’t.”
“I know. I wish it was different too.”
The tension in the room lifted; they looked at each other, both of their eyes filled with sadness and disappointment.
*****
Sometimes Michael would let his guard down.
“I don’t want to leave Dave. I want to stay here with you.” Michael sank into David’s embrace, defeated.
“I don’t want you to leave either...”
“Fucking America. Who the hell votes for Kristy, seriously?” David laughed and squeezed tighter.
“It will be alright, it’s not like you live that far away from here.”
Tears fell, running down Michael’s cheek slowly before landing on David’s t-shirt.
“Mikey, don’t cry...”
“I don’t want to go home. She isn’t you.” He was nervous about going leaving his idol home and returning to a life that seemed so foreign now. The curves, the hair, the smell and everything about Stacey was wrong in his mind--because they weren’t David.
The younger man sighed. “Come on, we gotta get going. They’re all waiting for you at the restaurant. You can’t skip your goodbye dinner.” He slowly got up and pulled the Australian up with him. As soon as they were both standing, David placed small kisses on Michael’s cheek, his lips and his neck “It’s going to be okay.”
Michael believed him.
*****
Michael smiles when he thinks about the time David slipped out of rehearsals early to meet him at his apartment.
As soon as he heard the knock, he was running to the door and pulling it open.
“Hey, Dave.” He could not hide the smile on his face if he tried.
“Hey to you.” David stepped inside and slowly pulled off his jacket and placed his sunglasses on the kitchen table.
“What do you want to do?” David leaned on the counter and waited for Michael to join him in the kitchen.
You. He walked up to Dave and kissed him softly at first; his hands roamed the body he had memorized. Their kiss deepened and outer layers of clothing were discarded throughout the kitchen and living room.
“Where’s Stacey?”
“Visiting her parents for the weekend.” Michael looked up and gave the younger man a mischievous grin. With that, they were pulling off any remaining clothing and clumsily walking towards the bedroom. They only pulled apart for Michael to rummage through the night-stand drawer for lube. After, they stayed wrapped in each other’s arms until a phone call from an angry producer forced the two apart.
The next day, Stacey came home to see Michael doing laundry. “Someone playing house wife?”
“Yah, I guess you could say that Stace,” he smiled at her as he shoved in the last of the sheets that still smelled of sweat and sex.
*****
Being on tour meant they could spend as much time as they wanted together.
Michael made up excuses to touch David when the other idols were around--”you have an eyelash on your cheek.” He didn’t need excuses when they were alone, instead he’d push the other man against walls, onto couches and into bunks or hotel beds. He’d stare at the other man from backstage during his performances; he’d be by David’s side for group numbers. Their days off were spent together at golf courses, restaurants, and their hotel room.
They would hold back moans as the other boys slept through long bus rides between cities; hands would roams, hold, pinch and stroke. They’d fall asleep in each other’s arms, not caring that the bunks were made for one person; somehow they always managed to fit. They always made sure to be the first ones up, climbing back into the right bunk so no one would suspect anything was going on between them.
They’d sit next to each other while playing cards or their personal favorite, Apples to Apples, with the other guys; their thighs would rub together with every bump the bus hit. Michael would sometimes lean on David, because that’s what friends did sometimes; all David could think about was the friction and the smell of strawberry shampoo in the Australian's hair. Michael loved David’s reaction--the other man would grip his cards tightly trying to refrain from running his fingers through the Australian’s hair and over his clothed skin.
*****
The last day of the tour, Michael could barely hold his excitement in.
“How’s it feel to be back in Tulsa?” He climbed onto the bus to see David sitting in the back concentrating on something on his computer screen.
“Kinda surreal, actually. To go from playing at bars to this...”
“I have a present!” Michael interrupted, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet.
“Spit it out, Johns.”
“Here.” He handed over a manilla envelope which David accepted with a questioning look.
“What is it?”
“Just open it.”
“Really outdid yourself on the wrapping,” David undid the metal clips and pulled out a small stack of papers and began to scan them. His tone changed from joking to completely serious within seconds. “Is this...?”
“The divorce will be finalized in a week, it’s not like it was working out anyway. Plus, this is what I want...what I’ve wanted.”
“You’re such a girl sometimes.”
“Perfect, won’t be so different then.” David rolled his eyes and mentioned for his lover to join him on the couch.
“I love you, ya goof.”
*****
After the tour, Michael still spent most of his time with David. He’d wait around during press and listen in while he recorded in the studio.
David looked up at Michael as he made his way through the kitchen, knowing exactly where everything he wanted was.
“You’re here enough, why don’t you just move in already. Might save you a lot of money seeing as that apartment of yours is going to waste.”
“Yah?”
“Johns, you sleep here almost every night. You even have your own damn sink. All ya need is to get the rest of your crap here--not like it hasn’t been migrating over for the past few months anyway.”
Michael stared at the tile floor and pushed the newly poured cereal around in his bowl.
“Mikey, don’t even pretend to play it off like there is some internal conflict going on in that head of yours. You know you want to say yes.”
“If I must,” he rolled his eyes at the other man.
“Oh shut up and take the damn key.” David threw the piece of metal across the room; it landed in Michael’s cereal with a splash.
“Good thing my new apartment has a washing machine, eh?”
*****
Michael would sometimes get jealous of all the time he didn’t get to spend with his boyfriend.
“Studio?”
“Yah, I’m really sorry. I have one more song to work on. It’s almost finished.” David quickly walked across the room and placed a soft kiss on the other man’s cheek, “I’ll be back in time for dinner.”
With that, he was gone. Michael had nothing to do; he was in that awkward phase between albums where there was no press, no photo shoots and no recording. He finally had a whole week to himself--himself being the key word.
He flipped through the five hundred channels, finding nothing to keep him entertained. He pulled out a puzzle and began to fit the pieces together only to get frustrated at the fact an edge piece was missing. He picked up one of David’s crossword books, and put it down five minutes later not finding words amusing. Finally he took out his guitar and tried to write. He frowned at the fact the words he penned were all about being lonely.
*****
Little things reminded Michael of why he fell in love with the other man to begin with.
“Wake up.”
“Mumph, too early. The fucking sun isn’t even out yet.”
“That’s the point. Now, get up you lazy bum.”
“Seriously Dave, can’t it wait until at least eight?”
“Nope.” Michael winced as he felt the covers being pulled off his body; he instinctively curled up in a tiny ball trying to retain the warmth the blankets had provided.
“No more sleeping Michael Johns.” David was pulling the Australian’s arms.
“Okay, okay. No need to dislocate my shoulder. Now what is so important?”
“The sun is going to rise in five minutes according to the weather people. I haven’t watched a sun rise in the longest time.”
David led the older man to their balcony where they sat on metal chairs in silence, watching the orange glow of the sun as it rose higher above the Los Angeles skyline. Their fingers were interlocked; David rubbed small circles on Michael’s palm with his thumb.
“We should move out of the city.”
“Where?”
“Somewhere secluded where there isn’t all this commotion and traffic and smog. Somewhere peaceful.”
“Iowa?”
“Too secluded," David paused for a few moments. "No, I was thinking of just getting a house in the suburbs. Maybe near the ocean. We don’t have to, though.”
“It’s a good idea.”
“Good,” David threw a realtor’s magazine into Michael’s lap. The house circled had a view of the ocean; Michael noticed how the picture chosen depicted a perfect sunrise.
“I’m glad I had some say in this,” he squeezed David’s hand and continued to watch the sun peak up from behind the tall buildings.
******
Michael can vividly remember the first time he really got annoyed with David.
“You promised you would have the weekend off for us to do whatever we wanted,” Michael pouted from his corner of the room.
“You of all people know what this stupid contract entails. I can’t just get out of it, and when they want me, I have to go. It’s not like the whole weekend will be wasted.”
“But it will, because once they pull you into that damn building, you don’t come out for days until they are fully satisfied with whatever they want.”
“It’s my job Mikey, I can’t just not go!”
“This weekend was special. I was even going to try making that recipe for you. It’s been three years this weekend. I wanted to spend it together.”
“Three years? I completly forgot.”
“Like always.”
“Really now, I didn’t know you cared about things like that.”
“Well I do, especially when it’s some one I really care about.”
The shrill sound of David’s ring tone forced the two of them to stop arguing. “Look, I have to leave. Why don’t you come to the city with me and we can get a nice hotel room and try to salvage the weekend.”
Michael made an all too familiar face where he’d scrunch his nose and get lost in thought; David knew it meant that the other man was beyond annoyed.
“Forget it. I’ll stay here. You’re too busy for me.”
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me, right? I’m just trying to do the right thing and make this right. I don’t want you sulking here when I know you want to spend time with me.” David walked over and placed a hand on Michael’s shoulder.
“No, I really don’t want to go.”
David looked down, hurt and confused. “Well, then I guess I’ll get going.” He grabbed his car keys and was out the door within minutes.
Michael placed the velvet box on the kitchen counter and took out a TV dinner before settling down onto the couch.
*****
David always makes it up to Michael, and Michael loves him for it.
“Hey, I’m home.” David walked through the door cautiously, looking around the room for any sign of Michael.
“Office!” David shrugged off his jacket and made his way up the stairs to see Michael staring at a word document.
“What are you working on?”
“More lyrics.”
“Here, this is for you.” David held out a rather large box; Michael smiled at the new vest and matching ascot.
“You are too much.” he pressed print and handed the paper to David. “Here’s your gift.”
“Please tell me it’s not some angsty emo song explaining your utter hatred of a man you used to love.”
“Not exactly.” David read through the lyrics before reaching a little graphic at the bottom.
“Illustrating your lyrics now?”
“Look at it.” David inspected the picture closely and saw it was a box that held a golden ring.
“Now you know why I got so mad.”
“Mikey, I’m so sorry. I really missed you, if that means anything.” David leaned down and placed small kisses on Michael’s lips. “Forgive me?”
“As long as you promise to be with me forever and ever.”
“Deal.” He took the box from Michael’s hand and placed the ring on his finger.
“Come on, I’ll find that Thai chicken recipe you love so much.”
Michael could never stay mad at David for long.
*****
Still, Michael doesn’t remember when life became a routine for the two of them.
Michael would usually get up before David, he’d slip out of bed and walk towards the bathroom as quietly as possible. He always looked at his reflection first, noticing new wrinkles and the bags under his eyes. It had been three years since the two of them appeared on the reality show; wear and tear from the industry was evident on both men.
He’d shower, and by the time he was finished, David would be waiting with a towel. As soon as Michael got out, the younger man would step into the already running water.
They’d sit at the kitchen table, each gripping a hot mug of coffee. David would concentrate on a crossword as Michael watched the news. Sometimes they would talk, but for the most part they would sit in a comfortable silence. They’d finish cereal, and each would retreat to home offices and recording studios. Neither ever stopped working; both were in desperate need of a vacation.
They would always talk through dinner; Michael loved how David insisted on cooking for the two of them. Over the years, he had collected many cookbooks, and he had become an excellent cook in the process. Michael would always joke if the singing thing ended up failing, he could at least find work as a chef.
They never talked about music, instead they brought up stories about old friends that called or family they wished they had time to see. They would make plans about vacations, only to be forgotten the second Michael turned on the dishwasher.
At night, they would lie in bed; Michael would spend hours staring at the ceiling thinking about David. The passion had died down, and the they had lost their spark somewhere along the way. He’d think back to all he had given up to get to this point--his wife and a life of normalcy. He’d wonder what it would be like had he stayed with Stacey; he would always think about the perfect family he was supposed to have full of screaming kids and a family pet.
Some nights, he would pace the room, a suitcase in one hand, walking back and forth wondering if he was willing to walk away. Ultimately, he’d tuck the luggage back in the closet and climb back into bed. Some nights he would stare at David’s back and wonder if he still loved the man or if he was too afraid to be alone after all this time. He’d remember the laughs they used to share, and the sex he wished they still had and the time they made for each other no matter what their schedules were like.
“What are you thinking about?”
Michael was immediately pulled from his thoughts when the other man whispered into the darkness. “Us.”
“Oh.” David’s eyes looked hurt, like he knew exactly what had been troubling the other man.
“I love you, Mike. You know that right?”
“Love you too.” He pulled David closer and waited for his breathing to even out. He thought about couples, and love, and getting older. He finally came to the conclusion that this was what love was supposed to be like; it’s the natural progression of the unexplainable emotion. The thought eased him to sleep.
Pairing: Michael Johns/David Cook
Rating: NC-17 because of two paragraphs, the rest is PG-13
Summary: Michael thinks about his relationship with David--the ups and the downs. Inspired by the Death Cab for Cutie song Brothers on a Hotel Bed
Author's Note: This is a work of fiction, and I do not own the boys. This has been sitting around for two weeks, and I'm still not happy with it. But, alas, I thought I should share. Un-betaed and about 4000 words long.
If he thinks hard enough, Michael can remember the exact moment he laid eyes on David Cook.
He remembers silly things like the kind of shoes the younger man was wearing, the way his hair was disheveled from a long plane ride, and the color of his shirt. Michael thinks back to the way David scanned the large hotel lobby, and how their eyes met from across the room. He recalls the way the younger man’s hips swayed softly with each step; the friendly smile is forever engraved in his memory.
“Hi, I’m David.”
“Michael Johns.”
David flashed that smile again, “I thought this was American Idol.”
“Us Aussies are planning on taking over the world; we need to start small.”
*****
After Hollywood week, they spent much of their free time talking--Michael had the cellphone bill to prove it.
“How’s home treating you?”
“Been spending a lot of time with my family. Oh, and making up for the free time I know won’t exist after I get back to California. What have you been up to?”
“Oh the usual, lounging around the house playing X-box and pissing off the wife all at the same time. She made me get off my butt to paint and rearrange our living room the other day. I don’t know what it is with women and their goddamned floral prints.” Michael smirked when he heard the other man snort.
“I’ve given up on understanding the female population. They make no sense.”
“They are good for one thing...”
“Cooking and sex?”
“I was going to go with laundry and cuddling, but sure, those work just as well.”
David laughed only to stop when he heard someone calling his name. “Shit, I gotta get going. I have a family send off I need to get ready for.”
“Have fun. I’ll see you tomorrow, I guess.”
“Night, Mike.”
He couldn’t shake the empty feeling in his stomach as he hung up the phone; he wondered to himself what things David was good for. He decided sex would be on that list as well; it also included midnight serenades and a lack of floral decor.
*****
Their first kiss came upon their return to Los Angeles.
During dinner, the sound of thunder caused all the contestant’s heads to look up from their plates of lasagna. The storm moved closer, and strong gusts blew around trees and power lines; they lost power within minutes. Chairs shuffled as they blindly made their way through the kitchen looking for flashlights and candles.
Slowly, everyone abandoned their dishes in the sink and walked around trying to find something to pass the time that did not involve electricity. David grabbed a candle and turned to Michael, “Feel like playing guitar? Closest thing we have to guitar hero at the moment.”
“Sure.” He followed David up the stairs to the room they shared. The candle was placed in the center of the room; David leaned against the bed while Michael sat cross legged in the middle of the room. Their guitars lay untouched in the corner as they began talking about silly things like the idiotic group numbers and the next prank to play on Jason while he slept.
Michael saw David flinch as the next wave of thunder shook the house, “not a fan of thunderstorms.” Michael could see him blush, even in the dim light; he reached over and rested his hand on David’s thigh hoping to comfort him.
David glanced up and stared into Michael’s dark eyes; the moment felt like it came straight out of one of those made for TV movies they watched together on Lifetime to get a good laugh. They moved closer as lips timidly met; David nibbled on Michael’s bottom lip softly. Moans escaped, and tongues met half way. Kisses became more eager as the storm continued outside.
“Well...” David pulled away first.
“Well.”
“Wanna raid the fridge before the ice cream melts?”
Michael wanted to address the situation, but instead got up and followed his friend down the stairs to share a pint of Half Baked.
*****
Michael will never forget the first night they spent together.
David sat up in the dark and turned towards the sleeping man to his right, “Mike, you up?”
“Mmm, am now.”
“Sorry, it can wait until morning.”
“If it was important enough...” He heard the rustle of sheets and careful footsteps heading in his direction. Michael looked up in time to see David sit down at the edge of his bed.
“What’s bothering ya, mate?”
“Last week...”
“Look, don’t mention it. Things like that happen.”
“I think about it a lot.” Michael swallowed the lump in his throat and urged the younger man to continue. “I don’t know what’s going on between us, but...I don’t know. There was something there,” David stared off into the dark, refusing to make eye contact with Michael.
“I know what you mean.” The older man reached out and pulled David into a hug, “Come here. I’m tired.”
He saw his friend smirk as he allowed himself to fall softly onto the mattress next to Michael. Their bodies shifted to fit together, and eventually steady breathing lured both of them back to sleep.
*****
The first time they did something that was more than kissing, Michael knew their relationship was something special.
“You sure about this?”
“Just, please, I need this. I need you.”
Michael looked straight into David’s eyes before turning the other man over softly. He rubbed small circles around David’s entrance before pushing in slowly. David hissed, and Michael withdrew.
“Michael...”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Please, just fuck me. It’s going to hurt no matter what.”
With that, he slid in two slicked fingers and began to scissor them, stretching the younger man. As soon as he was satisfied, he lined himself up and pushed in slowly; David twitched. “Michael Johns, don’t you dare pull out again.”
The older man smiled and rubbed small circles on David’s backbone and he began to thrust slowly. David moaned into the pillow; Michael pushed in harder. Both men were panting, and both were reaching their climax.
“David, I’m gonna...” The orgasm overtook his body and he began to shudder. He felt David spill over onto his hand. It had never felt this good before.
*****
David was the first one to whisper I love you.
They had been exhausted after a day of rehearsals and a Ford commercial shoot. Both of them lay in bed watching reruns of CSI. Michael’s hands absentmindedly stroked David’s arm as he focused on the television show.
“I love you.” Michael looked down to see the other man staring at him; he held David closer, “Love you too.”
They’d kiss through commercials and pull apart when the show came back on. Five episodes later, they were slowly drifting off. Michael gave up on finding out who the miniature killer was when he heard David snoring softly next to him.
He turned the TV off and situated himself, trying not to wake the other man.
“Night, Dave.” He noted how easy it was to be with David--how comfortable he felt.
*****
Sometimes they fought. Sometimes Michael would yell; occasionally David would cry.
“Look, I can’t change the fact that I am married.” Michael hissed, keeping his voice down so none of the remaining contestants would hear.
“You easily could and you know it, you won’t is more like it.”
“Well what the fuck am I supposed to do, David?”
“Run away with me...”
“Because, you know that is completely and utterly the logical thing to do! This isn’t some sort of chick flick we are living. This is real life; there are other people involved. There are real lives at stake, real feelings.” Michael ran his fingers through his hair and let out a long sigh, “I just...”
“You don’t even love her, and you know it.”
“I do...but it’s completely different than what I feel for you. I love you both.” He stared at his shoes, noticing the wear and tear; he focused on how dirty his once white laces had become.
“I’m here Mike, not on the floor.”
“Would you just... I don’t know Dave.”
“Do you love me?”
“Why the hell do you keep questioning this all of a sudden?”
“Because it doesn’t feel like it. You are always with her, always talking to her on the phone.”
“Well, she is my wife.”
“I wish she wasn’t.”
“I know. I wish it was different too.”
The tension in the room lifted; they looked at each other, both of their eyes filled with sadness and disappointment.
*****
Sometimes Michael would let his guard down.
“I don’t want to leave Dave. I want to stay here with you.” Michael sank into David’s embrace, defeated.
“I don’t want you to leave either...”
“Fucking America. Who the hell votes for Kristy, seriously?” David laughed and squeezed tighter.
“It will be alright, it’s not like you live that far away from here.”
Tears fell, running down Michael’s cheek slowly before landing on David’s t-shirt.
“Mikey, don’t cry...”
“I don’t want to go home. She isn’t you.” He was nervous about going leaving his idol home and returning to a life that seemed so foreign now. The curves, the hair, the smell and everything about Stacey was wrong in his mind--because they weren’t David.
The younger man sighed. “Come on, we gotta get going. They’re all waiting for you at the restaurant. You can’t skip your goodbye dinner.” He slowly got up and pulled the Australian up with him. As soon as they were both standing, David placed small kisses on Michael’s cheek, his lips and his neck “It’s going to be okay.”
Michael believed him.
*****
Michael smiles when he thinks about the time David slipped out of rehearsals early to meet him at his apartment.
As soon as he heard the knock, he was running to the door and pulling it open.
“Hey, Dave.” He could not hide the smile on his face if he tried.
“Hey to you.” David stepped inside and slowly pulled off his jacket and placed his sunglasses on the kitchen table.
“What do you want to do?” David leaned on the counter and waited for Michael to join him in the kitchen.
You. He walked up to Dave and kissed him softly at first; his hands roamed the body he had memorized. Their kiss deepened and outer layers of clothing were discarded throughout the kitchen and living room.
“Where’s Stacey?”
“Visiting her parents for the weekend.” Michael looked up and gave the younger man a mischievous grin. With that, they were pulling off any remaining clothing and clumsily walking towards the bedroom. They only pulled apart for Michael to rummage through the night-stand drawer for lube. After, they stayed wrapped in each other’s arms until a phone call from an angry producer forced the two apart.
The next day, Stacey came home to see Michael doing laundry. “Someone playing house wife?”
“Yah, I guess you could say that Stace,” he smiled at her as he shoved in the last of the sheets that still smelled of sweat and sex.
*****
Being on tour meant they could spend as much time as they wanted together.
Michael made up excuses to touch David when the other idols were around--”you have an eyelash on your cheek.” He didn’t need excuses when they were alone, instead he’d push the other man against walls, onto couches and into bunks or hotel beds. He’d stare at the other man from backstage during his performances; he’d be by David’s side for group numbers. Their days off were spent together at golf courses, restaurants, and their hotel room.
They would hold back moans as the other boys slept through long bus rides between cities; hands would roams, hold, pinch and stroke. They’d fall asleep in each other’s arms, not caring that the bunks were made for one person; somehow they always managed to fit. They always made sure to be the first ones up, climbing back into the right bunk so no one would suspect anything was going on between them.
They’d sit next to each other while playing cards or their personal favorite, Apples to Apples, with the other guys; their thighs would rub together with every bump the bus hit. Michael would sometimes lean on David, because that’s what friends did sometimes; all David could think about was the friction and the smell of strawberry shampoo in the Australian's hair. Michael loved David’s reaction--the other man would grip his cards tightly trying to refrain from running his fingers through the Australian’s hair and over his clothed skin.
*****
The last day of the tour, Michael could barely hold his excitement in.
“How’s it feel to be back in Tulsa?” He climbed onto the bus to see David sitting in the back concentrating on something on his computer screen.
“Kinda surreal, actually. To go from playing at bars to this...”
“I have a present!” Michael interrupted, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet.
“Spit it out, Johns.”
“Here.” He handed over a manilla envelope which David accepted with a questioning look.
“What is it?”
“Just open it.”
“Really outdid yourself on the wrapping,” David undid the metal clips and pulled out a small stack of papers and began to scan them. His tone changed from joking to completely serious within seconds. “Is this...?”
“The divorce will be finalized in a week, it’s not like it was working out anyway. Plus, this is what I want...what I’ve wanted.”
“You’re such a girl sometimes.”
“Perfect, won’t be so different then.” David rolled his eyes and mentioned for his lover to join him on the couch.
“I love you, ya goof.”
*****
After the tour, Michael still spent most of his time with David. He’d wait around during press and listen in while he recorded in the studio.
David looked up at Michael as he made his way through the kitchen, knowing exactly where everything he wanted was.
“You’re here enough, why don’t you just move in already. Might save you a lot of money seeing as that apartment of yours is going to waste.”
“Yah?”
“Johns, you sleep here almost every night. You even have your own damn sink. All ya need is to get the rest of your crap here--not like it hasn’t been migrating over for the past few months anyway.”
Michael stared at the tile floor and pushed the newly poured cereal around in his bowl.
“Mikey, don’t even pretend to play it off like there is some internal conflict going on in that head of yours. You know you want to say yes.”
“If I must,” he rolled his eyes at the other man.
“Oh shut up and take the damn key.” David threw the piece of metal across the room; it landed in Michael’s cereal with a splash.
“Good thing my new apartment has a washing machine, eh?”
*****
Michael would sometimes get jealous of all the time he didn’t get to spend with his boyfriend.
“Studio?”
“Yah, I’m really sorry. I have one more song to work on. It’s almost finished.” David quickly walked across the room and placed a soft kiss on the other man’s cheek, “I’ll be back in time for dinner.”
With that, he was gone. Michael had nothing to do; he was in that awkward phase between albums where there was no press, no photo shoots and no recording. He finally had a whole week to himself--himself being the key word.
He flipped through the five hundred channels, finding nothing to keep him entertained. He pulled out a puzzle and began to fit the pieces together only to get frustrated at the fact an edge piece was missing. He picked up one of David’s crossword books, and put it down five minutes later not finding words amusing. Finally he took out his guitar and tried to write. He frowned at the fact the words he penned were all about being lonely.
*****
Little things reminded Michael of why he fell in love with the other man to begin with.
“Wake up.”
“Mumph, too early. The fucking sun isn’t even out yet.”
“That’s the point. Now, get up you lazy bum.”
“Seriously Dave, can’t it wait until at least eight?”
“Nope.” Michael winced as he felt the covers being pulled off his body; he instinctively curled up in a tiny ball trying to retain the warmth the blankets had provided.
“No more sleeping Michael Johns.” David was pulling the Australian’s arms.
“Okay, okay. No need to dislocate my shoulder. Now what is so important?”
“The sun is going to rise in five minutes according to the weather people. I haven’t watched a sun rise in the longest time.”
David led the older man to their balcony where they sat on metal chairs in silence, watching the orange glow of the sun as it rose higher above the Los Angeles skyline. Their fingers were interlocked; David rubbed small circles on Michael’s palm with his thumb.
“We should move out of the city.”
“Where?”
“Somewhere secluded where there isn’t all this commotion and traffic and smog. Somewhere peaceful.”
“Iowa?”
“Too secluded," David paused for a few moments. "No, I was thinking of just getting a house in the suburbs. Maybe near the ocean. We don’t have to, though.”
“It’s a good idea.”
“Good,” David threw a realtor’s magazine into Michael’s lap. The house circled had a view of the ocean; Michael noticed how the picture chosen depicted a perfect sunrise.
“I’m glad I had some say in this,” he squeezed David’s hand and continued to watch the sun peak up from behind the tall buildings.
******
Michael can vividly remember the first time he really got annoyed with David.
“You promised you would have the weekend off for us to do whatever we wanted,” Michael pouted from his corner of the room.
“You of all people know what this stupid contract entails. I can’t just get out of it, and when they want me, I have to go. It’s not like the whole weekend will be wasted.”
“But it will, because once they pull you into that damn building, you don’t come out for days until they are fully satisfied with whatever they want.”
“It’s my job Mikey, I can’t just not go!”
“This weekend was special. I was even going to try making that recipe for you. It’s been three years this weekend. I wanted to spend it together.”
“Three years? I completly forgot.”
“Like always.”
“Really now, I didn’t know you cared about things like that.”
“Well I do, especially when it’s some one I really care about.”
The shrill sound of David’s ring tone forced the two of them to stop arguing. “Look, I have to leave. Why don’t you come to the city with me and we can get a nice hotel room and try to salvage the weekend.”
Michael made an all too familiar face where he’d scrunch his nose and get lost in thought; David knew it meant that the other man was beyond annoyed.
“Forget it. I’ll stay here. You’re too busy for me.”
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me, right? I’m just trying to do the right thing and make this right. I don’t want you sulking here when I know you want to spend time with me.” David walked over and placed a hand on Michael’s shoulder.
“No, I really don’t want to go.”
David looked down, hurt and confused. “Well, then I guess I’ll get going.” He grabbed his car keys and was out the door within minutes.
Michael placed the velvet box on the kitchen counter and took out a TV dinner before settling down onto the couch.
*****
David always makes it up to Michael, and Michael loves him for it.
“Hey, I’m home.” David walked through the door cautiously, looking around the room for any sign of Michael.
“Office!” David shrugged off his jacket and made his way up the stairs to see Michael staring at a word document.
“What are you working on?”
“More lyrics.”
“Here, this is for you.” David held out a rather large box; Michael smiled at the new vest and matching ascot.
“You are too much.” he pressed print and handed the paper to David. “Here’s your gift.”
“Please tell me it’s not some angsty emo song explaining your utter hatred of a man you used to love.”
“Not exactly.” David read through the lyrics before reaching a little graphic at the bottom.
“Illustrating your lyrics now?”
“Look at it.” David inspected the picture closely and saw it was a box that held a golden ring.
“Now you know why I got so mad.”
“Mikey, I’m so sorry. I really missed you, if that means anything.” David leaned down and placed small kisses on Michael’s lips. “Forgive me?”
“As long as you promise to be with me forever and ever.”
“Deal.” He took the box from Michael’s hand and placed the ring on his finger.
“Come on, I’ll find that Thai chicken recipe you love so much.”
Michael could never stay mad at David for long.
*****
Still, Michael doesn’t remember when life became a routine for the two of them.
Michael would usually get up before David, he’d slip out of bed and walk towards the bathroom as quietly as possible. He always looked at his reflection first, noticing new wrinkles and the bags under his eyes. It had been three years since the two of them appeared on the reality show; wear and tear from the industry was evident on both men.
He’d shower, and by the time he was finished, David would be waiting with a towel. As soon as Michael got out, the younger man would step into the already running water.
They’d sit at the kitchen table, each gripping a hot mug of coffee. David would concentrate on a crossword as Michael watched the news. Sometimes they would talk, but for the most part they would sit in a comfortable silence. They’d finish cereal, and each would retreat to home offices and recording studios. Neither ever stopped working; both were in desperate need of a vacation.
They would always talk through dinner; Michael loved how David insisted on cooking for the two of them. Over the years, he had collected many cookbooks, and he had become an excellent cook in the process. Michael would always joke if the singing thing ended up failing, he could at least find work as a chef.
They never talked about music, instead they brought up stories about old friends that called or family they wished they had time to see. They would make plans about vacations, only to be forgotten the second Michael turned on the dishwasher.
At night, they would lie in bed; Michael would spend hours staring at the ceiling thinking about David. The passion had died down, and the they had lost their spark somewhere along the way. He’d think back to all he had given up to get to this point--his wife and a life of normalcy. He’d wonder what it would be like had he stayed with Stacey; he would always think about the perfect family he was supposed to have full of screaming kids and a family pet.
Some nights, he would pace the room, a suitcase in one hand, walking back and forth wondering if he was willing to walk away. Ultimately, he’d tuck the luggage back in the closet and climb back into bed. Some nights he would stare at David’s back and wonder if he still loved the man or if he was too afraid to be alone after all this time. He’d remember the laughs they used to share, and the sex he wished they still had and the time they made for each other no matter what their schedules were like.
“What are you thinking about?”
Michael was immediately pulled from his thoughts when the other man whispered into the darkness. “Us.”
“Oh.” David’s eyes looked hurt, like he knew exactly what had been troubling the other man.
“I love you, Mike. You know that right?”
“Love you too.” He pulled David closer and waited for his breathing to even out. He thought about couples, and love, and getting older. He finally came to the conclusion that this was what love was supposed to be like; it’s the natural progression of the unexplainable emotion. The thought eased him to sleep.