Hope Still Lingers On
Title: Hope Still Lingers On
Pairing: David Cook/Michael Johns
Rating: PG-13 for language mostly
Word Count: 3, 281 It's kinda long...
Author's Note: I never write real-person stuff, I've mostly done Scrubs fics (if you're into that, check them out *shameless plug*). So, don't hate me if this is horrendous. I quickly edited it, so I am sorry for the mistakes. I wrote this fairly quickly for
potc_fanatic111 and her lovely challenge.
It was early; far too early for Michael to be awake. With his time on American Idol, his body still had not become accustomed to the early morning wake up calls. There were few people in the line; still he pulled the baseball cap down further, shielding his eyes from fans of the show. Without his coffee he had no idea how rude he would be to fans coming up to him for pictures or autographs. He laughed because the airport was practically deserted; still he was taking no chances.
He took a few steps towards the ticket counter, checked in his baggage and grabbed his boarding pass. The woman behind the counter did a double take while looking at his ID, but luckily had enough common sense not to bother him. Maybe it was the scowl he had thrown her after seeing her smile at his name. The scowl was given more towards the fifty dollar fee that came with checking in his suitcase.
He took the boarding pass and began walking towards security, happy to see a Starbucks just beyond the checkpoint. He sighed, he was no near ready for all the press ahead of him. He already anticipated answering the same questions over and over again. He knew they would talk about his shocker elimination that no one saw coming. He couldn’t blame them, he didn’t see it coming either. He frowned thinking how unfair it was that he had left before Kristy Lee Cook; he wondered who in America was voting for her.
He began to take out his laptop and throw his carry-on onto the conveyor belt when he heard a familiar voice coming up the stairs calling out for him. It was David; he wondered why he had come to the airport as they had said their goodbyes the night before.
David stopped right in front of Michael trying to catch his breath.
“Hey mate, why you all the way out here. Don’t you have to be at the commercial shoot soon?”
“I have to tell you something,” the younger man was still panting and Michael wondered exactly how far he had ran to catch up to him.
“...yes?”
“Michael...” the younger man wavered, suddenly losing some of his confidence.
“Spit it out, what’s wrong? Did I leave something important in the room?” Michael looked David straight in the eyes trying to figure out what was so important to come all the way to the airport at four in the morning.
“...I’m going to miss you. I don’t want you to leave; I wish you could stay here.”
The older man scrunched his nose and waved his hand trying to urge David to talk. The security guards were glaring at him to hurry up.
“I love you.”
Michael was suddenly awake after hearing the words, “Dave I love you too, but you didn’t have to come out all the way here to tell me.”
“No, shut up and listen. I love you. I think about you all the time. I’m so fucking miserable when you aren’t around. I don’t know how I am going to make it while you are gone. It’s like this metaphorical piece of me has died inside. I can’t do this Michael... I needed to tell you, I need to know you feel the same. I know you feel the same.” He grabbed the Australians hands and looked deep into his eyes; they gave no clues to Michael’s feelings.
The brown eyes closed, and Michael breathed in and out slowly taking in everything his best friend had said. “David...”
“Michael, I love you so much, I don’t think you understand.”
“I understand.”
“You love me too.”
“Of course I love you...” David’s eyes lit up. “...I can’t do this. We couldn’t do this. I’m married to Stacey. She is my world, I love her. I could never do anything to jeopardize that.” He looked down; he couldn’t stand to see the tears that were welling up in the other man’s eyes.
“If you love me, you’d make it work.”
“David, you don’t get it! I made a promise to her. I cannot break it, we are bonded. I can’t just give it all up. You know I care about you so much, and yes, like I said I do love you. I just can’t.”
David looked on, obviously hurt. “Don’t give me that look. I can’t handle this right now. Why are you telling me this now, right before I leave?”
“It felt appropriate.”
“No David, it’s not. Let’s just push all those feelings aside because they cannot be acted out. We can’t.”
“But if you feel the same...”
Michael pointed towards the ring, “you wouldn’t understand this kind of commitment.”
Anger flashed in David’s eyes. “No. Michael. Do this for me. Please.”
“I’m getting on the plane now, they are going to be boarding soon.”
“Michael, wait,” the younger man grabbed the other’s arm, trying his hardest to pull him back. The older man shrugged him off easily. “David. I. Need. To. Go.”
David stepped closer so they were mere inches apart, “what are you running from?" He leaned in and Michael pulled away quickly almost running towards security.
“Michael!”
“Go back to the apartment. It’s too early for this. I’ll call you or something. Just...just go home.” With that, Michael put his stuff back on the belt and began to untie his converse shoes.
David stood there frozen, watching the other man walk away. Michael did not look back, and once he had gotten through security, briskly walked towards his terminal.
---------------------
David paced back and forth in the room he was now sharing with Jason. “Hey, Dave, do you think you could stop that. You’re making me antsy.”
“Sorry, I just have a lot on my mind.” With that, he grabbed his jacket and walked out the door leaving Jason staring at the door frame confused.
David didn’t know where he was going; he began walking down the street not caring if anyone recognized him. He was lost in his thoughts. He crossed streets without looking, without caring where his legs carried him. A loud horn startled him; he looked the taxi driver in the eye while he screamed obscenities at him for walking in front of his car.
He finally made it to a park. He sat down on a bench and pulled out his phone, and looked through his contacts until Michael’s name was highlighted.
I miss you. We need to talk soon. Call me tonight?
He pressed send and stared at the screen just waiting for any reply. After twenty minutes there was no new text messages and no new calls. He looked through his outbox to see if the message had actually sent; the little check mark confirmed Michael’s phone had received the text.
Please don’t ignore me Michael. We really need to talk this out. I’m sorry for bombarding you at the airport.
----------------------------
Michael dug through his pocket for his phone as it vibrated against his leg; he wasn’t surprised at who the text message was from. He threw the phone on his hotel bed and let out a frustrated growl. If he ignored it, the problem would fade away. His friend would get the hint, and when the tour came they would go back to being the jokesters they were.
As he was getting ready to leave for a talk show, the phone came to life once again. One new text message from David C.
He shoved the phone back in his pocket; his plan of ignoring it until the situation was forgotten was not going to work soon enough.
---------------------------
It had been three days and there was still no word from Michael. David would sit in his room and watch the interviews on the morning shows, he loved seeing the older man smile. He loved the accent, he loved his mannerisms, he loved him.
“Dave, you ready for the last rehearsal?”
He looked up at Carly standing in the door way, “yah just give me a minute.”
“You miss him, don’t ya?”
“Ya...” He let his voice trail off as he continued to watch the interview.
“Let’s go Sugarfoot, we don’t have time for this. You have Tivo anyway.” She walked up to her friend and pulled him off the couch and dragged him towards the car waiting outside the apartment.
He gave his all during his Tuesday performance, and apparently it had paid off. The judges, the audience, and his fellow contestants all gave him compliments and praise for his arrangement, for his voice and for the obvious emotion he had poured into the song.
“Big night tonight, huh?” Jason smiled at him, “Glad you’re brother could make it out?”
“Yah, it was great that he could come out here.” Inside he felt bad, he had sang it for Michael; the other man had been on his mind for the better part of a week. He was glad his brother was here, but he had not given him his full attention. All he could think about were the days that continued to pass without word from his friend.
------------------------------
Michael was sitting at the bar, a beer in one hand and his cell phone in the other.
I’ll call you later.
He regretted the message once he knew it was sent. He gulped down the beer and asked for another. For the past few days he had called Stacey at least twice a day; he made sure she was okay, they talked about their future, and they said their I love you’s. He pushed the feelings for David farther and farther away. He considered himself a loyal man; he wasn’t about to ruin a marriage for something he knew wouldn’t work out in the end. He repeatedly told himself that “David-and-Michael” would be a disaster. He convinced himself that it would ruin both of them. He made sure to remind himself everyday that he was straight; he couldn’t be with a man--he couldn’t be with David.
----------------------------
David stared at the phone shocked that Michael had actually responded--even it was now a week after their encounter at the airport.
He tried to concentrate on his new song. He absentmindedly filled in easy crosswords. He tried to forget the phone that was sitting on the table in front of him.
When it finally began to ring, he restrained himself from answering too quickly.
“Hey Mike.”
“Hey David.”
There was an award silence as Michael tried to think of what words should come out next.
“I miss you, Mikey.”
He cringed at the nickname. David refused to make this easy for him.
“Miss you too, mate.” The words were empty; they had no emotion behind them.
“What are you up to?”
“Press, lots and lots of interviews.”
“I caught one of them, when you were on Ellen. She’s my favorite after seeing her as Dory the fish.”
“Yah, she’s really nice in person.”
“So how are you?”
“David, you need to stop loving me.”
“Ya, I’m doing great too.” David chose to ignore the former sentence.
“Dave, I’m serious.” He repeated many of the same words he had told the other man at the airport; he made the same excuses. He was starting to believe them more and more each time they came out of his mouth.
“You’re an idiot.”
“I resent that.”
“Why won’t you give this a shot? Stacey doesn’t need to know. It will be our little secret and after that, we can just see where it goes.”
“Can you fucking stop this! You are being unreasonable, you aren’t listening to me, and you are living in this little fucked up fantasy in your head. What don’t you get David? Is it the whole I’m straight thing? Is it the fact I’m married? You are ruining us, I hope you know that. You are making it so hard for both of us.”
“I can’t help that I love you, it’s not something I can control.”
“Well you should try. This is ridiculous....I’m going to go Dave.”
“Please don’t be mad.”
“I’m frustrated.”
“Okay, well I’ll talk to you later?”
“Sure.”
David frowned at the sudden click of the phone. He watched as the time of the call flashed on the screen. Six minutes and forty-five seconds; it’s all it took to break off another piece of that stupid metaphorical part of his heart that belonged to Michael.
He threw on his headphones and took his clothes off. He crawled into bed and he refused to cry. His eyes stung and he continued to blink hoping it would stop the tears. I was no use, he felt the warm droplets falling down his cheek.
------------------------
Michael turned on the TV to watch this weeks show. He was back at home; his wife was safely wrapped in his arms as they watched Ryan introduce the top six contestants.
“Andrew Lloyd Webber? Musicals are boring.” He laughed at his wife’s comment, “You need to see one of them. They really aren’t as bad as you think they are.”
“I’d rather pass on seeing dancing and singing cats.” He rolled his eyes, “you need some more culture sweetie.” He held her closer and placed a soft kiss on her forehead.
“I didn’t know David could sing like that, he’s captivating.”
“Yah he’s really good. Might win the whole thing...” His words were once again empty.
“Are you guys okay? I haven’t heard about him in awhile. You used to talk about him all the time. David this, David that...”
“He’s been busy with the competition.”
“Well, when you get around to talking to that ‘best-mate’ of yours, send him my love. He’s a great guy.”
They watched the credits roll before turning off the TV. Holding hands, they walked to their bedroom. Michael kissed his wife, undid her clothes and made love to her. He focused on her and pushed David away even farther.
------------------------------
“Hey Mike, it’s me. Just wanted to see how you were doing. I can’t believe I made it to the top three! I wish it was you here. Or Carly. How the hell is Syesha still here? Well I just wanted to see how you were and make sure you were doing okay. Everyone says hi.”
David continued to work on Simon’s song choice. He silently cursed the Roberta Flack and the lyrics. Each passing day with no Michael was killing him. His friend was pushing him further and further away. He began to sing the song to himself, trying to figure out a good arrangement and the right key. The only thing he could think about was his friend; his voice cracked and he threw the lyrics on the ground. The tears fell more freely now. The girls in make-up, the remaining contestants, his mother, his brother, and every other person in the world commented on his appearance. They asked if he was sleeping, they asked why his eyes were red--”allergies, mom.”--asked if he was eating enough, asking if everything was okay. Even cracked-out Paula was concerned.
He slammed the door shut as he walked to his room. He took the newly prescribed Ambien and called it a night. The pills kept the dreams of Michael away. He swallowed a prozac as well. They helped him fake his way through the day.
-------------------------------
“I know you’re busy and all, but I just wanted to say congrats about making it to the finals. It’s in the bag, mate. I hope you’re doing okay, you look really tired... Well, erm, goodbye. I guess I’ll see you in a few days.”
He did in fact miss David. He thought about his friend, and worried about him now. Each week he felt as if the sparkle everyone had become accustomed to was fading.
Inside, he knew this was his fault. He felt guilty. He kept telling himself David had brought this upon himself; convincing himself that he was doing the right thing. Michael had to do this; he only hoped that it wouldn’t be awkward when he showed up for rehearsals for the final show. He wasn’t even going to think about the tour just yet.
“I’m not an asshole. I’m married and I can’t love him the way he wants.” He had no idea who he was talking to, he just needed to hear the words for himself.
----------------------------
“...And I laugh at myself as the tears roll down. ‘Cause it’s the world I know, the world I know.”
The tears did flow down his cheeks at this point. He looked up to see Michael in the audience. The other man looked away when their stares connected.
David quickly wiped away the tears, knowing full well that all of America was watching. He was glad the cameras were no longer showing him on the big screen to the audience. There was applause, there was cheering, there were people standing on their feet praising his song.
He ached. Physically, he could feel the little red slices all over his leg. He could feel the sting. It reminded him he was alive, even though right now he wished he was far, far away. Away from the completion, away from the press, away from Michael’s stares as the tears continued to fall. He ached in that metaphorical place that kept breaking each day.
He listened to the judges, glad he had composed himself enough to make it through their comments. He was also glad he had gotten in the last word after Simon told him his song choice was completely wrong. You wouldn’t get it Simon, it’s for Michael. Not you. Not America. It’s about him. And how he ruined me.
--------------------------
He could feel the heat from Michael’s body on his back. He could see him smiling widely for his win. He could see him coming closer, he could feel the arm wrapped around his shoulder. He smiled, he sang, he ignored the touch.
“...The time of my life.” He smiled, he beamed, he pushed the thoughts of Michael aside. He refused to let him ruin his moment, his glory, his win. Cameras flashed, tears of joy threatened to spill again, and Michael pulled him closer.
As the camera’s stopped rolling, and their embrace lingered the smile faded, his whispered in his ear. “Don’t lie to me Michael. Don’t fake it for the cameras.” They pulled apart and stared at each other for a few minutes before people were pulling David away for interviews, Disney commercials and pictures.
Michael stood there shocked. It was his turn to blink away the sting in his eyes.
---------------------------
“So, rehearsals start in a few days and I wanted to check in on you. You’re everywhere man. I miss you, I miss our jokes and our fun. I know I’ve been an ass. I want our friendship back, even if it’s not exactly what you were looking for. Dave, I’m really sorry that I can’t be what you want, but please don’t it ruin a perfectly good friendship. Give me a call, or I guess I’ll see you soon. Bye.”
David pressed seven to erase the message. He threw on his headphones and continued to listen to the saddest songs he could find. “It can’t be the same you fucking idiot. You ruined it for both of us.”
He sat there looking at scars, and healing scabs, and new blood. “You’re the reason I do this...” He whispered to no one. He hoped Michael was hurting just as much as him.
Pairing: David Cook/Michael Johns
Rating: PG-13 for language mostly
Word Count: 3, 281 It's kinda long...
Author's Note: I never write real-person stuff, I've mostly done Scrubs fics (if you're into that, check them out *shameless plug*). So, don't hate me if this is horrendous. I quickly edited it, so I am sorry for the mistakes. I wrote this fairly quickly for
potc_fanatic111 and her lovely challenge.
It was early; far too early for Michael to be awake. With his time on American Idol, his body still had not become accustomed to the early morning wake up calls. There were few people in the line; still he pulled the baseball cap down further, shielding his eyes from fans of the show. Without his coffee he had no idea how rude he would be to fans coming up to him for pictures or autographs. He laughed because the airport was practically deserted; still he was taking no chances.
He took a few steps towards the ticket counter, checked in his baggage and grabbed his boarding pass. The woman behind the counter did a double take while looking at his ID, but luckily had enough common sense not to bother him. Maybe it was the scowl he had thrown her after seeing her smile at his name. The scowl was given more towards the fifty dollar fee that came with checking in his suitcase.
He took the boarding pass and began walking towards security, happy to see a Starbucks just beyond the checkpoint. He sighed, he was no near ready for all the press ahead of him. He already anticipated answering the same questions over and over again. He knew they would talk about his shocker elimination that no one saw coming. He couldn’t blame them, he didn’t see it coming either. He frowned thinking how unfair it was that he had left before Kristy Lee Cook; he wondered who in America was voting for her.
He began to take out his laptop and throw his carry-on onto the conveyor belt when he heard a familiar voice coming up the stairs calling out for him. It was David; he wondered why he had come to the airport as they had said their goodbyes the night before.
David stopped right in front of Michael trying to catch his breath.
“Hey mate, why you all the way out here. Don’t you have to be at the commercial shoot soon?”
“I have to tell you something,” the younger man was still panting and Michael wondered exactly how far he had ran to catch up to him.
“...yes?”
“Michael...” the younger man wavered, suddenly losing some of his confidence.
“Spit it out, what’s wrong? Did I leave something important in the room?” Michael looked David straight in the eyes trying to figure out what was so important to come all the way to the airport at four in the morning.
“...I’m going to miss you. I don’t want you to leave; I wish you could stay here.”
The older man scrunched his nose and waved his hand trying to urge David to talk. The security guards were glaring at him to hurry up.
“I love you.”
Michael was suddenly awake after hearing the words, “Dave I love you too, but you didn’t have to come out all the way here to tell me.”
“No, shut up and listen. I love you. I think about you all the time. I’m so fucking miserable when you aren’t around. I don’t know how I am going to make it while you are gone. It’s like this metaphorical piece of me has died inside. I can’t do this Michael... I needed to tell you, I need to know you feel the same. I know you feel the same.” He grabbed the Australians hands and looked deep into his eyes; they gave no clues to Michael’s feelings.
The brown eyes closed, and Michael breathed in and out slowly taking in everything his best friend had said. “David...”
“Michael, I love you so much, I don’t think you understand.”
“I understand.”
“You love me too.”
“Of course I love you...” David’s eyes lit up. “...I can’t do this. We couldn’t do this. I’m married to Stacey. She is my world, I love her. I could never do anything to jeopardize that.” He looked down; he couldn’t stand to see the tears that were welling up in the other man’s eyes.
“If you love me, you’d make it work.”
“David, you don’t get it! I made a promise to her. I cannot break it, we are bonded. I can’t just give it all up. You know I care about you so much, and yes, like I said I do love you. I just can’t.”
David looked on, obviously hurt. “Don’t give me that look. I can’t handle this right now. Why are you telling me this now, right before I leave?”
“It felt appropriate.”
“No David, it’s not. Let’s just push all those feelings aside because they cannot be acted out. We can’t.”
“But if you feel the same...”
Michael pointed towards the ring, “you wouldn’t understand this kind of commitment.”
Anger flashed in David’s eyes. “No. Michael. Do this for me. Please.”
“I’m getting on the plane now, they are going to be boarding soon.”
“Michael, wait,” the younger man grabbed the other’s arm, trying his hardest to pull him back. The older man shrugged him off easily. “David. I. Need. To. Go.”
David stepped closer so they were mere inches apart, “what are you running from?" He leaned in and Michael pulled away quickly almost running towards security.
“Michael!”
“Go back to the apartment. It’s too early for this. I’ll call you or something. Just...just go home.” With that, Michael put his stuff back on the belt and began to untie his converse shoes.
David stood there frozen, watching the other man walk away. Michael did not look back, and once he had gotten through security, briskly walked towards his terminal.
---------------------
David paced back and forth in the room he was now sharing with Jason. “Hey, Dave, do you think you could stop that. You’re making me antsy.”
“Sorry, I just have a lot on my mind.” With that, he grabbed his jacket and walked out the door leaving Jason staring at the door frame confused.
David didn’t know where he was going; he began walking down the street not caring if anyone recognized him. He was lost in his thoughts. He crossed streets without looking, without caring where his legs carried him. A loud horn startled him; he looked the taxi driver in the eye while he screamed obscenities at him for walking in front of his car.
He finally made it to a park. He sat down on a bench and pulled out his phone, and looked through his contacts until Michael’s name was highlighted.
I miss you. We need to talk soon. Call me tonight?
He pressed send and stared at the screen just waiting for any reply. After twenty minutes there was no new text messages and no new calls. He looked through his outbox to see if the message had actually sent; the little check mark confirmed Michael’s phone had received the text.
Please don’t ignore me Michael. We really need to talk this out. I’m sorry for bombarding you at the airport.
----------------------------
Michael dug through his pocket for his phone as it vibrated against his leg; he wasn’t surprised at who the text message was from. He threw the phone on his hotel bed and let out a frustrated growl. If he ignored it, the problem would fade away. His friend would get the hint, and when the tour came they would go back to being the jokesters they were.
As he was getting ready to leave for a talk show, the phone came to life once again. One new text message from David C.
He shoved the phone back in his pocket; his plan of ignoring it until the situation was forgotten was not going to work soon enough.
---------------------------
It had been three days and there was still no word from Michael. David would sit in his room and watch the interviews on the morning shows, he loved seeing the older man smile. He loved the accent, he loved his mannerisms, he loved him.
“Dave, you ready for the last rehearsal?”
He looked up at Carly standing in the door way, “yah just give me a minute.”
“You miss him, don’t ya?”
“Ya...” He let his voice trail off as he continued to watch the interview.
“Let’s go Sugarfoot, we don’t have time for this. You have Tivo anyway.” She walked up to her friend and pulled him off the couch and dragged him towards the car waiting outside the apartment.
He gave his all during his Tuesday performance, and apparently it had paid off. The judges, the audience, and his fellow contestants all gave him compliments and praise for his arrangement, for his voice and for the obvious emotion he had poured into the song.
“Big night tonight, huh?” Jason smiled at him, “Glad you’re brother could make it out?”
“Yah, it was great that he could come out here.” Inside he felt bad, he had sang it for Michael; the other man had been on his mind for the better part of a week. He was glad his brother was here, but he had not given him his full attention. All he could think about were the days that continued to pass without word from his friend.
------------------------------
Michael was sitting at the bar, a beer in one hand and his cell phone in the other.
I’ll call you later.
He regretted the message once he knew it was sent. He gulped down the beer and asked for another. For the past few days he had called Stacey at least twice a day; he made sure she was okay, they talked about their future, and they said their I love you’s. He pushed the feelings for David farther and farther away. He considered himself a loyal man; he wasn’t about to ruin a marriage for something he knew wouldn’t work out in the end. He repeatedly told himself that “David-and-Michael” would be a disaster. He convinced himself that it would ruin both of them. He made sure to remind himself everyday that he was straight; he couldn’t be with a man--he couldn’t be with David.
----------------------------
David stared at the phone shocked that Michael had actually responded--even it was now a week after their encounter at the airport.
He tried to concentrate on his new song. He absentmindedly filled in easy crosswords. He tried to forget the phone that was sitting on the table in front of him.
When it finally began to ring, he restrained himself from answering too quickly.
“Hey Mike.”
“Hey David.”
There was an award silence as Michael tried to think of what words should come out next.
“I miss you, Mikey.”
He cringed at the nickname. David refused to make this easy for him.
“Miss you too, mate.” The words were empty; they had no emotion behind them.
“What are you up to?”
“Press, lots and lots of interviews.”
“I caught one of them, when you were on Ellen. She’s my favorite after seeing her as Dory the fish.”
“Yah, she’s really nice in person.”
“So how are you?”
“David, you need to stop loving me.”
“Ya, I’m doing great too.” David chose to ignore the former sentence.
“Dave, I’m serious.” He repeated many of the same words he had told the other man at the airport; he made the same excuses. He was starting to believe them more and more each time they came out of his mouth.
“You’re an idiot.”
“I resent that.”
“Why won’t you give this a shot? Stacey doesn’t need to know. It will be our little secret and after that, we can just see where it goes.”
“Can you fucking stop this! You are being unreasonable, you aren’t listening to me, and you are living in this little fucked up fantasy in your head. What don’t you get David? Is it the whole I’m straight thing? Is it the fact I’m married? You are ruining us, I hope you know that. You are making it so hard for both of us.”
“I can’t help that I love you, it’s not something I can control.”
“Well you should try. This is ridiculous....I’m going to go Dave.”
“Please don’t be mad.”
“I’m frustrated.”
“Okay, well I’ll talk to you later?”
“Sure.”
David frowned at the sudden click of the phone. He watched as the time of the call flashed on the screen. Six minutes and forty-five seconds; it’s all it took to break off another piece of that stupid metaphorical part of his heart that belonged to Michael.
He threw on his headphones and took his clothes off. He crawled into bed and he refused to cry. His eyes stung and he continued to blink hoping it would stop the tears. I was no use, he felt the warm droplets falling down his cheek.
------------------------
Michael turned on the TV to watch this weeks show. He was back at home; his wife was safely wrapped in his arms as they watched Ryan introduce the top six contestants.
“Andrew Lloyd Webber? Musicals are boring.” He laughed at his wife’s comment, “You need to see one of them. They really aren’t as bad as you think they are.”
“I’d rather pass on seeing dancing and singing cats.” He rolled his eyes, “you need some more culture sweetie.” He held her closer and placed a soft kiss on her forehead.
“I didn’t know David could sing like that, he’s captivating.”
“Yah he’s really good. Might win the whole thing...” His words were once again empty.
“Are you guys okay? I haven’t heard about him in awhile. You used to talk about him all the time. David this, David that...”
“He’s been busy with the competition.”
“Well, when you get around to talking to that ‘best-mate’ of yours, send him my love. He’s a great guy.”
They watched the credits roll before turning off the TV. Holding hands, they walked to their bedroom. Michael kissed his wife, undid her clothes and made love to her. He focused on her and pushed David away even farther.
------------------------------
“Hey Mike, it’s me. Just wanted to see how you were doing. I can’t believe I made it to the top three! I wish it was you here. Or Carly. How the hell is Syesha still here? Well I just wanted to see how you were and make sure you were doing okay. Everyone says hi.”
David continued to work on Simon’s song choice. He silently cursed the Roberta Flack and the lyrics. Each passing day with no Michael was killing him. His friend was pushing him further and further away. He began to sing the song to himself, trying to figure out a good arrangement and the right key. The only thing he could think about was his friend; his voice cracked and he threw the lyrics on the ground. The tears fell more freely now. The girls in make-up, the remaining contestants, his mother, his brother, and every other person in the world commented on his appearance. They asked if he was sleeping, they asked why his eyes were red--”allergies, mom.”--asked if he was eating enough, asking if everything was okay. Even cracked-out Paula was concerned.
He slammed the door shut as he walked to his room. He took the newly prescribed Ambien and called it a night. The pills kept the dreams of Michael away. He swallowed a prozac as well. They helped him fake his way through the day.
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“I know you’re busy and all, but I just wanted to say congrats about making it to the finals. It’s in the bag, mate. I hope you’re doing okay, you look really tired... Well, erm, goodbye. I guess I’ll see you in a few days.”
He did in fact miss David. He thought about his friend, and worried about him now. Each week he felt as if the sparkle everyone had become accustomed to was fading.
Inside, he knew this was his fault. He felt guilty. He kept telling himself David had brought this upon himself; convincing himself that he was doing the right thing. Michael had to do this; he only hoped that it wouldn’t be awkward when he showed up for rehearsals for the final show. He wasn’t even going to think about the tour just yet.
“I’m not an asshole. I’m married and I can’t love him the way he wants.” He had no idea who he was talking to, he just needed to hear the words for himself.
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“...And I laugh at myself as the tears roll down. ‘Cause it’s the world I know, the world I know.”
The tears did flow down his cheeks at this point. He looked up to see Michael in the audience. The other man looked away when their stares connected.
David quickly wiped away the tears, knowing full well that all of America was watching. He was glad the cameras were no longer showing him on the big screen to the audience. There was applause, there was cheering, there were people standing on their feet praising his song.
He ached. Physically, he could feel the little red slices all over his leg. He could feel the sting. It reminded him he was alive, even though right now he wished he was far, far away. Away from the completion, away from the press, away from Michael’s stares as the tears continued to fall. He ached in that metaphorical place that kept breaking each day.
He listened to the judges, glad he had composed himself enough to make it through their comments. He was also glad he had gotten in the last word after Simon told him his song choice was completely wrong. You wouldn’t get it Simon, it’s for Michael. Not you. Not America. It’s about him. And how he ruined me.
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He could feel the heat from Michael’s body on his back. He could see him smiling widely for his win. He could see him coming closer, he could feel the arm wrapped around his shoulder. He smiled, he sang, he ignored the touch.
“...The time of my life.” He smiled, he beamed, he pushed the thoughts of Michael aside. He refused to let him ruin his moment, his glory, his win. Cameras flashed, tears of joy threatened to spill again, and Michael pulled him closer.
As the camera’s stopped rolling, and their embrace lingered the smile faded, his whispered in his ear. “Don’t lie to me Michael. Don’t fake it for the cameras.” They pulled apart and stared at each other for a few minutes before people were pulling David away for interviews, Disney commercials and pictures.
Michael stood there shocked. It was his turn to blink away the sting in his eyes.
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“So, rehearsals start in a few days and I wanted to check in on you. You’re everywhere man. I miss you, I miss our jokes and our fun. I know I’ve been an ass. I want our friendship back, even if it’s not exactly what you were looking for. Dave, I’m really sorry that I can’t be what you want, but please don’t it ruin a perfectly good friendship. Give me a call, or I guess I’ll see you soon. Bye.”
David pressed seven to erase the message. He threw on his headphones and continued to listen to the saddest songs he could find. “It can’t be the same you fucking idiot. You ruined it for both of us.”
He sat there looking at scars, and healing scabs, and new blood. “You’re the reason I do this...” He whispered to no one. He hoped Michael was hurting just as much as him.