Homecoming - On the Road to Who Knows Where
Title: Homecoming
Author(s): solostrightnow
Artist: escapes
Rating:NC-17 just in case
Disclaimer:I don't own them, just the order in which most of the words are strung together.
Characters/Pairings:Nuke
Word Count: 50, 000 plus
Warnings: You are going to have to trust me. Be warned that there is angst. i can't give you more without completely ruinding the story.
Spoilers: None.
Summary: Sometimes the hardest battle in the war is finding your way back home.
Author’s Notes: This is the Big Bang that I didn't know I'd be writing when the whole thing started. An writer driopped out and since I had an idea I'd been turning over in my head for a year now, I figured I'd give it a go. I think it's some of the best stuff I've writen. Hopefully you'll agree.
Thank you to solostrightnow for the betas that were numerous and short-notice. solostrightnow for the awesome fan mix and being kind enough to let me make suggestions on her awesomeness. Thank you!
Link to Art Master Post: Click, Listen, Be amazed at Yael's great taste in music!
_____________________________________________________
Luke has to hold himself back from fidgeting. He has so many things going through him and just knows if he says still too long, he might explode. Instead, he starts asking questions.
"Is Noah expected to fully recover?"
Gerard turns away from the window to look at Luke. "Yes, if there are no head injuries. Right now, they are concerned that he hasn't regained consciousness."
Luke nods. "And if everything is okay, he'll be put back on active duty?"
"Yes, as long as there isn't anything physically or mentally that would exclude him from doing so."
Luke sits back and turns his head so he can look out of the window. He's having a hard time reconciling the thought that's in the back of his head. The one that wishes Noah has something wrong enough to stop him from being put back into active duty, while the bigger part of him is completely freaking out and insisting that nothing is wrong with Noah.
Luke pushes all the thoughts running through his mind out to the edges and concentrates on seeing Noah, watching his chest rise and fall as he breathes and looking into the face he knows almost as well as his own and making sure that it's really Noah. He wants to believe that things aren't going to dissolve and he's really still standing by Snyder Pond contemplating disappearing under the surface while ashes dance around on the breeze over his head.
Luke loses himself in thought, only blinking out of it when the attendant puts a hand on his shoulder and asks him to put on his seatbelt for landing. Luke complies, his hands shaking and body reacting to the promise of seeing Noah alive very soon.
They're pulling up to the hospital within an hour of landing, the traffic on the way to Walter Reed Army Hospital just one more obstacle that has to be dealt with on top of everything else.
Once they are at the hospital, Gerard makes a call from the lobby and it's a few minutes until an older looking gentleman comes out from a corridor and shakes Gerard's hand. The man then turns to Luke and smiles in that vaguely serious and comforting way that all doctors have. "Luke, I'm Doctor Shaw. I've been heading up Noah's care since he was transferred here to Reed.”
Luke shakes the doctor's hand while trying to decipher the rank initials stitched into the front of his lab coat. "It's nice to meet you…" He gives up on figuring it out. "Sir."
The doctor smiles, having seen Luke trying to decode his rank information. "You can just call me Dr. Shaw." He starts walking and indicates to Gerard and Luke that they should follow him. "Let's get you up to see Noah. I'm sure Major McLane explained the confusion around Noah's identity. We have all of our information changed to Noah and we were fortunate that none of the treatment that Noah had received as Samuel Hendricks was specific to Samuel or his blood type, but more treating the bodily injuries from the incident at the base."
Luke nods, watching the numbers on the elevator climb. "How serious are his injuries?"
Dr. Shaw turns to Luke and when Luke looks away from the doors and at him, he starts explaining the extent of them, what they know and have treated and what they are waiting for Noah to wake up to find out.
By the time the doors open and they're on their way down the corridor to Noah's room, Luke's head is spinning from all the information he'd just heard and he's shaking from the list of things that are wrong and the possible things that could be wrong when Noah wakes up. There is so much they don't know yet and they're getting concerned that it's been days and Noah is still not waking up. Luke is terrified about that as well, but right now the need to see Noah is overriding anything else.
Dr. Shaw stops outside of a door and turns to wait for Luke and Gerard to walk the last few steps to him. "Noah is in a private room for right now, since he's under critical care. Luke, Major McLane has updated me on the situation between you and Noah. Even though he's by himself in the room, it would be a prudent idea to pull the curtain around the bed as well. I don't have an issue with you seeing Noah, but I can't guarantee my fellow doctors or the nurses would feel the same way."
Luke wants to say so much to that, but he knows if he lets any of the diatribe on Don't Ask, Don't Tell that's sitting on his tongue gain flight, he could find himself in a car on the way back to the airport without seeing Noah. Pressing his lips together, he nods that he understands.
When Dr. Shaw sees his agreement, he moves from in front of the door and allows Luke to make his way inside the room.
Once the door closes behind him, it's quiet. There’s only the low click and whir of the I.V. pumps that are hung on poles behind Noah's bed like a post modernist metal forest, all but drowning out any sound of breathing.
Luke's eyes head for the face first, looking at the features and confirming to himself that this is really Noah.
Something inside of him loosens when the face he's been missing for the past year is the one that he sees in front of him. The slightly too big nose, the scar though his left eyebrow, the sharp line of his jaw. They're marred from what Noah has been through and lack the spark of Noah's blue eyes that make all those parts into the face of the man he loves.
Walking closer to the bed, Luke looks down at Noah. He runs his eyes over the injuries that he's been told about. The ones he can see, anyway.
He starts to reach for the blanket covering Noah, but remembers himself and pulls away, looking at the door and seeing Major McLane and Doctor Shaw talking in the small window. Walking to the other side of Noah's bed, he grabs the curtain hanging on its track and walks back around the bed, bringing the curtain with him, until he and Noah are in their own cloth bubble in the middle of the room.
Reaching for the blanket again, Luke pulls it down slowly until he folds it at Noah's waist and his eyes roam over the bruises and bandages until he feels his eyes start to ache and sting from forcing them to remain dry. Pulling the covers up again, he makes sure Noah's arm is laying on top of the blanket and turns to pull the lone chair in the room closer to the bed.
Once he's as comfortable as he’s going to get, carefully Luke puts his fingers under Noah's chin and slowly moves Noah's head to the side, just enough that Luke can watch his face from where he's sitting. He's mindful of the severe concussion that the doctor had told him is likely the cause of Noah not waking up yet. He wraps his other hand around Noah's and even though Noah's grip remains lax, just the feeling of warm, slightly rough skin makes Luke finally feel like this is real.
Luke watches as a wrinkle appears between Noah's eyes and he reaches up to run his thumb over it. "I know your head hurts, Noah. But if you think I came all this way to look at your ear, you're wrong. I'd like to be looking into your eyes right now, but the Doctor says you're stubbornly holding on to this silent and unconscious vibe you have going on. It kinda sucks that the first time I see you in a year, you're not even going to be awake for it."
Luke wraps his other and around Noah's, sandwiching the bruised hand between his own. "You're probably confused that people have been calling you Samuel Hendricks. There was a mess up, but they know you're Noah Mayer now. Maybe it was that beard you had grown that threw everyone off. Gerard said that a lot of you guys over there grow them because it helps the local men trust you. It's too bad they shaved it off when you came here. I would have liked to see it. It must have itched like crap when you were growing it though."
Luke knows he’s rambling, but the relief at seeing that it really is Noah in the bed has loosened the tight grip he's had on his tongue since hearing the news at the family barbecue. Leaning his chin on their combined hands, Luke hopes Noah can hear him. "Everyone sends their love to you. I kinda left in a hurry, but I'm sure Mom and Dad have spread the news and you have a city full of good thoughts coming at you. Everyone misses you." Luke stops himself from saying the obvious about him missing Noah. Loose tongue or not, if Noah doesn't know that, then there really is no hope.
Luke falls silent as he feels the emotions of the past few days bearing down on him. He thinks about this temporary pulling back of the Don't Ask, Don't Tell veil and tries not to let the bitterness at the whole situation roll off of him and affect Noah.
He doesn't know how he's going to go back to being the invisible man in Noah's life and Noah being Luke's is-he-or-isn't-he-my-boyfriend-doesn't-matter-much-since-he's-never-around invisible man.
He doesn't think he can live another two years in this terrifying limbo.
Luke pulls himself out of his morose thoughts and frowns when he sees the wrinkle between Noah's eyes again. He lets go of Noah's hand with one of his and smooths it away once more with the pad of his thumb. "You only do that when you're in pain or you're frustrated. I don't know which one you are right now. If you want something done about the pain or being frustrated, you're going to have to wake up and tell me, so I can get it fixed. You've been laying here long enough and it's time to open your eyes and let me know you're still in there. They say you might not be, Noah. You need to open your eyes and prove them wrong."
Luke watches Noah's face, doesn't know what he's looking for, just that it isn't there. Noah is being stubborn, of that Luke is sure. Luke sits back in his chair and taps his fingers on the back of Noah's hand, fidgeting. Luke is fully prepared to be just as stubborn. "Still not convinced you should wake up, eh? I can understand that, I'm pretty tired myself. They're not going to let me stay long and if you're just going to lie there, then maybe I should just do the same and catch up on my sleep until they take me out of here."
Luke watches Noah's face and sees the furrow between his brows get deeper. It's progress, so he keeps pushing. "The higher-ups that run this place are nothing like Bob Hughes. They're all rules and regulations. I had to pull my best Lucinda Walsh to get in here to see you. You need to make it worth my effort and open your eyes, Noah."
Luke watches Noah carefully and besides the wrinkle in between Noah's eyes, there is no indication that he's being heard or that Noah is coming around. Resting his chin on their combined hands, Luke closes his eyes and tries one more time to get through. "Noah, I need to believe that everything is going to be okay. That you're going to be okay. I need you to open your eyes." Luke swallows down the lump in his throat, his vocal cords aching from holding back the flood of emotion that wants to come out in his voice."Please. For me."
Luke squeezes their hands together and sends a prayer to whatever is out there listening, begging for Noah to be awake and whole. He can deal with everything else, somehow, as long as his Noah is still in there.
When he feels the pressure on his fingers, Luke's first thought is that he's squeezing their hands too tightly and loosens his grip, but to Luke's surprise, Noah's fingers stay firmly wrapped around his hand. Luke opens his eyes and looks at Noah's face. The wrinkle between Noah's brows is etched more deeply and joined by several new ones, and Luke can see the strain of effort tightening the skin around Noah's mouth.
Luke leans closer, bringing up the hand that Noah is not squeezing and tracing his fingertips lightly over Noah's forehead. "Come on, Noah. Open your eyes for me."
It takes a few minutes and few times where Luke is sure Noah has fallen back into unconsciousness, but just when he's about to open his mouth to coax Noah again, Luke finds hazy blue eyes looking over at him.
Choking down the sob that wants to come out of him, Luke smiles at Noah and runs the pad of his thumb over Noah's eyebrow. "Hey," he manages to croak out.
"L…Luke?"
Noah's voice sounds hoarse and gravelly from days without use and his only hydration coming intravenously.
Nodding, Luke lays his hand on the side of Noah's face gently. "Yeah." He doesn't want to overwhelm Noah with too many words and too much emotion coming at him, so he pushes it down and stays quiet, moving slowly so Noah's hazy eyes don't have a problem tracking his movements.
Reaching on the bedside table, Luke pours a glass of water from the carafe and drops a straw into it, bringing it to Noah's lips, watching as he carefully sips at it and the water quenches the fire in Noah's throat.
After a few sips, Luke pulls the cup away and has to smile at the way Noah's lips pout a little in reaction. Luke can tell that Noah is still heavily under the influence of the drugs they are pumping through him, his eyes hazed and the expression on his face very similar to Ethan after he's woken from a long nap.
"Am I dead?"
Luke flinches and nearly drops the glass of water. Turning to put it carefully on the table, he turns back to Noah and sees he's thought the worst.
"Crap," Noah says in a small voice. "Real Luke is going to kill me. Again."
Frowning, Luke sits back beside Noah's bed, "What do you mean real Luke?"
"Real Luke is in Oakdale. I wish I was there. Not happy with me joining… Army. You're nice an' everything, but he can't be here, 'cause then he'd be dead too."
Luke tries to wrap his brain around Noah's logic, but before he can respond, Noah starts talking again.
"You're not wearing stripes. Real Luke wears stripes. And sleeps. You don' look like you have… long time."
Biting his bottom lip, Luke huffs out a breath. "Well, it's been a couple of rough days, Noah. And when I grabbed a shirt to get ready to come here, I just cared about clean, not stripes. It's me, Noah. I promise. You're not dead and I'm here."
Noah's eyes start to close again and Luke panics, "Noah….Noah, hey! Open your eyes. Don't go back to sleep, Bubby. You need to stay awake."
Noah's eyes snap open and his eyes track over to Luke. "What did you call me?"
Luke squeezes Noah's hand. "Bubby. Who else but me calls you that? I'm Real Luke, Noah, and I'm right here."
Noah's eyes widen, still shiny from the haze of narcotics, and his hand squeezes Luke's almost painfully. "Luke?"
The tone is hushed, sounding like he's afraid to believe it.
Luke smiles and stands up, leaning down to brush his lips lightly against Noah's. "I'm here. You're alive. You promised not to get killed over there and you always keep your promises, remember?"
Noah hums a little and his tongue darts out to lick Luke's taste off of his lips, his eyelids drooping again. "I'm hurt?"
"Yeah. You have some industrial strength drugs going through you, so you probably can't feel them, but yeah."
Noah hums again, processing the information. "But…the Army…how?"
Luke takes a stab at what Noah is asking. "How am I here?"
Noah nods and Luke chuckles a little. "I'm Lucinda Walsh's grandson. You think I'm going to take no as an answer?"
The corner of Noah's mouth quirks up. "Miss her. Miss everyone."
"I'll make sure I tell them that. Maybe when you're better you can get some time off and tell them yourself."
Noah hums in agreement. "Swim in the pond."
"You can do anything you like, Bubby. You just have to get better, okay?"
Noah nods his head a little and Luke can tell from the slow blinking that Noah is fighting a losing battle against falling asleep again. "Hey Bubby? I need you to stay awake for another minute, okay? I have to let your doctor know you're awake and still you."
Noah nods again, his eyelids fluttering as he fights to stay awake. "Who else'd I be?"
Luke leans down and kisses Noah's forehead. "You'd be surprised."
Luke pulls the curtain back and leans out the opening. "Doctor Shaw!"
He says it loud enough that it startles Noah a little more awake and gets the attention of Gerard and the doctor just outside of the door.
They open the it and peek in and Luke smiles at them. "He's awake and he's still Noah."
Both of them come further into the room and Doctor Shaw walks up to Noah's side. "Noah? Glad to see you back with us, son."
It's obvious Noah is fighting a losing battle against going back to sleep, but he rallies enough to look up at the doctor. "Thank you…Sir."
Doctor Shaw manages to keep Noah up and answering his questions to test his memory and recall for a few minutes, before Noah is too tired to continue, his words slurring together.
"You did well, Noah," Dr. Shaw says as he drapes his stethoscope around his neck and reaches for the binder at the end of Noah's bed. "We're probably going to wake you up a lot in the next few hours. We'll need to run some tests, so rest now while you can."
Noah nods and looks over at Luke. "You gonna be here?"
Luke nods. "As long as they'll let me."
"'kay." The word barely leaves Noah's lips before he's tumbled over into the sleep of the drugged.
Luke looks up from Noah's slack face and at the doctor. "How is he doing?"
"I'm encouraged. He doesn't seem to be having any cognitive issues that aren't directly related to the concussion and the painkillers he's on. We're going to need to run tests on him to find out the full extent of his injuries," He pauses and Luke knows what's going to come out of the doctor's mouth. "Unfortunately, this is the point where we can't have you in with Noah any longer. With the new regulations after 9/11, we cannot accept any visitors that are not family. Noah is going to have contact with nearly every area of this hospital and officially you don't exist in Noah's life. There's not a way I can prove that you should have access to him and his information. I'm sorry, Luke."
Luke wraps his arms around his middle, knowing it was coming does nothing to lessen the blow when it does. He looks at Noah sleeping less than three feet from him and then back at Doctor Shaw. "Please. There has to be something. There is no way he's even going to remember I was here the next time he wakes up. I'll be lucky if he thinks I was a dream. He wants me here, you heard him."
Doctor Shaw looks uncomfortable as he puts Noah's binder back into the holder at the end of his bed. "I know, but unfortunately Noah doesn't have the final say on this. The regulations are very clear and both Major McLane and I have both put ourselves on the line to even get you in this room. If anyone was to come in right now and ask who you are to Noah, we'd have a hell of a time explaining why you're here."
His stomach rolling, Luke swallows down the ache in his throat. "So, I get to know he's awake and might not have a head injury, I get to know his other injuries as they stood before he woke up and now I'm cut off, unless he dies…again?"
Dr. Shaw looks over at Gerard and the two of them seem to have a silent conversation. When they come to an agreement, Dr. Shaw starts talking again. "I will keep Major McLane updated on what's happening with Noah. The two of you can arrange how that information is conveyed to you, Luke. I'm sorry, but that's the best that I can do."
Even though everything in him is raging and clawing at his insides, Luke knows that showing that will only get him leaving faster, so he forces himself to keep calm on the outside. "Can I have a minute? Just to say goodbye?"
Dr. Shaw shakes his head. "I've seen the interns making their rounds and they'll be here within the next few minutes. I was about to come in and get you when you called to tell us Noah was awake. If we don't want Noah's relationship with you reported, you need to leave with Major McLane, now."
Luke feels like asking the doctor if he'd just like to reach inside of his chest and rip out his heart, because it feels like what's he's doing right now. Putting a hand on Noah's foot, he squeezes it, too choked up to say anything in front of these two men. It even feels like a struggle to breathe right now.
He feels Gerard put a hand on his shoulder and Luke wants to shake it off, but this man is his only link to Noah now. He can't afford to react the way he wants to at all this homophobic bullshit.
Taking a breath, Luke straightens himself up to full height and nods at Dr. Shaw before walking out of the room, head held high, resuming his position as the invisible man in Noah's life.
Gerard is right behind him and walks with Luke down to the lobby area of the hospital, knowing better than to try to talk to him in the confined space of the elevator. Gerard walks them to a secluded corner of the lobby and sits down across from Luke. "I want you to know that I couldn't have asked anyone to handle that any better than you. I know it was too short and I'm sorry for that, Luke. Until the regulations change, our hands are tied. If it was up to me and Dr. Shaw, you'd be in Noah's room until he walks out of here on his own power."
Luke nods, still not trusting himself to speak, the lump still clawing fiercely at his throat.
"I've arranged to be temporarily assigned to an area here in D.C., so I'll make sure that I check in on Noah as much as I can. Everything I know, you'll know. It's not ideal, but it's the best I can do right now."
Luke nods again, forcing himself to speak, no matter how much it hurts. "Now we need to work on number two."
"Ah yes, you did say two things you wanted. What is the second?"
Luke looks around the area they're in and sees that no one is around. Leaning forward, he lays out exactly what he wants and at the end of it, Gerard nods. "You'd make a hell of a strategist, kid."
Thinking of his grandmother, the corner of Luke's lips rises upwards for a beat. "I learned from the best."
"Consider it done."
BOOK TWO
Author(s): solostrightnow
Artist: escapes
Rating:NC-17 just in case
Disclaimer:I don't own them, just the order in which most of the words are strung together.
Characters/Pairings:Nuke
Word Count: 50, 000 plus
Warnings: You are going to have to trust me. Be warned that there is angst. i can't give you more without completely ruinding the story.
Spoilers: None.
Summary: Sometimes the hardest battle in the war is finding your way back home.
Author’s Notes: This is the Big Bang that I didn't know I'd be writing when the whole thing started. An writer driopped out and since I had an idea I'd been turning over in my head for a year now, I figured I'd give it a go. I think it's some of the best stuff I've writen. Hopefully you'll agree.
Thank you to solostrightnow for the betas that were numerous and short-notice. solostrightnow for the awesome fan mix and being kind enough to let me make suggestions on her awesomeness. Thank you!
Link to Art Master Post: Click, Listen, Be amazed at Yael's great taste in music!
_____________________________________________________
Luke has to hold himself back from fidgeting. He has so many things going through him and just knows if he says still too long, he might explode. Instead, he starts asking questions.
"Is Noah expected to fully recover?"
Gerard turns away from the window to look at Luke. "Yes, if there are no head injuries. Right now, they are concerned that he hasn't regained consciousness."
Luke nods. "And if everything is okay, he'll be put back on active duty?"
"Yes, as long as there isn't anything physically or mentally that would exclude him from doing so."
Luke sits back and turns his head so he can look out of the window. He's having a hard time reconciling the thought that's in the back of his head. The one that wishes Noah has something wrong enough to stop him from being put back into active duty, while the bigger part of him is completely freaking out and insisting that nothing is wrong with Noah.
Luke pushes all the thoughts running through his mind out to the edges and concentrates on seeing Noah, watching his chest rise and fall as he breathes and looking into the face he knows almost as well as his own and making sure that it's really Noah. He wants to believe that things aren't going to dissolve and he's really still standing by Snyder Pond contemplating disappearing under the surface while ashes dance around on the breeze over his head.
Luke loses himself in thought, only blinking out of it when the attendant puts a hand on his shoulder and asks him to put on his seatbelt for landing. Luke complies, his hands shaking and body reacting to the promise of seeing Noah alive very soon.
They're pulling up to the hospital within an hour of landing, the traffic on the way to Walter Reed Army Hospital just one more obstacle that has to be dealt with on top of everything else.
Once they are at the hospital, Gerard makes a call from the lobby and it's a few minutes until an older looking gentleman comes out from a corridor and shakes Gerard's hand. The man then turns to Luke and smiles in that vaguely serious and comforting way that all doctors have. "Luke, I'm Doctor Shaw. I've been heading up Noah's care since he was transferred here to Reed.”
Luke shakes the doctor's hand while trying to decipher the rank initials stitched into the front of his lab coat. "It's nice to meet you…" He gives up on figuring it out. "Sir."
The doctor smiles, having seen Luke trying to decode his rank information. "You can just call me Dr. Shaw." He starts walking and indicates to Gerard and Luke that they should follow him. "Let's get you up to see Noah. I'm sure Major McLane explained the confusion around Noah's identity. We have all of our information changed to Noah and we were fortunate that none of the treatment that Noah had received as Samuel Hendricks was specific to Samuel or his blood type, but more treating the bodily injuries from the incident at the base."
Luke nods, watching the numbers on the elevator climb. "How serious are his injuries?"
Dr. Shaw turns to Luke and when Luke looks away from the doors and at him, he starts explaining the extent of them, what they know and have treated and what they are waiting for Noah to wake up to find out.
By the time the doors open and they're on their way down the corridor to Noah's room, Luke's head is spinning from all the information he'd just heard and he's shaking from the list of things that are wrong and the possible things that could be wrong when Noah wakes up. There is so much they don't know yet and they're getting concerned that it's been days and Noah is still not waking up. Luke is terrified about that as well, but right now the need to see Noah is overriding anything else.
Dr. Shaw stops outside of a door and turns to wait for Luke and Gerard to walk the last few steps to him. "Noah is in a private room for right now, since he's under critical care. Luke, Major McLane has updated me on the situation between you and Noah. Even though he's by himself in the room, it would be a prudent idea to pull the curtain around the bed as well. I don't have an issue with you seeing Noah, but I can't guarantee my fellow doctors or the nurses would feel the same way."
Luke wants to say so much to that, but he knows if he lets any of the diatribe on Don't Ask, Don't Tell that's sitting on his tongue gain flight, he could find himself in a car on the way back to the airport without seeing Noah. Pressing his lips together, he nods that he understands.
When Dr. Shaw sees his agreement, he moves from in front of the door and allows Luke to make his way inside the room.
Once the door closes behind him, it's quiet. There’s only the low click and whir of the I.V. pumps that are hung on poles behind Noah's bed like a post modernist metal forest, all but drowning out any sound of breathing.
Luke's eyes head for the face first, looking at the features and confirming to himself that this is really Noah.
Something inside of him loosens when the face he's been missing for the past year is the one that he sees in front of him. The slightly too big nose, the scar though his left eyebrow, the sharp line of his jaw. They're marred from what Noah has been through and lack the spark of Noah's blue eyes that make all those parts into the face of the man he loves.
Walking closer to the bed, Luke looks down at Noah. He runs his eyes over the injuries that he's been told about. The ones he can see, anyway.
He starts to reach for the blanket covering Noah, but remembers himself and pulls away, looking at the door and seeing Major McLane and Doctor Shaw talking in the small window. Walking to the other side of Noah's bed, he grabs the curtain hanging on its track and walks back around the bed, bringing the curtain with him, until he and Noah are in their own cloth bubble in the middle of the room.
Reaching for the blanket again, Luke pulls it down slowly until he folds it at Noah's waist and his eyes roam over the bruises and bandages until he feels his eyes start to ache and sting from forcing them to remain dry. Pulling the covers up again, he makes sure Noah's arm is laying on top of the blanket and turns to pull the lone chair in the room closer to the bed.
Once he's as comfortable as he’s going to get, carefully Luke puts his fingers under Noah's chin and slowly moves Noah's head to the side, just enough that Luke can watch his face from where he's sitting. He's mindful of the severe concussion that the doctor had told him is likely the cause of Noah not waking up yet. He wraps his other hand around Noah's and even though Noah's grip remains lax, just the feeling of warm, slightly rough skin makes Luke finally feel like this is real.
Luke watches as a wrinkle appears between Noah's eyes and he reaches up to run his thumb over it. "I know your head hurts, Noah. But if you think I came all this way to look at your ear, you're wrong. I'd like to be looking into your eyes right now, but the Doctor says you're stubbornly holding on to this silent and unconscious vibe you have going on. It kinda sucks that the first time I see you in a year, you're not even going to be awake for it."
Luke wraps his other and around Noah's, sandwiching the bruised hand between his own. "You're probably confused that people have been calling you Samuel Hendricks. There was a mess up, but they know you're Noah Mayer now. Maybe it was that beard you had grown that threw everyone off. Gerard said that a lot of you guys over there grow them because it helps the local men trust you. It's too bad they shaved it off when you came here. I would have liked to see it. It must have itched like crap when you were growing it though."
Luke knows he’s rambling, but the relief at seeing that it really is Noah in the bed has loosened the tight grip he's had on his tongue since hearing the news at the family barbecue. Leaning his chin on their combined hands, Luke hopes Noah can hear him. "Everyone sends their love to you. I kinda left in a hurry, but I'm sure Mom and Dad have spread the news and you have a city full of good thoughts coming at you. Everyone misses you." Luke stops himself from saying the obvious about him missing Noah. Loose tongue or not, if Noah doesn't know that, then there really is no hope.
Luke falls silent as he feels the emotions of the past few days bearing down on him. He thinks about this temporary pulling back of the Don't Ask, Don't Tell veil and tries not to let the bitterness at the whole situation roll off of him and affect Noah.
He doesn't know how he's going to go back to being the invisible man in Noah's life and Noah being Luke's is-he-or-isn't-he-my-boyfriend-doesn't-matter-much-since-he's-never-around invisible man.
He doesn't think he can live another two years in this terrifying limbo.
Luke pulls himself out of his morose thoughts and frowns when he sees the wrinkle between Noah's eyes again. He lets go of Noah's hand with one of his and smooths it away once more with the pad of his thumb. "You only do that when you're in pain or you're frustrated. I don't know which one you are right now. If you want something done about the pain or being frustrated, you're going to have to wake up and tell me, so I can get it fixed. You've been laying here long enough and it's time to open your eyes and let me know you're still in there. They say you might not be, Noah. You need to open your eyes and prove them wrong."
Luke watches Noah's face, doesn't know what he's looking for, just that it isn't there. Noah is being stubborn, of that Luke is sure. Luke sits back in his chair and taps his fingers on the back of Noah's hand, fidgeting. Luke is fully prepared to be just as stubborn. "Still not convinced you should wake up, eh? I can understand that, I'm pretty tired myself. They're not going to let me stay long and if you're just going to lie there, then maybe I should just do the same and catch up on my sleep until they take me out of here."
Luke watches Noah's face and sees the furrow between his brows get deeper. It's progress, so he keeps pushing. "The higher-ups that run this place are nothing like Bob Hughes. They're all rules and regulations. I had to pull my best Lucinda Walsh to get in here to see you. You need to make it worth my effort and open your eyes, Noah."
Luke watches Noah carefully and besides the wrinkle in between Noah's eyes, there is no indication that he's being heard or that Noah is coming around. Resting his chin on their combined hands, Luke closes his eyes and tries one more time to get through. "Noah, I need to believe that everything is going to be okay. That you're going to be okay. I need you to open your eyes." Luke swallows down the lump in his throat, his vocal cords aching from holding back the flood of emotion that wants to come out in his voice."Please. For me."
Luke squeezes their hands together and sends a prayer to whatever is out there listening, begging for Noah to be awake and whole. He can deal with everything else, somehow, as long as his Noah is still in there.
When he feels the pressure on his fingers, Luke's first thought is that he's squeezing their hands too tightly and loosens his grip, but to Luke's surprise, Noah's fingers stay firmly wrapped around his hand. Luke opens his eyes and looks at Noah's face. The wrinkle between Noah's brows is etched more deeply and joined by several new ones, and Luke can see the strain of effort tightening the skin around Noah's mouth.
Luke leans closer, bringing up the hand that Noah is not squeezing and tracing his fingertips lightly over Noah's forehead. "Come on, Noah. Open your eyes for me."
It takes a few minutes and few times where Luke is sure Noah has fallen back into unconsciousness, but just when he's about to open his mouth to coax Noah again, Luke finds hazy blue eyes looking over at him.
Choking down the sob that wants to come out of him, Luke smiles at Noah and runs the pad of his thumb over Noah's eyebrow. "Hey," he manages to croak out.
"L…Luke?"
Noah's voice sounds hoarse and gravelly from days without use and his only hydration coming intravenously.
Nodding, Luke lays his hand on the side of Noah's face gently. "Yeah." He doesn't want to overwhelm Noah with too many words and too much emotion coming at him, so he pushes it down and stays quiet, moving slowly so Noah's hazy eyes don't have a problem tracking his movements.
Reaching on the bedside table, Luke pours a glass of water from the carafe and drops a straw into it, bringing it to Noah's lips, watching as he carefully sips at it and the water quenches the fire in Noah's throat.
After a few sips, Luke pulls the cup away and has to smile at the way Noah's lips pout a little in reaction. Luke can tell that Noah is still heavily under the influence of the drugs they are pumping through him, his eyes hazed and the expression on his face very similar to Ethan after he's woken from a long nap.
"Am I dead?"
Luke flinches and nearly drops the glass of water. Turning to put it carefully on the table, he turns back to Noah and sees he's thought the worst.
"Crap," Noah says in a small voice. "Real Luke is going to kill me. Again."
Frowning, Luke sits back beside Noah's bed, "What do you mean real Luke?"
"Real Luke is in Oakdale. I wish I was there. Not happy with me joining… Army. You're nice an' everything, but he can't be here, 'cause then he'd be dead too."
Luke tries to wrap his brain around Noah's logic, but before he can respond, Noah starts talking again.
"You're not wearing stripes. Real Luke wears stripes. And sleeps. You don' look like you have… long time."
Biting his bottom lip, Luke huffs out a breath. "Well, it's been a couple of rough days, Noah. And when I grabbed a shirt to get ready to come here, I just cared about clean, not stripes. It's me, Noah. I promise. You're not dead and I'm here."
Noah's eyes start to close again and Luke panics, "Noah….Noah, hey! Open your eyes. Don't go back to sleep, Bubby. You need to stay awake."
Noah's eyes snap open and his eyes track over to Luke. "What did you call me?"
Luke squeezes Noah's hand. "Bubby. Who else but me calls you that? I'm Real Luke, Noah, and I'm right here."
Noah's eyes widen, still shiny from the haze of narcotics, and his hand squeezes Luke's almost painfully. "Luke?"
The tone is hushed, sounding like he's afraid to believe it.
Luke smiles and stands up, leaning down to brush his lips lightly against Noah's. "I'm here. You're alive. You promised not to get killed over there and you always keep your promises, remember?"
Noah hums a little and his tongue darts out to lick Luke's taste off of his lips, his eyelids drooping again. "I'm hurt?"
"Yeah. You have some industrial strength drugs going through you, so you probably can't feel them, but yeah."
Noah hums again, processing the information. "But…the Army…how?"
Luke takes a stab at what Noah is asking. "How am I here?"
Noah nods and Luke chuckles a little. "I'm Lucinda Walsh's grandson. You think I'm going to take no as an answer?"
The corner of Noah's mouth quirks up. "Miss her. Miss everyone."
"I'll make sure I tell them that. Maybe when you're better you can get some time off and tell them yourself."
Noah hums in agreement. "Swim in the pond."
"You can do anything you like, Bubby. You just have to get better, okay?"
Noah nods his head a little and Luke can tell from the slow blinking that Noah is fighting a losing battle against falling asleep again. "Hey Bubby? I need you to stay awake for another minute, okay? I have to let your doctor know you're awake and still you."
Noah nods again, his eyelids fluttering as he fights to stay awake. "Who else'd I be?"
Luke leans down and kisses Noah's forehead. "You'd be surprised."
Luke pulls the curtain back and leans out the opening. "Doctor Shaw!"
He says it loud enough that it startles Noah a little more awake and gets the attention of Gerard and the doctor just outside of the door.
They open the it and peek in and Luke smiles at them. "He's awake and he's still Noah."
Both of them come further into the room and Doctor Shaw walks up to Noah's side. "Noah? Glad to see you back with us, son."
It's obvious Noah is fighting a losing battle against going back to sleep, but he rallies enough to look up at the doctor. "Thank you…Sir."
Doctor Shaw manages to keep Noah up and answering his questions to test his memory and recall for a few minutes, before Noah is too tired to continue, his words slurring together.
"You did well, Noah," Dr. Shaw says as he drapes his stethoscope around his neck and reaches for the binder at the end of Noah's bed. "We're probably going to wake you up a lot in the next few hours. We'll need to run some tests, so rest now while you can."
Noah nods and looks over at Luke. "You gonna be here?"
Luke nods. "As long as they'll let me."
"'kay." The word barely leaves Noah's lips before he's tumbled over into the sleep of the drugged.
Luke looks up from Noah's slack face and at the doctor. "How is he doing?"
"I'm encouraged. He doesn't seem to be having any cognitive issues that aren't directly related to the concussion and the painkillers he's on. We're going to need to run tests on him to find out the full extent of his injuries," He pauses and Luke knows what's going to come out of the doctor's mouth. "Unfortunately, this is the point where we can't have you in with Noah any longer. With the new regulations after 9/11, we cannot accept any visitors that are not family. Noah is going to have contact with nearly every area of this hospital and officially you don't exist in Noah's life. There's not a way I can prove that you should have access to him and his information. I'm sorry, Luke."
Luke wraps his arms around his middle, knowing it was coming does nothing to lessen the blow when it does. He looks at Noah sleeping less than three feet from him and then back at Doctor Shaw. "Please. There has to be something. There is no way he's even going to remember I was here the next time he wakes up. I'll be lucky if he thinks I was a dream. He wants me here, you heard him."
Doctor Shaw looks uncomfortable as he puts Noah's binder back into the holder at the end of his bed. "I know, but unfortunately Noah doesn't have the final say on this. The regulations are very clear and both Major McLane and I have both put ourselves on the line to even get you in this room. If anyone was to come in right now and ask who you are to Noah, we'd have a hell of a time explaining why you're here."
His stomach rolling, Luke swallows down the ache in his throat. "So, I get to know he's awake and might not have a head injury, I get to know his other injuries as they stood before he woke up and now I'm cut off, unless he dies…again?"
Dr. Shaw looks over at Gerard and the two of them seem to have a silent conversation. When they come to an agreement, Dr. Shaw starts talking again. "I will keep Major McLane updated on what's happening with Noah. The two of you can arrange how that information is conveyed to you, Luke. I'm sorry, but that's the best that I can do."
Even though everything in him is raging and clawing at his insides, Luke knows that showing that will only get him leaving faster, so he forces himself to keep calm on the outside. "Can I have a minute? Just to say goodbye?"
Dr. Shaw shakes his head. "I've seen the interns making their rounds and they'll be here within the next few minutes. I was about to come in and get you when you called to tell us Noah was awake. If we don't want Noah's relationship with you reported, you need to leave with Major McLane, now."
Luke feels like asking the doctor if he'd just like to reach inside of his chest and rip out his heart, because it feels like what's he's doing right now. Putting a hand on Noah's foot, he squeezes it, too choked up to say anything in front of these two men. It even feels like a struggle to breathe right now.
He feels Gerard put a hand on his shoulder and Luke wants to shake it off, but this man is his only link to Noah now. He can't afford to react the way he wants to at all this homophobic bullshit.
Taking a breath, Luke straightens himself up to full height and nods at Dr. Shaw before walking out of the room, head held high, resuming his position as the invisible man in Noah's life.
Gerard is right behind him and walks with Luke down to the lobby area of the hospital, knowing better than to try to talk to him in the confined space of the elevator. Gerard walks them to a secluded corner of the lobby and sits down across from Luke. "I want you to know that I couldn't have asked anyone to handle that any better than you. I know it was too short and I'm sorry for that, Luke. Until the regulations change, our hands are tied. If it was up to me and Dr. Shaw, you'd be in Noah's room until he walks out of here on his own power."
Luke nods, still not trusting himself to speak, the lump still clawing fiercely at his throat.
"I've arranged to be temporarily assigned to an area here in D.C., so I'll make sure that I check in on Noah as much as I can. Everything I know, you'll know. It's not ideal, but it's the best I can do right now."
Luke nods again, forcing himself to speak, no matter how much it hurts. "Now we need to work on number two."
"Ah yes, you did say two things you wanted. What is the second?"
Luke looks around the area they're in and sees that no one is around. Leaning forward, he lays out exactly what he wants and at the end of it, Gerard nods. "You'd make a hell of a strategist, kid."
Thinking of his grandmother, the corner of Luke's lips rises upwards for a beat. "I learned from the best."
"Consider it done."
BOOK TWO