Homecoming - Brothers & Others
Title: Homecoming
Author(s): escapes
Artist: solostrightnow
Rating:NC-17 just in case
Disclaimer:I don't own them, just the order in which most of the words are strung together.
Characters/Pairings:Nuke
Word Count: 50, 000 plus
Warnings: You are going to have to trust me. Be warned that there is angst. i can't give you more without completely ruinding the story.
Spoilers: None.
Summary: Sometimes the hardest battle in the war is finding your way back home.
Author’s Notes: This is the Big Bang that I didn't know I'd be writing when the whole thing started. An writer driopped out and since I had an idea I'd been turning over in my head for a year now, I figured I'd give it a go. I think it's some of the best stuff I've writen. Hopefully you'll agree.
Thank you to noelleleithe for the betas that were numerous and short-notice. solostrightnow for the awesome fan mix and being kind enough to let me make suggestions on her awesomeness. Thank you!
Link to Art Master Post: Click, Listen, Be amazed at Yael's great taste in music!
_____________________________________________________
There are two things that Sergeant Mark Topper needs right now. One is the world’s biggest cup of coffee and two is to figure out where in the hell Luther's Corners is hiding.
He's been up since 3:30 along with Staff Sergeant Robert Freeman, when they'd been called to be on standby to act as Casualty Notification officers for Private First Class Mayer as requested by Major McLane. They both had come into contact with Noah, Mark being the other Recruitment Officer that had worked with Nick Davis to shepherd the new recruits in Noah's group to the Induction Center, and there Staff Sergeant Freeman had conducted Noah's intake interview and signed off on his paperwork.
They both know why they've been chosen for this duty by Major McLane, Mark having had interaction with both Luke and Noah and Robert having been told by Noah directly that he was gay and then counseling him to retract the statement and serve his country with honor, regardless of which gender his affections laid with. Luke Snyder had been deemed by Mayer as his next of kin and as such, he is to be treated with all the respect and dignity the Army can provide. The last thing he needs is some jackass that freaks when he realizes that Luke is not Noah's brother.
They'd set up command in one of the Chicago Recruitment Office's conference rooms, Major McLane advising them that nothing could move forward until the notification had been requested to be performed through proper channels.
After being briefed on the duties and responsibilities of a Casualty Notification officer and having nothing to do now but wait, they monitored the unfolding situation through the Army's secure network, waiting for the casualty lists to be updated and watching call after call for volunteers to either act as Casualty Notification or Escort Duty for nearly every state in the continental United States.
When the official word went out for notification, it was nearly eleven hours later and the middle of the afternoon. Mark and Robert loaded their packed bags into the trunk of their car, reviewed their directions and started on their way.
Mark knew that they were racing the network and cable news, the media having caught wind of something big having gone down in the desert. The decision had been made not to update the casualty lists, even on secure channels, until notification was complete to try to stop the families of the fallen soldiers from finding out the fate of their soldier in the most brutally public way possible.
"We're in Luther's Corners."
Mark climbs out of his thoughts and looks at the small little strip of main street they're on. He pulls over to the side of the road in front of what looks like a feed store. "You sure?"
Robert nods, tilting his head towards his window on the passenger side. "Church at two o'clock says Luther's Corners," he points out.
Turning his own head, Mark sees the lettering over the entrance and nods. "Now we just have to figure out which way Mile High Road is."
"Looks like we've been spotted," Robert says, canting his head in the direction of a man standing in front of the feed store.
Once the man sees the gesture, he seems to take it as permission to walk up to the car. Mark looks him over and he's obviously from around here. From the way he dresses Mark would be willing to bet that he has a farm close by, and from the way he walks, Mark can tell he's been military at some point in his life. This is confirmed when a glance at the ball cap on his head announces that it's from the Oakdale Veterans Association.
"You looking for the Snyders?"
Robert looks at Mark and Mark looks at Robert. It's a point of honor to not have to ask for directions on a mission like this, but with Luther's Corners being so small, all the maps they can find only show the main street and no mention of Mile High Road at all. Robert is the ranking officer, so he'll need to make the decision to answer or carry on trying to find the road.
"We're looking for Mile High Road, it doesn't seem to be on the maps at all," Robert says, deciding that not beating the news channels falls further into the dishonor column than asking for directions.
"That's true, young man. Most maps just roll us in with Oakdale. My farm is past there. If you'll follow me, I'll bring you."
Both of us nod and thank him, but he waves the thanks off.
"Sorry to see that you're here about Noah. He was a fine young man. And don't worry, I won't say a word about Noah until the Snyders do." The old man stops and looks at both Robert and Mark as if he's sizing them up. "You'll be treating Luke with the honor and dignity that Noah's sacrifice and the uniform you're wearing requires?"
It's phrased as a question, but Mark knows that it's more of an order. He knows they're being given credit because of the uniform they're wearing, but that courtesy will be removed if they don't pass muster with the old man.
Mark is glad that Luther's Corners, and probably Oakdale as a whole, are protective of Luke and Noah. He knows back when he'd given Luke the bottle of water and talked to him outside of the hotel in Chicago that he was dismissive of the relationship Luke and Noah had. It had caused him to question whether to decline Major McLane's request to do this duty. He's grown since then, but Luke has no way of knowing that. It was the thought of some idiot, like he'd been, making things harder for Luke by questioning his right to be Noah's next of kin and the true depths of Noah's sacrifice to his country that made up Mark's mind.
Though Robert looks a little taken aback by the old man's questioning, Mark finds himself meeting the old man's gaze and holding it, the understanding passing between them. "Yes, sir. We were hand picked for this duty because we have met and interacted with both Maye... Noah and Luke. We will do honor to Luke, Noah and the country we serve."
The old man nods, finding what he needs in Mark's answer. "Merle Jenkins, Marines. Vietnam and Korea. I live the next farm over from Emma Snyder. Luke will be there today. It's the youngest's birthday. I'm sorry boys, this won't be a very private notification."
Mark feels his heart sink for Luke. He and his family have no idea that a freight train of hurt is barreling at them. Christ. "Thank you for the warning, sir. Whenever you're ready."
"You'll need to give me a minute to get to my truck. Came out on the bad end of a mishap with my tractor. Not moving as fast as I used to."
He's moving away before either Mark or Robert can say anything. True to his word, a minute later they're following an aging pickup with veteran plates down a packed gravel road that starts up as they turn off of the main road, announcing its concession number on a small sign that could be missed if you weren't looking for it.
They roll up the windows and turn on the air in the car, not wanting the dust from the road to denigrate the uniform. Not today. Mark remembers from his childhood in Iowa how hot and humid the weather can get in mid-July and is thankful for the cool air while it's available. He knows it's going to be a long time until they find their hotel and check in for the night.
Mark sees Robert pull out the paper with the procedures for notifying next of kin and wants to tell him Luke isn't going to register anything they say, that the moment he sees them he's going to know why they're there. Mark doesn't say anything. He knows they're given the procedures to appear calm and in control of the situation, to stop them from saying I'm sorry, I'm so sorry over and over again.
From those same procedures, he'd read that a medically trained person and a driver are supposed to be with them, in case of fainting and violent reaction respectively, but the situation at hand calls for the bending of some rules.
When he sees the turn signal on Merle's pickup turn on and blink on the passenger side three times, Mark knows they've reached their destination. Slowing the car as Merle pulls away, his hand raised out of the window in a parting gesture, Mark pulls to the side of the road. They see a farmhouse, the trees in the front yard tied with yellow ribbons fluttering in the breeze, and beyond that a barn that looks like it houses stables, if the horses that can be seen in the paddocks beside it are any indication.
They both instinctively check their uniforms, not wanting to be fussing with them once they get out of the car. Mark positions the uniform beret on his head as he looks at the fleet of cars that are parked down the driveway of the Snyder farm. If there is a worse scenario for Luke to get this news, he doesn't know what it is. Poor kid.
When they are both squared away, Mark puts the car into gear again and drives the last five hundred feet to the end of the Snyder driveway. Parking the car, they fall into step with each other and walk down the driveway, their footsteps crunching on the gravel and announcing their approach.
About the same time as they round the side of the house, a little boy runs towards them, wide grin on his face and cheeks stained with popsicle juice. Mark flinches as the boy calls out Noah's name in a happy voice, but stops moving when he realizes that neither of them are Noah.
Mark sees a wiry, dark-haired man come around the same corner the boy had. "Ethan? Buddy, Noah is far, far away and can't come home for your birthda..."
* * * * *
It's irrational, but the first thought that jumps into Aaron Snyder’s head when he sees the two Army guys standing in front of him is, 'It wasn't me. I didn't do it.' It amuses him for half a second before the reason two Army guys would be here at the farm hits him. Then the second thought hits.
Oh shit.
Aaron reaches his arms out and lifts Ethan into them. Looking up at the wall of green that's facing him, his eyes widen. He means to ask an actual question, but all he can seem to force out of his mouth without his voice wobbling all over the place is, "Luke?"
The younger guy, Aaron's assuming he's younger because he's got less doo-dads on his jacket, nods and the only thing that stops Aaron from swearing is the little guy in his arms. "Do you want me get Luke or..."
"We'll follow you."
Ethan looks up at Aaron and then back at the guys that are wearing the same clothes that Noah is wearing in the picture that his brother Luke, his grandma, his mommy and his daddy show when he asks where Noah is. He stares at the two men, trying to wrap his brain around it. "No Noah?"
Aaron shakes his head, walking to the yard, looking down at Ethan. "No buddy, no Noah." How are they going to get him to understand that there'll be no Noah ever again?
Aaron can hear the synchronized steps of the soldiers following him and even though he's looking down at Ethan, he can tell the second everyone has seen them. The noise goes from full Snyder volume down to so quiet that he hears Luke's breath strangle to a stop in the matter of a second.
Luke raises his hand in a stop gesture and Aaron's not sure if it's for him or for the two men behind him. They all stop instantly. Everyone stops. Aaron would be kind of amazed at this many Snyders being quiet and still for so long, if he wasn't worried that his brother was going to pass out. Luke is so pale that the only color on him is coming from his clothes.
Aaron watches as Luke tries to stand up and wobbles so much that he thinks Luke might fall back down into the lawn chair he was in, but Luke rallies and gets his legs underneath him. Aaron knows from his own experience with a temporary paralysis that sometimes when you're shocked, or surprised, or panicked your brain forgets that your legs work again, because it remembers the last time you felt those emotions that strongly, you couldn't feel your legs.
For the first step or two, Luke looks like it's his first day on his legs again, but Aaron watches him power through it and with another two steps, the stubbornness of Luke's body meets up with the forgetfulness of his brain and he's moving fine.
Luke makes it the ten feet to where he's passing Aaron and Aaron lifts a hand up to grasp Luke's shoulder, feeling a tremor under his hand and he realizes it's from Luke shaking. Luke pauses in the middle of his step, his eyes never leaving the soldiers.
"Want me to get dad over here?" Aaron asks quietly.
He sees Luke open his mouth to answer, but all that comes out is a shaky breath. Luke closes his mouth again and just nods, touching his shoulder to Aaron's as a thank you, and keeps walking the three steps it takes to stand in front of the two men.
Aaron looks across the yard and finds his dad's eyes, nodding at the unspoken question in them of whether he should come over. Aaron starts walking away from where Luke and the soldiers are. Luke may not be able to have privacy at this moment with so much family around, and where they're standing is exposed to every one of them, but the least Aaron can do for his brother is makes sure everyone stays back once the news is delivered.
Aaron looks down at Ethan in his arms, somehow knowing from everyone's quietness that he should be too. Even though they've moved far enough away that all Aaron can hear is a low murmur, he puts his hand over Ethan's ear that's not pressed against his chest. Aaron figures it's proof of how much kids absorb situations, even if they don't understand them, that Ethan lets him without a word of complaint.
A few seconds later a sound wrenches out of Luke that is so agonizing and so guttural that Aaron watches everyone flinch like it's hit them as a physical blow and he flinches himself.
Aaron wants to turn around and do something, anything for Luke, but what he needs to do right now is keep people away from him until Luke's ready to handle it.
Their father brushes past Aaron almost at a run and headed straight for Luke, who is breathing so hard that he sounds like he's either about to have a panic attack or break into those sobs that come from a place so deep inside of you that they sound like gunshots and hurt just as much.
When Aaron sees Lily start to move towards them, working her way up to what his mom calls 'full opera', he puts up a hand to stop her, walking forward to cut her off. He remembers people coming at his mom like that when she'd been diagnosed terminally ill and it always ended up with his mom, the sick one, comforting the other person. It made him sick. It still does.
"Lily, stop," Aaron tells her quietly. She tries to go around him, but he easily blocks her again, even with Ethan still clinging on to him. "Lily. You need to calm down before you go to Luke."
She looks up at Aaron and he can feel her working up to a real aria of a hissy fit and he cuts her off before it can start. "Lily, if you go at Luke all hysterical he's going to end up being the one comforting you. You know he will. Calm down. Bring Ethan to Grandma and take a few deep breaths. He needs both his parents comforting him, not the other way around," he says, hoping it's sinking in through Lily's singleminded determination to get to her son.
Lily looks like she's going to fight Aaron for a minute, but instead wraps her arms around herself and looks over Aaron's shoulder at her husband and son. "Noah... is he?"
Aaron closes his eyes for a second and nods, knowing she doesn't want to believe it. "It's the only reason they'd be here, Lily."
She makes a low, pained noise that makes Aaron's heart throb in sympathy and she wraps her arms around both Aaron and Ethan, burying her face in the shoulder Ethan wasn't leaning into.
Ethan pats his mother's cheek and looks up at Aaron. "Mommy sad?"
Aaron nods his head seriously. "Mommy is very sad."
Ethan pats her cheek again. "Mommy no sad."
Lily takes a shaky breath in and looks over at her youngest son and tries to figure out how to tell Ethan that she's mourning one of her children. Noah was one of hers in the way that Aaron, Abigail and Jade are, the way Luke is for Holden, where blood means nothing to how she feels.
"Mom?"
Lily raises her head from Aaron's shoulder and looks down to see Faith and Natalie looking up at her, their faces already streaked with tears. "Oh girls, I'm so sorry... "
Even as Lily tries to choke it out, Faith cuts to the quick of the situation, her ability to pick situations up faster than anyone gives her credit for. "Those men are here to tell us Noah died, aren't they?"
Aaron watches as Lily's face crumples into tears again as she buries her face in his shoulder. Aaron looks down at the little girls and just nods.
They don't say a word, but Aaron feels Faith's face bury itself into his side, and he sees Lily's arm come around Natalie's shoulders to pull her closer as she buries her face in her mother's side.
Aaron tilts his face skyward, hoping that gravity will stop the tears from filling his eyes, but it doesn't work. Lowering his head, Aaron looks over the crowd of Snyders, Hugheses, and all the other various friends of Snyder. Everyone looks like they've been hit by some invisible truck that's barreled through the farm and then left them standing there in its aftermath, stunned.
Aaron looks for the grandmothers and the sight of them has Aaron wishing he had two more arms so he could hold on to them as well. Emma is so upset that she's shaking hard enough for Aaron to see it all the way across the yard. Meg has a strong hold on her, talking softly in her ear, but the look in Emma Snyder's eyes makes the lump in Aaron's throat clench so painfully he's afraid to swallow.
It's Lucinda that causes everything to hit Aaron like a sledgehammer. It's absolutely no secret that Luke is her favorite grandchild. He's seen Lucinda stare down cancer and send it packing with its tail between its legs, she accepted Luke when he came out without batting an eye and god help the person who didn't, including her own daughter. Aaron has always liked how in charge she is, how fiercely protective she is, how she got things done without carrying on about it, unlike some of the drama queens in this clan. Now, though, she looks stricken, frozen in place and not sure what to do. Except cry. Aaron thinks this is the first time he's seen Lucinda Walsh be anything but strong and unbreakable in the face of things. Seeing her like this rattles Aaron more than anything else and crushes the last part of him that is holding out hope that all of this isn't real.
Turning his head away, Aaron looks over his shoulder to see how his dad and Luke are doing. He only sees them for a second, before his eyes fill too full to be able to see any more, the tears no longer willing to be denied.
He doesn't think he'll ever be able to forget seeing his dad wrapped around Luke, looking like he is trying to shield him from something physically, his head bowed, concern and support for Luke rolling off him in waves so thick they're almost tangible, and his body probably the only thing that's holding Luke upright.
Luke.
Aaron drops his head forward, resting it on top of Lily's and letting the tears flow. Luke looks... gutted. Like he's been cut open and everything inside of him has bled out, leaving only the devastated look on his face. Luke's eyes, though, they are what are causing the hair on the back of Aaron’s neck to stand on end. Luke's eyes are empty, like whatever spark Luke's spirit brought to them has been snuffed out, retreated so far inside of him that Aaron is scared that they may never get his brother back.
Without Noah, Aaron has to wonder if his brother even wants to come back.
Author(s): escapes
Artist: solostrightnow
Rating:NC-17 just in case
Disclaimer:I don't own them, just the order in which most of the words are strung together.
Characters/Pairings:Nuke
Word Count: 50, 000 plus
Warnings: You are going to have to trust me. Be warned that there is angst. i can't give you more without completely ruinding the story.
Spoilers: None.
Summary: Sometimes the hardest battle in the war is finding your way back home.
Author’s Notes: This is the Big Bang that I didn't know I'd be writing when the whole thing started. An writer driopped out and since I had an idea I'd been turning over in my head for a year now, I figured I'd give it a go. I think it's some of the best stuff I've writen. Hopefully you'll agree.
Thank you to noelleleithe for the betas that were numerous and short-notice. solostrightnow for the awesome fan mix and being kind enough to let me make suggestions on her awesomeness. Thank you!
Link to Art Master Post: Click, Listen, Be amazed at Yael's great taste in music!
_____________________________________________________
There are two things that Sergeant Mark Topper needs right now. One is the world’s biggest cup of coffee and two is to figure out where in the hell Luther's Corners is hiding.
He's been up since 3:30 along with Staff Sergeant Robert Freeman, when they'd been called to be on standby to act as Casualty Notification officers for Private First Class Mayer as requested by Major McLane. They both had come into contact with Noah, Mark being the other Recruitment Officer that had worked with Nick Davis to shepherd the new recruits in Noah's group to the Induction Center, and there Staff Sergeant Freeman had conducted Noah's intake interview and signed off on his paperwork.
They both know why they've been chosen for this duty by Major McLane, Mark having had interaction with both Luke and Noah and Robert having been told by Noah directly that he was gay and then counseling him to retract the statement and serve his country with honor, regardless of which gender his affections laid with. Luke Snyder had been deemed by Mayer as his next of kin and as such, he is to be treated with all the respect and dignity the Army can provide. The last thing he needs is some jackass that freaks when he realizes that Luke is not Noah's brother.
They'd set up command in one of the Chicago Recruitment Office's conference rooms, Major McLane advising them that nothing could move forward until the notification had been requested to be performed through proper channels.
After being briefed on the duties and responsibilities of a Casualty Notification officer and having nothing to do now but wait, they monitored the unfolding situation through the Army's secure network, waiting for the casualty lists to be updated and watching call after call for volunteers to either act as Casualty Notification or Escort Duty for nearly every state in the continental United States.
When the official word went out for notification, it was nearly eleven hours later and the middle of the afternoon. Mark and Robert loaded their packed bags into the trunk of their car, reviewed their directions and started on their way.
Mark knew that they were racing the network and cable news, the media having caught wind of something big having gone down in the desert. The decision had been made not to update the casualty lists, even on secure channels, until notification was complete to try to stop the families of the fallen soldiers from finding out the fate of their soldier in the most brutally public way possible.
"We're in Luther's Corners."
Mark climbs out of his thoughts and looks at the small little strip of main street they're on. He pulls over to the side of the road in front of what looks like a feed store. "You sure?"
Robert nods, tilting his head towards his window on the passenger side. "Church at two o'clock says Luther's Corners," he points out.
Turning his own head, Mark sees the lettering over the entrance and nods. "Now we just have to figure out which way Mile High Road is."
"Looks like we've been spotted," Robert says, canting his head in the direction of a man standing in front of the feed store.
Once the man sees the gesture, he seems to take it as permission to walk up to the car. Mark looks him over and he's obviously from around here. From the way he dresses Mark would be willing to bet that he has a farm close by, and from the way he walks, Mark can tell he's been military at some point in his life. This is confirmed when a glance at the ball cap on his head announces that it's from the Oakdale Veterans Association.
"You looking for the Snyders?"
Robert looks at Mark and Mark looks at Robert. It's a point of honor to not have to ask for directions on a mission like this, but with Luther's Corners being so small, all the maps they can find only show the main street and no mention of Mile High Road at all. Robert is the ranking officer, so he'll need to make the decision to answer or carry on trying to find the road.
"We're looking for Mile High Road, it doesn't seem to be on the maps at all," Robert says, deciding that not beating the news channels falls further into the dishonor column than asking for directions.
"That's true, young man. Most maps just roll us in with Oakdale. My farm is past there. If you'll follow me, I'll bring you."
Both of us nod and thank him, but he waves the thanks off.
"Sorry to see that you're here about Noah. He was a fine young man. And don't worry, I won't say a word about Noah until the Snyders do." The old man stops and looks at both Robert and Mark as if he's sizing them up. "You'll be treating Luke with the honor and dignity that Noah's sacrifice and the uniform you're wearing requires?"
It's phrased as a question, but Mark knows that it's more of an order. He knows they're being given credit because of the uniform they're wearing, but that courtesy will be removed if they don't pass muster with the old man.
Mark is glad that Luther's Corners, and probably Oakdale as a whole, are protective of Luke and Noah. He knows back when he'd given Luke the bottle of water and talked to him outside of the hotel in Chicago that he was dismissive of the relationship Luke and Noah had. It had caused him to question whether to decline Major McLane's request to do this duty. He's grown since then, but Luke has no way of knowing that. It was the thought of some idiot, like he'd been, making things harder for Luke by questioning his right to be Noah's next of kin and the true depths of Noah's sacrifice to his country that made up Mark's mind.
Though Robert looks a little taken aback by the old man's questioning, Mark finds himself meeting the old man's gaze and holding it, the understanding passing between them. "Yes, sir. We were hand picked for this duty because we have met and interacted with both Maye... Noah and Luke. We will do honor to Luke, Noah and the country we serve."
The old man nods, finding what he needs in Mark's answer. "Merle Jenkins, Marines. Vietnam and Korea. I live the next farm over from Emma Snyder. Luke will be there today. It's the youngest's birthday. I'm sorry boys, this won't be a very private notification."
Mark feels his heart sink for Luke. He and his family have no idea that a freight train of hurt is barreling at them. Christ. "Thank you for the warning, sir. Whenever you're ready."
"You'll need to give me a minute to get to my truck. Came out on the bad end of a mishap with my tractor. Not moving as fast as I used to."
He's moving away before either Mark or Robert can say anything. True to his word, a minute later they're following an aging pickup with veteran plates down a packed gravel road that starts up as they turn off of the main road, announcing its concession number on a small sign that could be missed if you weren't looking for it.
They roll up the windows and turn on the air in the car, not wanting the dust from the road to denigrate the uniform. Not today. Mark remembers from his childhood in Iowa how hot and humid the weather can get in mid-July and is thankful for the cool air while it's available. He knows it's going to be a long time until they find their hotel and check in for the night.
Mark sees Robert pull out the paper with the procedures for notifying next of kin and wants to tell him Luke isn't going to register anything they say, that the moment he sees them he's going to know why they're there. Mark doesn't say anything. He knows they're given the procedures to appear calm and in control of the situation, to stop them from saying I'm sorry, I'm so sorry over and over again.
From those same procedures, he'd read that a medically trained person and a driver are supposed to be with them, in case of fainting and violent reaction respectively, but the situation at hand calls for the bending of some rules.
When he sees the turn signal on Merle's pickup turn on and blink on the passenger side three times, Mark knows they've reached their destination. Slowing the car as Merle pulls away, his hand raised out of the window in a parting gesture, Mark pulls to the side of the road. They see a farmhouse, the trees in the front yard tied with yellow ribbons fluttering in the breeze, and beyond that a barn that looks like it houses stables, if the horses that can be seen in the paddocks beside it are any indication.
They both instinctively check their uniforms, not wanting to be fussing with them once they get out of the car. Mark positions the uniform beret on his head as he looks at the fleet of cars that are parked down the driveway of the Snyder farm. If there is a worse scenario for Luke to get this news, he doesn't know what it is. Poor kid.
When they are both squared away, Mark puts the car into gear again and drives the last five hundred feet to the end of the Snyder driveway. Parking the car, they fall into step with each other and walk down the driveway, their footsteps crunching on the gravel and announcing their approach.
About the same time as they round the side of the house, a little boy runs towards them, wide grin on his face and cheeks stained with popsicle juice. Mark flinches as the boy calls out Noah's name in a happy voice, but stops moving when he realizes that neither of them are Noah.
Mark sees a wiry, dark-haired man come around the same corner the boy had. "Ethan? Buddy, Noah is far, far away and can't come home for your birthda..."
* * * * *
It's irrational, but the first thought that jumps into Aaron Snyder’s head when he sees the two Army guys standing in front of him is, 'It wasn't me. I didn't do it.' It amuses him for half a second before the reason two Army guys would be here at the farm hits him. Then the second thought hits.
Oh shit.
Aaron reaches his arms out and lifts Ethan into them. Looking up at the wall of green that's facing him, his eyes widen. He means to ask an actual question, but all he can seem to force out of his mouth without his voice wobbling all over the place is, "Luke?"
The younger guy, Aaron's assuming he's younger because he's got less doo-dads on his jacket, nods and the only thing that stops Aaron from swearing is the little guy in his arms. "Do you want me get Luke or..."
"We'll follow you."
Ethan looks up at Aaron and then back at the guys that are wearing the same clothes that Noah is wearing in the picture that his brother Luke, his grandma, his mommy and his daddy show when he asks where Noah is. He stares at the two men, trying to wrap his brain around it. "No Noah?"
Aaron shakes his head, walking to the yard, looking down at Ethan. "No buddy, no Noah." How are they going to get him to understand that there'll be no Noah ever again?
Aaron can hear the synchronized steps of the soldiers following him and even though he's looking down at Ethan, he can tell the second everyone has seen them. The noise goes from full Snyder volume down to so quiet that he hears Luke's breath strangle to a stop in the matter of a second.
Luke raises his hand in a stop gesture and Aaron's not sure if it's for him or for the two men behind him. They all stop instantly. Everyone stops. Aaron would be kind of amazed at this many Snyders being quiet and still for so long, if he wasn't worried that his brother was going to pass out. Luke is so pale that the only color on him is coming from his clothes.
Aaron watches as Luke tries to stand up and wobbles so much that he thinks Luke might fall back down into the lawn chair he was in, but Luke rallies and gets his legs underneath him. Aaron knows from his own experience with a temporary paralysis that sometimes when you're shocked, or surprised, or panicked your brain forgets that your legs work again, because it remembers the last time you felt those emotions that strongly, you couldn't feel your legs.
For the first step or two, Luke looks like it's his first day on his legs again, but Aaron watches him power through it and with another two steps, the stubbornness of Luke's body meets up with the forgetfulness of his brain and he's moving fine.
Luke makes it the ten feet to where he's passing Aaron and Aaron lifts a hand up to grasp Luke's shoulder, feeling a tremor under his hand and he realizes it's from Luke shaking. Luke pauses in the middle of his step, his eyes never leaving the soldiers.
"Want me to get dad over here?" Aaron asks quietly.
He sees Luke open his mouth to answer, but all that comes out is a shaky breath. Luke closes his mouth again and just nods, touching his shoulder to Aaron's as a thank you, and keeps walking the three steps it takes to stand in front of the two men.
Aaron looks across the yard and finds his dad's eyes, nodding at the unspoken question in them of whether he should come over. Aaron starts walking away from where Luke and the soldiers are. Luke may not be able to have privacy at this moment with so much family around, and where they're standing is exposed to every one of them, but the least Aaron can do for his brother is makes sure everyone stays back once the news is delivered.
Aaron looks down at Ethan in his arms, somehow knowing from everyone's quietness that he should be too. Even though they've moved far enough away that all Aaron can hear is a low murmur, he puts his hand over Ethan's ear that's not pressed against his chest. Aaron figures it's proof of how much kids absorb situations, even if they don't understand them, that Ethan lets him without a word of complaint.
A few seconds later a sound wrenches out of Luke that is so agonizing and so guttural that Aaron watches everyone flinch like it's hit them as a physical blow and he flinches himself.
Aaron wants to turn around and do something, anything for Luke, but what he needs to do right now is keep people away from him until Luke's ready to handle it.
Their father brushes past Aaron almost at a run and headed straight for Luke, who is breathing so hard that he sounds like he's either about to have a panic attack or break into those sobs that come from a place so deep inside of you that they sound like gunshots and hurt just as much.
When Aaron sees Lily start to move towards them, working her way up to what his mom calls 'full opera', he puts up a hand to stop her, walking forward to cut her off. He remembers people coming at his mom like that when she'd been diagnosed terminally ill and it always ended up with his mom, the sick one, comforting the other person. It made him sick. It still does.
"Lily, stop," Aaron tells her quietly. She tries to go around him, but he easily blocks her again, even with Ethan still clinging on to him. "Lily. You need to calm down before you go to Luke."
She looks up at Aaron and he can feel her working up to a real aria of a hissy fit and he cuts her off before it can start. "Lily, if you go at Luke all hysterical he's going to end up being the one comforting you. You know he will. Calm down. Bring Ethan to Grandma and take a few deep breaths. He needs both his parents comforting him, not the other way around," he says, hoping it's sinking in through Lily's singleminded determination to get to her son.
Lily looks like she's going to fight Aaron for a minute, but instead wraps her arms around herself and looks over Aaron's shoulder at her husband and son. "Noah... is he?"
Aaron closes his eyes for a second and nods, knowing she doesn't want to believe it. "It's the only reason they'd be here, Lily."
She makes a low, pained noise that makes Aaron's heart throb in sympathy and she wraps her arms around both Aaron and Ethan, burying her face in the shoulder Ethan wasn't leaning into.
Ethan pats his mother's cheek and looks up at Aaron. "Mommy sad?"
Aaron nods his head seriously. "Mommy is very sad."
Ethan pats her cheek again. "Mommy no sad."
Lily takes a shaky breath in and looks over at her youngest son and tries to figure out how to tell Ethan that she's mourning one of her children. Noah was one of hers in the way that Aaron, Abigail and Jade are, the way Luke is for Holden, where blood means nothing to how she feels.
"Mom?"
Lily raises her head from Aaron's shoulder and looks down to see Faith and Natalie looking up at her, their faces already streaked with tears. "Oh girls, I'm so sorry... "
Even as Lily tries to choke it out, Faith cuts to the quick of the situation, her ability to pick situations up faster than anyone gives her credit for. "Those men are here to tell us Noah died, aren't they?"
Aaron watches as Lily's face crumples into tears again as she buries her face in his shoulder. Aaron looks down at the little girls and just nods.
They don't say a word, but Aaron feels Faith's face bury itself into his side, and he sees Lily's arm come around Natalie's shoulders to pull her closer as she buries her face in her mother's side.
Aaron tilts his face skyward, hoping that gravity will stop the tears from filling his eyes, but it doesn't work. Lowering his head, Aaron looks over the crowd of Snyders, Hugheses, and all the other various friends of Snyder. Everyone looks like they've been hit by some invisible truck that's barreled through the farm and then left them standing there in its aftermath, stunned.
Aaron looks for the grandmothers and the sight of them has Aaron wishing he had two more arms so he could hold on to them as well. Emma is so upset that she's shaking hard enough for Aaron to see it all the way across the yard. Meg has a strong hold on her, talking softly in her ear, but the look in Emma Snyder's eyes makes the lump in Aaron's throat clench so painfully he's afraid to swallow.
It's Lucinda that causes everything to hit Aaron like a sledgehammer. It's absolutely no secret that Luke is her favorite grandchild. He's seen Lucinda stare down cancer and send it packing with its tail between its legs, she accepted Luke when he came out without batting an eye and god help the person who didn't, including her own daughter. Aaron has always liked how in charge she is, how fiercely protective she is, how she got things done without carrying on about it, unlike some of the drama queens in this clan. Now, though, she looks stricken, frozen in place and not sure what to do. Except cry. Aaron thinks this is the first time he's seen Lucinda Walsh be anything but strong and unbreakable in the face of things. Seeing her like this rattles Aaron more than anything else and crushes the last part of him that is holding out hope that all of this isn't real.
Turning his head away, Aaron looks over his shoulder to see how his dad and Luke are doing. He only sees them for a second, before his eyes fill too full to be able to see any more, the tears no longer willing to be denied.
He doesn't think he'll ever be able to forget seeing his dad wrapped around Luke, looking like he is trying to shield him from something physically, his head bowed, concern and support for Luke rolling off him in waves so thick they're almost tangible, and his body probably the only thing that's holding Luke upright.
Luke.
Aaron drops his head forward, resting it on top of Lily's and letting the tears flow. Luke looks... gutted. Like he's been cut open and everything inside of him has bled out, leaving only the devastated look on his face. Luke's eyes, though, they are what are causing the hair on the back of Aaron’s neck to stand on end. Luke's eyes are empty, like whatever spark Luke's spirit brought to them has been snuffed out, retreated so far inside of him that Aaron is scared that they may never get his brother back.
Without Noah, Aaron has to wonder if his brother even wants to come back.