i found this old note, time to let it go
Happy valentines day! Today is meant to be all about love and your supposed to share it with the one you love. However, I am not. I am not sharing the most infamouse holiday with you. I wish that I was sitting next to you, and going somewhere nice today. After all we almost made it to here, but becdause of mistakes on new years, it all fell through. You seem so quickly for forget about me and go on to someone new, someone like a freshman. If you were trying to get back at me, or teach me a lesson or something juvinille like that, I have definately learned. I have totally changed my waays and if you give me a second chance you will notice. Back then, I never grasped the concept of us going out. I only thought it would last f or a while. I never understood what I'd be missing. And believe me I do miss you. Still after all this time no one can preplace you. I really thought we clicked so well. I reallly believe now that I did love you. Love is not something that I do all that often. I don't really ever. Love was a new thing for me and as you were my first realy relationship and I was yours, things didn't go as smoothly as we would've liked. We learned alot together and in ways beyond our knowledge we grew up a little. I learned alot from you and hopefully you have learned from me. Now I am no longer bitter towards the way things happened to end. I see it as something I will never forget. I have had a chnace to reconnect with some people, think about our relationship as a whole and even dabble in the whole rebound love business, but still it doesn't give me you. And that's all I really want. And even if you don't want to go back out, I still would like to at least talk like we used to. I mean, don't you need some kind of closure? How can you just drop me just like that. Eight months went all down the drain in one day. Even though now I do not love you anymore I am still connected to you in so many ways. I feel as though your my other half and I need you back. But it 's all up to you, and only you. Who knows, maybe one day we could learn to love again. Every tear that falls is another memory washed away. I dont' want to cry anymore and I don't wany our memories to fad. It seems as they are however. I am so amazingly frustrated. I miss you so god damn much, but you really don't miss me. I see it now. I've tried and tried and in the end I FAILED. Just like everything else in my life, this is is just another check on the list; losing you. To quote Oasis, I don't look back in anger, but I more direct my sorry, pain and rejection towards the future. That's waht scares me. I don't really know whether or not I will love again, but I don't want to. I feel sorry for the boy or man who decides to REALLY give me all his love, for I will not ba able to give him all of mine. Part of my broken heart will remain here in Royal Oak with you. As much pity as I have for myslef at this moment, the words slicing my heart in two are true, I miss you. Hopefully you will miss me and think of everything you had and how much of a stupid fool you were to let it go. I only pray I'm still here to see the roles reversed and hear you grovel with all of your self respect. I, like you, will not be empathetic at all. I will move on.
Love Ashley.
wow what a pathetic note. it's in the past now!! and i'm loving the future.