ST TOS: This Above All, chapter 4
Title: This Above All (Chapter 4: Chapel)
Rating: T
Word count: 890 (this chapter)
Warnings: crack. Crack crack crack.
Pairings: none
Disclaimer: "Own us? Own us? Are you outta your mind? I don't know what rights she thinks she may have to certain starship captains, but own us, my sainted aunt!"
"I was not aware, Doctor, that you had such a relative."
"Mind your own Vulcan business, Sp - "
"Gentlemen, gen-tle-men."
Summary: Five times Jim Kirk went all Shakespeare on his crew, and one time they went all Shakespeare back on him.
A/N: Inspired by a wonderful piece of art by *lamamama on deviantART: visit her Trek gallery and you're sure to know which picture I'm referring to. XD
Set sometime after The Immunity Syndrome.
Marjari VII was a lush green jungle of a planet; though definitely Class M, it had a climate rather too…equatorial for comfort. (Much to everyone's relief, though, there were no insects but for a lazily flapping butterfly-like species - else the vectors among them, said the Doctor with vehemence, would have been sure to make straight for Jim.) It suited the Marjaris, however, for they had whiskers, pointy flexible ears positioned at the top of their heads, and a light dusting of fur.
In fact, though humanoid, they happened to bear a distinct resemblance to the Earth species Felis catus.
Everything made sense in view of their physiology - the warm climate, the abundance of birdlike and rodentlike creatures, even - for heaven's sake! McCoy snorted to her - those butterflies to chase. Marvellous - she'd say they were hedonistic if they weren't so lazy.
Anyhow, here they were, and here they would stay until they'd finished distributing the vaccine against Tellurian measles - well, she and Dr McCoy would, anyway; the rest - the entire bridge crew and Scotty, who'd been talking to the captain about the engines needing maintenance before the planet's leader made contact - had been invited to some sort of semi-formal get-together as a gesture of goodwill.
And just when it had been getting good - outlandish cocktails, conversation, a lot of the furry ladies in the room making eyes at Kirk, some at Spock and even one petite lavender specimen at Dr McCoy - the captain had to go and have an allergic reaction to a drink. Not a very dramatic allergic reaction, as the captain's went - none of the Enterprise medical staff would forget the aftermath of the Omicron Ceti III spores in a hurry - but an allergic reaction nonetheless.
"I'm…fine, Bones," said the man in question, wheezing slightly but perceptibly.
"Jim," said the CMO, "I'm a doctor, not a patience player. You are going to beam back up to the ship right this very moment. And since I, as your CMO, have a job to do here, I shall let Christine have the pleasure of hypospraying you."
"Bones."
"And if you make a fuss, Jim," continued the doctor, bouncing on his heels, "she has my express permission to sedate you and have the transporter crew drag you down to Sickbay."
Christine wasn't particularly glad to leave, but the cowed look on the captain's face made it entirely worth it.
"Nurse Chapel," whispered a borderline frantic Lieutenant Kyle two hours later, "you won't believe what's going on."
She didn't.
Not until, after a frazzled fifteen minutes, she found herself taking the turbolift to the Bridge with an armful of scruffy brown Himalayan cat.
The captain swivelled in his chair to greet her - a captain half harried, half hysterically amused.
On the arm of the command chair, paws tucked neatly and delicately under chest, sat a slender, glossy, pointy-eared black cat. At the helm was a resigned-looking black-spotted specimen, while a ridiculously adorable brown Munchkin washed his tiny paws at the navigator's post. A glorious deep chocolate Somali curled her tail around herself at the communications console, and a very worried Scottish Fold, draped across the other arm of the Chair, pawed the captain every few minutes in the sleeve.
"Mischief, thou art afoot," said Kirk with a half-amused sigh. "Ms Chapel?" he added, eyeing her bundle.
"The doctor, sir," she said apologetically, surrendering her armful of cat to her suddenly very gleeful commanding officer. "I'm afraid he keeps stalking into Sickbay and hissing at the nurses."
"Why, Bones," said the captain, grinning delightedly at the new arrival, who fixed him at once with a baleful blue-eyed glare, "you're beautiful."
The brown cat put out his claws and waved them grumpily in Kirk's face, and the Fold pawed him in the arm.
"Yes, Scotty, I know."
"Is that - " said Christine, breaking off.
"Mr Scott, yes," said Kirk, "he's still talking about his bairns. Leave Bones with me," he added, absently rubbing a purring Spock behind the ears, "he can't make much more trouble here than in Sickbay, I'm sure."
It turned out the cause of the transformations was a virus present in the Marjari atmosphere; its effect had been exacerbated by the use of the transporter. Dr M'Benga and the nurses managed to find a cure, and with time and hyposprays the affected crew returned to normal.
It was curious, though, that the captain and head nurse had managed to stay unaffected. Perhaps it was because of the fact that they hadn't been on the planet as long as the rest, but logically, as the Vulcan reminded the Doctor (or was it the other way round?), they shouldn't have been exempt…
And so when Nurse Chapel mysteriously disappeared and someone noted that Spock had found himself being followed by a dainty little white-socked cat with pale gold spots, Dr McCoy's first reaction was to drop everything and rush to the Bridge in unholy glee.
Never was a holopic sent from PADD to PADD as fast as that of a certain golden hazel-eyed tabby lounging lazily in the captain's chair.
The image that remained stamped in the minds of the CMO and bridge crew, however, was that of said tabby being firmly picked up by an about-to-assume-command Vulcan, promptly breaking into a fusillade of purrs and settling contentedly into said (completely bewildered) Vulcan's arms.
A/N: Marjari, pronounced maarjaaree, is Sanskrit for cat. /geekery
Also, does anyone else want to cuddle a Captain Tabby? XD
Also, in my headcanon, Kirk has asthma. It's mild and usually kept well under control, but it surfaces at inopportune times (like after the spores in This Side of Paradise).
Now let it work. Mischief, thou art afoot.
Take thou what course thou wilt! (Julius Caesar act III, scene II)
Chapter 5