(no subject)
so ive been crying for the past two and a half hours, about? since november... ive been lost.
what does lost include... a 10 page term paper that i cannot seem to finish, i started off with the perfect incintive... controversy... and i love controversy, and i had shitloads of notecards and information... all in my car, january rolls around... the second day in january, i total my car... of course it wasn't the best car, but the memories... oh god, they don't stop. and now im trying to finish this paper in fear of failure of my college class... and everytime i get to start writing it, i completely forget my point and my theory as if i completely lost myself and because of this paper, it's been through my whole senior year with me... and it makes me reflect on everything i use to be... i use to be in control and now i'm not...
and then we come back to school... and i realized how much that car meant to me... in the sense that because of that, i was organized, i had my books in one spot... i knew what i was doing, i had a boyfriend...
it was okay...
february... what a shitty month, between parents.. and everything, coming home to my room was the hardest...
and now march, i can't even make it... i'm driving myself crazy...
i thought about killing myself, i thought about dropping out of school, and today i told my dad i'm depressed... i've completely lost it...........................................
i'm not myself...
so he's running to the dealership now... to buy me a car because he thinks that this is what its about...
.... i'm lost... and i have no where to go.
and i cannot stop crying... and my dads freaking out and ... i'm scared. i quit... i told my parents i was quitting school and gonna get a g.e.d. wtf am i doing?
i've never felt like a complete and total failure EVER in my life... ever and i don't even know why all this shit is even going through my head in the first place. i don't have a good reason... i'm a good friend to a lot of people and i dont know exactly what people are gonna think about me..
my prom date... joey... is what started the arguement in the first and the only thing i had to say was... HES A BETTER FRIEND THAN YOU ARE A _______.
... speaking of joey... he just called and now hes coming by to take me out of the house... and normally i want out of the house, but right now i don't. i wanna finish that paper and i wanna get rid of it... because it's making me so sick to my stomach everyday that i have to think about it.
i'm tired of thinking... i dont know what im doing anymore, i don't even know who i am. i'm 5'3".... thats what i am. i'm small to the rest of the world
what does lost include... a 10 page term paper that i cannot seem to finish, i started off with the perfect incintive... controversy... and i love controversy, and i had shitloads of notecards and information... all in my car, january rolls around... the second day in january, i total my car... of course it wasn't the best car, but the memories... oh god, they don't stop. and now im trying to finish this paper in fear of failure of my college class... and everytime i get to start writing it, i completely forget my point and my theory as if i completely lost myself and because of this paper, it's been through my whole senior year with me... and it makes me reflect on everything i use to be... i use to be in control and now i'm not...
and then we come back to school... and i realized how much that car meant to me... in the sense that because of that, i was organized, i had my books in one spot... i knew what i was doing, i had a boyfriend...
it was okay...
february... what a shitty month, between parents.. and everything, coming home to my room was the hardest...
and now march, i can't even make it... i'm driving myself crazy...
i thought about killing myself, i thought about dropping out of school, and today i told my dad i'm depressed... i've completely lost it...........................................
i'm not myself...
so he's running to the dealership now... to buy me a car because he thinks that this is what its about...
.... i'm lost... and i have no where to go.
and i cannot stop crying... and my dads freaking out and ... i'm scared. i quit... i told my parents i was quitting school and gonna get a g.e.d. wtf am i doing?
i've never felt like a complete and total failure EVER in my life... ever and i don't even know why all this shit is even going through my head in the first place. i don't have a good reason... i'm a good friend to a lot of people and i dont know exactly what people are gonna think about me..
my prom date... joey... is what started the arguement in the first and the only thing i had to say was... HES A BETTER FRIEND THAN YOU ARE A _______.
... speaking of joey... he just called and now hes coming by to take me out of the house... and normally i want out of the house, but right now i don't. i wanna finish that paper and i wanna get rid of it... because it's making me so sick to my stomach everyday that i have to think about it.
i'm tired of thinking... i dont know what im doing anymore, i don't even know who i am. i'm 5'3".... thats what i am. i'm small to the rest of the world