Bad Thoughts
I was buying lunch in Sainsbury's today and I reckon that the woman I was behind in the queue was actually a size zero. I could have literally put my hands around her waist !
The thing is, she was buying two bottles of diet Lilt and that was it. I looked down at my purchases - a lettuce, some tomatoes, spring onions, chicken drumsticks, ham and splenda - and I had this utterly horrible moment when it went through my head that if I was really committed to losing weight then I wouldn't be buying ALL this food... I'd be shopping - and eating, or rather not - like her. The food on the belt seemed to actually grow to HUGE proportions, while her bottles of carbonated, aspartame-laden, artificially coloured crap seemed really appealing!
Thankfully that thought only lasted for a moment. I snapped back to the reality that I was buying my lunch for the rest of the week and that really amounted to a small freshly made salad with light dressing, two pieces of chicken... with a little ham as a snack during the afternoon. If two bottles of diet Lilt really genuinely was her lunch, then I'm so NOT the freak here! I'm the normal one. In fact, I'm better than normal because I could have bought a pre-chopped up salad, got less stick from my workmates (is it really that weird to bring in your own salad ingredients and chop it up right before you eat it?!) spent more money and got less nutrition from it.
I do worry about ending up anorexic and moments like that really freak me out that I could go from being fat to ending up much much worse off.
P.S. I'm not saying that the woman was bad for being that skinny or definitely only having diet Lilt for lunch. I honestly have no idea. This was totally about me and my reactions to =perceived= events.
The thing is, she was buying two bottles of diet Lilt and that was it. I looked down at my purchases - a lettuce, some tomatoes, spring onions, chicken drumsticks, ham and splenda - and I had this utterly horrible moment when it went through my head that if I was really committed to losing weight then I wouldn't be buying ALL this food... I'd be shopping - and eating, or rather not - like her. The food on the belt seemed to actually grow to HUGE proportions, while her bottles of carbonated, aspartame-laden, artificially coloured crap seemed really appealing!
Thankfully that thought only lasted for a moment. I snapped back to the reality that I was buying my lunch for the rest of the week and that really amounted to a small freshly made salad with light dressing, two pieces of chicken... with a little ham as a snack during the afternoon. If two bottles of diet Lilt really genuinely was her lunch, then I'm so NOT the freak here! I'm the normal one. In fact, I'm better than normal because I could have bought a pre-chopped up salad, got less stick from my workmates (is it really that weird to bring in your own salad ingredients and chop it up right before you eat it?!) spent more money and got less nutrition from it.
I do worry about ending up anorexic and moments like that really freak me out that I could go from being fat to ending up much much worse off.
P.S. I'm not saying that the woman was bad for being that skinny or definitely only having diet Lilt for lunch. I honestly have no idea. This was totally about me and my reactions to =perceived= events.