The Longest Farewell - Chapter Twelve

[erthechilde]

AN: So, this will be the last chapter dealing with Rose’s monthlies, so any of you readers who get squicked out by talking about it (though you shouldn’t because it’s a fucking natural process and if we can talk about erectile dysfunction as if it’s the end of the world we should be able to talk about a female mammal’s menstrual cycle) you’re almost out of the woods. The reason I’ve revisited the topic so often is because there’s a disturbing tendency in fiction to completely forget that women have periods and that they have to deal with it no matter what situation they are in in life. I had a male beta reader for a Dragon Age fic once get upset and grossed out because I wrote about my main character just thinking about how she was going to deal with her period on a long-term cross-country journey. Not even describing her be on her period (as if I would ever be so gauche as to be detailed about that!), just thinking about mentioning it. So yeah. Since then, no matter what I write, fandom or fiction, if I have a female character, you can damn well be sure that her menstrual cycle is going to be mentioned. Because by shying away from that topic, a lot of authors encourage ignorance about it, and I refuse to be part of it.

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‘Some lives are linked across time.’

DISCLAIMER & OTHER WARNINGS

Rose hadn’t been brought-up religious.

To her grandparents’ everlasting shame and concern, Rose’s parents hadn’t even been married in a church; they’d just gone down to the register’s office and had done with it. Afterward, they were only occasional church attendees - Christmas and Easter, and of course Rose’s baptism.

Gran made sure of that one…

But after Pete was killed, Jackie had lost any will to or faith she had ever had, and didn’t care to bring Rose to church. Weekends were busy in the Tyler flat anyhow; more clients had time to get their hair done than on weekdays.

So Rose had never really been the praying type, or the kind to believe in a higher power. Growing up where she had, it was kind of hard to buy into that kind of thing anyway.

The only time she had desperately hoped there was a God she had been sixteen years old and praying the doctor at the walk-in clinic was right. That it really was just the stress from GCSEs and not that she’d lost her virginity to her tutor on the living room couch while her mother was at a friend’s hen do across town.

She had never been so pleased in her life to get her period.

Until now.

Despite the intense, shooting pain in her abdomen as she climbed the stairs to her mother’s flat, she felt an overwhelming and fierce joy radiating through her.

She wasn’t pregnant.

She wasn’t going to have to stop travelling with the Doctor.

She wasn’t going to become another Council Estate statistic.

She wasn’t going to buy horrendous maternity ware because all the nice clothes in the stores was damned expensive.

Really, three days of vicious pain, nausea and acne flare-ups were a small price for a future that once more stretched out bright and promising.

Just to cover all her bases, she offered up yet another silent promise to whatever god existed somewhere in the vast, huge universe that the Doctor intended to show her. The next time she had sex with anyone, she would be so, so careful!

Everything was looking up.

Well, except the fact the Doctor’s coming up to the flat with me.

Normally she’d be enthusiastic at the smallest sign he was trying to fit into her life for once, instead of leaving all the effort in their friendship to her.

Coming up to her mother’s flat was tantamount to a normal person bringing by a bouquet of apology flowers; obviously the Doctor was feeling remorseful over their disagreements the day before and their recent misadventure in Boston.

Which was fine and a bit sweet, really, but if there was any time she didn’t want the Doctor around, it was now. When she was starting on a three day marathon of bloating, nausea and generally feeling like a grotty mess.

And not even in the normal way, like her mother.

Rose had started her monthlies earlier than all her friends, around twelve. For the first year or so everything had been fine. Over time, three days of mild discomfort turned into three days spent in bed, curled around a hot water bottle and swallowing as many painkillers as she was allowed.

At her worst, she might spend a few hours throwing up, but luckily those cases were rare.

Jackie hadn’t believed her at first. Dysmenorrhea was apparently not a problem on the Prentice side of the family. It wasn’t until an uncomfortable, heated phone conversation with Grandmother Tyler that she finally realised Rose wasn’t making things up.

After that, Jackie had brought her to as many doctors and specialists as NHS would pay for, but despite the reams of different prescriptions and suggestions, nothing helped. She was either allergic to the drugs, or those that seemed to work mucked with her hormones so much she once spent a day sitting on the kitchen floor sobbing.

At that point Rose decided she preferred the pain to constantly feeling like she couldn’t control her own emotions. So Jackie would dutifully call in to the school and Rose would stay at home to recover.

Her friends, particularly the blokes, said she was just off having a holiday. Even the teachers at school would make veiled, snarky comments when she returned to school after missing three days in a row. Beyond telephone calls and the occasional parent-teacher conference, Jackie didn’t have the time to make a fuss the way some of Rose’s classmates’ parents did.

So Rose had to put up with it.

Before, that usually meant Jackie being extra sympathetic and spoiling her a bit when she was having a better day.

Now, though, with the Doctor, Rose did not understand what the protocol would be.

If he was around, she couldn’t exactly go to pieces, could she? He knew she was on her period - they’d had an entire, mortifying discussion about it before coming here. But she didn’t want him to see how bad she got once a month because she knew what it looked like to other people.

When she first started dating Mickey full-time, he had brought her to A&E twice because he didn’t know what the problem was, even though she’d explained things.

The Doctor would probably think she was dying or had some kind of terrible disease instead of just a mildly debilitating monthly medical condition.

He might decide she was a liability.

He might decide she wasn’t worth travelling with. That she was defective.

Which meant if he was going to stick around, she would have to pretend she could shrug it all off. It would be good practice for the future, she supposed.

‘… still dunno why you have to do your laundry now,’ the Doctor was complaining as they climbed. ‘… were just here, not ten days ago… if I’d known this was going to become a regular thing, I’d’ve just…’

She let his complaints drown out, instead concentrating on not crying out at how every upward step jolted her already aching lower body. She was still in the initial cramping stage before the pain became enough to make walking hurt. As long as she found somewhere to sit down soon, she would be fine.

She’d figure the rest out from there.

The door was barely open before the Doctor threw himself onto the living room couch and reached for the remote control.

‘Typical bloke - no hello, no nothing, just taking over the telly,’ Jackie complained even as she accepted a hug and a kiss from Rose. ‘Go on, make yourself at home!’

‘Don’t mind if I do,’ he retorted, flipping through the channels faster than Rose could blink.

‘Well, where’ve you been, then?’ her mother asked. ‘How many years have you been gone?’

‘It’s only ten days, Mum, and not even that far. We were in Boston yesterday -’

‘Boston? All of bleeding time and space, and you go to Boston?’

‘Have you ever been to Boston?’ the Doctor retorted as he settled on Antiques Roadshow.

Jackie made a move as though to hit him upside the head, but Rose stopped her before she could.

‘We were sorting out a murderer that was killing people by drying them up like mummies,’ she explained wearily. ‘It wasn’t just anything. And before that, we visited Dallas in the 1960s, and Krakatoa, and the Titanic -’

‘The Titanic?’ Jackie demanded. This time Rose wasn’t fast enough to stop the smack Jackie aimed for the back of the Doctor’s head.

‘Oi!’

‘You brought my daughter on a ship that was gonna sink?!’

‘Not while it was sinking!’ he protested, fending off another smack with the remote control. Rose had a feeling he’d meant to hide behind his sonic but had grabbed the controller instead. ‘It was right before the maiden voyage, we disembarked at Queenstown!’

‘We had to, Mum, there was a life sucking alien on board we had to stop,’ Rose soothed. She forced herself to ignore the growing pain in her abdomen and instead drag her mother from the room before she took another swing at the Doctor.

‘As if that makes it better!’ Jackie complained, though she let Rose give her a quick recap of her adventures so far over a cup of tea. She even brought the Doctor one though he was too busy lambasting the man on-screen for appraising a German clock about a hundred quid beneath what it should’ve been. ‘Are you sticking around for a bit, then?’

‘Yeah, the next three days at least.’

‘Ah,’ Jackie nodded, realising. ‘D’you need me to run to the chemist for anything? There should be enough around, but just in case -’

‘I’ll be fine,’ Rose promised. ‘Just gonna find more comfortable clothes.’

‘Why don’t you take a nap, sweetheart?’ Jackie suggested. ‘Always does you a world of good.’

Rose’s eyes darted to the Doctor, and her fears of being seen as weak and useless flared up again.

‘Nah, I’m all right for now,’ she replied, though her womb gave a particularly angry throb at the lie. ‘Gotta make sure you two don’t kill each other, yeah?’

Which was at least true and might take her mind of everything though her mother looked doubtful. Thankfully, for once, Jackie kept her mouth shut and simply went to track down the hot water bottle in her bedside table.

She left soon after to fix a hair emergency from one of their neighbours three flats away.

Rose wasn’t stupid enough to think the Doctor hadn’t listened to their conversation. He was always reminding her about his greater senses after all. Still, she figured he would ignore it the way he did most human related matters.

Therefore she was surprised upon returning to the lounge after a long shower, clad in her pyjamas to find he’d moved from the spacious couch to the arm chair. Without a comment on it, knowing he’d get defensive about it, she settled in the empty spot and after taking some painkillers, fell asleep.

She woke a few hours later to find the Doctor watching EastEnders with a half-tortured, half-intrigued expression while her mother did the laundry and started supper. The drugs were good if she hadn’t heard the shouting from whatever argument had resulted in him ceding control of the television. On the other hand, Mum hadn’t missed an episode ever; Rose’s money would’ve been on Jackie if she’d been awake for the argument.

‘That’s how they ended it?’ he complained. ‘What a stupid place to end an episode. That’s utter rubbish!’

‘You’d understand if you’d seen the lead-up.’

‘Lead-up or not, in no world does that make any sense. He -’

‘Are you arguing about EastEnders with my mum?’ Rose asked groggily.

‘Of course not,’ the Doctor scoffed. ‘As if I would be dragged into yet another bit of domestic inanity with your lot cooked up to avoid boredom.’

‘Yeah, you really did just sound nine hundred years old there,’ Rose teased weakly.

‘Nine hundred?’ Jackie demanded.

‘You take that back, Rose Tyler!’

‘Soon as you admit getting sucked into a soap opera with my mum.’

‘Oh, bollocks, I did, didn’t I?’ he blinked.

For a moment the expression was funny, and she was tempted to tease him some more, but just as quickly it was overtaken by panic. As if he had done something so against his nature that he was appalled. She could see it in his eyes, the caged animal look, and suspected he was thinking of running off and never looking back.

Time to give him an out before he had a shouting fit. He’d done that before when he felt out of his element.

‘You sure you haven’t got anything better to do than hang around here?’ she asked him gently. ‘It’s not gonna get much more interesting around here. I mean, we’ve got laundry, and I might get mum to do my hair again… bit boring when you could be off saving planets and foiling evil masterminds…’

He hesitated for a moment, possibly with an automatic denial on his lips, and then visibly changed tracks.

‘Could always skip ahead,’ he acknowledged. ‘You tell me when you’re ready to come back, I’ll head there right now.’

‘What if you get the landing wrong?’

‘I won’t!’

‘Yeah, but… you might,’ she said, a bit apologetically. She didn’t want to make it seem like she didn’t have faith in him, but it was also a legitimate concern.

‘Tell you what,’ he offered. ‘Just to be extra sure, I’ll keep my time relative to yours. Every day you have here will be a day for me. I’ll even set up a clock by the console running in Earth time if it’ll make you feel better.’

‘Yeah?’

‘Every hour and minute will line up, and I’ll triple check the landing dates before even leaving the TARDIS to pick you up,’ he promised. ‘You call as soon as you want to come back, and I’ll be there like that.’

He snapped his fingers.

‘Alright then - if it’s just like that,’ she agreed.

‘Fantastic!’ he jumped to his feet and was already heading out the door. ‘See you in a bit!’

‘Don’t go blowing up anyone else’s job without me!’ she called out after him, while in her mind she added, Don’t go replacing me with anyone else.

If Rose thought getting rid of the Doctor for a few days would be the end of unwanted attention while she suffered through her period, she was wrong.

Not an hour after she heard the TARDIS take off, and she fell back into a painkiller induced sleep, she caught her mother opening the door to the flat.

‘Look who’s back - like a bad penny! Don’t you work?’

‘Yeah, well, I heard the TARDIS, didn’ I?’ the unmistakable voice of Mickey Smith answered, and Rose groaned, hunching down deeper into her blankets. ‘Thought I’d stop by.’

‘Only once himself was gone, I notice,’ her mother replied archly, her words laced with insinuation that had Mickey muttered, ‘Oh, shut up, Jackie.’

‘Oi! You watch your mouth! And if you think that just cos the Doctor’s not around you’ll be getting up to anything in my house -’

‘As if I would!’

‘ - then you’re out of luck twice, mate, cos Rose ain’t feeling good -’

‘Oh, for God’s sake!’ Rose snapped, throwing off her blankets and forcing herself to her feet. She gritted her teeth as a wave of pain and dizziness hit her, but muddled through it. ‘You lot know I can hear, yeah? D’you mind not talking about me as if I’m on my sodding death bed?’

‘Sorry, Rose,’ Mickey apologised. ‘Was coming by to see if you wanted to go down to the pub - but if you’re ill, I don’t mind stayin’ in. Seein’ as how he left you all alone and all.’

‘What am I, invisible?’ Jackie complained.

‘Mickey - it’s fine - don’t make a fuss,’ Rose protested.

She hated people making a big deal when she was sick, preferring to get better on her own instead of coddled. It was even more annoying even when it was over a regular occurrence like her period.

Mickey knew that, of course. Which made her suspect he was more interested in showing off how much of a better “boyfriend” he was than the Doctor by hanging around to take care of her.

Ironically, she much preferred the Doctor’s tactic of swanning off until she was feeling better.

‘Really, Mickey, you don’t have to stay -’

‘Nah, it’s fine - ‘sides, lots to watch on telly. Don’t even have to be football,’ he went on, and then his expression turned almost pleading. ‘I just want to spend some time with my best girl before you’re off again.’

Of course she couldn’t say no to that.

Which led to him sticking around the rest of the evening. Rose kept company with him on the couch while her mother tried to push several Tupperware containers worth of leftovers off on him. She would have liked to head off to bed, but she understood that since the Doctor came into her life her loved ones didn’t get much time with her. It was the least she could do, giving them every bit of extra time possible.

It was a shameless attempt to lessen her guilt, but she accepted that. Besides, she’d rest up more the next day.

· ΘΣ ·

‘Mickey, you’ve got to work!’

‘Nope. Got the day off. I figured I’d take a long weekend, cos I wasn’t sure how long you’d be staying after you’re… well,’ he trailed off, looking embarrassed.

‘I’m really, really fine - I swear, I’m not just saying that so that you pay more attention to me,’ Rose protested when he showed up the next day. In her head, she yelled, And I feel like I’ve been impaled with a poker, so would you please go away?

Then he held up a package for her, and the smell of chips from the shop in Dagenham wafted through the kitchen.

‘Thought you might be hungry once your stomach’s a bit settled.’

Well.

That was…

Her stomach, empty from when she’d been forced to upchuck her breakfast, almost wept.

‘Wrapped in newspaper and everything - how can I say no?’ she sighed and opened the door to let him into the flat.

‘In case you’re about to, I also brought this,’ he said, digging into his coat pocket and holding up a bar of chocolate. The pricey German brand she liked, too.

Rose knew this was one of those times when she shouldn’t encourage Mickey. That even though she wasn’t ready to have the much needed conversation with him about their relationship, she needed to start weaning him off of her and vice versa.

Then again, if after a year he was still coming around…

She felt almost as conflicted now as she had when the Doctor had asked her to travel with her the first time.

She didn’t want to hurt Mickey, but…

I’ll deal with it later, she decided and accepted the chocolate. When it’s easier to concentrate.

She tried not to feel like she was lying to herself as she let him settle in beside her on the couch. Thankfully he didn’t expect her to engage too much, instead complaining the whole time about things happening down at the garage.

Eventually she managed to convince him to go hang out with his mates because she was feeling worse (even though the second day was usually better).

‘I’ll give you a ring once I’m feeling better and before we leave again,’ she vowed.

‘So he’s coming back for sure, then?’ he asked, and she winced at the hope in his voice.

‘’Course he’s coming back. Could call him to come back right now if I wanted. But I needed some time with Mum and all,’ she said, firm but conciliatory as she showed him to the door.

He turned on the landing, fixing her with an apologetic and knowing look.

‘It’s not for keep, this,’ he told her. ‘He’s eventually gonna go off on his own, you know that, right? Big universe and all, he won’t keep coming back here forever.’

‘Mickey -’

‘I waited for you to get over Jimmy Stone,’ he told her firmly. ‘You’re younger than me, Rose, I can’t expect you to want to settle down right away. Not yet, anyhow. So I’ll wait. Maybe he’s a better boyfriend now, but one day he won’t be. And I’ll be here.’

And then he was gone, the door closing soundly behind him.

Rose stared at the spot that he had been standing for several seconds before reaching for the nearest pillow and shoving her face into it in frustration.

‘Shit.’

That conversation hadn’t gone any way she had expected, at all.

Mickey didn’t turn up again after that. Although a part of her was relieved about it, by her third day she was completely and utterly bored. She would’ve welcomed any kind of awkward conversation over the sea of recent style magazines her mother had plied her with.

Where once she would have read and reread every article and bit of gossip the glossy magazines had to offer, now she kept drifting off into her imagination.

The Doctor’s attention span was rubbing off on her. The idea of more than two days stuck in one place now seemed stifling.

She wondered what kind of trouble the Doctor was getting up to without her and wished she wasn’t stuck back home. Next time, she’d make sure she was on the TARDIS. Adventure or not, there had to be a bunch of stuff to do on the ship. She hadn’t even explored the few rooms she had been introduced to yet, let alone what mysteries lay beyond the endless corridors and hallways.

Exploration aside, once she was back on her feet she’d get the Doctor to take her to an alien planet. He’d been promising for ages now, and she intended to collect.

By the time the sun went down and she was getting ready to turn in for the night, she had already packed and repacked her bag several times. She’d also made a list of places she wanted the Doctor to take her and people she wanted to meet.

‘Can’t you stay at least a few days longer, sweetheart?’ Jackie asked quietly, picking at the zipper on Rose’s rucksack.

‘Mum,’ Rose sighed. ‘You’ve got work. I saw your calendar, you’ve got all those appointments.’

‘I’ll cancel them - s’not more important than seeing you.’

‘Yeah, it is, you know that.’ She wandered over to her mother. ‘How ‘bout this: I’ll have the Doctor brine me by next weekend. We’ll go see a film or get our nails done and have dinner at that Italian place you like. The one where the owner thought you were my sister?’

That caused at least a half-quirk to her mother’s lips.

‘Dunno if you should make any promises - himself ain’t very good at keepin’ time,’ Jackie grumbled mutinously. ‘A year for an hour - try to show up after a week and you’ll likely be a century late.’

‘Yeah, but then we can try again cos the timelines won’t be messed up,’ Rose pointed out.

‘I don’t even know what that means,’ Jackie complained, but she left it after that.

The next morning, Rose kissed her mother goodbye and dialled the number for the TARDIS as she left the flat.

Almost before the call picked up, she watched the TARDIS wailing herself into being at her usual post beside the Estate. The familiar scraping, keening noise - which the Doctor called dematerialization but which she thought sounded like someone driving with the parking brake on - made her grin.

Of course, she knew better than to mention about his driving or his ship when she pranced up the gangplank.

Besides, it had long since become one of her favourite noises in the universe.

· ΔΩ ·

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