Facebook and Flamewars

[erstexman]

So I posted a political thought today that evolved into what became a bit of a nasty fight between two close friends - REAL friends in the flesh that I have met in person and love each in his own way. They however do not know each other from Adam's house cat.

Anyway, my status update read...

I really believe the if the Republicans don't watch it they

Comments

[barak]

It strikes me as emotionally manipulative to say "you have to stop being friends with so-and-so, even though I do not know them, because their beliefs (or actions) offend me." Its pretty self-centered.

We've all come across people that, for whatever reason, we stop wanting in our lives. But it takes maturity to end a friendship without allowing it to affect your friendships with people you have in common.

For example, a few years ago there was someone who was incredibly rude, insulting and derogatory to me. When I called him out on it, he got mean and personal. I took two steps backwards and decided "I don't want to know this person anymore." That's how bad his comments were. I wrote him a private email, explained my position, and apologized if my comments were hurtful, but that his comments went straight to the core of my beliefs- so much so that I believed he owed me an apology.

He blew me off and refused to apologize.

I immediately knew he wasn't worth keeping. Unfriended him from my all my social media contacts. Deleting him from my life wasn't possible since he was friends with close friends of mine. So when I run into him socially, if I can, I gave him the cold shoulder. Last time I saw him, I simply said "hi" and kept going- no interaction, no attempt to be friendly.

I never felt it necessary to explain to the friends we had it common, even though I'm sure, given the gossipy mouth he has, that they all got an earful of how badly I treated him. But I've never felt the need to tell anyone why- that would just be adding to the drama.

My advice in your case? Start by writing Ixxxx an email, or give him a phone call and explain your disappointment in his exchange. Apologize for YOUR actions to cause him distress- but don't offer an apology for any one else's beliefs.

Give Ixxxx the chance to understand your position, and to respond- and maybe then he can apologize for his actions. If he doesn't, then you may need to decide if this is someone who really can value you as a person, who can really be a supportive friend. Because if he's going to rip you a new one just on basis of your FRIENDS differing values-- how's he going to treat you when you have a REAL conflict?

[erstexman]

I sent Ixxxx a long email pretty much outlining my actions and why I have taken them and told him I refuse to take sides. The ball is in his court now if he chooses to remain my friend. If he walks away, so be it. I can apologize for him being offended, but also did his part to attack Sxxx as well, so in my eyes, they are both idiots for attacking each other. I called Sxxx on what he did and he apologized to me for his attack and his tone/language. He will not apologize for his viewpoint and I do not blame him at all.

Anyway, it made for an exciting day I suppose...

[barak]

If Ixxxx doesn't at least apologize for his treatment of you, I'll kick his ass for you!

Always something up every day!

And here I am, reading LJ when I should be packing for my weekend getaway!

[erstexman]

Yes pack and have a great weekend in Madison - give Tim, Tim and Joe hugs from me please....

[barak]

I'll considering giving hugs for you... where's my bribe? What's in it for me to share? ;-)

[erstexman]

You get the actual hugs for one...

[barak]

Maybe I'll just keep the hugs for myself!! I'm a hug-whore that way!

[mrdreamjeans]

What? No hugs for me! I'm going to be there, too! :)

[erstexman]

Well, I assigned you specifically to Sir Otter, but feel free to hug all the guys for me...

[joebehrsandiego]

Evan: Tim is giving you some really excellent advice here. I apologize in advance for the strong language, but: Ixxxx and his ilk are like vampires, especially with good-hearted people like you. They demand everything and offer back nothing in return.

[erstexman]

No need to apologize - I got my answer today...