pas de deux [3/3]
Jongin had gotten into an argument with his stepmother. It wasn't unusual, but he didn't feel comfortable enough with Sehun to go knocking on his front door, so he retreated to the school in hopes of practicing, maybe crashing in one of the practice rooms for the night.
So he'd walked the blocks and watched the sun dip down behind the buildings dotting the skyline, smoked his way through a few cigarettes in hopes of un-stressing himself. All of that was for naught though when he yanked on the front door of the school and found it locked, let out a string of curses and kicked at it like it might solve something.
He really probably should have factored time into the equation, but he'd been stupid and was left pitying himself as he dropped down to the cement steps trying to think of what the hell he should do.
The tail end of the argument was still swirling through his head, a bitter taste to the edge of his mouth that he couldn't swallow down. It wasn't anything new, useless, fuck up, but it still had Jongin dropping his forehead down into his palm and wondering what the fuck he was even doing.
Doubt weighed heavy on him and he didn't know who to reach out to - the only person he could think of, who'd been there for him lately was Luhan. It took several minutes of consideration before Jongin pulled out his phone and tapped out a tentative message to the other - an awkward attempt at a casual 'how are you?' before it moved into his actual predicament of being abandoned at the school.
He wasn't sure whether or not he expected Luhan to care, but when Luhan told him to wait, that he'd be there in a few, Jongin felt an overwhelming sensation of relief - like some kind of weight had been lifted off his shoulders.
He wouldn't have been able to explain it, if someone had asked him too. He'd crashed on Sehun's couch before, weeks at a time until he'd get a call telling him to get his ass back to his own apartment before he got in trouble. This seemed different though. Luhan was different, in more ways than just class.
He managed a scoff when Luhan finally showed up, hair damp and in a soccer jersey. "Man U sucks." Jongin informed him from his position on the step, rubbed at the end of his red nose and tried not to make the whole situation feel like a big deal. He didn't want to make it into a big deal, shit happened and he moved on.
"Man U is where it's at, shut your basic ass up." Luhan tossed back, and Jongin flashed him a grateful smile. He took Luhan's extended hand and pulled himself up to his feet, didn't comment when Luhan threaded their fingers together instead of letting go.
"Who's so much better than Man U then?" Luhan asked him as they walked, and Jongin settled into the easy banter instead of rehashing the shouting match he'd thrown himself into earlier. It was easier than he thought it would be, especially when Luhan flashed him that same, ugly smile.
"Chelsea," he bit out like it was obvious (it was), ignored the overdramatic noise Luhan let out - he'd bet indignation, but mostly it just sounded like Luhan was choking on his own spit.
"Take it back," Luhan hissed out like an alley cat. Jongin laughed, went to pull away so Luhan wouldn't hit him. Luhan's fingers tightened around his own instead though, pulled him back into place despite their divided opinions. It was new, usually Luhan hit him until he changed his mind on matters that Luhan deemed important.
"Chelsea sucks ass." Luhan informed him instead, and Jongin huffed out a "no way," yanked Luhan closer and manhandled him into a headlock as they continued their way down the street, sidestepped a few businessmen giving them odd glanced as Luhan's arms wind milled around trying to escape.
When he reemerged, Luhan's hair was in a disarray, nose scrunched up pissy. It was kind of cute, but Jongin didn't bring it up. "You are such a dick," Luhan shot out as he tried to comb his hair back into place.
"You're the one who decided to like Man U," Jongin pointed out, like it was entirely Luhan's fault. Their knuckled brushed together once Luhan had finished fussing with his hair, but Jongin couldn't bring himself to fill the gap between them, to wind their fingers back together. Even if he'd liked it.
They bickered on the way to Luhan's apartment, too much shoving and shouting but that died out as soon as they stopped in front of the building, had Jongin tipping his head back and letting out a soft "woah."
It wasn't a castle or anything, but it was definitely miles above Jongin's own tiny apartment. He could feel Luhan's eyes on him and he ignored it, knew his reaction as probably stupid so he kept his mouth shut as he followed Luhan inside and onto elevator.
"You sure your parents don't mind?" Jongin asked as he watched the floors climb higher.
"They're not home. Working," was his clipped response. Jongin felt relieved at the answer though, the last thing he wanted to deal with was Luhan's parents.
Luhan lent Jongin a pair of sweatpants, ordered too much pizza and they both settled in front of the huge flat screen in Luhan's living room to play FIFA. It was basically Jongin's idea of heaven, and he was able to shove aside the problems that had been accumulating in the back of his mind in favor of eating his weight in grease and kicking Luhan's ass (even if he was starting to suspect Luhan was letting him win).
Jongin chucked the controller aside only when he became too sleepy to continue - the flash of the clock read that it was going on two in the morning so he thought it was justifiable. He settled back into the mountain of pillows he'd helped Luhan stack together earlier and yawned into the back of his hand.
"Wanna watch a movie?" Luhan asked, even though Jongin could tell the others eyelids were starting to droop as well.
"Sure, break out your porn collection," he snorted out, his tone teasing as he spread himself out across the floor. Silence settled between them, and Jongin was wondering if Luhan was actually waiting for a response instead of jamming a dvd into the player - was about to call him a dumbass for not just doing it when Luhan's voice broke through the quiet.
"You wouldn't like my porn," Jongin didn't really understand that one, porn was porn and it had been a joke anyway. He didn't really want to delve into whatever weird kinks Luhan may or may not have.
He settled on an innocuous enough "oh?" and wondered if Luhan would let it drop.
"Yeah." Luhan continued anyway, and his voice sounded raspy - like he needed a glass of water. "It's got dicks in it," he finished and understanding dawned on him. He could feel his face turning red, his skin hot. He could feel Luhan staring at him, probably waiting for an answer to what was possibly the most awkward way into the world to inform him that he was gay.
"Oh," he repeated, without the questioning lilt this time.
"Yeah," Luhan mumbled out after a beat of silence. Jongin stared at the pattern on the quilt as Luhan crawled over to the TV to switch out the game for some action movie that seemed vaguely familiar.
Luhan settled back into place next to him and Jongin shifted a few inches away, could feel Luhan tense next to him. He hadn't meant it, not like that, his awkwardness had been mistranslated and he didn't bother in clearing up the miscommunication.
"Is...that a problem? I'm not like, I mean, we can still act the same right? I thought it wouldn't matter." Jongin wasn't entirely sure he believed Luhan. His voice sounded strained, like he thought it did matter.
"It's fine," Jongin breathed out, eyes darting from Luhan's face to the TV because he didn't want to focus on how Luhan looked like he'd been hurt.
The entire intro of the movie played out before Luhan answered him with a very small "okay."
----
Jongin woke up early the next morning; the clock read seven. He wanted to roll back over and go to bed - it was Saturday- there was no reason to. But Luhan was sprawled out next to him, his hair a mess and an arm slung across Jongin's stomach.
His skin felt like static, mouth dry and so Jongin hefted himself out from under their mound of blankets carefully - retreated into the kitchen and tugged out his cell phone to call Sehun. They might not have been on the best terms at the moment, but they had been working things out - and Jongin needed his advice.
He hefted himself up to sit on the counter and waited for Sehun to pick up, a disgruntled "what the fuck do you want?" greeted him, and Jongin would have laughed if he didn't feel so tense.
"Good morning to you too." he huffed out as he picked at his nail.
"It's Saturday. Correction, it is seven in the fucking morning on a Saturday. Why the hell are you calling me, Jongin?" Sehun grumbled out. Jongin sighed, let his head thump back against the cabinets and tried to figure out how to word everything.
"I just...needed some advice. About a person," he settled on, listened to Sehun grunt on the other end of the line before he continued.
"They're nice, and I like hanging out with them. And I guess they're kind of nice to look at and--" he was cut off by Sehun talking impatient into the phone.
"So you like them, that's great Jongin - can you just go ask them out and let me go back to fucking sleep?"
Jongin frowned, that hadn't exactly been what he wanted Sehun to tell him. "Um."
"What?" Sehun grit out, and Jongin wished he would take his problem at least ninety percent more seriously than he was.
"They don't have tits," was his stellar way of explaining to Sehun that he wasn't talking about a girl.
"Oh," Sehun mumbled out, and at least he sounded a little more concerned this time.
"I didn't know you were a fag," Sehun marveled, sounded more curious and less accusatory - but it still had Jongin biting out an annoyed "Sehun."
"Okay, okay. I don't know. I guess if you like them then go for it? Whatever you want, man." Jongin pressed his lips together, sniffed and stared down at the ceramic pattern of Luhan's kitchen floor.
"You...won't hate me even more? If I...liked…," he trailed off, bit down hard on his lower lip and waited for the crackle of Sehun's voice to start up again.
"Jongin, don't be a fucking idiot. I don't hate you, I was just pissed at you - there's a difference. And...I won't hate you if you like dudes. Just, no making out in front of me. Gross." Jongin laughed into the line, blinked back tears that were accumulating, largely because he felt overwhelmed.
"Thanks, Sehun." he murmured, plucked at the fabric of the borrowed sweats.
"Yeah, well. You better let me meet them sometime. Also you still owe me fried chicken since you ditched me for that dumbass school."
"Okay. Thanks." Jongin repeated, another grunt from Sehun before the line went dead.
Jongin shuffled back into the living room and found Luhan sitting up, eyes fixed blearily to the screen of the TV as he clicked through channels. He let out a surprised "oh," when Jongin dropped back down next to him on the floor.
"I thought you'd taken off," Luhan admitted, shoulders hunched as he turned away from him and back towards the screen. Jongin bit down on his cheek and shook his head back and forth in response, left Luhan humming - though otherwise silent.
Luhan finally gave up and left it on some talk show, slumped back into the pillows and Jongin followed suit.
"I'm sorry. For yesterday, I didn't mean anything by it. Or...well, it doesn't matter. I don't want things to be awkward though, you can forget about it," Luhan mumbled out quietly. Jongin exhaled in a rush, toyed with his fingers and let his eyes focus to the host talking on screen about some new weight loss program that he didn't care about.
He cared about Luhan, so close he could feel his body heat, so close he could hear the waver in his voice as he apologized for coming out to him. Jongin didn't want him to apologize for that, not when he was having trouble sorting through the whole problem of his own sexuality himself.
"It's…," he trailed off, had wanted to say something reassuring, but Jongin didn't even know where to begin.
"It's?" Luhan repeated, something like apprehension straining his tone. Adrenaline was snapping in Jongin's gut, so he swallowed hard and pressed his nails into his thigh hard enough that it hurt before he rolled over and caught Luhan in a kiss.
He'd meant it to be a kiss, anyway. He'd missed - pressed it messy against the corner of his mouth before he pulled away mortified. Jongin rolled back over, was about to make a break for the front door when Luhan caught him by his elbow and pulled him back into place.
"Jongin?" he questioned out. Jongin knew his face was probably bright red, his heart was pounding like an overexcited drum and he really wished Luhan's floor would swallow him to save him from the embarrassment. Luhan had told him he was gay, not that he'd liked him - Jongin was only beginning to realize how fucking idiotic he'd been.
"I. Just. Sorry." Jongin stuttered out, hid his face behind his hands and groaned into them. He didn't know what else to say, was going to babble out another apology when Luhan pried his hands away from his face to kiss him properly.
Luhan's lips were soft, and he wondered if Luhan minded that his own were chapped and kind of sticky as a result. He didn't seem to though, judging by the way he was angling closer and slipping his hand to the nape of Jongin's neck to keep him in place.
Jongin was pretty sure the pounding of his heart was audible, the blush hadn't subsided and he felt a little dizzy. Not that he'd never kissed someone before - he had. Girls he'd sort of known at parties, sloppy kisses that tasted like artificial strawberries. Luhan didn't taste like strawberries though, he tasted like last night's pizza and while that was honestly pretty gross, it had heat sparking up through his veins anyway as he kissed him back.
Luhan kissed him harder, until Jongin leaned back and they both toppled over into the mountain of pillows, laughed against each other's mouths. He tried to help Luhan regain balance by settling his hands on his hips. Jongin tried not to focus on how Luhan shivered underneath his touch.
"Jongin, you're such a jackass." Luhan decided, bit down hard enough on Jongin's lower lip to make him yelp.
"Okay, yeah, I know. It's...new." he settled on awkwardly, Luhan decided to solve the problem of Jongin talking too much by kissing him again, and again, until Jongin's lips were aching and bruised.
----
Based on all the teen romcoms Jongin had ever seen in his life, dating someone was supposed to solve all of his problems. There was supposed to be a nice fadeout before everything was tied up in a pretty bow, but he quickly learned that wasn't how the real world worked.
Jongin and Luhan still had the showcase looming ahead of them, just a few weeks away and Jongin's step mom still wasn't talking to him. At least Sehun seemed a little friendlier - even if he kept spamming his phone with rainbow emoticons.
Luhan was letting him stay at his place until he parents got home at the end of the week, and while that was nice, Jongin was busy stressing over whether he'd be allowed back into his apartment once the time was up.
There were distractions at least - classes, cementing down the rest of their routine, and kissing Luhan sloppy in favor of homework, tangled up in his bed.
Jongin was overeager and insistent, though Luhan never seemed to complain.
"Jongin. Math," Luhan mumbled out in a halfhearted attempt to redirect Jongin's attention.
"Math is lame," Jongin decided, nosed into Luhan's neck instead because he'd just started to figure out that if he bit down Luhan would squirm in place, and he rather liked that.
"Math is not lame. Will you stop that?" Luhan bit out with a slap to Jongin's ass. Jongin only laughed though, returned to Luhan's mouth and pressed kisses into place until Luhan was smiling too.
"Lemme measure the slope of your ass," Jongin growled out low, was aiming for sexy as he dragged a hand up Luhan's thigh to squeeze.
"You don't know how to measure the slope of anything," Luhan deadpanned out - grinned smugly as he watched Jongin’s face fall before he rolled Jongin onto his back, loomed over him with a grin. Luhan shoved Jongin's shirt up his chest, leaned down to press a few kisses along his stomach - Jongin tensed in response, inhaled sharply.
"That's not math," Jongin pointed out, grunting when he felt Luhan's teeth drag against his hipbones.
"Would you rather do math?" Luhan asked him like he might have been an idiot. Jongin shook his head back and forth, slid his fingers into Luhan's hair instead of turning back to his math book that was now on the floor.
Jongin let Luhan's hair feather through his fingers as he kissed lower, toes curling in anticipation as Luhan dragged the band of his basketball shorts down his thighs. Jongin was a bundle of teenage angst and hormones, and it was evident in the way he was already painfully hard in his boxers, teeth catching on his lower lip as he stared.
Luhan glanced up with a grin before his boxers were yanked out of the way as well, the others tongue hot against his cock as he dragged it up the length of it. Jongin hadn't gotten any in ages, and so when Luhan moaned around the head of his cock like he was enjoying it, he bucked up. His eyes squeezed shut as Luhan gagged around him, because while he knew it was probably rude, it also felt really, really nice.
So he did it again, until Luhan's fingers dug near-painful into his hips to keep him in place as he sank down around his cock and blew him. Jongin's thighs splayed open wide, Luhan's tongue messy and wet against his length.
Jongin had totally been planning on telling him when he was going to come- he'd had the best intentions. But heat was building fast in his stomach, and Luhan's face was messy with spit and for some reason it was turning him on, tension twisting in his stomach until he came with a keen into Luhan's mouth.
He hadn't been expecting it though, and so half his load ended up all over Luhan's face. It was quiet for a moment, at least until Jongin burst into laughter, a snorted out "you have jizz, like...everywhere."
"Yeah, thanks for that you fuckface." Luhan snarled back, smacked Jongin hard on the thigh before he went off in search of tissues.
----
It was easier to ignore the kids in his classes when he knew Luhan was waiting for him between breaks. It was easier to focus in class when he knew that they'd finally figured out a routine and were well on their way to nearly perfecting it.
Jongin's step mom called him before the week was up telling him to come back, which was a relief - even if he would have rather spent the last few days curled up in Luhan's bed with him.
Instead, he invited Luhan back to his apartment so that he could meet Sehun.
He didn't really want to - not so much because of Sehun, but because Luhan's life looked so much better in comparison to his own. Jongin was jittery on the bus ride over, heel constantly shaking as he bit at his thumbnail until it stung.
Luhan didn't comment on it, just settled a hand on his back until he calmed down.
"Just. Don't expect a lot." Jongin mumbled out, leaned close and knocked his forehead against Luhan's temple.
"You shouldn't talk about your friends that way," Luhan teased him, had Jongin relaxing and dropping his chin to Luhan's shoulder as they sat through the rest of the ride over.
His apartment was a mess, he'd half tried to clean some of it before he invited Luhan over - but the other kids in the house had made a mess of it already. He'd have preferred to just meet up with Sehun at the McDonald's a few streets over, but Luhan had kept harping about inviting him over so he did.
Jongin regretted it now though. The tips of his ears burned red as he led Luhan further into the apartment, veered off towards his room and kicked a pile of clothes out of the way as he dragged him inside. "It's like. Messy and shit, sorry. Sehun said he'd be over soon," Jongin spoke out gruffly, dragging his fingers agitatedly through his hair.
"It's fine," Luhan told him, and while he sounded like he meant it - Jongin didn't really think it was fine. Being around Luhan made him crave more, made him want to be part of the school and on more than a probationary status. It made him want to have his own showcase, his own career that didn't involve working at some convenience shop for the rest of his life.
"Really, calm down," Luhan spoke out, tugging Jongin closer, until their noses were brushing. Jongin nodded, inched closer until their lips were brushing and Luhan was reaching up to pull him in by the back of his neck.
The door opened with a clatter, a loud "god fucking dammit Jongin - I had one fucking request and what are you doing right in front of my face?"
----
Sehun and Luhan meeting each other went better than Jongin had expected. Sehun was abrasive, but Luhan wasn't as much of a pushover as he looked like. Given the situation, they seemed to get along okay. Sehun even challenged Luhan into a dance battle that hadn't worked at all considering that Sehun didn't know how modern dance worked at all. Jongin ended up laughing his ass off over the whole thing, but before they'd left Luhan had told Sehun to try and audition for a transfer spot and Sehun had seemed to warm up to him a little bit after that.
Jongin had invited Sehun to the showcase, but that was all he'd really bothered with. The performance was more about Luhan than it was for him. He was just there to give Luhan dimension, to make him look good.
He could tell Luhan was nervous. Their dress rehearsal had been fine but Luhan kept shuffling over to look at the audience, back again. Jongin reached out to catch his wrist, to stop Luhan from doing it for the nineteenth time in a row.
"How long?" Jongin mumbled out, his own nerves spiking but he wasn't going to let Luhan see it - he was pretty sure it would throw Luhan into some sort of emotional turmoil.
"Thirty minutes, maybe?" Luhan breathed out shaky. Jongin glanced around before he grabbed at Luhan's hand and pulled him complaining down the hall - found an empty looking enclave and pushed him against the wall.
"Stop worrying, you're going to be fine. They'll love you," Jongin decided, pressed his hand to Luhan's hip and crowded against him, foreheads bumping together as he grinned at him. Luhan's lips twisted in what was probably supposed to be a smile, and Jongin struggled to repress a laugh.
"The head told me she'd consider dropping the 'probationary' if you did well enough," Luhan mumbled out. Jongin figured it must have been out of spite, to make him just as nervous as Luhan seemed to be. He shot the other a glare, and it seemed to make Luhan happier, so he was pretty sure it was exactly what he'd intended.
"We'll be fine," Luhan breathed out, and it sounded like he was half trying to convince himself. Jongin was never the best with words though, so he leaned down and kissed him instead. They were in the middle of a hallway, and if someone saw him the whole 'fag' rumors would probably flare even bigger, but he didn't really care. He was determined to punch the next kid who said it right in the goddamn nose.
Jongin could feel Luhan smile against his lips and he decided that he did a good job, hooked his arms more securely around the boy’s waist and spun him in a lazy circle. "What the fuck. You don't get to lift me," Luhan huffed out, yanked at Jongin's hair until he hissed and dropped him back onto the floor.
"Fucker," Jongin complained as he rubbed at the back of his head, kept his fingers curled in at Luhan's waist anyway.
There was a pensive look in place on Luhan's face, glanced up at Jongin and murmured out a "if you don't mess up, I will. Fuck you, I mean," before he dragged Jongin back towards the stage, had to fight down his indignation, along with the blush that rose to his cheeks, because who said Luhan could top first?
The waited anxious behind the curtain for a few of the other students to finish their routines, chest swelling whenever Luhan shot a sharp glare at a few of the kids who rolled their eyes in Jongin's direction.
Jongin had to remind himself to breathe a couple of times when they walked out on stage. He'd never been in front of that many people before, they'd all be staring at him - waiting for him to dance, and his mind suddenly overloaded with every possible way he could screw up.
Luhan squeezed at his wrist as he passed him to get into position, and he forced himself to relax before familiar music wound its way out of the sound system. Jongin focused on the lights, on the steps he had drilled into his head, pop, slide, match Luhan's steps.
It was a rush of adrenaline, a different kind than the type that bubbled up when he smashed in car windows or stole booze from the liquor store. It was raw and his heart never stopped beating, thought it was going to jump right out of his chest. He immersed himself in the music though, in the dance, until everything was winding to a halt and he realized he was over, and that neither of them had managed to fuck up.
Luhan pulled him back offstage and a woman's voice was speaking, announcing the next dancer. He was smiling wide and yanking Jongin's wrist hard enough that it hurt, but he looked so happy that Jongin couldn't bring himself to complain as he stumbled after him.
As they got further offstage Jongin wound his arm around Luhan shoulders, pulled him into his chest and felt Luhan nose at his collar. Jongin didn't know what would happen. He didn’t know if he'd be able to stay at the school, if they'd kick him out. But he knew that for the moment he was happy with Luhan in his arms, laughing against his neck.
part 1 / part 2 / part 3