SPN Coda: 5x22 (I can't help it!!)
IDK IDK IDK, you guys. Am I just going to spend the whole summer writing codas? PERHAPS!! I need to stop crying into my coffee and work on editing my big bang. I'll get to it.
Swan Song Coda - Dean
***
Dean thinks about what Castiel says after he's disappeared, about freedom and peace. This is victory and as the last man standing, it's his duty to enjoy it. As though that's even a remote possibility. He thinks about his mom, dad, his grandparents. He hasn't stopped thinking about Sam, so that goes without saying. How is Dean the only one left when all he ever wanted was his family? In what universe is this his reward?
There's no way Dean can actually go after God and for a moment he feels an intense, overwhelming, bone-deep grief at the memory of his amulet slipping through his fingers. Just one more brash action that he has a lifetime to regret. Dean can't go after God, so he prays instead. The irony isn't lost on him.
He pulls onto the shoulder of the road on his way to Lisa's. On his way to fulfill the last promise he made to his brother. He pulls over and shuts off the Impala, braces his hands on the steering wheel and looks out into the night.
"I know I don't have a right to ask for anything," he starts. His voice is rough and he has to clear his throat, lick his lips and try again. "I know I've told you to fuck off in every way possible and, hell. Maybe this is actually my punishment." That thought has crossed his mind more than once since Sam disappeared. "But please-"
His voice breaks and Dean has to shut his eyes. There are tears slipping down his cheeks but he can't be bothered to wipe them away. He only grips the steering wheel tighter and takes a deep breath before continuing. "Please. God, Joshua, if you're listening. Whatever I did or didn't do, whatever mistakes we made. I won't break my promise to him. I won't. But please, don't let him rot there."
He finally brings one hand up, furiously rubbing his eyes. "I'm not asking you to bring him back to life, or to let me see him again. Hell, I'm not even saying let me know that he's okay. Just- Please let him be okay."
There's no answer. No flash of lightning or sudden breeze and Castiel doesn't appear next to him to let him know his prayers were heard. It's not unexpected and Dean has no choice but to start the car again, pull back onto the road. He keeps going because the desire not to let Sam down outweighs everything else.
The only thing Dean has left is his word.
***
Swan Song Coda - Dean
***
Dean thinks about what Castiel says after he's disappeared, about freedom and peace. This is victory and as the last man standing, it's his duty to enjoy it. As though that's even a remote possibility. He thinks about his mom, dad, his grandparents. He hasn't stopped thinking about Sam, so that goes without saying. How is Dean the only one left when all he ever wanted was his family? In what universe is this his reward?
There's no way Dean can actually go after God and for a moment he feels an intense, overwhelming, bone-deep grief at the memory of his amulet slipping through his fingers. Just one more brash action that he has a lifetime to regret. Dean can't go after God, so he prays instead. The irony isn't lost on him.
He pulls onto the shoulder of the road on his way to Lisa's. On his way to fulfill the last promise he made to his brother. He pulls over and shuts off the Impala, braces his hands on the steering wheel and looks out into the night.
"I know I don't have a right to ask for anything," he starts. His voice is rough and he has to clear his throat, lick his lips and try again. "I know I've told you to fuck off in every way possible and, hell. Maybe this is actually my punishment." That thought has crossed his mind more than once since Sam disappeared. "But please-"
His voice breaks and Dean has to shut his eyes. There are tears slipping down his cheeks but he can't be bothered to wipe them away. He only grips the steering wheel tighter and takes a deep breath before continuing. "Please. God, Joshua, if you're listening. Whatever I did or didn't do, whatever mistakes we made. I won't break my promise to him. I won't. But please, don't let him rot there."
He finally brings one hand up, furiously rubbing his eyes. "I'm not asking you to bring him back to life, or to let me see him again. Hell, I'm not even saying let me know that he's okay. Just- Please let him be okay."
There's no answer. No flash of lightning or sudden breeze and Castiel doesn't appear next to him to let him know his prayers were heard. It's not unexpected and Dean has no choice but to start the car again, pull back onto the road. He keeps going because the desire not to let Sam down outweighs everything else.
The only thing Dean has left is his word.
***