Warning! This entry is arrogant and unapologetic
I sent this E-mail to Vanessa a week or so ago and she enjoyed it so much that I thought I would pass it on...
You know occasionally Tony would go into the white boy rant of 'I'm being cheated by the system, the system is trying to screw me, it's being unfair,' and I would look at him aghast, the beautiful black vixen that I am, offering to do his laundry so that a) I wouldn't have to see it piled up anymore and b) I would have a towel to use that did not smell like mold; riding off in his shithole piece of tin that some might call a car, that is, when I did not drive myself to see him; biting my tongue through his maddening bouts of meanness, which came on for no justifiable reason; launching the occasional clever clip from my nearly ivy-league educated brain to his amusement and edification; crawling into his bed nearly every night, letting him screw me seven ways from Sunday (including into my deliciously round plum of an ass), and not letting, no encouraging him to come onto a portion of my body loaded with meaning and thoroughly researched before the design was chosen--and his life is not fucking fair? Are you fucking kidding me? Whatever unfairness perpetuated on him by the system was certainly made up through karma, via my incredibly dick-sucking skills. His life isn't fair--my ass!*
And it got me to thinking, who the fuck do these men think they are? I would say to Tony with his never gonna be a doctor, needs to just fucking graduate , I would say to J-- with his undisclosed anxiety, acne, and generally gangliness, I would say to M-- with his 5'8 not being able to express his emotions, I would say to LeJuan with his Buddha belly, unable to commit because he's looking to fill with women the large gaping emptiness inside himself ASSES--who the fuck do you think you are? You got to nail us?! Are you kidding me? V&E--double trouble, the perfect buxom twins with the maddeningly platonic homosocial relationship? You should get down on your knees and thank God for the experience. And not because we're hot, or interesting, or intelligent, or witty, or with-it, or have our shit together, or think of things independent from our own experience, or think religion is actually, really and truly comical, but because we're all of those things, two packages you did not have the monies to purchase, two gifts that showed up on your accounts as insufficient funds. We let you buy that shit on credit and you still went and acted like niggers. No more! This time we're cutting up the fucking charge cards and you can put the shards up your assholes. No more under the table deals, from here on out, your paperwork better be legit if you plan to step to one of us. We are no longer in the business of carrying you financially or emotionally unless you can prove that you can offer us the same deal.
Shit.
*I should clarify this whole 'the system' terminology, which Tony did not explicitly say, but I don't feel like it.
And I have come to the sorry conclusion that I was/am? completely in love with Tony Catalano. Damn it feels good to be an Erica...
You know occasionally Tony would go into the white boy rant of 'I'm being cheated by the system, the system is trying to screw me, it's being unfair,' and I would look at him aghast, the beautiful black vixen that I am, offering to do his laundry so that a) I wouldn't have to see it piled up anymore and b) I would have a towel to use that did not smell like mold; riding off in his shithole piece of tin that some might call a car, that is, when I did not drive myself to see him; biting my tongue through his maddening bouts of meanness, which came on for no justifiable reason; launching the occasional clever clip from my nearly ivy-league educated brain to his amusement and edification; crawling into his bed nearly every night, letting him screw me seven ways from Sunday (including into my deliciously round plum of an ass), and not letting, no encouraging him to come onto a portion of my body loaded with meaning and thoroughly researched before the design was chosen--and his life is not fucking fair? Are you fucking kidding me? Whatever unfairness perpetuated on him by the system was certainly made up through karma, via my incredibly dick-sucking skills. His life isn't fair--my ass!*
And it got me to thinking, who the fuck do these men think they are? I would say to Tony with his never gonna be a doctor, needs to just fucking graduate , I would say to J-- with his undisclosed anxiety, acne, and generally gangliness, I would say to M-- with his 5'8 not being able to express his emotions, I would say to LeJuan with his Buddha belly, unable to commit because he's looking to fill with women the large gaping emptiness inside himself ASSES--who the fuck do you think you are? You got to nail us?! Are you kidding me? V&E--double trouble, the perfect buxom twins with the maddeningly platonic homosocial relationship? You should get down on your knees and thank God for the experience. And not because we're hot, or interesting, or intelligent, or witty, or with-it, or have our shit together, or think of things independent from our own experience, or think religion is actually, really and truly comical, but because we're all of those things, two packages you did not have the monies to purchase, two gifts that showed up on your accounts as insufficient funds. We let you buy that shit on credit and you still went and acted like niggers. No more! This time we're cutting up the fucking charge cards and you can put the shards up your assholes. No more under the table deals, from here on out, your paperwork better be legit if you plan to step to one of us. We are no longer in the business of carrying you financially or emotionally unless you can prove that you can offer us the same deal.
Shit.
*I should clarify this whole 'the system' terminology, which Tony did not explicitly say, but I don't feel like it.
And I have come to the sorry conclusion that I was/am? completely in love with Tony Catalano. Damn it feels good to be an Erica...