we all fell
Everything is in place..(somewhat)
just me and my eldest are in limbo
everyone is positioned to jump when the ruling comes
now it's just the waiting.
The multiple plans are still in effect
I'm also waiting for the punches to the head and heart to stop throbbing.
To be honest, I guess i needed my heart ripped out.
No more mooning.
No more extra fuzziness in there.
No more delusional hope because my heart hung on for too long.
I dont deny my faults, I panic, I float, i vomit my heart out, I grasp onto things I shouldn't.
I've needed someone too hold my hand, because I'm afraid.
It was all just too much at once.
and i broke.
And I sat and tried to keep myself together, failed miserably on some parts, but I'm alive and not dead ..to fight another day. So that's good.
I got caught up in the self loathing, sadness. i got caught up in the kind smiles and words, should've realized, no one is really what they seem or show. There is a monster in everyone.
My monster is insecurity. She's the crying screeching and flailing one. But I never try and hurt anyone. Not intentionally. Because i love everyone dearly. even when my back is covered in burns.
"I will miss you most of all scarecrow", but you wont know, because you cant read this..and this is the end of my word vomit era. And even though i got the title you gave me, and then it was taken away and stomped on...you keep yours. I hurt you, you hurt me.I may want to vomit and run when/if i see you again, but it's because I know under your mask, is the monster, who is a mask too, and under all of that..somewhere...is you. A Sir. And I have to always think of you that way. Tear off your filter and rage all you want. I'll flail and hold myself up through all this shitstorm. But I wont make a sound anymore.
no more mountains of words and venting
from now on, it gets holed up inside.
I apologize for being so needy and foolish through these few months.
Ive never walked through hell before.
So now , I go on, i wait.
Hopefully Ohio will be this summer.
Hopefully all goes well..
wish me luck.
just me and my eldest are in limbo
everyone is positioned to jump when the ruling comes
now it's just the waiting.
The multiple plans are still in effect
I'm also waiting for the punches to the head and heart to stop throbbing.
To be honest, I guess i needed my heart ripped out.
No more mooning.
No more extra fuzziness in there.
No more delusional hope because my heart hung on for too long.
I dont deny my faults, I panic, I float, i vomit my heart out, I grasp onto things I shouldn't.
I've needed someone too hold my hand, because I'm afraid.
It was all just too much at once.
and i broke.
And I sat and tried to keep myself together, failed miserably on some parts, but I'm alive and not dead ..to fight another day. So that's good.
I got caught up in the self loathing, sadness. i got caught up in the kind smiles and words, should've realized, no one is really what they seem or show. There is a monster in everyone.
My monster is insecurity. She's the crying screeching and flailing one. But I never try and hurt anyone. Not intentionally. Because i love everyone dearly. even when my back is covered in burns.
"I will miss you most of all scarecrow", but you wont know, because you cant read this..and this is the end of my word vomit era. And even though i got the title you gave me, and then it was taken away and stomped on...you keep yours. I hurt you, you hurt me.I may want to vomit and run when/if i see you again, but it's because I know under your mask, is the monster, who is a mask too, and under all of that..somewhere...is you. A Sir. And I have to always think of you that way. Tear off your filter and rage all you want. I'll flail and hold myself up through all this shitstorm. But I wont make a sound anymore.
no more mountains of words and venting
from now on, it gets holed up inside.
I apologize for being so needy and foolish through these few months.
Ive never walked through hell before.
So now , I go on, i wait.
Hopefully Ohio will be this summer.
Hopefully all goes well..
wish me luck.