I have to say having children makes women stronger. Men often want to prove they are strong, but if you are really strong, there is no need to prove anything. I always think how absurd whenever I see gay men and drag queens trying to be more feminine than women - you can live like a dame and enjoy being a dame without having to give a damn about why everyone should know you are a dame. To deny someone's manhood to prove who he is makes as little sense as a bald man going to hair salon. The art of being feminine, and the art of being strong (these two are related for perfectly good reasons), is the art of concealment. You reveal just enough to hint at what you have and stop at that. A woman can impart all that is tantalizing with the smallest gesture, the wrist's movement when she lights a cigarette, the way she shifts her weight on a seat to announce comfort or boredom, the ear and side of the neck she occasionaly uncovers by keeping the hair back (and the trace of perfume). Whatever is exposed is vulnerable. Men will discover how vulnerable they are when a certain part of their anatomy is being struck by a sharp and unforgiving object such as a woman's long heel. Outward show of strength sometimes is necessary, for survival, so people don't take advantage of you and will give respect where respect is due. But the commanding gorilla, having secured his place by making the previous big guy look silly through its fists, is infinitely nervous, knowing other gorillas could get the same idea and make a run for themselves. Having a child is when a woman miraculously delivers the promise why certain things only women are capable of, why life favors women by giving them part of its magic, why women are stronger than men, with an astonishing tolerance for pain (most men would simply wet their pants or put a gun to their heads if they had to go through the labor of childbirth), and why God is male by the way he tells that Eve came from a piece of Adam's ribs.
Of course you will find someone for no other reason than simply wanting to be with him. He is probably trying to get some advance news of when right now by gluing his ear to the grapevine.
Il n'y a pa d'amour; il n'y a que de preuves d'amour.
(love does not exist; only demonstrations of love.) - Jean Cocteau
There is no reason why any relationship should happen at all, except that it happens, despite everything.
Don't be a war correspondent, not till you can locate the body armor made of indestructible metal for protection. I am thinking about the kind Wolverine has in X-Men.
this is laden with questions - apologies in advancewartimeheroineFebruary 19 2006, 02:59:42 UTC
i see your point about childbirth being a sign of strength. however, i'm still afraid that one day, i'll be at work or on assignment and think, "it's my son's birthday today, what sort of mother am i, not being at home with him?!" --- is it possible to be good at both motherhood and ones' career? i'm not a feminist by any means [at least not in the conventional sense] but at the same time, i know that having kids can sometimes complicate ambitious career goals.
*women who flirt by showing vulnerability are often being manipulative; she only wants the man to think she is vulnerable and weak. that's one thing we are good at, i suppose - masking emotion and replacing it with another. however, i often envy the absolute beauty [and freedom] that blunt honesty entails. what i wouldn't give to be forceful without appearing abrasive!
i've come to the realization that i'm going to be headed into a male-dominated workforce [the things i'm interested in are, undoubtedly, traditionally "guy" careers]. so, how can i be strong without compromising femininity? even more difficult: how can i prove that i'm just "one of the boys"? will i ever be "one of the boys"? would it be wrong to use my looks/charm/whatever to my advantage? is my double X-chromosome a blessing or a curse?
---{thanks for letting me ramble on. i've been really conflicted about this lately}
ps. the total security that indestructible kevlar promises - now where's the fun in that? :]
Re: this is laden with questions - apologies in advanceeros_in_uraniumFebruary 20 2006, 09:01:16 UTC
Miss a son's (hey why not a daughter's, granted, having a boy instead of a girl might relax a parent's watchful eye a little; you can cake-paint my face if I was reading too much into this) birthday so you can report to duty and get to be Peter Jennings at the Munich Olympics (God forbid)? You know how kickass cool (he/she will be small enough to care about birthday but never too small to know about something kickass cool) that would be for your son/daughter, and how thrilled he/she would be? You would not only be his/her Wonder Woman but all his/her friends would drool over having a mother-on-a-mission like that. I don't think there is a better way to make him/her care about what's going on outside the Matrix life people live in and get involved when his/her mother is personally involved in documenting history. Kids don't care about how much time the parents spend with them as much as what kind of time they spend with them. The things kids pour out from their notes-taking hearts (and maybe later on Livejournal) would be about if their parents are emotionally absent, if the kids are ever made to feel that their existence is a roadblock to their parents' other ambitions, if their being born is a "mistake." You will be fine, go do you own things, as long as you share your stories with your child over a slice of week-old cake, telling him/her how you narrowly escaped the landmines and brought the refugee camp conditions to the world's attention, and then say your "goodnight" and "I love you." It would be the best birthday present, belated or not, any child could have got.
Pauline Kael, one of the most influential and respect-commanding movie reviewers ever lived, started working in the field at a time when there were almost no woman reviewer, certainly not at a culture-barometer magazine like New Yorker with its male-centric staff and boys-club tradition. She paid her dues and, like many other women, worked hard to earn her right to do what men did. She never complained, no words of hostility and grievance, and treated herself and other women as exactly how she would treat men, giving no preference or favor over a person's sex. A husband feels 10 times guiltier and more grateful for a tactfully nonconfrontational but knowing wife who has been wronged, and will go to exceptional length to make it up for her. Men can be wowed by beauty and charm, and will do rattlebrained things for them, but intelligent men and the kind of men you'd want to work with, will be mostly awed by how a woman handles her beauty and charm. If a woman handles what she has with lightness and economy, she will have admirers for life. A champagne bottle of flirt can defeat a man, but a teaspoon of grace will win you a roomful of them. By all means dazzle the world, but flaunting never ages well. Be modest about femininity but never about intellect, and you will have your formula for working among the boys. Certain men fantasize about aggressive women who can make things happen, and others will dive into the traffic for the women they love. Men will have a beer and high-five with "one of the boys" but they compose mental sonnets for the girl who naps in their laps. It's a woman's prerogative to be a woman, something she was born with and the best kind there is.
A woman knows how to keep quiet when she is in the right, whereas a man, when he is in the right, will keep on talking. - Malcom de Chazal
Honesty is like a flower. When you take it violently it breaks to give grief. When you look at it from an adoring distance, it remains there, in all its lonely beauty. Truth can only be sped up with the slowing down of pleasure.
You're totally welcome.
Only the intrepid will wear the indestructible for other people's sake, as we are eternally vigilant of our superheroes’ safety.
Of course you will find someone for no other reason than simply wanting to be with him. He is probably trying to get some advance news of when right now by gluing his ear to the grapevine.
Il n'y a pa d'amour;
il n'y a que de preuves d'amour.
(love does not exist;
only demonstrations of love.) - Jean Cocteau
There is no reason why any relationship should happen at all, except that it happens, despite everything.
Don't be a war correspondent, not till you can locate the body armor made of indestructible metal for protection. I am thinking about the kind Wolverine has in X-Men.
Reply
*women who flirt by showing vulnerability are often being manipulative; she only wants the man to think she is vulnerable and weak. that's one thing we are good at, i suppose - masking emotion and replacing it with another. however, i often envy the absolute beauty [and freedom] that blunt honesty entails. what i wouldn't give to be forceful without appearing abrasive!
i've come to the realization that i'm going to be headed into a male-dominated workforce [the things i'm interested in are, undoubtedly, traditionally "guy" careers]. so, how can i be strong without compromising femininity? even more difficult: how can i prove that i'm just "one of the boys"? will i ever be "one of the boys"? would it be wrong to use my looks/charm/whatever to my advantage? is my double X-chromosome a blessing or a curse?
---{thanks for letting me ramble on. i've been really conflicted about this lately}
ps. the total security that indestructible kevlar promises - now where's the fun in that? :]
Reply
Reply
Pauline Kael, one of the most influential and respect-commanding movie reviewers ever lived, started working in the field at a time when there were almost no woman reviewer, certainly not at a culture-barometer magazine like New Yorker with its male-centric staff and boys-club tradition. She paid her dues and, like many other women, worked hard to earn her right to do what men did. She never complained, no words of hostility and grievance, and treated herself and other women as exactly how she would treat men, giving no preference or favor over a person's sex. A husband feels 10 times guiltier and more grateful for a tactfully nonconfrontational but knowing wife who has been wronged, and will go to exceptional length to make it up for her. Men can be wowed by beauty and charm, and will do rattlebrained things for them, but intelligent men and the kind of men you'd want to work with, will be mostly awed by how a woman handles her beauty and charm. If a woman handles what she has with lightness and economy, she will have admirers for life. A champagne bottle of flirt can defeat a man, but a teaspoon of grace will win you a roomful of them. By all means dazzle the world, but flaunting never ages well. Be modest about femininity but never about intellect, and you will have your formula for working among the boys. Certain men fantasize about aggressive women who can make things happen, and others will dive into the traffic for the women they love. Men will have a beer and high-five with "one of the boys" but they compose mental sonnets for the girl who naps in their laps. It's a woman's prerogative to be a woman, something she was born with and the best kind there is.
A woman knows how to keep quiet when she is in the right, whereas a man, when he is in the right, will keep on talking. - Malcom de Chazal
Honesty is like a flower. When you take it violently it breaks to give grief. When you look at it from an adoring distance, it remains there, in all its lonely beauty. Truth can only be sped up with the slowing down of pleasure.
You're totally welcome.
Only the intrepid will wear the indestructible for other people's sake, as we are eternally vigilant of our superheroes’ safety.
Reply
Leave a comment