We Were Talking To The Master About Compassion... .
Bumpo came over last night and insisted we watch Undateable and drink mimosas. I relented.
The first point is that I love mimosas, and I'm glad I don't have a heart condition and can still enjoy a good mimosa.
The second point is that, if I were a dude, I would be completely Undateable.
Exhibit A: My car smells. Apparently that's a killstrike for a relationship. My car smells like I've been at the barn, because I have. I keep most of my horse shit in the trunk, but the car inevitably has that "just rode" stank. I wouldn't say my car is filthy, but I also wouldn't encourage anyone to eat off the floor. It's been years since I've vacuumed in there.
Exhibit B: Use of the word "Boner." I'm actually more likely to say "Renob," but that's just semantics at this point. I also tell people when something gives me "she-wood." Apparently if a guy says this, you should not date him.
Exhibit C: Hawaiian shirts. I don't have any proper Hawaiian shirts, but I have a lot of loud polyester shirts from the 70s that have been mis-identified as Hawaiian shirts. Furthermore, if I had one, I would wear it.
Exhibit D: Shirts with sweat and/or permanent pit stains. Again with the "I do a physical activity that makes me sweat" thing.
Exhibit E: Saying "I'd tap that" or "I'd hit that." I say that a lot, usually in reference to peoples' mothers. That's probably a double-strike right there.
Exhibit F: Talking in a cartoon voice. I do Ed from "Ed, Edd, and Eddy" all the time. I also do a really bad porno-style Fat Albert.
I must admit that I'm kinda bummed for myself and all other individuals who don't follow the arbitrary rules they didn't know about. Exhibit G: Sometimes, I end a sentence with a preposition 'cos I'm too lazy to go back and fix it... but not so lazy that I can't write a long-ass sentence justifying myself.
I'm not sure what the rules are for girls. I mean, guys are supposed to avoid jean shorts... but I've noticed girls kinda get away with that. I don't wear shorts, myself, mainly because I'm scary-pale and scarred up. That, and I REALLY hate the way skin gets hot and sticks to whatever you're sitting on. Neuroses aside... .
Looking at my overall history, I am apparently genuinely undateable. I always thought that was because I made bad decisions and happen to be emotionally inept. It seems, however, that my undateable qualities are much, much more distinct and tangible. I suppose I could throw out the vintage shirts... but I won't. I can vacuum the car, but it's still gonna stink, because I'm not giving up riding. I could make a more concerned effort to watch my language, but I probably won't do that, either. I generally only wear stained shirts to the barn, but there's no guaranteeing that I won't stop at the truck stop for a sandwich after a nice, long ride, thus eliminating the chances of finding a potential mate there.
It appears that I'm doomed for the foreseeable future.
And frankly, if the worthiness of someone as a date is based on tiny little things like this... I'm not sure I want to bother. If an ugly shirt is a relationship killstrike, then why would I want to date someone that persnickety? Why wouldn't I want to date someone who likes me as I am, ugly shirts and all?
But let's face it: Every time I date someone, I try my absolute damndest to be EXACTLY the person that person wants me to be. You like cleavage? Let me find all of my deepest v-necks and hike up the girls. You like high heels? I've got four inch spikes for you! You hate a girl in makeup? Well, I prefer the natural look anyway!
So really, the last thing I needed was societal confirmation that I should become whoever the world wants me to be in order to find romantic happiness. How fucking ridiculous.
As much as I've fucked up relationships in the past, I still hold some vague hope that somewhere, there is someone who will accept me for me, warts and all. Someone who cares about what I think, and who listens, and interacts, and doesn't want to spend all day indoors on the computer (seriously- every guy I've dated is totally plugged into some socket somewhere. It's an issue for me, because I like to be active). There's got to be someone who understands that being human is being a work in progress, and wants to be part of my progress.
It's a vague hope that is continuously proven erroneous, but I still kinda hold onto it, like you hold onto a ticket from a particularly good movie.
Now the cynic in me is saying, "yeah, well, why bother, if people can't see past your potentially ugly shirt to realise there's a human in there?"
I've never dated a person I thought was textbook hot. I've dated people who I thought were all-around beautiful. I fall for people who interact, and listen, and get me. That's the most attractive thing for me. So maybe, MAYBE, what this show is telling me that I'm not only living my life wrong towards attracting a mate, but that I'm also dating the wrong people, because I'm looking beyond the surface traits.
The end result, therefore, is that I've been doing EVERYTHING wrong. The reason I'm not successful in my relationships is because they aren't SUPPOSED to be successful- I'm choosing humans over symbols, and thus ignoring the entire basis of what a relationship should be, which apparently entirely external.
Huh. I'm gonna have to think about this for awhile.
The first point is that I love mimosas, and I'm glad I don't have a heart condition and can still enjoy a good mimosa.
The second point is that, if I were a dude, I would be completely Undateable.
Exhibit A: My car smells. Apparently that's a killstrike for a relationship. My car smells like I've been at the barn, because I have. I keep most of my horse shit in the trunk, but the car inevitably has that "just rode" stank. I wouldn't say my car is filthy, but I also wouldn't encourage anyone to eat off the floor. It's been years since I've vacuumed in there.
Exhibit B: Use of the word "Boner." I'm actually more likely to say "Renob," but that's just semantics at this point. I also tell people when something gives me "she-wood." Apparently if a guy says this, you should not date him.
Exhibit C: Hawaiian shirts. I don't have any proper Hawaiian shirts, but I have a lot of loud polyester shirts from the 70s that have been mis-identified as Hawaiian shirts. Furthermore, if I had one, I would wear it.
Exhibit D: Shirts with sweat and/or permanent pit stains. Again with the "I do a physical activity that makes me sweat" thing.
Exhibit E: Saying "I'd tap that" or "I'd hit that." I say that a lot, usually in reference to peoples' mothers. That's probably a double-strike right there.
Exhibit F: Talking in a cartoon voice. I do Ed from "Ed, Edd, and Eddy" all the time. I also do a really bad porno-style Fat Albert.
I must admit that I'm kinda bummed for myself and all other individuals who don't follow the arbitrary rules they didn't know about. Exhibit G: Sometimes, I end a sentence with a preposition 'cos I'm too lazy to go back and fix it... but not so lazy that I can't write a long-ass sentence justifying myself.
I'm not sure what the rules are for girls. I mean, guys are supposed to avoid jean shorts... but I've noticed girls kinda get away with that. I don't wear shorts, myself, mainly because I'm scary-pale and scarred up. That, and I REALLY hate the way skin gets hot and sticks to whatever you're sitting on. Neuroses aside... .
Looking at my overall history, I am apparently genuinely undateable. I always thought that was because I made bad decisions and happen to be emotionally inept. It seems, however, that my undateable qualities are much, much more distinct and tangible. I suppose I could throw out the vintage shirts... but I won't. I can vacuum the car, but it's still gonna stink, because I'm not giving up riding. I could make a more concerned effort to watch my language, but I probably won't do that, either. I generally only wear stained shirts to the barn, but there's no guaranteeing that I won't stop at the truck stop for a sandwich after a nice, long ride, thus eliminating the chances of finding a potential mate there.
It appears that I'm doomed for the foreseeable future.
And frankly, if the worthiness of someone as a date is based on tiny little things like this... I'm not sure I want to bother. If an ugly shirt is a relationship killstrike, then why would I want to date someone that persnickety? Why wouldn't I want to date someone who likes me as I am, ugly shirts and all?
But let's face it: Every time I date someone, I try my absolute damndest to be EXACTLY the person that person wants me to be. You like cleavage? Let me find all of my deepest v-necks and hike up the girls. You like high heels? I've got four inch spikes for you! You hate a girl in makeup? Well, I prefer the natural look anyway!
So really, the last thing I needed was societal confirmation that I should become whoever the world wants me to be in order to find romantic happiness. How fucking ridiculous.
As much as I've fucked up relationships in the past, I still hold some vague hope that somewhere, there is someone who will accept me for me, warts and all. Someone who cares about what I think, and who listens, and interacts, and doesn't want to spend all day indoors on the computer (seriously- every guy I've dated is totally plugged into some socket somewhere. It's an issue for me, because I like to be active). There's got to be someone who understands that being human is being a work in progress, and wants to be part of my progress.
It's a vague hope that is continuously proven erroneous, but I still kinda hold onto it, like you hold onto a ticket from a particularly good movie.
Now the cynic in me is saying, "yeah, well, why bother, if people can't see past your potentially ugly shirt to realise there's a human in there?"
I've never dated a person I thought was textbook hot. I've dated people who I thought were all-around beautiful. I fall for people who interact, and listen, and get me. That's the most attractive thing for me. So maybe, MAYBE, what this show is telling me that I'm not only living my life wrong towards attracting a mate, but that I'm also dating the wrong people, because I'm looking beyond the surface traits.
The end result, therefore, is that I've been doing EVERYTHING wrong. The reason I'm not successful in my relationships is because they aren't SUPPOSED to be successful- I'm choosing humans over symbols, and thus ignoring the entire basis of what a relationship should be, which apparently entirely external.
Huh. I'm gonna have to think about this for awhile.