this again (PMS ramblings)
i had a "fight" with akelle yesterday. now, we don't really have "fights" because when we "fight" it's usually just me complaining about something, crying and making him feel really bad about himself.
and i'm afraid it just shows me what we're really made off. that deep inside really happy "majority of the times", there are things that can still make me cry and make him feel bad.
i shudder at the realization that we are not perfect.
i get scared because he loves me so much and in the year and a half that we've been together, he has asked nothing of me. he has patiently borne all of my tantrums, my immaturity, my selfishness and my cruelty. he is at the sidelines when i want to take all the glory. and when i ask him to take all the blame, he does.
i get scared because i can never get over the urges to scrutinize his tiniest mistakes. i always have to bring them out on the open, agonize over them and make him feel guilty. that he does not make me feel like a princess, that he cannot give up certain things for me.
in the end i think, it's just me wanting too much from him and him thinking that he should be everything for me. he knows how fucked up my home life is, and then he tries to be everything that i dont have.
but he fails and it pains me.
i get scared that i do not love him as much as he loves me. that up to now, i entertain what ifs. what if we're not meant for each other? what if someone can love me more than he does? what if i can love someone else more than i love him? what if it takes more than love?
i shudder at the realization that we are not perfect.
and i'm afraid it just shows me what we're really made off. that deep inside really happy "majority of the times", there are things that can still make me cry and make him feel bad.
i shudder at the realization that we are not perfect.
i get scared because he loves me so much and in the year and a half that we've been together, he has asked nothing of me. he has patiently borne all of my tantrums, my immaturity, my selfishness and my cruelty. he is at the sidelines when i want to take all the glory. and when i ask him to take all the blame, he does.
i get scared because i can never get over the urges to scrutinize his tiniest mistakes. i always have to bring them out on the open, agonize over them and make him feel guilty. that he does not make me feel like a princess, that he cannot give up certain things for me.
in the end i think, it's just me wanting too much from him and him thinking that he should be everything for me. he knows how fucked up my home life is, and then he tries to be everything that i dont have.
but he fails and it pains me.
i get scared that i do not love him as much as he loves me. that up to now, i entertain what ifs. what if we're not meant for each other? what if someone can love me more than he does? what if i can love someone else more than i love him? what if it takes more than love?
i shudder at the realization that we are not perfect.