Mar 19, 2005 09:41
I just found out the results of my friend Heidi's autopsy and toxocology, which took 12 weeks for the state of Mississippi to produce. She suffered from a cardiac arythmia--heart attack--toxocology clean. At the age of 26, the most beautiful girl I ever knew, my best friend of 18 years, who couldn't take care of herself and wouldn't let anyone help her, died from a heart attack. Would it be easier for me to find out that she died from an overdose? I have to be honest, that is what I thought when I found her dead. At this point I think it would be easier to believe that. I am sorry people, I know I have to let go sometime, but Jesus why? I have been crying uncontrollably for an hour, and I know I have to heal, but it is damn hard when I don't understand what the hell happened to someone so loved, surrounded by people to help her. Someone who just wouldn't reach out or let anyone in, someone who knew she was dying that day and called no one. MAybe she could have been saved, but like everyone keeps telling me, it was her time to go. What the F***??? This fuc*ing hurts bad. Somebody please help me understand this shitty "natural" occurrance. Please help me.