Oh livejournal, you dying creature.
It used to be that I updated this thing regularly and was addicted. No more.
My life is a shadow of what it once was, and yet I was no happier then than I am now.
I may even be happier now, actually.
Sure, my financial responsibilities are much greater, and I have fewer friends, and the friends I do have are FAR away, but I'm okay.
I had a dream last night that Nathan and I never started dating.
It was strange. We were friends, but I actually went back to college and somehow got things in order and graduated sort of on time with a BA instead of a BFA. I stayed in Detroit and actually did theatre, instead of appearing to completely give it up. I lived in a grungy ugly apartment and never discovered an obsession with dolls. I still knew how to party, and I still looked cute in a hat.
My life now is a little different than that. I live with Nathan, two cats, and a dog. I'm restless and usually unhappy, but I don't know how I would be happier, so I figure I'm just an idiot. I play the Sims 2 and buy dolls to kill the knawing hole in my gut. I'm not sure when the hole showed up, but it completely controls my life.
*sob*
I feel grown up, and I hate it.
I feel responsible, and I hate it.
I want back the way I used to feel about myself and my life.
But I don't want that life back.