Going Crazy
Dear gods, it just keeps getting worse.
Some days I haven't a clue how I function. I feel so MUCH, so strongly, and it's so overwhelming, and it's so hard just to keep everything in check and put one foot in front of the other and not melt into a puddle of crying and laughing and screaming. It's all too much. Even the good feelings hurt. They're too strong, too intense, with no outlet. Is everybody like this? Is everybody so pent up inside? Does everybody feel like nay moment their whole self is just going to fly apart and they'll go stark raving mad from having to filter it all? Always careful, so careful, respecting boundaries and norms and not letting me get carried away with myself. Don't rub your face on the table, no matter how smooth it is, that looks disturbing. Don't run up to people and hug them and cry on them and laugh and lick them and bury your nose behind their ear. It tends to put people off. Don't shriek and punch the wall because words are inadequate and people can't understand each other; that makes you look like a crazy person.
But oh gods my chest feels so tight; like it's trying to claw its way up my throat and I'm fucking TERRIFIED what will come out if that ever happens. And these days there are so many strong emotions happening, good and bad, and I don't know what to do with ANY of them.
Fuck
Some days I haven't a clue how I function. I feel so MUCH, so strongly, and it's so overwhelming, and it's so hard just to keep everything in check and put one foot in front of the other and not melt into a puddle of crying and laughing and screaming. It's all too much. Even the good feelings hurt. They're too strong, too intense, with no outlet. Is everybody like this? Is everybody so pent up inside? Does everybody feel like nay moment their whole self is just going to fly apart and they'll go stark raving mad from having to filter it all? Always careful, so careful, respecting boundaries and norms and not letting me get carried away with myself. Don't rub your face on the table, no matter how smooth it is, that looks disturbing. Don't run up to people and hug them and cry on them and laugh and lick them and bury your nose behind their ear. It tends to put people off. Don't shriek and punch the wall because words are inadequate and people can't understand each other; that makes you look like a crazy person.
But oh gods my chest feels so tight; like it's trying to claw its way up my throat and I'm fucking TERRIFIED what will come out if that ever happens. And these days there are so many strong emotions happening, good and bad, and I don't know what to do with ANY of them.
Fuck