The consequences of being easy
People take me for granted. My desires are not considered because I do not demand they be fulfilled. My feelings are not considered because I try not to let them explode all over people even when I am hurt or upset. My time is not respected and my company is not valued because I am always available whenever they want me. Frequently
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As to NVC. Yeah, I've been exposed. I hate it with a passion and find some of its tenets criminally irresponsible. For example: the notion that you are not responsible for how you make people feel. While this may be partially true people use this notion to justify all manner of destructive, irresponsible, and hurtful behavior because they "aren't responsible" if what they do makes other feel like shit. Some of it I've always practiced simply because through my study of psychology I came to understand the trouble with using accusative or blanket statements so I try to express my feelings and opinions rather than stating things like they are Truth.
This is a problem when part of what you want is for people to WANT to make you happy. I can't really ask for that. I can tell them I would enjoy for them to do more things for me, though that makes me feel wretched and often is one of those things people get upset at me for, but if they continue to simply not think of me whenever I'm not in front of them there is little I can do but feel sad.
Why am I so surprised when other people don't make my wants a priority like I make theirs? Because for me love is wanting to do things for people that make them happy. For me love is putting effort into doing things for your beloved that are special and make them feel good and appreciated. That's why. I'm always surprised and a little hurt when that's not true for others.
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And I'll agree that NVC does make some suppositions about responsibility. I was trying only to use the element of NVC that adds how something makes you feel into your conversations. It's just come as a repeated surprise to me when I have gotten upset about something and felt the other person/people clearly understood why (or at least realized that that I *was*) only to discover they weren't even aware I was having an emotional response. So I have adopted at least that practice of augmenting my communication with a summary of my feelings so at least the other persons *hears* that I have feelings, even if they may or may not honor them. If you feel you have needs that aren't being met, maybe the people around you aren't even aware that you're feeling that lack.
And I hear what you're saying about wanting others to *want* me to be happy. But I think that is just that element of generosity that is either part of someone's personality or not. People show love in various ways (or sadly in some cases, not much at all). One of those is in trying to do special things for the other person, to make them feel appreciated. It sounds like you do not have many people in your life right now who express things that way. Being generous and thoughtful with your love is very sweet, and is most appreciated by people (like yourself) who are that way themselves.
So in all of this I think I haven't really offered up anything new since my first comment or two - that it feels perhaps that the situation is one of two things: that you may either need to improve your communications some, or that it really isn't you, but just the nature and style of the people you're interacting with. I will say that I know the problem isn't universal because I have people in my life that are rather giving of themselves, and make an effort to be aware of my needs, so that hopefully comes as some mild solace that it may just take finding people like that to offer more reciprocity to you. Not a great prospect since it requires effort, patience, and probably a fair amount of "trial and error", but at least it's something to start explicitly looking for in people...
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