(no subject)
I got to see my mom and it was good. That she is a nurse really helps... she gives me perspective because her viewpoint is medical, not emotional. Plus she's not apt to make excuses for anyone, especially me. So when she tells me I need to cut myself some slack, and roll with the very normal emotions I am experiencing, it sets me at ease.
When you live it, it becomes a norm of sorts, and so thinking of my illness(es) as serious conditions is something I forget. I don't forget how I feel, I just stop giving myself credit for trying. I discount what I *do* accomplish because I don't consider my circumstances and I compare my daily deeds to those of my peers.
It doesn't help with the mind-crushing boredom, but it does give me hope that when I can see, I will find something to do... because I always have. I've never been a sit around kinda person. I've always been as involved as I can get.
More than anything, costuming has pulled my interests again, although I did just design a new sweaterdress that I think I will have to stitch up.
But I also want to find a way to contribute to my world, and not just do stuff at my own whims. I've thought about setting something up where I make scarves and hats and use the profits to make hats and scarves to donate, but that leads to self-promoting crap. If I could find a charity like that in existence that subsidized materials, I would jump on it.
I'm almost in the mood for administrative type stuff... anything with MS Office. But... while I think I'll have 20 hours/wk to give after my eyesight returns, I can't predict when those 20 hours will happen so work outside my home isn't realistic... yet. It's still my goal, although no one else (doctors, mom, Bob) seems to think I'll reach it.
When you live it, it becomes a norm of sorts, and so thinking of my illness(es) as serious conditions is something I forget. I don't forget how I feel, I just stop giving myself credit for trying. I discount what I *do* accomplish because I don't consider my circumstances and I compare my daily deeds to those of my peers.
It doesn't help with the mind-crushing boredom, but it does give me hope that when I can see, I will find something to do... because I always have. I've never been a sit around kinda person. I've always been as involved as I can get.
More than anything, costuming has pulled my interests again, although I did just design a new sweaterdress that I think I will have to stitch up.
But I also want to find a way to contribute to my world, and not just do stuff at my own whims. I've thought about setting something up where I make scarves and hats and use the profits to make hats and scarves to donate, but that leads to self-promoting crap. If I could find a charity like that in existence that subsidized materials, I would jump on it.
I'm almost in the mood for administrative type stuff... anything with MS Office. But... while I think I'll have 20 hours/wk to give after my eyesight returns, I can't predict when those 20 hours will happen so work outside my home isn't realistic... yet. It's still my goal, although no one else (doctors, mom, Bob) seems to think I'll reach it.