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[eris_devotee]

Made bread yesterday. Not fancy artisan style, just milk bread. But I wanted something rich and a little cake-like, that would stay moist for a little while. It's an effort to get me to eat sandwiches, and the grocery bread keeps drying out (I get it from the bakery, and their options are limited to crusty varieties, and I'm not a fan of mass-

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[clovecigarettes]

Without exception, up until now I've been excited and happy for people I know who are expecting or have babies. No envy whatsoever. A little longing maybe, but pure joy for the parents. I just found out someone I know is pregnant and it made me cry. This person already screwed up one kid, bounces from relationships, is broke and can't afford the family she already has, and she gets to have another kid. It hurts. The whole reason I'm not trying to get pregnant, even after the eye surgeries, is because it's not in the best interests of a potential child. And someone else who has shown she can't deal with life, let alone being a proper mother, is going at it again. bleh.
I can so see this happening to me. My sister and I got pregnant within the same month. I didn't realise I was pregnant because my cycles had been so long (this is when I was pregnant with Reggie) and I know I would have been impossibly bitter if she'd gotten pregnant "by accident" (but I think secretly kind of on purpose, since she went off the pill) and I hadn't, while trying really hard. And...not just her. There are a few more girls I know where I would feel bitter if they got pregnant and I was having trouble/couldn't.

Nuts/nut butters are my high-calorie food of choice (not that I need to put on weight), are they too hard for you to digest or not your thing? Other than nuts or biscuits (cookies) or drizzling extra virgin olive oil on everything, I'd struggle to add calories if I didn't have a big appetite.

BTW, pretty much nobody knew I was pregnant this time because I didn't want to risk it getting back to my parents and sister. They ruined my already rough pregnancy with Reggie and I just wanted a pregnancy without any drama or nagging. (It was nice.) They still have no clue.

[eris_devotee]

I'm not so much bitter as pissed off. Bringing a child into the world casually, intentionally, and without the resources (financial, emotional, etc) makes me bananas no matter who is doing it... let alone someone I will interact with frequently.

Because I really am over my desire to have another child. (not my biology, though - ovulation time come and I want lots of sex). I don't have the stamina to be a good and proper mother, and I don't want to live a life where I know I am never enough.

I am SO glad you had a happy pregnancy this time around. Percy is such a cutie... I think he looks like Mark more than Bert and Reggie.

[clovecigarettes]

Percy is such a cutie... I think he looks like Mark more than Bert and Reggie.
I think he looks so much like Bert, but with Mark's jaw. (Reggie kind of has Mark's jaw, but I think Percy's jaw is even more extreme.)

[eris_devotee]

oh - and yes on nut butters - I just need to figure out a way to eat them besides just off a spoon.

[clovecigarettes]

I put them in smoothies -- when I went into labour, it was hard and fast and I figured I might not be able to eat for ages (depending on how long it was), so I mixed soy milk, cocoa powder, maple syrup, and a ton of peanut butter with my immersion blender. I would normally have used a banana instead of the maple syrup, but I didn't have one.

[eris_devotee]

I make banana peanut butter smoothies, too... an immersion blender for the process is genius.