(no subject)
I seem to be evening out a little bit with the Geodon and sleep and cognitive fogginess. I'm still waking up several times/night but I am able to fall back asleep. And during the day, I have several chunks of several hours of bright awakeness.
Not every day - I still need 2 or 3 days/week where I don't do much more than stay in bed. Those days come after long medical appointment days, usually.
I'm not quite happy with how early I am passing out at night but now that I can force myself to be sleepy enough to lay in bed until at least 6, I don't mind. I hate being awake at 4 and being wide awake. That kept happening for months, but I think I've finally broken that cycle.
After realizing I didn't have a single pair of shorts, not even raggedy cut-offs, I had to make a decision about sizing. Do I get something that fits now, or fits should I gain some weight? I decided to go with now, seeing as how shorts season is fairly brief in Chicago... but jeans are even too hot for inside the apartment unless I blast the air conditioner (not a preference) and I don't want to be tempted into the level of sloth that is sitting around in my underwear. I went super cheap so that I won't feel badly if I only get one season out of them and my fingers are crossed that they'll fit when they arrive (although I can return for free, even the shipping).
I should be trying to nap but I had my first appointment with my new therapist and my head is full of junk. I need a doctor who doesn't mainly deal with addicts because an ativan would do the trick. And it's just silly that someone in my situation can't have that simple relief. I mean really - I already take klonopin, and will probably do so for the rest of my life, who the fuck cares if I up the benzos? There won't ever be some need for me to go off of them - I only take 3mg klonopin. I'm not doing any organ damage. Yes, I would suffer withdrawals but the point is that there would never be a reason to need to unless I personally decided I wanted to stop taking it. So why not just let me have some rescue ativan? It helps me deal with medical crap, it helps me relax. And, well, it helps me laugh. It makes me giddy/happy, and I don't care if it's chemically induced.
Thinking about it... my sleep started getting better when I got the news about the surgeries being moved up. It just changes everything to have a date and for it to be within a reasonable reach. I'm being restored.
Not every day - I still need 2 or 3 days/week where I don't do much more than stay in bed. Those days come after long medical appointment days, usually.
I'm not quite happy with how early I am passing out at night but now that I can force myself to be sleepy enough to lay in bed until at least 6, I don't mind. I hate being awake at 4 and being wide awake. That kept happening for months, but I think I've finally broken that cycle.
After realizing I didn't have a single pair of shorts, not even raggedy cut-offs, I had to make a decision about sizing. Do I get something that fits now, or fits should I gain some weight? I decided to go with now, seeing as how shorts season is fairly brief in Chicago... but jeans are even too hot for inside the apartment unless I blast the air conditioner (not a preference) and I don't want to be tempted into the level of sloth that is sitting around in my underwear. I went super cheap so that I won't feel badly if I only get one season out of them and my fingers are crossed that they'll fit when they arrive (although I can return for free, even the shipping).
I should be trying to nap but I had my first appointment with my new therapist and my head is full of junk. I need a doctor who doesn't mainly deal with addicts because an ativan would do the trick. And it's just silly that someone in my situation can't have that simple relief. I mean really - I already take klonopin, and will probably do so for the rest of my life, who the fuck cares if I up the benzos? There won't ever be some need for me to go off of them - I only take 3mg klonopin. I'm not doing any organ damage. Yes, I would suffer withdrawals but the point is that there would never be a reason to need to unless I personally decided I wanted to stop taking it. So why not just let me have some rescue ativan? It helps me deal with medical crap, it helps me relax. And, well, it helps me laugh. It makes me giddy/happy, and I don't care if it's chemically induced.
Thinking about it... my sleep started getting better when I got the news about the surgeries being moved up. It just changes everything to have a date and for it to be within a reasonable reach. I'm being restored.