Today's random babble.
Sadly things at home aren't much better. My father isn't really looking for a job and my mother is still pissed as hell about it. Apparently she thinks telling me every day that my father is being lazy as hell is going to magically make him go out and start applying for jobs. What she doesn't realize is that my father is actually terrified of applying for jobs. He is scared that he is never going to find one, so he is just going to sit there and do nothing. I do the same thing sometimes, so I know what he is doing.
Today was a sucky day. I come home from work to find several bags of my stuff sitting on on the couch in the Living Room. Apparently my mother decided that she wanted the spare room we use for storage cleaned up and took all of my crap out and put it on the couch for me. So I say fine and get rid of all of my stuff upstairs. This apparently makes her mad because "she didn't clean up the room to make me get rid of all of my stuff". Sure you didn't. If you didn't want my stuff gone then why did you take it out of the spare room? I know I am dumb but I am not stupid.
So everything except for a bunch of my DVDs and my video games have all been taken downstairs. I am even right now sitting on my bed typing this because from now on, I'm pretty much going to stay in the basement. That way I won't bring anything upstairs and she can't complain about my things being up here.
I know that she only did this because she wanted me to pick a fight with her. When she is angry about something she will choose one of us to pick at until we shout back at her so she can scream back at us. The only way to get her out of it is for me to just give in and fight or degrade myself enough in front of her that she starts felling better about herself. This is something that I have done my entire life and I am really getting tired of doing it. I have no self esteme because of it and I have almost committed suicide twice because of it. So I decided just to hide down here because I don't want to fight or make myself feel like crap. I am actually pretty proud of myself for doing this. It's not the best thing in the world to do but it's a lot healthier than my other two choices.
Today was a sucky day. I come home from work to find several bags of my stuff sitting on on the couch in the Living Room. Apparently my mother decided that she wanted the spare room we use for storage cleaned up and took all of my crap out and put it on the couch for me. So I say fine and get rid of all of my stuff upstairs. This apparently makes her mad because "she didn't clean up the room to make me get rid of all of my stuff". Sure you didn't. If you didn't want my stuff gone then why did you take it out of the spare room? I know I am dumb but I am not stupid.
So everything except for a bunch of my DVDs and my video games have all been taken downstairs. I am even right now sitting on my bed typing this because from now on, I'm pretty much going to stay in the basement. That way I won't bring anything upstairs and she can't complain about my things being up here.
I know that she only did this because she wanted me to pick a fight with her. When she is angry about something she will choose one of us to pick at until we shout back at her so she can scream back at us. The only way to get her out of it is for me to just give in and fight or degrade myself enough in front of her that she starts felling better about herself. This is something that I have done my entire life and I am really getting tired of doing it. I have no self esteme because of it and I have almost committed suicide twice because of it. So I decided just to hide down here because I don't want to fight or make myself feel like crap. I am actually pretty proud of myself for doing this. It's not the best thing in the world to do but it's a lot healthier than my other two choices.