Hanging by a moment here with you.

[erinye]

This morning, at 1am I decided to start reading Andy's manuscript. It is good, really really good. I only didn't like the bit whe he started to talk about churches towards the end. But then I'm biased, I hate churches...heh. It took me 4 hours to read, so I got to sleep for two hours. But I haven't fallen asleep or felt like I was going to all day. It's pretty wierd, doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but I'm thinking about doing something similar tonight and see how I go, even though I'll end up looking like shit. And as I was reading this work of Andy's, the thought of my own pills crept into my head. If I'm going to take them, tonight would be one of the best times to take them. I'm really feeling shit now...I'm worried about Andy, I'm not sure what has happened, he just said he's internalizing things...

Let me die. I feel like shit and I feel so alone and empty...why the fuck did I have to fall for a guy who lived in another country...and one so far away? Oh god, I love him so much, I don't think he will ever realise.

now i'm really fucking tired...i'm too worn out.