Another 6 Months..
wow.. i haven't wrote in this in soo long- amazing,. truly amazing, you'd think that me, being the kind of person i am, would thrived off of this little site, but apparently i've been a little busy, with getting married, getting pregnant, moving to california, u'know.. the typical shit- but uh i was jus reading this kids L.Journal and figured i'd say something in here.. lets see.. what can i write about-?
ohh i did a lil'bio on the dilly.. lemme add that to this site
My Bio..
Alright,. lets analyze me; So i'm 18 years old, i'm pregnant and married.. wow i know,. CraZzy.
High School..
Guess freshman year's a good place to start.. i met a boy see "boy" the summer going into high school at the expo [carnival of the summer] he was 2 years older than me, 16, and had a car- whoot whoot.. so we talked, went to high school together, and i was asked to the first dance of high school [homecoming] by him.. yay- a junior taking a freshman girl to homecoming.. how unlikly.. pshhh.. sept. 23rd 2000 was the offical night! He asked me out, on the phone, after a crazy ass game of 20 questions.. "erin by the end of this conversation i think i'm going to be in love with you,.." that was sept. 25th 2000.. hence 9.25.!?see "9.25" -yeah uhmm.. then he cheated on me.. i guess that's something that happends to some people. He brought me a rose, i cried, then cheated back-see "relationship" and we've been fighting for the last like 5 years- the high school i went to was pretty ghetto..see "flint" and i was in a lot of fights, and always suspended.. then finally expelled- i was also kicked outta the house about 3 times by then, and moved into my grandma's house, see "home" who lived in a different school district- so i enrolled at that high school.. which was a hella preppy nice school- i wasn't quick to judge or anything, but at the old school you were viewed on with whom and what fights you had gotten into.. this school you were viewed on whether or not you looked more like this new seasons guess model, or last seasons.. it was an amazinnnnng transaction- k.. so i didn't like that much.. but i had to prove my mom wrong, so i busted my ass and took on a 7th hour class to catch up, cuz i was expelled none of my credits transfered.. well.. i got fucked up a lot.. never went to school again.. blah blah blah- that semester was like wasted.. i got 3 credits i believe.. ah well- then sophomore year i retook the freshman classes- uhh that was hell considering i could correct most of my teachers mistakes- and continued to jus fuck around.. i got 3.5 credits in one semester.. and then the second semester, i got expelled.. haha damnit- uhmm.. i had continued getting in fights, but i got in one that poised a bit of a problem, legally.. a broken bottle that puts stitches from someones eyebrow to the back of their neck.. uh- that's not good.. that's real bad in court.. especially since it happened to be a bottle in my possesion- so i moved to florida,. see "florida" as did my cute little asshole boyfriend.. ohhhh that's right, he was the cause of the fight.. with the girls.. and the pavement, and pint- i didn't even go to school for like half a year- and then entered a high school as a "junior" with credits equivalent to a freshman.. 6.5- fuckkk,. i stayed at that high school a total of one half day before i decided that it blew- i quit going, and was recomended by an abotration officer that i attended a sort of 2nd chance school for kids who had been convicted of crimes.. Greeat i thought.. a prision for people under 18.. lets get our GED's then go to jail.. fuck it.. i went- the academy of ft.myers it was called.. an academy.. hm- that sounded good- yeah.. it was, they had a program where you took all your own work home and basically home schooled yourself- holy shit i was going to be done with highschool in like 2 weeks- ohh i prolly would've been.. but the dead.beat,. i mean cuuuute boyfriend didn't work, or go to school.. he jus drank, and it cost money to drink- so i went to school from 7-3, then worked from 4-1.. it fucking sucked,. no time to eat, no time to sleep- alllll i did was take pills..see "habits" i missed a lot of work from overdosing and spending nights in the hospital.. it was funny.. i could never member shit. k so,.. what next,. that's a blur-oh yeah, after 9 weeks i had gained 20 credits,. taking me to 26.5- 2 and a half above graduation.. did that in nov.'02,. and i was done.. corey and i moved back to Flint together.. yay yay- and we enrolled in college- i was 16 in college.. god i felt amazing- with my 3.8… blowing away my psychology teach with reports, and driving my socy teach crazy with constant disputes.. hmm.. i was the fucking shit- finally, something on My level- i wasn't bored anymore.. due to the fact that i did mine and coreys homework.. eh- ahh well.. i was in college.. and i had friends who were juniors, in detention still! That fucking rocked, until of course i was billed- due to General Motors not paying their 2500 semester in time.. fuck- i had a grant,. worthless- i was fucked with a bill.. so what did i do? …i couldn't pay it- i was working my ass off supporting corey and i,. so.. i Still owe Mott Community College about a grand- i never bought the books- i was so broke i could hardly pay to park- so all that work, and extra hours studying at borders.. no credit, whatsoever- ..fucking great- what now? ohhh the military- corey and i sign up for the Air force- i qualify, and make it.. corey fails his piss test- so now what,.. pshh- i can't go without him.. next we try the navy- yep.. we both make it- wait.. what's that? ..ohhh my diploma isn't valid in michigan?! ohh shit- well good.. corey can wait for me.. all i have to do is pay my college off- hey and then i'll even get higher rank- ..hey, corey's not going to wait for me?? wait didn't i jus Not go in the Airforce of him!? k now i got a dad see "daddy"in the hospital with all kinds of sickness- cancers and that good fucking shit.. he went in nov.30th.. and was dead by dec.20th.. now i got nothing.. the worst x.mas of my life- no point in life.. no one to prove anything to anymore.. shit- ..fuck them- i'll show 'em all.. i'll join the goddamn Marines- welllll.. my bestfriend Eran was joing the army,. and i took him to a delayed enlistment program meeting.. where his recruiters swayed me.. yeah- i went to MEPS march.3rd and i was on a plane to s.carolina for basic on march.30th.. see "army" yeahhh… shit happend- now i had to go home, to flint.. look like a faliure to everyone, but recover.. and reenlist in 6 months!!! ..now i only had to only wait 6 months to go back.. ohh shit- i was home by June 20th,. and i was fucking married and pregnant by July 28th a little over a month and i ruined my fucking life- that jerk boyfriend corey.. who had joined the navy asked me to fly out to California see "california"where he was stationed and we got married, in our pajamas in a court, with no friends, no family- then i came back to Flint and found out i was pregnant.. wow- this sucks.. so there ya go,. that's why i'm married and pregnant at 18.. i started life a little too early- yes i want to take back soo much.. i wish i wouldn't payed for college.. got financial aid, stayed in school got my associates in science by the time i was 18, then enlisted in the army as a pfc and trained to be a military police officer, worked my way up- traveled, shot people, retired, became someone important in the fbi- maybe a narc.. moved back to flint.. busted all my old shitty friends- hahaha.. never married, no kids, maybe a big fat rott named capone who ate any and everything and layed his big fat ass on a couch with me all day while i studied more on psychology and peoples minds- - - but i find that very much like a dream now,. but if that's the life you want someday you let me know.. we'll work something out-
and that's me.. erin nicole worden/williamson,. 18 married, and pregnant.
Boy
k this boy, who you'll continue to read a lot about happens to now be my husband,. Corey Vaughn Williamson- he's 21 now, and about to be a father, he's also a husband to the most amazing girl in the wholllle world- mmhm,. he has dreams and hopes and aspirations just like the rest of us,. he's struggling and we have a lot of hard times together, but he's the best goddamn guy a girl could ever imagine marrying.
9.25
a lot of my screen names, past and present, have 925 in them.. (liddalgf925@aol.com,. iCyUnVus925,. cwills925.. ect.ect) this is because September 25th 2000 was the date corey asked me out, to be his girlfriend.. awww.. he called me and asked,. it was adoreable- ok.. so here's the thing,. (little information only corey and i know about.. we don't exactly Know for sure that it was that exact night.. but he asked me to homecoming, which was the 23rd, and we think that he asked me out a couple nights later- hahaha!) ..we used to count all of our kisses and shit too.. that was sooo cute, but uhh.. now we can count all our battle scars- hahaha.. we're a lil crazy now, but still kiss like we did 5 years ago,. and that's what makes us amazing-
Relationship
wow.. we've done some Crazy shit.. cheating is amaaaaazing- we've been such horrible people,. it started cuz corey kissed my friend kristy.. then i went to a party with some senior guys (cuz corey was only a junior) to piss him off.. and uhh.. i met coreys "friend" st#&*!n who wanted to go "talk" about why i was soo upset, cuz i drank and cried about corey!~ i thought it would make corey happy that i knew one of his friends and talked to him about corey.. yeah,. we go to "his house" to talk,. which ends up being an abandoned fucking house that someone was moving out of.. and alllll that was in there was a bed- yeah.. jus like the fucking movies- i'm 15, no cell, no car, with some guy.. somewhere i don't know, what am i supposed to do? ..i'm still drunk, still crying, much harder now that i'm realizing what's happening, this "friend" turns out to not at all be a friend of coreys.. instead he's a kid, who has a girlfriend, who corey had been getting his dick sucked by.. so since this guys girlfriend had been sucking my new boyfriend off i was somehow involved in this crazy ass shit.. so this "friend" decided to fuck me and while doing so he let me know over and over again to thank corey for this- i tried not to listen to him, cuz i was crying real hard, but i couldn't block him out- and i automatically hated corey for what was happening to me.. wait- now i'm in school that monday and this guy st#*&!n is standing in the cafeteria as i walk through with my lunch and he announces to the whole seniors table how i'm the best dick sucking freshman he'd ever met,. and how i rode better dick than any bitch.. fucking bastard,. i tried soo hard not to cry, but it was harder when corey confronted me about fucking him.. i was told that if i opened my mouth to anyone that he'd ruin my life, and beat coreys ass soo bad that he'd never get out of the hospital.. so i told corey yes, i fucked him, and didn't say anymore about it.. then he started fucking everyone i knew.. i stayed with him though- i loved him i thought,. i always forgave him, cuz he always would say.. ohh you can fuck st!#@*n and i stayed with you.. yeah- i didn't tell him the truth about what had happened that night for like a year- and by then we had fucked around on each other so much it was never going to get any better- .. relationships are insane.. but that is why ours is soo fucked up..
Flint
.. uhh i guess you could look flint michigan up- i could give you addys of places i've lived and you'd get a better idea of what flint is.. but let me break it down.. basically you've got your save a lots, dollar stores, and liquor stores among liquor stores- ..you can cash checks, get money orders, and use food stamps, and bridge cards are widely accepted! ..there is anything you can buy at one of those stores- cell phones,. food,. guns,. single beers,. de-tox kits,. more than anything is them white owl blunts,. i recommend green apple- mmm hm- i've fallen asleep to gun shots, ambulances, and cop cars too many nights, i've been looking behind me since i've been too young to know what to look for, yeah.. almost all of my friends have been raped, not once, but twice,. usually by people they know too.. everyone i know is hooked soo hard on coke it's crazy- almost everyones been on herion for a bit.. it's sick- everyone's skinny and fucked up,. no one works, everyone lives in apt's, for 3 months (first 3 months free) before they're evicted.. no cars, no money.. favors.. flint works on favors, and fronts.. i've seen too many people get their shoes ran, jewlery, smokes, anything when they run into the wrong person.. everyone owes everyone else money.. it's fucked,. everyone knows someone who's been shot, at least one dead friend.. and usually one more who commited suicide.. sick as hell- there ain't shit to do but sit at someones house and blow blunts.. coming up with ideas of how to get outta flint- most people have kids now, who knows by who.. girls are always pregnant, guys are always locked up.. every single one of my guy friends can be found on O.T.I.S. offender tracking information system, because they've all been locked up.. it's hard, and i can't wait to get out,. for real this time.. i've been blessed with too many opportunities-
Home
ahh hah- this starts when i'm 14.. moms has been kicking me out since then.. like, foreal.. get the fuck out.. don't touch my phone, walk,. don't come back.. i don't care if it's snowing and you ain't got a coat, ohh no.. fuck that.. your coat!? i bought that.. that's mine.. you don't have shit.. get outta here.. get your own shit.. find your own way.. i lived with her for a minute, then my dad for a sec, then my girl kelly, then my aunt becky, then back home.. then grams, then my girl shannon, then dads in florida, then moms, then my girl danielle.. then corey mostly, then the army, then my mom, then danielle, then moms,. then kevins, then millers, then b.dunns, .. now back at danielles, about to be in california- that's too many places to have lived in like 5 years huh.. yeah,. it's some bulshit.. but that's real.
Florida
yeah this was some crazy shit.. this is when i became strung the fuck out.. i was about 90lbs- and i never slept, unless i passed out, i felt like a fucking zombie the entire time i lived there- it was crazy .. corey and i had some times there.. whew.. the first time he did ecstacy was down there.. then the next day when he wanted more and i refused to pay 18 a pill he about put me through our bedroom wall- soo much shit went down.. aside from my hospital bills corey also wrecked my dads car.. we got sued for that- because we didn't have insurance apparently.. thanks dad- responsibilities are a mutherfuck- ..my brother was living down there.. he had been running from the cops for about 2 years, and one night shit got hectic.. i was in the hospital, my drunk stepmom was beating my dad's ass.. he was cripple- so it was fucked up.. my strung out friends were there.. and the cops came,. they found eric in the closet.. feds returned in less than an hour and held him at gun point on his knees in my front yard, in front of all of my neighbors, and took him to prison.. i haven't seen him.. i haven't wrote to him.. nothing- he's been in for like 2 years now.. almost 3- he's doing 35-50 though.. so it doesn't matter.. i've got time to write him,. he was my bestfriend.. and he was ripped from my life before i could even say goodbye.. i was dying in a hospital, while he was on his knees- i always wondered if he thought about me that night.. i couldn't take much more of florida.. i needed flint.. you can take a ghetto bitch out the ghetto.. but never the ghetto out the bitch-
Habits
haha.. i couldn't remember if i had taking 4 adderall during school or 8- then on my way to work.. did i take 6 stacker3's(when they still had ephadra, damn fda) or 8? shit.. then when i got home.. did i take 4 football zanax 'er 6 ladders? shittt..next thing i knew i was puking on a hospital gown again.. how'd i even get here?.. i think my kidney came up in one of those like 25 minute puke sessions- shitt… not to mention the abundance of pills and alcohol when i Didn't have to work.. those were party pills though.. everything else were functioning pills- gooood i love them days..
Daddy
so my dad was my whole world- he worked at general motors in flint for 30 years, he spoiled me rotten,. see my biological dad is in prison in arizona- i've met him once.. my dad adopted me before i was born, and i never knew different til like 5th grade.. he and my mom didn't work out,. she was a drunk, as was he, and they faught.. divorced when i was three, and my dad still picked me up every single weekend to spend time with me.. and he wasn't even my real dad.. he didn't have to have any ties to me after my mom left him,. but he treated me like a fucking princess.. i was his little girl, period,. he did everything in the world for me- my dad had arthritis and needed a lotta help doing shit..we also found out he had cancer, and refused treatment.. he lied about to us,. apparently my mom tells me now that when the dr's. found out he had cancer they opened him up and closed him right back up because it had spread soooo rapidly there wasn't any hope at all.. suddenly he was in the hospital with stomach cramps.. the day after thanksgiving- he was dead the next month,. it was fucking insane.. soooo fast- fucking ruined my life..after my dad died i felt kinda like i died too,.jan i didn't do anything- i moped, horribly.. hardly spoke- hating everyone who was breathing.. living.. smiling.. hugging.. even crying- i wanted to kill people and i wanted to die- soooo bad,. i drove wreckless as hell and could never wreck, i tried.. uhm,. feb. i turned 18; so now i'm an adult.. what the fuck am i supposed to do with my life.. no one had faith in my.. no one at all, and that great boyfriend,. well he was too wrapped up in still cheating on me, and getting ready to leave for the navy to see that i was reaching, and needing someone, soo desperatly- it's like the world forgot all about me.. so what i didn't do anything but sit in my room and smoke blunt after blunt, and sleep, and read, and sleep, and dream, and cry.. Fuck
Army
uhm- the army.. yeah this is still touchy.. it fucking scarred the shit outta me- so i do basic.. i'm the fucking best at like every goddamn thing.. won over my drill sgts- and my platoon after nights of the entire barracks being awoke to.. Toeeee the line.. pvt.worden wanted to be a bad ass today in formation.. so we're all going to show her how to stand at the position of attention.. while she demonstrated the correct way to do a push up because we all know she should know best- she's done more than anyone in this entire company.. hahah- ….front leaning rest position.. move- fuck.. that's an hour of near muscle failure while all of my battle "buddies" stood at attention careful not to close their eyes at 3am.. damn.. they plotted against me.. but yes- i won them, and my drill sgts and Finally my first sgt, and my company commander captain bigelow- who hated me from day one.. yeaaah.. i'm the shit- i am a truly amazing person- ok.. well it was our last road march.. we had gone 6 miles, full gear- with m16s.. through swampy ass shit.. and without food- well.. that commander- cpt. bigelow- he called me outta the road march, now when standing infront of a cpt, you stand at the position of attention- welllll.. i couldn't do that considering my right leg was sooo goddamn filled with stress fractures,. and fractures, my hip.. inner pelvic, superior pelvic, knees.. everywhere in my knees, shins, ankles, and a fractured foot- hahaha.. yeah i could play it off to a drill sgt. cuz you stand at parade rest, where i could place most weight on my left side.. which also had numerous fractures, but none in my hip or pelvis- now.. this captain watched me struggle with my battle face and my balance, and when he had to reach out to steady my wobbling body from the pain he asked me if he could escort me to the hospital- i agreed, cuz that's all you can to with a captain, sir yes sir.. even though only one of my drill sgts. knew of my injures and had kept quiet about the crutches i was hiding in my wall locker that i was supposed to have been using for the last 7 weeks- hahaha.. and the fact that my hip was near surgery level.. he hid it all, and let me continue training at my begging, and agreement to conduct extra duty 'activities' to prove to him that i wasn't really hurt!!! hahaha.. it was hard, but the hardest part of those 7 weeks was saying yes to a cpt. escorting me to the hospital- he pulled my med file, looked at my xrays, ordered more.. looked at my mri's, ordered more, looked at my bone scans… ehh- ordered more.. we made a fucking day of it.. he saw the prescriziptions i had been taking, and questioned the quickness of my refills.. yeah- ibu800's and naproxens weren't doing shit.. but 6ibu800s, and 6naproxens in the morning, and again at night were great.. hahah i couldn't feel shit, and the sky looked cool as shit during morning pt! so i sat in that hospital as my fucking company commander sat at my side and told me my options- basically, i was not to train, and that i needed surgery.. but before surgery i needed to recover somewhat- so i was giving orders to report to a new company and attend ptrp.. phsyical therapy rehab program.. fuckkk my life was over- ..i stayed there for 2 months.. On Fucking Crutches- high spirits always.. i never cried- except in the shower where no one could tell.. i kept thinking i was closer and closer to recovery and going back to training- i never talked to my doctor, i hated him.. he was the one who evaluated me at the hospital and told my captain i Had to attend ptrp.. i blamed him- fucker,. k so one day at the hospital as i was turning in my xrays i asked the tech when i was able to return to training.. she informed me that i was due for hip surgery when i hit my 6 month mark and that they didn't want to discourage me, but i had to get the surgery and i was building up my muscles in therapy only to prepare me.. because i wouldn't be doing much for the next 6 months after surgery but sitting in med quarters- waiting to get a discharge home.. that was the first and only time i ever swore infront of a captain.. what the fuck- that's all i could think, that's all i could say.. all that i had been working for was a fucking lie!? ..Never return to training.. at that point i was deemed crazy and placed on strict buddy watch i was thought to be suicidal.. because i acted an ass, i jus didn't give a fuck.. i'd walk away from formations.. i'd tell my drill sgts to fuck off- i didn't care,. and a group of special drill sgts took notice.. drill sgts that changed my life- especially d.s. hawkins- i was almost at my 6months, surgery mark- after surgery i would never return to the army.. so my d.s. came up with an idea that may have been crazy enough to work if i didn't fuck it up- k.. so we worked the angels and i was blessed with an uncharacterized discharge because i hadn't been a u.s. soilder for 6 months yet..
California
so what in the fuck was i really thinking? i mean, how did i expect to actually amount to anything once i married.. i fucked up soo bad- i married corey thinking i could use his college funding and go to college while he was deployed,. and we'd get more money.. so we could save up, and get a house and a nicer car and shit.. but what it realllly did was fuck me over- cuz now that i'm pregnant, and that son of a bitch only gives me 200 a month i'm struggling like you wouldn't believe.. if i wasn't married i could go downtown and get gov'ment cheese- literally, and they'd give me insurance and money to get by, Considering I Can't WORK While I'm 6 Months Pregnant! yeah.. Cali was a mistake,. i don't have a ring, i didn't have a white dress, i didn't even have a beer after all that shit- wow..
ohh i did a lil'bio on the dilly.. lemme add that to this site
My Bio..
Alright,. lets analyze me; So i'm 18 years old, i'm pregnant and married.. wow i know,. CraZzy.
High School..
Guess freshman year's a good place to start.. i met a boy see "boy" the summer going into high school at the expo [carnival of the summer] he was 2 years older than me, 16, and had a car- whoot whoot.. so we talked, went to high school together, and i was asked to the first dance of high school [homecoming] by him.. yay- a junior taking a freshman girl to homecoming.. how unlikly.. pshhh.. sept. 23rd 2000 was the offical night! He asked me out, on the phone, after a crazy ass game of 20 questions.. "erin by the end of this conversation i think i'm going to be in love with you,.." that was sept. 25th 2000.. hence 9.25.!?see "9.25" -yeah uhmm.. then he cheated on me.. i guess that's something that happends to some people. He brought me a rose, i cried, then cheated back-see "relationship" and we've been fighting for the last like 5 years- the high school i went to was pretty ghetto..see "flint" and i was in a lot of fights, and always suspended.. then finally expelled- i was also kicked outta the house about 3 times by then, and moved into my grandma's house, see "home" who lived in a different school district- so i enrolled at that high school.. which was a hella preppy nice school- i wasn't quick to judge or anything, but at the old school you were viewed on with whom and what fights you had gotten into.. this school you were viewed on whether or not you looked more like this new seasons guess model, or last seasons.. it was an amazinnnnng transaction- k.. so i didn't like that much.. but i had to prove my mom wrong, so i busted my ass and took on a 7th hour class to catch up, cuz i was expelled none of my credits transfered.. well.. i got fucked up a lot.. never went to school again.. blah blah blah- that semester was like wasted.. i got 3 credits i believe.. ah well- then sophomore year i retook the freshman classes- uhh that was hell considering i could correct most of my teachers mistakes- and continued to jus fuck around.. i got 3.5 credits in one semester.. and then the second semester, i got expelled.. haha damnit- uhmm.. i had continued getting in fights, but i got in one that poised a bit of a problem, legally.. a broken bottle that puts stitches from someones eyebrow to the back of their neck.. uh- that's not good.. that's real bad in court.. especially since it happened to be a bottle in my possesion- so i moved to florida,. see "florida" as did my cute little asshole boyfriend.. ohhhh that's right, he was the cause of the fight.. with the girls.. and the pavement, and pint- i didn't even go to school for like half a year- and then entered a high school as a "junior" with credits equivalent to a freshman.. 6.5- fuckkk,. i stayed at that high school a total of one half day before i decided that it blew- i quit going, and was recomended by an abotration officer that i attended a sort of 2nd chance school for kids who had been convicted of crimes.. Greeat i thought.. a prision for people under 18.. lets get our GED's then go to jail.. fuck it.. i went- the academy of ft.myers it was called.. an academy.. hm- that sounded good- yeah.. it was, they had a program where you took all your own work home and basically home schooled yourself- holy shit i was going to be done with highschool in like 2 weeks- ohh i prolly would've been.. but the dead.beat,. i mean cuuuute boyfriend didn't work, or go to school.. he jus drank, and it cost money to drink- so i went to school from 7-3, then worked from 4-1.. it fucking sucked,. no time to eat, no time to sleep- alllll i did was take pills..see "habits" i missed a lot of work from overdosing and spending nights in the hospital.. it was funny.. i could never member shit. k so,.. what next,. that's a blur-oh yeah, after 9 weeks i had gained 20 credits,. taking me to 26.5- 2 and a half above graduation.. did that in nov.'02,. and i was done.. corey and i moved back to Flint together.. yay yay- and we enrolled in college- i was 16 in college.. god i felt amazing- with my 3.8… blowing away my psychology teach with reports, and driving my socy teach crazy with constant disputes.. hmm.. i was the fucking shit- finally, something on My level- i wasn't bored anymore.. due to the fact that i did mine and coreys homework.. eh- ahh well.. i was in college.. and i had friends who were juniors, in detention still! That fucking rocked, until of course i was billed- due to General Motors not paying their 2500 semester in time.. fuck- i had a grant,. worthless- i was fucked with a bill.. so what did i do? …i couldn't pay it- i was working my ass off supporting corey and i,. so.. i Still owe Mott Community College about a grand- i never bought the books- i was so broke i could hardly pay to park- so all that work, and extra hours studying at borders.. no credit, whatsoever- ..fucking great- what now? ohhh the military- corey and i sign up for the Air force- i qualify, and make it.. corey fails his piss test- so now what,.. pshh- i can't go without him.. next we try the navy- yep.. we both make it- wait.. what's that? ..ohhh my diploma isn't valid in michigan?! ohh shit- well good.. corey can wait for me.. all i have to do is pay my college off- hey and then i'll even get higher rank- ..hey, corey's not going to wait for me?? wait didn't i jus Not go in the Airforce of him!? k now i got a dad see "daddy"in the hospital with all kinds of sickness- cancers and that good fucking shit.. he went in nov.30th.. and was dead by dec.20th.. now i got nothing.. the worst x.mas of my life- no point in life.. no one to prove anything to anymore.. shit- ..fuck them- i'll show 'em all.. i'll join the goddamn Marines- welllll.. my bestfriend Eran was joing the army,. and i took him to a delayed enlistment program meeting.. where his recruiters swayed me.. yeah- i went to MEPS march.3rd and i was on a plane to s.carolina for basic on march.30th.. see "army" yeahhh… shit happend- now i had to go home, to flint.. look like a faliure to everyone, but recover.. and reenlist in 6 months!!! ..now i only had to only wait 6 months to go back.. ohh shit- i was home by June 20th,. and i was fucking married and pregnant by July 28th a little over a month and i ruined my fucking life- that jerk boyfriend corey.. who had joined the navy asked me to fly out to California see "california"where he was stationed and we got married, in our pajamas in a court, with no friends, no family- then i came back to Flint and found out i was pregnant.. wow- this sucks.. so there ya go,. that's why i'm married and pregnant at 18.. i started life a little too early- yes i want to take back soo much.. i wish i wouldn't payed for college.. got financial aid, stayed in school got my associates in science by the time i was 18, then enlisted in the army as a pfc and trained to be a military police officer, worked my way up- traveled, shot people, retired, became someone important in the fbi- maybe a narc.. moved back to flint.. busted all my old shitty friends- hahaha.. never married, no kids, maybe a big fat rott named capone who ate any and everything and layed his big fat ass on a couch with me all day while i studied more on psychology and peoples minds- - - but i find that very much like a dream now,. but if that's the life you want someday you let me know.. we'll work something out-
and that's me.. erin nicole worden/williamson,. 18 married, and pregnant.
Boy
k this boy, who you'll continue to read a lot about happens to now be my husband,. Corey Vaughn Williamson- he's 21 now, and about to be a father, he's also a husband to the most amazing girl in the wholllle world- mmhm,. he has dreams and hopes and aspirations just like the rest of us,. he's struggling and we have a lot of hard times together, but he's the best goddamn guy a girl could ever imagine marrying.
9.25
a lot of my screen names, past and present, have 925 in them.. (liddalgf925@aol.com,. iCyUnVus925,. cwills925.. ect.ect) this is because September 25th 2000 was the date corey asked me out, to be his girlfriend.. awww.. he called me and asked,. it was adoreable- ok.. so here's the thing,. (little information only corey and i know about.. we don't exactly Know for sure that it was that exact night.. but he asked me to homecoming, which was the 23rd, and we think that he asked me out a couple nights later- hahaha!) ..we used to count all of our kisses and shit too.. that was sooo cute, but uhh.. now we can count all our battle scars- hahaha.. we're a lil crazy now, but still kiss like we did 5 years ago,. and that's what makes us amazing-
Relationship
wow.. we've done some Crazy shit.. cheating is amaaaaazing- we've been such horrible people,. it started cuz corey kissed my friend kristy.. then i went to a party with some senior guys (cuz corey was only a junior) to piss him off.. and uhh.. i met coreys "friend" st#&*!n who wanted to go "talk" about why i was soo upset, cuz i drank and cried about corey!~ i thought it would make corey happy that i knew one of his friends and talked to him about corey.. yeah,. we go to "his house" to talk,. which ends up being an abandoned fucking house that someone was moving out of.. and alllll that was in there was a bed- yeah.. jus like the fucking movies- i'm 15, no cell, no car, with some guy.. somewhere i don't know, what am i supposed to do? ..i'm still drunk, still crying, much harder now that i'm realizing what's happening, this "friend" turns out to not at all be a friend of coreys.. instead he's a kid, who has a girlfriend, who corey had been getting his dick sucked by.. so since this guys girlfriend had been sucking my new boyfriend off i was somehow involved in this crazy ass shit.. so this "friend" decided to fuck me and while doing so he let me know over and over again to thank corey for this- i tried not to listen to him, cuz i was crying real hard, but i couldn't block him out- and i automatically hated corey for what was happening to me.. wait- now i'm in school that monday and this guy st#*&!n is standing in the cafeteria as i walk through with my lunch and he announces to the whole seniors table how i'm the best dick sucking freshman he'd ever met,. and how i rode better dick than any bitch.. fucking bastard,. i tried soo hard not to cry, but it was harder when corey confronted me about fucking him.. i was told that if i opened my mouth to anyone that he'd ruin my life, and beat coreys ass soo bad that he'd never get out of the hospital.. so i told corey yes, i fucked him, and didn't say anymore about it.. then he started fucking everyone i knew.. i stayed with him though- i loved him i thought,. i always forgave him, cuz he always would say.. ohh you can fuck st!#@*n and i stayed with you.. yeah- i didn't tell him the truth about what had happened that night for like a year- and by then we had fucked around on each other so much it was never going to get any better- .. relationships are insane.. but that is why ours is soo fucked up..
Flint
.. uhh i guess you could look flint michigan up- i could give you addys of places i've lived and you'd get a better idea of what flint is.. but let me break it down.. basically you've got your save a lots, dollar stores, and liquor stores among liquor stores- ..you can cash checks, get money orders, and use food stamps, and bridge cards are widely accepted! ..there is anything you can buy at one of those stores- cell phones,. food,. guns,. single beers,. de-tox kits,. more than anything is them white owl blunts,. i recommend green apple- mmm hm- i've fallen asleep to gun shots, ambulances, and cop cars too many nights, i've been looking behind me since i've been too young to know what to look for, yeah.. almost all of my friends have been raped, not once, but twice,. usually by people they know too.. everyone i know is hooked soo hard on coke it's crazy- almost everyones been on herion for a bit.. it's sick- everyone's skinny and fucked up,. no one works, everyone lives in apt's, for 3 months (first 3 months free) before they're evicted.. no cars, no money.. favors.. flint works on favors, and fronts.. i've seen too many people get their shoes ran, jewlery, smokes, anything when they run into the wrong person.. everyone owes everyone else money.. it's fucked,. everyone knows someone who's been shot, at least one dead friend.. and usually one more who commited suicide.. sick as hell- there ain't shit to do but sit at someones house and blow blunts.. coming up with ideas of how to get outta flint- most people have kids now, who knows by who.. girls are always pregnant, guys are always locked up.. every single one of my guy friends can be found on O.T.I.S. offender tracking information system, because they've all been locked up.. it's hard, and i can't wait to get out,. for real this time.. i've been blessed with too many opportunities-
Home
ahh hah- this starts when i'm 14.. moms has been kicking me out since then.. like, foreal.. get the fuck out.. don't touch my phone, walk,. don't come back.. i don't care if it's snowing and you ain't got a coat, ohh no.. fuck that.. your coat!? i bought that.. that's mine.. you don't have shit.. get outta here.. get your own shit.. find your own way.. i lived with her for a minute, then my dad for a sec, then my girl kelly, then my aunt becky, then back home.. then grams, then my girl shannon, then dads in florida, then moms, then my girl danielle.. then corey mostly, then the army, then my mom, then danielle, then moms,. then kevins, then millers, then b.dunns, .. now back at danielles, about to be in california- that's too many places to have lived in like 5 years huh.. yeah,. it's some bulshit.. but that's real.
Florida
yeah this was some crazy shit.. this is when i became strung the fuck out.. i was about 90lbs- and i never slept, unless i passed out, i felt like a fucking zombie the entire time i lived there- it was crazy .. corey and i had some times there.. whew.. the first time he did ecstacy was down there.. then the next day when he wanted more and i refused to pay 18 a pill he about put me through our bedroom wall- soo much shit went down.. aside from my hospital bills corey also wrecked my dads car.. we got sued for that- because we didn't have insurance apparently.. thanks dad- responsibilities are a mutherfuck- ..my brother was living down there.. he had been running from the cops for about 2 years, and one night shit got hectic.. i was in the hospital, my drunk stepmom was beating my dad's ass.. he was cripple- so it was fucked up.. my strung out friends were there.. and the cops came,. they found eric in the closet.. feds returned in less than an hour and held him at gun point on his knees in my front yard, in front of all of my neighbors, and took him to prison.. i haven't seen him.. i haven't wrote to him.. nothing- he's been in for like 2 years now.. almost 3- he's doing 35-50 though.. so it doesn't matter.. i've got time to write him,. he was my bestfriend.. and he was ripped from my life before i could even say goodbye.. i was dying in a hospital, while he was on his knees- i always wondered if he thought about me that night.. i couldn't take much more of florida.. i needed flint.. you can take a ghetto bitch out the ghetto.. but never the ghetto out the bitch-
Habits
haha.. i couldn't remember if i had taking 4 adderall during school or 8- then on my way to work.. did i take 6 stacker3's(when they still had ephadra, damn fda) or 8? shit.. then when i got home.. did i take 4 football zanax 'er 6 ladders? shittt..next thing i knew i was puking on a hospital gown again.. how'd i even get here?.. i think my kidney came up in one of those like 25 minute puke sessions- shitt… not to mention the abundance of pills and alcohol when i Didn't have to work.. those were party pills though.. everything else were functioning pills- gooood i love them days..
Daddy
so my dad was my whole world- he worked at general motors in flint for 30 years, he spoiled me rotten,. see my biological dad is in prison in arizona- i've met him once.. my dad adopted me before i was born, and i never knew different til like 5th grade.. he and my mom didn't work out,. she was a drunk, as was he, and they faught.. divorced when i was three, and my dad still picked me up every single weekend to spend time with me.. and he wasn't even my real dad.. he didn't have to have any ties to me after my mom left him,. but he treated me like a fucking princess.. i was his little girl, period,. he did everything in the world for me- my dad had arthritis and needed a lotta help doing shit..we also found out he had cancer, and refused treatment.. he lied about to us,. apparently my mom tells me now that when the dr's. found out he had cancer they opened him up and closed him right back up because it had spread soooo rapidly there wasn't any hope at all.. suddenly he was in the hospital with stomach cramps.. the day after thanksgiving- he was dead the next month,. it was fucking insane.. soooo fast- fucking ruined my life..after my dad died i felt kinda like i died too,.jan i didn't do anything- i moped, horribly.. hardly spoke- hating everyone who was breathing.. living.. smiling.. hugging.. even crying- i wanted to kill people and i wanted to die- soooo bad,. i drove wreckless as hell and could never wreck, i tried.. uhm,. feb. i turned 18; so now i'm an adult.. what the fuck am i supposed to do with my life.. no one had faith in my.. no one at all, and that great boyfriend,. well he was too wrapped up in still cheating on me, and getting ready to leave for the navy to see that i was reaching, and needing someone, soo desperatly- it's like the world forgot all about me.. so what i didn't do anything but sit in my room and smoke blunt after blunt, and sleep, and read, and sleep, and dream, and cry.. Fuck
Army
uhm- the army.. yeah this is still touchy.. it fucking scarred the shit outta me- so i do basic.. i'm the fucking best at like every goddamn thing.. won over my drill sgts- and my platoon after nights of the entire barracks being awoke to.. Toeeee the line.. pvt.worden wanted to be a bad ass today in formation.. so we're all going to show her how to stand at the position of attention.. while she demonstrated the correct way to do a push up because we all know she should know best- she's done more than anyone in this entire company.. hahah- ….front leaning rest position.. move- fuck.. that's an hour of near muscle failure while all of my battle "buddies" stood at attention careful not to close their eyes at 3am.. damn.. they plotted against me.. but yes- i won them, and my drill sgts and Finally my first sgt, and my company commander captain bigelow- who hated me from day one.. yeaaah.. i'm the shit- i am a truly amazing person- ok.. well it was our last road march.. we had gone 6 miles, full gear- with m16s.. through swampy ass shit.. and without food- well.. that commander- cpt. bigelow- he called me outta the road march, now when standing infront of a cpt, you stand at the position of attention- welllll.. i couldn't do that considering my right leg was sooo goddamn filled with stress fractures,. and fractures, my hip.. inner pelvic, superior pelvic, knees.. everywhere in my knees, shins, ankles, and a fractured foot- hahaha.. yeah i could play it off to a drill sgt. cuz you stand at parade rest, where i could place most weight on my left side.. which also had numerous fractures, but none in my hip or pelvis- now.. this captain watched me struggle with my battle face and my balance, and when he had to reach out to steady my wobbling body from the pain he asked me if he could escort me to the hospital- i agreed, cuz that's all you can to with a captain, sir yes sir.. even though only one of my drill sgts. knew of my injures and had kept quiet about the crutches i was hiding in my wall locker that i was supposed to have been using for the last 7 weeks- hahaha.. and the fact that my hip was near surgery level.. he hid it all, and let me continue training at my begging, and agreement to conduct extra duty 'activities' to prove to him that i wasn't really hurt!!! hahaha.. it was hard, but the hardest part of those 7 weeks was saying yes to a cpt. escorting me to the hospital- he pulled my med file, looked at my xrays, ordered more.. looked at my mri's, ordered more, looked at my bone scans… ehh- ordered more.. we made a fucking day of it.. he saw the prescriziptions i had been taking, and questioned the quickness of my refills.. yeah- ibu800's and naproxens weren't doing shit.. but 6ibu800s, and 6naproxens in the morning, and again at night were great.. hahah i couldn't feel shit, and the sky looked cool as shit during morning pt! so i sat in that hospital as my fucking company commander sat at my side and told me my options- basically, i was not to train, and that i needed surgery.. but before surgery i needed to recover somewhat- so i was giving orders to report to a new company and attend ptrp.. phsyical therapy rehab program.. fuckkk my life was over- ..i stayed there for 2 months.. On Fucking Crutches- high spirits always.. i never cried- except in the shower where no one could tell.. i kept thinking i was closer and closer to recovery and going back to training- i never talked to my doctor, i hated him.. he was the one who evaluated me at the hospital and told my captain i Had to attend ptrp.. i blamed him- fucker,. k so one day at the hospital as i was turning in my xrays i asked the tech when i was able to return to training.. she informed me that i was due for hip surgery when i hit my 6 month mark and that they didn't want to discourage me, but i had to get the surgery and i was building up my muscles in therapy only to prepare me.. because i wouldn't be doing much for the next 6 months after surgery but sitting in med quarters- waiting to get a discharge home.. that was the first and only time i ever swore infront of a captain.. what the fuck- that's all i could think, that's all i could say.. all that i had been working for was a fucking lie!? ..Never return to training.. at that point i was deemed crazy and placed on strict buddy watch i was thought to be suicidal.. because i acted an ass, i jus didn't give a fuck.. i'd walk away from formations.. i'd tell my drill sgts to fuck off- i didn't care,. and a group of special drill sgts took notice.. drill sgts that changed my life- especially d.s. hawkins- i was almost at my 6months, surgery mark- after surgery i would never return to the army.. so my d.s. came up with an idea that may have been crazy enough to work if i didn't fuck it up- k.. so we worked the angels and i was blessed with an uncharacterized discharge because i hadn't been a u.s. soilder for 6 months yet..
California
so what in the fuck was i really thinking? i mean, how did i expect to actually amount to anything once i married.. i fucked up soo bad- i married corey thinking i could use his college funding and go to college while he was deployed,. and we'd get more money.. so we could save up, and get a house and a nicer car and shit.. but what it realllly did was fuck me over- cuz now that i'm pregnant, and that son of a bitch only gives me 200 a month i'm struggling like you wouldn't believe.. if i wasn't married i could go downtown and get gov'ment cheese- literally, and they'd give me insurance and money to get by, Considering I Can't WORK While I'm 6 Months Pregnant! yeah.. Cali was a mistake,. i don't have a ring, i didn't have a white dress, i didn't even have a beer after all that shit- wow..