(no subject)
So...I started a new medicine in February. It started off slowly, pushing away the terrors, the over-reaction to random sounds, shadows on the walls. Then the nightmares stopped. I realized about six weeks ago I didn't want to hide under the blankets anymore, didn't want to sleep all day. All nice changes, but nothing that any other medicine hadn't done for me.
About a month ago, I started really wanting to do things again. Not just school or sex, but simple things, like enjoying a warm shower in the morning or discovering a new song. I feel like I did when I was 19, full of energy, full of hope. Full of curiosity.
I realize now that I may have been chemically depressed for what - two, three years now? How did that happen? Why didn't I notice? Looking back at how I felt, the memories are grayed, fuzzy.
I'm coming out of the 'mommy cave'. My son is important to me, but he's not the only reason I drag myself out of the bed in the morning. (Don't get me wrong, mornings are still a challenge for me, they always come too soon.) I am the reason, my life, living it. I admit that I feel selfish about this realization, but not guilty.
I'm working out again. I haven't felt like it in ages. Could never get motivated quite enough. I think I may start lifting again, may even ride my bike to campus while the weather allows it.
I'm going back to school in May and finding the funds is turning out to be horrifically difficult, but I don't feel defeated. I don't feel like giving up. I don't know that I would have been so persistent even two months ago.
I guess this post is partially for bookkeeping, but it is also meant to be a gentle hint. Get help if you need it, whether it's opening up more to a friend, changing your job, getting a counselor, finding a new medicine, or just plain getting what you want...get it. Take yourself back.
I'm here if you need me.
About a month ago, I started really wanting to do things again. Not just school or sex, but simple things, like enjoying a warm shower in the morning or discovering a new song. I feel like I did when I was 19, full of energy, full of hope. Full of curiosity.
I realize now that I may have been chemically depressed for what - two, three years now? How did that happen? Why didn't I notice? Looking back at how I felt, the memories are grayed, fuzzy.
I'm coming out of the 'mommy cave'. My son is important to me, but he's not the only reason I drag myself out of the bed in the morning. (Don't get me wrong, mornings are still a challenge for me, they always come too soon.) I am the reason, my life, living it. I admit that I feel selfish about this realization, but not guilty.
I'm working out again. I haven't felt like it in ages. Could never get motivated quite enough. I think I may start lifting again, may even ride my bike to campus while the weather allows it.
I'm going back to school in May and finding the funds is turning out to be horrifically difficult, but I don't feel defeated. I don't feel like giving up. I don't know that I would have been so persistent even two months ago.
I guess this post is partially for bookkeeping, but it is also meant to be a gentle hint. Get help if you need it, whether it's opening up more to a friend, changing your job, getting a counselor, finding a new medicine, or just plain getting what you want...get it. Take yourself back.
I'm here if you need me.