Harumph.
I do not feel at peace with myself right now. It is annoying. I want quite desperately to give myself a total overhaul, but I'm not sure that I have the patience and/or time. I'm not even sure that I condone that sort of thing. It's just that everything about me is an irritant lately. I feel great about everybody else. Boundless love for everybody else. I just feel fed up with me. I am fed up with my body and how it cannot perform the simplest functions without medication. I am fed up with not feeling sexy. I am fed up with feeling fat. I am fed up with my clothes. I am fed up with the texture of my hair. This is getting ridiculous. I'm not even exhibiting any exhibitionist tendencies.
I had a conversation with Lindsey and Kim about how Mike seems to have "tamed" me. I like to think it has something to do with being more secure with myself and gaining more maturity; feeling like I have less to prove. Is this really the case? I'm a little afraid that I've become boring. Busy and boring. The problem is, the things I did before I was "tame" don't interest me in the least now.
I feel groundless, but not in the good, self-imposed way. I feel like I'm in transition. The folkies understand it. I've been listening to them a lot. Lots of barely intelligable lyrics and lone guitar lines. I think I just need to lay in the grass somewhere and listen to music. I need to dance. I need to drum. I need to create something resounding. Am I really just looking for validation?
God, I hope Mike likes Wheatland. I'm terrified he won't like Wheatland. Shit.
Does anybody feel like cuddling? Right now?
.
I had a conversation with Lindsey and Kim about how Mike seems to have "tamed" me. I like to think it has something to do with being more secure with myself and gaining more maturity; feeling like I have less to prove. Is this really the case? I'm a little afraid that I've become boring. Busy and boring. The problem is, the things I did before I was "tame" don't interest me in the least now.
I feel groundless, but not in the good, self-imposed way. I feel like I'm in transition. The folkies understand it. I've been listening to them a lot. Lots of barely intelligable lyrics and lone guitar lines. I think I just need to lay in the grass somewhere and listen to music. I need to dance. I need to drum. I need to create something resounding. Am I really just looking for validation?
God, I hope Mike likes Wheatland. I'm terrified he won't like Wheatland. Shit.
Does anybody feel like cuddling? Right now?
.