Comfortably Numbed
Something definately seems amidst....
something is missing.
I'm curious as to what it is that I feel is keeping a void in my life.
I have anything I could ever ask for... to this point in my life.
An over-abundance of fabulously monumental experiences to reminisce upon...
Yet there's nothing to fascinate myself with...
No infatuation with the life of someone else...
No mystery to be solved...
No curiosity to exhaust my thoughts on...
Could I have possibily deciphered all that I have taken into study?
Certainly this couldn't be the case....
I'm only 22 now, there must be more out there to perplex my thoughts with...
Well... there are definate factors I can dismiss from question...
School... it's a done deal. I graduate with honors from Adrian College on April 30th, with a Bacholar of the Arts in Mass Media Communication, and as far as I can see it... then it's off to Central Michigan University, where I will study for my Master's in Broadcast & Cinematic Arts. Not to mention the full tuition scholarship, free housing, a Graduate Assistantship which honors me with the privledge of teaching as 'Professor EriN Elaine Sawden", teaching Radio Studies. This I am all too sincerely thankful for. Honesty... I can't wait to slap on my army issued black-rim dork-a-fy glasses, retreat to my sanctuary that is the library, and live out the rest of my days studying and analyzing the Media Arts, Film, & Radio.
Home... it's beautiful, peaceful, and quiet. Not too quiet yet, which is a good thing. I've lost track of where the Bulletproof Polo Boys are heading in the music industry... but I still salute their efforts as talented musicians and enjoy their company when they raid my home for practices. I regret that my relationship with them is not as strong as it was built to be in December, while I was home for Christmas break... but that's too be expected. I have my own life to lead, and they understand that. Part of me wishes they would make more of an effort to involve themselves with my life, given the fact that I clearly made an effort to compass them in my smallest & closest realm of friends. I miss them a great deal with I am away... but I won't begin to lie to myself & think that I pass through their thoughts very often when I'm not home. Out of sight, out of mind, I guess the saying goes... my intuition tells me that that is exactly the case in this situation.
Friends.... I've accepted a small beloved gathering of friends to call my own, those of whom I know for certain that no matter how far away I may travel in this lifetime, they will be the ones that I miss the most and think dearly of... Those friends that as I walk away from my college career at Adrian, these people will be the only one that truly matter. The only ones I actually care to confide in, and trust enough to bare my soul to. The people who's opinion actually matters to me... Truthfully, I can't say high school bestowed such friends on me... The ones I know I'll never forget though... Rachel Adamisin, Katie Dean, Robbie H, Geoff K.rempa, Anna Rebellino, and Matt Bossardet. Those are the people I have the honor and privlege of calling my friends, and am fortunate enough to have in my life.
Still.... there's no one to hold at nyte...
I can't understand why that pains me the way it does.
I've always been independent...
I'm honest when I say I couldn't be more content with being single...
Yet... It's the intrigue of discovering uncharted territory that I lack. Even from the very beginning, there were those unique attractions that led me to romanticize the notion that something different was hidden behind that one person. Vernon, MikeW, SteveS, PaulB, Dave.... they all had a little bit of something to hide, something left unsaid, something curious, appealing, abstract, an attraction to something that was more than just a pretty boy in black eyeliner. When all was said and done... relationship to be had or not... the mystery faded, the masks removed, the door opened, the puzzle solve... nothing freakishly haunting to discover, no big secrets to reveal... just one more boy to perpetuate my jaded existance. Intriguing nonetheless.... and I certainly regret nothing having known them. A portion of that collected few turned out to be fairly decent friends of mine. Like I said, no regrets, just fond memories, but much to my dismay, puzzles that were solved.
Dammit, I long for something more... something to covet as I pass the time between this step in life to the next. I crave that affection & desire to want more as I stare into someone's eyes. I have nothing to daydream of anymore... and ultimately, that is what scares me more than anything else.
& just in case you actually made it this far down my post... I'm home in Detroit on my "senior spring break".... wooohoooo... I was incredibly sick all damned weekend, which had me laid out cold on my couch from Friday nyte to Tuesday morning... blah!! I was coherent long enough to venture to Ypsilanti to visit an 'ol friend... a certain partner 'n crime if you will. It was muchly derserved & 'bout damn time I caught up with that fellow. Always a pleasure to rant & rave over our mispent youth & recent antics with said friend. That's ALL, unfortunately, I've had the effort to accomplish thus far, since I've been home.... So, please, please... if you have any inclination to chat/party/rant/rave/hang/chill/or just play a good game of phone tag... call my cell while I'm still in the Detroit Area... until Sunday afternoon. Cell... 734.642.8219 I'm hoping to make the most of my weekend ahead... maybe the city club... the lab... necto... or luna... anything to get out & call it a good nyte with some crazy friends.... or a crazy nyte with some good friends... the jury is still out on that one... hehehhehe
*I have nothing clever to write here*
EriN Elaine xxii
ps.... most of my blogging/posting/online community time has been invested in MYSPACE as of late.... you might be better suited to find me online there more often than not....
something is missing.
I'm curious as to what it is that I feel is keeping a void in my life.
I have anything I could ever ask for... to this point in my life.
An over-abundance of fabulously monumental experiences to reminisce upon...
Yet there's nothing to fascinate myself with...
No infatuation with the life of someone else...
No mystery to be solved...
No curiosity to exhaust my thoughts on...
Could I have possibily deciphered all that I have taken into study?
Certainly this couldn't be the case....
I'm only 22 now, there must be more out there to perplex my thoughts with...
Well... there are definate factors I can dismiss from question...
School... it's a done deal. I graduate with honors from Adrian College on April 30th, with a Bacholar of the Arts in Mass Media Communication, and as far as I can see it... then it's off to Central Michigan University, where I will study for my Master's in Broadcast & Cinematic Arts. Not to mention the full tuition scholarship, free housing, a Graduate Assistantship which honors me with the privledge of teaching as 'Professor EriN Elaine Sawden", teaching Radio Studies. This I am all too sincerely thankful for. Honesty... I can't wait to slap on my army issued black-rim dork-a-fy glasses, retreat to my sanctuary that is the library, and live out the rest of my days studying and analyzing the Media Arts, Film, & Radio.
Home... it's beautiful, peaceful, and quiet. Not too quiet yet, which is a good thing. I've lost track of where the Bulletproof Polo Boys are heading in the music industry... but I still salute their efforts as talented musicians and enjoy their company when they raid my home for practices. I regret that my relationship with them is not as strong as it was built to be in December, while I was home for Christmas break... but that's too be expected. I have my own life to lead, and they understand that. Part of me wishes they would make more of an effort to involve themselves with my life, given the fact that I clearly made an effort to compass them in my smallest & closest realm of friends. I miss them a great deal with I am away... but I won't begin to lie to myself & think that I pass through their thoughts very often when I'm not home. Out of sight, out of mind, I guess the saying goes... my intuition tells me that that is exactly the case in this situation.
Friends.... I've accepted a small beloved gathering of friends to call my own, those of whom I know for certain that no matter how far away I may travel in this lifetime, they will be the ones that I miss the most and think dearly of... Those friends that as I walk away from my college career at Adrian, these people will be the only one that truly matter. The only ones I actually care to confide in, and trust enough to bare my soul to. The people who's opinion actually matters to me... Truthfully, I can't say high school bestowed such friends on me... The ones I know I'll never forget though... Rachel Adamisin, Katie Dean, Robbie H, Geoff K.rempa, Anna Rebellino, and Matt Bossardet. Those are the people I have the honor and privlege of calling my friends, and am fortunate enough to have in my life.
Still.... there's no one to hold at nyte...
I can't understand why that pains me the way it does.
I've always been independent...
I'm honest when I say I couldn't be more content with being single...
Yet... It's the intrigue of discovering uncharted territory that I lack. Even from the very beginning, there were those unique attractions that led me to romanticize the notion that something different was hidden behind that one person. Vernon, MikeW, SteveS, PaulB, Dave.... they all had a little bit of something to hide, something left unsaid, something curious, appealing, abstract, an attraction to something that was more than just a pretty boy in black eyeliner. When all was said and done... relationship to be had or not... the mystery faded, the masks removed, the door opened, the puzzle solve... nothing freakishly haunting to discover, no big secrets to reveal... just one more boy to perpetuate my jaded existance. Intriguing nonetheless.... and I certainly regret nothing having known them. A portion of that collected few turned out to be fairly decent friends of mine. Like I said, no regrets, just fond memories, but much to my dismay, puzzles that were solved.
Dammit, I long for something more... something to covet as I pass the time between this step in life to the next. I crave that affection & desire to want more as I stare into someone's eyes. I have nothing to daydream of anymore... and ultimately, that is what scares me more than anything else.
& just in case you actually made it this far down my post... I'm home in Detroit on my "senior spring break".... wooohoooo... I was incredibly sick all damned weekend, which had me laid out cold on my couch from Friday nyte to Tuesday morning... blah!! I was coherent long enough to venture to Ypsilanti to visit an 'ol friend... a certain partner 'n crime if you will. It was muchly derserved & 'bout damn time I caught up with that fellow. Always a pleasure to rant & rave over our mispent youth & recent antics with said friend. That's ALL, unfortunately, I've had the effort to accomplish thus far, since I've been home.... So, please, please... if you have any inclination to chat/party/rant/rave/hang/chill/or just play a good game of phone tag... call my cell while I'm still in the Detroit Area... until Sunday afternoon. Cell... 734.642.8219 I'm hoping to make the most of my weekend ahead... maybe the city club... the lab... necto... or luna... anything to get out & call it a good nyte with some crazy friends.... or a crazy nyte with some good friends... the jury is still out on that one... hehehhehe
*I have nothing clever to write here*
EriN Elaine xxii
ps.... most of my blogging/posting/online community time has been invested in MYSPACE as of late.... you might be better suited to find me online there more often than not....