lots of nonsense
i am my own worst enemy. how cliche is that shit???? well it's the truth, nonetheless. things are really amazing so i can't really explain why i'm so fucked up in my head still. my friends are incredible but i feel like they're not really my friends. like i don't know why they hang out with me, i'm so generic. it's like they pity me or something or they think i have something to offer. but i have nothing. i realize every day more and more how much of a shitty person i am. like i don't go out of my way to be shitty but i have NOTHING to offer anyone. i get so sad over the littlest things.
i have a boyfriend. he's so sweet and nice and caring and he thinks i'm beautiful and intelligent. i can't understand why. we watched dawn of the dead and he told me if there were a zombie attack i would be the only person he would try to get to. like that's kind of a weird thing to say to someone but it means so much to me that he said that. i don't deserve it at all. i'm so selfcentered and egotistical i don't see how anyone could ever care for me. and he's so cute. and i'm so not cute. i'm so imperfect. i've tried to be pretty and i can't get there. i have to be thinner and i need to get my teeth fixed and i need better skin and more sleep so i don't get this bags under my eyes. i should get a haircut too. my nose is really slopey and big and i hate it. yet he thinks i'm beautiful... go figure. maybe he just has bad taste in girls. i won't complain though.
we're not really into the same things but that's okay by me. i finally kissed a boy with tattoos w00t. i didn't expect to have a boyfriend, i thought he would just be like the last boys who only wanted to make out and then not talk to me again. my bed is so lonely when he's not in it.
so i've got the best friends a girl could ask for and a boyfriend who is more amazing than i ever could have expected. yet i wake up and don't want to get out of bed. i'm always "sick" but i know it's all in my head. i don't know what it is that is eating at my head. i realize that other people have bigger more important problems. that i truly don't have any problems. but i'm so sad. i don't know how to fix my head. the headaches have started again too and the nosebleeds. i know i bring it on myself.
i have a boyfriend. he's so sweet and nice and caring and he thinks i'm beautiful and intelligent. i can't understand why. we watched dawn of the dead and he told me if there were a zombie attack i would be the only person he would try to get to. like that's kind of a weird thing to say to someone but it means so much to me that he said that. i don't deserve it at all. i'm so selfcentered and egotistical i don't see how anyone could ever care for me. and he's so cute. and i'm so not cute. i'm so imperfect. i've tried to be pretty and i can't get there. i have to be thinner and i need to get my teeth fixed and i need better skin and more sleep so i don't get this bags under my eyes. i should get a haircut too. my nose is really slopey and big and i hate it. yet he thinks i'm beautiful... go figure. maybe he just has bad taste in girls. i won't complain though.
we're not really into the same things but that's okay by me. i finally kissed a boy with tattoos w00t. i didn't expect to have a boyfriend, i thought he would just be like the last boys who only wanted to make out and then not talk to me again. my bed is so lonely when he's not in it.
so i've got the best friends a girl could ask for and a boyfriend who is more amazing than i ever could have expected. yet i wake up and don't want to get out of bed. i'm always "sick" but i know it's all in my head. i don't know what it is that is eating at my head. i realize that other people have bigger more important problems. that i truly don't have any problems. but i'm so sad. i don't know how to fix my head. the headaches have started again too and the nosebleeds. i know i bring it on myself.