Memoir.
This week has been crazy. I've been on emotional highs and emotional lows.
Wednesday and Thursday were lows.
Wednesday I found out dear woman and friend was given about a week to live. I broke. She has blessed the island of Santa Elana for the past 7 years with the love of Christ and compassion that radiates from her heart and spirit. I can't imagine that place without her.
Thursday had a low for reason I cannot fully discuss on livejournal, but it happened at work. Physical suffering is becoming so much more real to me and the thing that scares me about that is becoming immune to the suffering of others. After I've been a nurse for a few years will my heart still ache for those who are in so much pain that they can't even get the words out to express it? Or will I be so used to it that all I do is give them a morphine drip and not become emotionally involved. I love medicine and it is a passion of mine. The human body and what disease and injuries can do it fascinate me. But I am scared that I will get to the point where every patient will just be a patient, a scientific specimen for me to fix, instead of person who is a creation of God to be cared for and loved and who feels pain, and emotions. I want my heart to be soft in all aspects.
Yesterday was an emotional high. Church was absolutely amazing! I have never seen the Last Supper and Crucifixion story portrayed in that way and it made it seem so much more real to me. I loved it. I also went and saw Marjie and it was comforting to witness her spirit, which hasn't changed a bit. When we walked into the room her eyes lit up. We took communion together with her and her son in her nursing home room and she sang "Blessed be the tithe that binds." It was so powerful. And to hear her talk about how God has continued to bless her life, even the past couple of weeks is encouraging and it makes me wonder what blessings I have overlooked in my life.
P.S. I like Psalm 63 a lot!!
Wednesday and Thursday were lows.
Wednesday I found out dear woman and friend was given about a week to live. I broke. She has blessed the island of Santa Elana for the past 7 years with the love of Christ and compassion that radiates from her heart and spirit. I can't imagine that place without her.
Thursday had a low for reason I cannot fully discuss on livejournal, but it happened at work. Physical suffering is becoming so much more real to me and the thing that scares me about that is becoming immune to the suffering of others. After I've been a nurse for a few years will my heart still ache for those who are in so much pain that they can't even get the words out to express it? Or will I be so used to it that all I do is give them a morphine drip and not become emotionally involved. I love medicine and it is a passion of mine. The human body and what disease and injuries can do it fascinate me. But I am scared that I will get to the point where every patient will just be a patient, a scientific specimen for me to fix, instead of person who is a creation of God to be cared for and loved and who feels pain, and emotions. I want my heart to be soft in all aspects.
Yesterday was an emotional high. Church was absolutely amazing! I have never seen the Last Supper and Crucifixion story portrayed in that way and it made it seem so much more real to me. I loved it. I also went and saw Marjie and it was comforting to witness her spirit, which hasn't changed a bit. When we walked into the room her eyes lit up. We took communion together with her and her son in her nursing home room and she sang "Blessed be the tithe that binds." It was so powerful. And to hear her talk about how God has continued to bless her life, even the past couple of weeks is encouraging and it makes me wonder what blessings I have overlooked in my life.
P.S. I like Psalm 63 a lot!!