(no subject)
It's utterly disgusting how horrible I feel when I dont take my medication. I hate living, and I especially hate living, knowing that the only reason I feel the way I do about anything is because a fucking chemical is changing my inner thoughts.
Yay for loneliness, fear, uncertainty, and life in general!
woohoo, so anyway, needless to say I have felt better. Things have been going downhill, starting who knows when... and since I cant find any real beginning to this downward slope I am going to assume it has been happening for a while now, and I am just plain tired. I want things to work out for once. I want my friends to stop screwing me over, I want my family to just get along, and for my dad to just leave me alone... things are almost worse with the restraining order, because it forces him to push so much harder to get to us. I am lonely more than anything. I just want someone to hug me, is that too much to ask for? I have been holding out hope that its not. But the whole hope concept is tiring in itself. And you know what makes it all worse... well I guess im gonna tell ya anyway. Everyone in the teenage poulation is depressed to a certain extent, and this makes me feel like w/e im feeling is less significant and other people view it in a similar way "oh quit your whining" sort of way. But my dad had it too... and I guess im getting it now, which is scarey cuz being medicated for the rest of my life isnt something that I want.
oh man, im boring myself
im gonna go
peace
Yay for loneliness, fear, uncertainty, and life in general!
woohoo, so anyway, needless to say I have felt better. Things have been going downhill, starting who knows when... and since I cant find any real beginning to this downward slope I am going to assume it has been happening for a while now, and I am just plain tired. I want things to work out for once. I want my friends to stop screwing me over, I want my family to just get along, and for my dad to just leave me alone... things are almost worse with the restraining order, because it forces him to push so much harder to get to us. I am lonely more than anything. I just want someone to hug me, is that too much to ask for? I have been holding out hope that its not. But the whole hope concept is tiring in itself. And you know what makes it all worse... well I guess im gonna tell ya anyway. Everyone in the teenage poulation is depressed to a certain extent, and this makes me feel like w/e im feeling is less significant and other people view it in a similar way "oh quit your whining" sort of way. But my dad had it too... and I guess im getting it now, which is scarey cuz being medicated for the rest of my life isnt something that I want.
oh man, im boring myself
im gonna go
peace